


Phases of the Moon

by HeidiBug731



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complete, Epic, Eventual Romance, F/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Novel, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-08
Updated: 2006-08-18
Packaged: 2018-03-04 23:24:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 98,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3096443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeidiBug731/pseuds/HeidiBug731
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voldemort has Tonks marked for dead. With the help of his quirky muggle roommate, the Order of the Phoenix, and half the Auror department, can Remus battle his own demons and find a way to save the one person he's slowly realizing he cares for more than life itself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written before the release of Deathly Hallows. Please know it contains minor details that conflict with canon. Also this fic is AU, so it shouldn't really matter. :-p

Remus was lying on his stomach in the bed in his tiny apartment. He wasn't exactly tired, but a nap sounded good. Besides, there was nothing particularly interesting on TV and because of the cold weather there wasn't anything to do outside either.

Winter had come quickly. It was September and already the temperature had dropped low enough for snow. Thank Merlin it hadn't done that yet. Remus pulled the covers tightly around him. The heating in this place sucked, for lack of a better word. But as long as it wasn't being used, he didn't have to pay for it. Still, if the heater didn't start working soon, he'd probably freeze to death.

"We have yet another low front coming through..."

Remus groaned and pulled the pillow over his head to drown out the sound of the television. His hand searched blindly for the remote. He found it, turned off the TV with it, and tossed it carelessly onto the bedside table. He had no other plans than to stay where he was.

Then, just as he was starting to get comfortable, he heard the  _buzz_  of the doorbell.

That would be Marcus, Remus' roommate, back from the rock concert. He'd actually tried to talk Remus into going with him. Remus still laughed at the idea. Sure, Marcus was just trying to be nice. But him? At a rock concert? Yeah, right.

Remus forced himself out of bed. The difference in temperature hit him almost immediately. He would've liked nothing more than to dive right back under the covers, but it seemed as though Marcus had forgotten his key again.

He exited the small bedroom and entered the even smaller living room. "Coming," he shouted after a second ring of the bell. He crossed the kitchen (which was also small) and turned the doorknob.

He'd expected to find Marcus staring back at him, but instead he found a woman with shocking pink hair standing on the other side of the doorway. "Nymphadora?"

There was something odd about her, something he could see in her eyes and in the rest of her face. She smiled, stepping toward him into the room. She tripped on the rug, Remus moved forward to catch her, and she succeeded in planting a kiss on his lips.

As soon as he recovered from shock, Remus pushed her away.

"Hi, handsome." She smiled.

He stared at her. Something was definitely odd. He opened his mouth to ask her if she was feeling alright, but then he stopped. He knew what was wrong. He could smell it on her breath and taste it from her kiss. "Have you been drinking?"

She giggled in a most un-Tonks-ish way. "No, of course not." She reached out for the door and missed it twice before she finally grabbed it and pushed it closed. "Why would you think that?"

"Right." He grabbed her by the arm and started pulling her toward the bathroom.

It took a lot of persuasion to get her to step into the shower. When she finally did get in, he quickly pulled the shower curtain closed and turned on the cold water before she had the chance to change her mind. A shrill gasp, almost a scream, escaped her throat.

She would sober up in a minute.

He exited the room quickly, feeling a little guilty: It was already cold in here and he'd just shoved her into a cold shower.  _What_  was wrong with that heater?

He walked over to the heater in the corner of the room and studied it. It was supposed to heat the whole apartment, not that he'd been able to test it. For some odd reason, it only spewed out cold air. He could get someone to fix it, but that would cost money that he didn't really want to spend when he could very easily fix it with his wand. However, Marcus was a muggle and he didn't want to make cause for suspicion. Neither him nor Marcus had much money, which is why they'd gotten this room together. If he fixed the heater with his wand, Marcus would wonder where the money had come from.

 _Of course_ , Remus thought somewhat bitterly to himself.  _Marcus is only as poor as I am because he spends everything he earns on admissions to rock concerts._

He told himself it was childish, but he kicked the heater out of frustration anyway. It hummed to life. He did a double take and put his hands over the vent to make sure it was hot air that was issuing out.

It was. Hallelujah!

Resisting the urge to turn the heat up full blast lest it stop working, Remus sat down at the table in the kitchen. It looked like he wouldn't be forced to use his wand after all. He laughed quietly to himself. If he'd known it would be that easy, he would've kicked the heater a long time ago.

His gaze wondered over to the bathroom. He could hear the shower running. He listened for a little while, letting the sound carry him to other thoughts. He hoped Tonks was okay. But after everything that had happened he knew that she couldn't be.

 

 

Tonks could feel the cold water hitting her face and soaking into her clothes, slowly but surely bringing her back to her senses. She turned the water up so it was warmer, but she could hardly feel the difference.

She didn't feel much these days. Ever since it had happened she'd felt like there was a gaping hole inside her, one that demanded all of her attention. At first, it had just felt numb. Then gradually it had filled her with a constant ache. It was always there, reminding her. She didn't think she'd ever get rid of it.

She removed her clothing and found her wand. Holding them away from the water, she dried her clothes and let them drop into a pile on the floor beside the tub.

She sat down and let the water wash over her as she tried to remember the night's events. She could remember going to the pub and showing up at Remus's door, but nothing in between. Oh, god! What if she'd done something really stupid?

Images flashed through her head, but they were all distorted and blurry. She couldn't recall what she'd done or even if she'd done anything at all. She'd gone to the pub and then...

... and then she'd arrived at Remus's. She couldn't remember deciding to come to his place, but she didn't have any difficulty remembering what had happened after that. She'd acted like a drunken idiot! Just thinking about it caused her to put her face in her hands. The last thing she needed was for Remus to think less of her.

She didn't know how long she'd sat in the tub, mulling over everything she could remember and trying fruitlessly to fill in the blanks. It only frustrated her enough to bring her to tears. She'd been emotional lately too, and she hated it.

"Nymphadora?"

Tonks was jerked back to the present when she heard Remus's voice.

"Um, yes?" she replied, fighting to disguise her tears.

"You've been in there for a while. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I-I'll be out in a minute."

She heard the door close with a soft  _snap_.

She stood and let the water wash over her one last time before turning it off. She didn't know why she even bothered. Showers used to relax her . . . not anymore.

She stepped out and wrapped herself in a towel Remus had set out for her. Already her head was starting to pound as she dried herself off, and it only made her want to cry even more.

She reached for her clothes ... then turned to be violently sick in the toilet.

 

 

Remus heard the  _chun_  that was the water turning off and then, a minute later ... he couldn't help but sympathize. He crossed the floor space to the bathroom door and opened it. "Nymphadora, do you-?"

He'd opened the door just as she'd vomited for the second time. It was rather difficult for her to hold onto the towel, the rim of the toilet bowl, and her hair at the same time when she only had two hands. The towel dropped around her waist.

"Oh!" Remus quickly stepped back and pulled the door in front of him to block his view. "I apologize," he said as soon as he thought she'd stopped being sick enough to hear him. "I-I didn't see anything."

"That's alright." She sniffled. "It's okay, you can come in now."

He slowly opened the door to reveal her sitting before the toilet and clutching the towel to her chest. He sat down next to her. "How are you feeling?"

She tucked a strand of pink hair behind her ear. "Like crap."

He tried not to let her see him smile, but it didn't matter. The next moment, she was clutching the toilet bowl again. He dove forward to hold her hair back for her.

"Thanks." Tonks gulped as she pulled back a few moments later, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Nymphadora..." She looked more like a miserable, sickly child than the wonderfully unique woman he knew her to be.

She turned away from him. "I'm sorry. I'm fine. D-don't worry about it."

"You're not fine." He reached out a hand to her.

She slapped it away. "No. It's fine. I'm alright."

"Nymphadora-" He tried again.

Again she slapped him away. "Don't! Just-" She nearly told him to leave her alone. "Just give me a minute."

She'd noticed lately that when she was alone she desired company and when someone was with her she yearned for solitude. But that was the last thing she wanted at the moment. Remus was just trying to help.

He waited as she wiped her eyes.

"Stupid thing to cry over," she muttered as she turned back to him.

They both knew that wasn't what she was really crying about.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "About what happened to your parents."

"That's what everyone says to me," she said bitterly.

He instantly wished he could take back what he'd said. He knew how she felt. He'd hated it when everyone had said the same thing to him when he'd lost the four people he'd cared about the most. He swallowed. "Are you under any protection or anything?"

"We can't prove that whoever killed them was really after me."

He stared at her incredulously. She had to be kidding. "Nymphadora," he tried attentively. "You do you realize the danger you're in?"

"The Dark Mark wasn't seen." She shook her head. "We can't know for sure if the Death Eaters were really..."

Remus wasn't listening. How could she think that she was safe? She was an auror! Surely, she'd seen enough in her career to know what was going on.

"Everyone keeps telling me that I need protection." Tonks continued with a bitter laugh. "The head of the Auror Department tried to force protection on me, but I went to Scrimgeour and told him that there wasn't any proof."

"And he was fine with that?" asked Remus, anger suddenly outweighing his confusion. "Because he doesn't care what happens to the people who work for him as long as the public thinks everything's okay so they don't throw him out of office like they did Fudge?"

"He was just being respectful to my wishes ... unlike everyone else."

Remus didn't understand why she was being so blind. He realized she was grieving for her parents, but she needed to understand what was happening. She needed to understand that she wasn't safe. Her life depended on it. He tried to be as gentle as possible without upsetting her. "Nymphadora, the death of your parents-"

"Look, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

An uneasy silence fell between the two of them. Tonks stared dumbfounded at Remus, not knowing what to say. She'd surprised herself with her outburst.

"Okay," Remus said after a while, swallowing his frustration. He got to his feet and went to the sink.

Tonks watched wordlessly as he opened a small cupboard with a built in mirror and pulled out a toothbrush along with a tube of toothpaste and laid them on the counter.

He nodded toward the objects. "You can use those if you want." He turned to leave.

"I'm sorry." Tonks said hurriedly, finding her voice. "I just-"

He exited the room without a word.

She felt horrible for yelling at him. She knew he had to be upset, but she didn't feel like explaining herself. The truth was, her reasons for declining protection were stupid and she knew it. She'd probably get herself killed...

She got dressed and charmed her hair dry, thinking that, despite everything, she was glad she'd come here. Remus understood what she was going through, even if he didn't understand some of the things she was doing. Unlike everyone else, he had more to give her than just empty words of comfort.

She brushed her teeth to get that horrible taste out her mouth, and experienced a slightly uplifting feeling when she realized that she was using his toothbrush. She immediately felt terrible for feeling that way. Her parents were dead. She shouldn't be thinking about things like that.

Her head pounding, she left the room to find Remus rummaging through the medicine cabinet.

"How's your head?" he asked as she sat down at the table. If he really was upset with her, he didn't show it.

"Feels like someone ran over it with a train," she replied honestly as she put her forehead in her hands.

"I'm afraid all I have is Advil," he said, holding out a few of the pills and a glass of water to her. There were better magical remedies, but when you had a muggle for a roommate you couldn't exactly have them readily available.

"That's fine." She took the Advil and downed the water.

He took her glass and filled it with ice cubes. He sat down across from her and slid the glass her way. "That will help too."

She fished a cube out of the glass and chewed on it. It helped, strangely enough.

Remus surveyed her carefully. "What happened, Nymphadora?"

She ran her finger along the rim of the glass before answering. She really didn't want to talk about it, but if she couldn't talk to Remus, who else was there? "I scattered their ashes today ... at the place where they'd met, like they'd wanted ... and I moved into the house."

"Maybe you shouldn't have moved in so soon." Remus suggested gently, though what he was really thinking was that she shouldn't have moved in at all.

Tonks shook her head. "They wanted me to have it-"

"They were murdered in it," he diligently pointed out.

"As everyone keeps reminding me," said Tonks unable to hide her frustration. "Like I need reminding." She stared at her hands. After a while she quietly said, "It's paid for. Beats paying rent."

The comment seemed to be directed at him, as though he would understand why she'd moved in since he was paying rent on this tiny apartment. But he didn't understand at all.

Remus shook his head. "I'm worried about you," he admitted. "We all are."

"I'll be fine."

"Nymphadora-"

"Stop calling me that!"

"You need protection," he insisted. "Someone's out to get you. If I were you, the last thing I'd be doing is living in that house."

The murder of her parents had been all over the papers - even the muggle ones. The muggle paper had called it a "burglary gone wrong," but Remus and the rest of the Order knew that the Death Eaters had something to do with this. There wasn't any reason for her parents to be killed, and there didn't appear to be a reason why the Death Eaters would be after Tonks either. But the Order was certain she was in danger.

 _She's in denial,_  Remus thought. It was the only thing that explained why she was acting this way.

"I'm not going to let them scare me, Remus." She'd inherited her father's stubbornness ... or was it her mother's? They had both been pretty stubborn. "I'm going to fight this. I don't want any protection. I can take care of myself."

"I never said you couldn't, but-" He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "What are you trying to fight? Listen, I know this is hard but you have to understand that someone is trying to-"

Tonks felt a blaze of fire consume her. Why did he always have to be so calm? Why couldn't he ever raise his voice? Why did he always have to make her feel like such a child? Why couldn't he just let go of his self-control every once and a while? Why did he have to be so bloody irritating!

"Damn it! You're not listening to me!" Tonks shouted as she threw her hands into the air. The glass fell from the table and shattered.

Tonks stared at the scattered fragments on the floor. Nothing was going right today or this week for that matter. She was hurt and frustrated. She wished people would stop predicting her doom. Hadn't her parents' deaths been enough?

She put her face in her hands. "I'm such a klutz."

"Hey, it's okay." He pointed his wand at the broken glass. Marcus would never know. " _Reparo!_ "

He retrieved the repaired glass from under the table and surfaced only to find Tonks crying with her head in her arms.

"Nymphadora..."

"I'm sorry about the glass." Her voice sounded muffled and full of tears.

"Look, it's fine. I fixed it. I-" He shook his head. What was he talking about? He knew why she was crying and it wasn't because of the stupid glass. So much had happened to her lately. All she'd needed was just one little thing to tip her over the edge.

He sat the glass in the sink. Then he came back to kneel at her side. She threw her arms around his neck, crying uncontrollably into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.

"I-miss-them-so-much," she sobbed.

"I know," he told her while gently patting her on the back. "I know."

"It-hurts-so-bad."

"It will get easier," he promised. "Shhhh ... it's okay."

He held her as she cried, doing for her what no one had been able to do for him the night he'd learned of Lily's and James's deaths. As time began to pass he could feel his legs starting to go numb. He took the still sobbing Tonks completely into his arms and gingerly got to his feet.

He carried her over to the couch in the living room where he thought they'd both be more comfortable and sat down. Keeping her close to him, he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and enveloped her with it.

Tonks buried her face in his chest as his arms surrounded her once more, now accompanied by the blanket. For the first time, something broke through to that great gaping hole inside her, gently soothing some of the pain. She felt safe and warm, like nothing could touch her here. She could cry a whole ocean and tomorrow nothing would be said about it.

She knew now that this was what she had been needing. She'd pushed everyone away, had told everyone that she was fine. She'd even refused to let Molly in when she'd arrived at her door. Tonks had a good relationship with her, but she hadn't realized until recently just how much Mrs. Weasley reminded her of her mother.

Tonks seemed to cry forever as Remus gave her whatever words of comfort he could find. He wished he could do more, that he could brush the hurt away as easily as he wiped the tears from her face. Eventually, she quieted down, uttering a single sob every now and then but never releasing her hold on him.

"I'm so scared," she whispered so quietly he could hardly hear her. It was as though she was afraid of admitting it even to herself.

"It's going to be alright," he said, caressing her hair. He was scared too. He didn't want anything to happen to her or to anyone else that he knew, for that matter. The war was taking an effect on all of them. "We'll catch who did this. I swear."

She didn't utter another word, and after a considerable amount of time he felt her hold relinquish.

"Nymphadora?"

She'd fallen asleep, tear stains running down her cheeks.

He gently lay her down on the couch and pulled the blanket protectively up to her chin. After he had carefully removed her shoes and placed a pillow under her head, the doorbell rang.

Marcus. This time he was sure of it.

Remus crossed the room, went to the door and opened it. Marcus was there on the other side. The young man was all skin and bones with a dark brown tuft of unruly hair at the top his head.

"Hey, thanks, mate. I forgot my key,  _again_." Marcus spoke before Remus had a chance to get a word in. "Didn't think you'd still be up. Great concert. You should've gone."

"Er, Marcus-"

"Is it just me or is it actually  _warmer_  in here than it is outside?" He crossed to heater before Remus could reply. "Oh, wow! That's actual heat! How did you-? There it is!" Marcus ran to the couch and picked up his missing key from the coffee table without even noticing that Tonks was lying there. "I knew I'd left it around here somewhere."

Marcus was about to sit down when he noticed Tonks for the first time, fast asleep in the spot he had just been about to place his rear end. "Whoa!" He jumped back, nearly falling over the coffee table. Remus shushed him.

"Sorry," Marcus whispered, moving away from Tonks. "Um..." He raised his eyebrows as he looked at Remus. "Did something happen here that I should know about?" He winked.

Remus fixed him with a cold stare.

Marcus held up his hands. "Oh, okay, not funny, sorry." He knew Remus to usually have a good sense of humor. If he wasn't laughing, something serious must be going on.

Marcus studied the woman sleeping on the couch.  _Cute_  was the first word that came to mind. She looked to be about the same age as he. He took in her pink hair that was suggestive of her personality and her heart shaped face that gave her a kind and gentle look. The tearstains were her only negative feature.

"Poor girl," he muttered under his breath. "So ... who is she?"

"Everyone calls her Tonks." Remus told him. "She's a friend of mine."

"What's her real name?" Marcus asked curiously.

"Tonks is her surname." Remus explained. "I'd tell you her first name, but she'd probably kill me."

"Hates it that much, does she?"

Remus nodded. "I keep calling her by it." He smiled. "She's regretted telling it to me ever since."

"Tonks..." Marcus muttered. "I know I've heard that name before..."

"Her parents were in the paper," said Remus quietly.

"Paper..." Marcus grabbed the newspaper from the ottoman and took it over to the kitchen table to look through it. It took him a minute before he found what he was looking for. "Bloody hell ... why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"Well, I certainly would've said something if I'd known someone who had been murdered and had showed up in the morning paper."

"I knew about it before the paper came out."

"And you didn't feel the need to fill me in?"

Remus shrugged. "Sorry."

"Well, I realize you like to keep to yourself but-" Marcus cursed softly and ran his hand through his hair. His gaze wondered over to Tonks. "I take it that's their daughter?"

Remus nodded.

"Can't believe you didn't say something." Marcus muttered under his breath. "And to think you didn't call her to see how she was doing either."

"I contacted her," defended Remus, surprised Marcus would suggest such a thing. "You know me better than that. I called her as soon as I found out. Last Thursday, you were..." Remus threw up his hands. "Somewhere."

"I worked last Thursday," said Marcus.

 _Oh, yeah. That's right_. It was hard to keep track of Marcus's schedule. "Anyway," said Remus. "I didn't know she was going to show up. She just ... stumbled through the door." _In a matter of speaking._

"So ... the two of you are just friends?" asked Marcus, never taking his eyes off Tonks.

"Yes," said Remus shortly, not missing where Marcus's gaze was directed.

He knew that at that very moment Marcus was thinking of when the right time would be to ask Tonks out and he didn't particularly like the idea. The two wouldn't do well as a couple. Tonks had a high paying and respectable job at the ministry: She was responsible. Marcus was rather reckless: He spent money as soon as it hit his pocket. In a way, he reminded Remus of Sirius a little bit.

Oh, what did he care who Tonks went out with? It was her choice. She was perfectly capable of making decisions on her own.

"I'd wait a while before asking her out." Remus warned Marcus.

"Well, duh. I was gonna wait a while.  _You_  know  _me_  better than that." He mimicked. He turned back to Tonks. "I feel for her, though: Her parents being murdered and all. That has to suck. Big time."

 

 

_The ground seemed to tilt under Tonks's feet. The darkness of the night threatened to close in around her and swallow her whole. Even the light issuing from the house was cold and unwelcoming. Her senses were ultra sensitive, the slightest sound or movement sending them into overdrive._

_People passed her by but didn't even glance in her direction. She felt invisible, like her pain didn't matter to any of them. Their work was much too important. Whatever small amount of feeling they possessed, they were oblivious to the pain of an orphan._

_Tonks wondered toward the house, her mind distorting every sight, sound, and feeling. The voices of those around her seemed to laugh in mockery. The doorway of the house seemed to twist and tower over her, as though daring her to enter. She felt numb, like all emotion had been bled from her body, never to return._

_"Tonks?"_

_She turned at the sound and found Kingsley staring at her._

_"You shouldn't be here, Tonks."_

_She turned back to toward the house. "I want to see."_

_She felt an arm wrap tightly around her waist, pulling her back. She struggled against his hold, her fists flying and her legs kicking._

_"Tonks-"_

_"I want to see," she repeated more urgently, tears filling her eyes and blurring her vision._

_"Tonks, just-"_

_"Let me go!"_

_Kingsley held more tightly to her, but it was proving more difficult to restrain her. He pulled her to the ground so he had something to pin her against. She sobbed into the dewy grass, still fighting against him._

_"Tonks, think for minute. Do you really want to see them like this? Is this how you want to remember them? Seeing their lifeless bodies isn't going to help."_

_"They're not gone," she sobbed. "They're not gone. They're not . . ."_

_Two men came out of the house levitating body bags. Tonks struggled even harder. Kingley let her go, realizing he couldn't protect her from the harsh reality._

_Tonks slowly unzipped the first bag with shaking hands, revealing the face of her father. There was no mistaking him, but with his eyes closed and his face as pale as fresh snow he looked so different than from the last time she'd seen him. Never again would she see the laughter that usually danced in his deep blue eyes. Never again would she feel the warmth of his embrace._

_She moved to the second bag and looked down upon her mother. She reached out to brush her fingers against the equally pale face and felt skin as cold as ice. Only when she realized that neither of her parents would ever call her by the name she hated, the name they had given her, did it all finally sink in._

_She fell a screaming, sobbing mess to the ground. The men moved away from her, taking their horrible cargo with them. Kingsley came to her and held her close, but there was no comfort in his arms. There wasn't any comfort anywhere for her anguish._

 

 

"Wonder what she's dreaming about."

Remus came to stand by Marcus and looked down at the sleeping woman on the couch. Tears were once again streaming freely from Tonks's eyes. She grasped the blanket tightly in her fist as her lip trembled, and she turned her face into the pillow where she uttered a sob.

Remus was moved into action.

Marcus watched, transfixed as his roommate comfortingly rubbed Tonks's arm, whispering softly into her ear. After a few moments, Tonks gave a shuddering breath, her sobbing ceased, and her hold loosened around the cloth. Remus carefully wiped the tears from her cheeks. He then dropped an innocent kiss into her hair. When he stood, Tonks looked more peaceful than before, as though no unwanted dreams had disturbed her sleep.

All Marcus could do was stare. "Dude, that was ... awesome. And you don't have a girlfriend why exactly?"

"Marcus," said Remus exasperated.

Marcus loved heckling Remus on the subject of women. Remus was a nice bloke, and Marcus had trouble imagining anyone not liking him. He was just a likable guy. Marcus had been surprised how well he'd gotten along with Remus when they'd hastily agreed to rent this apartment together. He couldn't see how the man could have any difficulty with women.

"No, I'm serious." Marcus said quickly. He waved his hand at Tonks. "I could never do that. She'd wake up and wonder why I was in her face. Probably slap me. I'd make her cry even more."  _He avoids the subject like the plague,_ Marcus thought as he glanced at Tonks. For Remus, dating was out of the question. Marcus didn't understand. It wasn't like the man had a major disease or something.

Remus looked at the clock on the wall. "It's getting late. We should both get some sleep."

Marcus glanced around the room. "Um ... where exactly am I suppose to sleep?"

He had a point. Marcus usually slept on the couch, which folded out into a bed, but seeing as Tonks was sleeping on it...

"I'll sleep on the floor." Remus volunteered.

"Oh, no way." Marcus protested. "I'll do it."

Remus nodded in Tonks's direction. "I'd rather stay out here in case she wakes up.

"I could do that."

"She doesn't know you."

Marcus paused, ready to protest. Then logic overtook him. "Point taken."

 

 

A tremor caused the floor to shake. Remus awoke. It was dark, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust.

The couch was unoccupied.

Remus pushed himself up into a sitting position. Pain shot through his body. He ached all over. It felt as though his bones were scrapping against each other.  _Never,_  he thought. _Never again_. Sleeping on the floor had been a  _very_  bad idea.

"Nymphadora?" he croaked.

A groan came from somewhere between the couch and the coffee table.

Ignoring the pain, Remus got to his feet. "Are you alright?" He helped Tonks up from the floor.

"There was a-a hooded man," she said. "He was ch-chasing me." Remus gently pushed her down onto the couch. "I couldn't get away."

"You were just dreaming," he told her.

"Was go 'n on?" Marcus mumbled as he emerged from the bedroom.

"She fell off the couch." Remus gestured toward his roommate. "Tonks, this is Marcus."

Marcus raised a hand in greeting. Tonks simply stared at him.

"Is she alright?" Marcus asked.

Remus studied her closely. She seemed a little disoriented. Even with the fall, it looked as though sleep was still affecting her.

"She's fine. Go back to bed, Marcus."

Marcus yawned and retreated into the room.

Remus turned to Tonks and lay her down. "You should get some sleep too."

She nodded, closed her eyes, and was gone in an instant.

Remus went to the closet and searched for as many blankets and pillows as he could find to turn into a makeshift mattress. Then he returned to his spot on the floor and fell asleep as well.

 

 

Remus woke up the next morning before Marcus or Tonks. It was a habit. He never seemed to be able to sleep in. Marcus on the other hand could sleep till three in the afternoon if you'd let him.

Remus stretched, feeling the aches of last night. It was amazing how something that supported the feet throughout the day could be so brutal on the rest of the body. Still, it had been worth it.

He went into the kitchen and got out everything needed to make a breakfast of sausage and eggs. If anything could wake Marcus up, it was the smell of food. Sure enough, Marcus appeared a few minutes later, looking quite the morning person in his pajama pants and a T-shirt with a picture of one his favorite rock group on it.

"I love it when you cook," said Marcus enthusiastically as he sat down at the table.

"I always cook." Remus pointed out.

"'Cause I burn everything." Marcus agreed.

"You just need practice." Remus suggested as he flipped over the eggs. He looked up as Tonks entered. "Did you sleep okay?"

Tonks knew her dreams last night had been filled with disturbing images, though she couldn't remember any of them. She nodded to Remus and turned to the person sitting at the table.

Marcus raised a hand. "Hi, again."

Tonks furrowed her brow. They must have met before but she couldn't remember when or where.

"Um, we met last night." Marcus explained. "You fell off the couch. Remember?"

Tonks shook her head, looking confused.

"You do speak right?" asked Marcus. "You're lips move and sound comes out and everything?"

Tonks nodded, then slapped a hand to her forehead. "I mean, yes. Sorry." She sat down next to Marcus. "I guess I was pretty out of it. I really don't remember."

"That's okay," said Marcus. "We weren't properly introduced anyway." He held out his hand. "I'm Marcus, Remus's roommate."

Tonks glanced at Remus. She hadn't known he had a roommate, but she introduced herself and shook Marcus's hand.

"I'm sorry about your folks," he said sadly.

Tonks stared at the table. "Yeah," she said, hoping that the subject would be dropped.

She felt better than she had yesterday. Though her head still ached, the gaping hole inside her didn't seem to hurt as badly. She still missed her parents terribly and the pain was still constant, but since yesterday's events it had lessened somehow. She supposed she'd just needed to get everything out of her system, and a good cry seemed to have done the trick.

Remus sat two plates on the table, one in front of Marcus and one in front of Tonks. "Hungry?" he asked her.

Tonks nodded. "Thanks."

Remus grabbed a plate for himself along with some silverware and joined them at the table.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Marcus asked Tonks.

"Well, I-"

Remus raised a napkin to his mouth and gave a cough that sounded a lot like "muggle." Tonks scrutinized him. Remus raised his eyebrows pointedly. Marcus didn't seem to notice.

"I work at the Ministry," replied Tonks carefully.

"Oh, really?" said Marcus, interested. "What is it that you do?"

"Um..."

"Can't tell me?"

"Not really. The Minister has a few of us working on a top secret assignment." She felt the corners of her mouth lift. "Though I'm not supposed to tell you that."

"You're beautiful when you smile."

"Thanks," said Tonks slowly, noting Marcus's advances. She looked at Remus.  _But I'm taken_.

The trio sat and talked while they finished their food. Marcus even succeeded in making Tonks laugh. Despite the unwanted attention she got from him, Tonks rather liked Marcus. He was fun and laughing was something she'd thought she would never do again.

She got up to help Remus with the dishes when everyone had finished.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to help."

"I'll do it." Marcus appeared at her shoulder.

"But I-"

"You're our guest." Marcus explained. "Sit down, relax. I'll help. I always do it. Since I can't cook, at least I can clean up."

Tonks had no choice but to sit down at the table and watch as the men efficiently washed the dishes at the sink. Once they were finished, Marcus excused himself to change his clothes.

"You didn't tell me you had a roommate," said Tonks, taking advantage of the situation to talk to Remus. "Is he really that bad?"

Remus shook his head. "No, he's ... fine." He sat down across from her. "It's just complicated with him being a muggle. I try not to tell him what's going on with me because ... like I said, it's complicated. And I don't talk about him because it's easier to make sure nothing slips that way."

Tonks nodded. She could understand that. Then she smiled for the second time. "That cough was very tactful."

Remus laughed.  _Oh, yes, very tactful._  "I panicked," he admitted. "I couldn't think of how else to get through to you."

Tonks continued smiling, taking joy in the fact that she could do such a thing so consistently after what had happened.

"He likes you," said Remus quietly, looking at his hands. It worried him that he couldn't sort out his emotions around it. Marcus liked her. Was that good, bad, neutral? He couldn't decide.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically. "I didn't notice." She'd have to tell Marcus the truth eventually, but for right now she was enjoying the extra attention. Remus never gave her any.

He looked up at her and noticed that she was still smiling. "See?" he said. "As long as you can do that, you're going to be fine." At least, he hoped so. She needed some time to adjust to her parents' deaths before she could accept that she was in danger. But how much time? And what would happen before then?

Tonks sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." Suddenly she didn't feel so sure. "I should probably be going. There's some things I need to take care of." She stood.

Remus got up as well. "You know, Nymphadora, if you need anything..."

"Thanks." She paused, then hugged him. "Thanks for..." Her voice broke. What was wrong with her? Why did she have to cry now? She'd been doing so well. "Thanks for everything."

"Nymphadora-"

She broke away from him. "I'm fine," she assured him as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "I'm going to be okay." She wished she could feel as confident as she sounded. She crossed to the door. "Tell Marcus 'bye' for me."

Remus nodded. "Of course." He hated to see her go. He knew she was safe right here were he could keep an eye on her. But once she stepped outside it was all out of his hands.

She nodded in thanks and walked out the door.


	2. Phases of the Moon

Tonks had expected to see Remus again. They never could go long without running into each other, intentionally or unintentionally. But she would never have predicted what she'd find one early morning at sunrise when she answered the pounding at her door.

It sounded like someone was trying to break the front door down. Tonks dragged herself out of bed. It was still dark. She couldn't imagine what someone would want at this hour, but it sounded urgent.

She found a pair of slippers and a bathrobe, both of which had belonged to her mum, and put them on over her nightgown. Then she grabbed her wand (just in case), and hurried down the stairs to the door.

"I'm coming! I'm coming!"

The whole door shook with the pounding, but stopped after she'd turned the lock. Whoever was on the other side must have realized that they'd gotten her attention. She pushed back the safety bolt, grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

"Remus!"

Worse for wear didn't even begin to cover it. His clothes were ripped, his hair was mattered, and he was covered in blood. Some of it was dry and some was fresh. His right leg looked really bad. She didn't know how he could manage standing on it.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "I didn't know where else to go..."

He collapsed.

"Remus!" she rushed to his side, not paying any notice to the pink color in the sky, signaling that the night was over and the sun was rising. The full moon had passed.

She shook him. "Remus? Come on, Remus." She didn't get any response. "Remus! Oh, God, don't do this to me!" Tears obstructed her vision.

She took a deep breath, trying to collect herself. She couldn't panic. She couldn't help him that way. She just had to remember her auror training. But the death of her parents and the thought that she might lose Remus along with them prevented her from thinking too clearly.

She half dragged, half carried Remus into the house. He groaned as she propped him up against the wall. She glanced at the cut above his right eye. It wasn't bleeding, but he'd need stitches or something. At least he was alive ... for the moment.

"I'll be right back," she promised as though he could hear her.

She hurried into the bathroom, opened the cupboard and began gathering all that she could into her arms. Her father had never been very good with spells when it came to healing, so he'd kept the cupboard well stocked just in case. She took gauze, bandages, medical tape, the first-aid kit, iodine, Band-Aids, Neosporin ... anything and everything she could find. She grabbed a few towels as well and then ran back to Remus, dumping her load at his feet.

Tonks wished Remus were awake. His strength was something she had always admired. He was in bad shape now, really bad shape. But she hoped that maybe, just maybe, if he could wake, then some of that strength would transfer to her so she could help him through this. But she was alone now, all alone.

She started on his leg first, using her wand to rip the pant leg even further so that she could assess the damage. She grimaced from her sympathy pains. How did he manage to do this to himself?

She waved her wand with a wide sweeping motion. "Scourgify!"

The blood vanished from Remus's skin and clothes. His leg wasn't as bad as Tonks had thought. She quickly applied pressure with a towel as fresh blood began to flow.

She reached for the bottle of iodine and stopped. What if he was allergic to iodine? Her mother had been.

She stood up. "Hold on." She headed for the bathroom again. She'd only be a moment. Oh, why hadn't she thought to grab it before? "I'll be right back."

She started tearing franticly through the cupboard, knocking things to the floor. "Peroxide, peroxide, I know it's in here." She rummaged through the objects on one shelf, then another, and another. "Oh! Where is it?"

Seconds were slipping by. How long had she been? One minute? Two? Five? She still couldn't find it. She had wanted to clean the wound, but she knew she couldn't waste anymore time here.

She ran back out to Remus and continued to place pressure on his leg. She began to bandage it when she realized that his breathing was coming in soft, pained gasps.

She moved forward and began to unbutton his shirt. "Oh, Remus."

It wasn't too bad, but it didn't look too good either. The left side of his chest was scrapped and bruised. At least, it wasn't bleeding. She gently touched the bruised area. Remus gasped sharply but didn't wake.

"Sorry," she muttered.

He'd probably broken something. She reached for her wand when she noticed his arm sleeve was soaked in blood. Ripping the sleeve to get to the wound faster, she found a large gash running nearly the length of his forearm.

Panic threatened to overtake her. His wounds were extensive! But she forced herself to pull together. Remus was counting on her. She couldn't panic.

She applied pressure to his arm, but she sensed that there was something she was forgetting. Come on, Tonks, think. Basic muggle skills. What were you doing when dad was explaining this to you? Elevate the wounded area. That's what she should do. No problem. She'd just get a pillow and... what about his arm?

She decided to lay Remus down, wondering as she moved to do so if she should just put him on the couch. She placed a hand on his back and touched something wet. She pulled her hand back ... blood.

It was just a few scrapes, nothing major. No need to panic. Keep it together.

But then Remus started to shake.

That's when the panic took hold. She had no clue what that meant or what she should do. She touched his forehead. He felt cold. Despite the weather, she didn't think that was a good sign.

She knew then and there that she couldn't do this on her own. She needed help. She needed it or he was going to die right here in her arms. She wouldn't let that happen. She wasn't going to lose him like she'd lost her parents.

She made her decision, grasped Remus's good arm and disapparated.

 

 

In a flash, Tonks was inside St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

"Someone help me!" she screamed.

It was amazing how a team of healers were with her in two seconds flat. One healer conjured a stretcher. Another, a rather unfriendly looking healer, took Remus from her to lay him on the stretcher. It was all very confusing as it happened so fast. Yet another healer came up to her and asked what had happened.

"I-I don't know," she lied, craning her neck to keep Remus in her sight. They couldn't find out what Remus was. They'd throw him out if they did, and all because of that stupid new law Scrimgeour had gotten passed. But she'd bicker about the law later. Right now Remus desperately needed medical attention. "He just showed up on my door step."

"Do you know each other?" asked the healer.

"He's my ... my brother," she lied again. She knew a thing or two about hospital policy: family first. "W-what's wrong with him? Why is he shaking like that?"

The healer turned to look at Remus. "He's gone into shock." He muttered under his breath. Tonks didn't think it had been meant for her to hear. He turned back to her. "You don't have any idea what might have happened?"

"Morgan!" the unfriendly looking healer yelled, looking up from Remus's body. "We need you over here!"

"No," Tonks answered. "Haven't got a clue."

Morgan thanked her quickly and rushed over to join the other healers at Remus's side. They put their heads together to whisper about something. Morgan looked over his shoulder at Tonks.

She tried to keep as innocent a face as possible. Fear sent a chill running down her back. What would happen if they refused Remus treatment? What would she do then?

Morgan turned back to his colleagues and shook his head. "We don't know that for sure."

There seemed to be some discrepancy. Tonks didn't understand how they could be arguing when a man was dying right in front of them. The unfriendly looking healer was careful to keep his voice low while making wild hand gestures as he talked.

Morgan reprimanded him. "Vorderman! We can't just..." His voice trailed off and Tonks couldn't hear him.

There were some more whispers, and then all four healers started down the corridor with Remus.

"Wait!" Tonks shouted as she ran after them.

Morgan broke off from the group to stop her.

"I just want to-"

"You can't come with him," he told her.

"But I-"

"I'm sorry," he said. "But you can't." He turned and ran to join his colleagues, leaving Tonks standing in the corridor and feeling completely helpless.

 

 

"Miss? Are you alright?"

"Huh?"

"You're bleeding."

Tonks looked down at her hands. She was covered in blood ... Remus's blood. "Oh. No, it's not mine." She continued to stare at her hands. How could she not have noticed before? She should probably wash up.

She found a bathroom and received a shock when she looked in the mirror and realized she was walking around the hospital in her nightgown and her mother's bathrobe and slippers. Not to mention she was covered in blood from head to toe. Thank goodness there weren't many people here at this time of day.

She began to scrub her hands. A young witch scrutinized her with concern from the other sink. Tonks paid her no attention.

 _Werewolf Protection Act, my arse_ , Tonks thought.

It was more like a law that protected against werewolves. All it did was open up more discrimination. Saint Mungo's was the perfect example. They weren't offering treatment to werewolves. They could do that now. If Hogsmeade decided they didn't want werewolves in their village, they could ban Remus from entering. It was extremely unfair and it was all Scrimgeour's doing. He thought that was what the public wanted.

She watched the blood from her hands flow in a steady stream down the drain and thought of that forensic science her father had been so fascinated with. Wizard or not, her father had still been a muggle born, so Tonks had grown up with plenty of muggle influences. What had he told her about blood evidence once? It never went away, that's what he'd said. You could scrub for a lifetime, but investigators could mix some chemicals and still find it. That's how it worked for muggles. She wondered if the same rules applied with magic. Could investigators still find blood on her clothes after she would magic them clean? On her hands? Could they still find Remus's blood? Even if he didn't make it and she woke up crying in the middle of the night because he'd trusted her and she'd failed? Even if-?

A hand grabbed her wrist.

Tonks looked up into the face of the young witch who'd been standing next to her.

"I think you got it all, dear," said the woman gently.

Tonks looked down at her hands. She'd rubbed them raw. "Yeah, I ... I guess so."

 

 

It was three hours before Tonks was allowed to see Remus, but it felt like much longer. After she'd charmed her clothes clean, she hadn't been able to sit still. She'd spent most of the time pacing, chewing on her nails, and ironing her face with her hands. She looked up at each healer that passed, even stopped and asked a few of them if they knew anything. None of them ever did.

"Excuse me, miss?" the plump blonde witch called from behind her desk marked INQUIRES. "Miss? Over here, please."

Puzzled, Tonks walked to the front of the line, squeezing in front of a man whose son was foaming at the mouth. "Excuse me. So sorry. Yes?"

"They told me to look for a woman with pink hair," she said, eyeing Tonks's hair as though she didn't quite care for it. "Who was it you came in with?"

"Remus Lupin," Tonks replied a little nervously.

"Remus Lupin," the blonde witch muttered, running a finger down her list. "Yes, first floor, last door on the left, private ward."

"Private ward?" repeated Tonks, surprised.

"Next!" ordered the blonde witch.

Tonks was pushed aside as the man led the boy with the foaming problem up to the desk.

First floor. Private ward. Tonks's head was spinning. The first floor was for creature induced bites. Why would Remus be there and why in a private ward unless they already knew what he was? But if they did know, why hadn't they thrown him out?

She walked almost in a daze to the room. As she entered, a wave of relief washed over her. Maybe it was because he wasn't covered in blood, or because his hair and clothes were clean, but Remus looked so much better.

Tonks pulled up a chair beside the hospital bed. Remus was still asleep.

"I know you're not going to be happy with me for bringing you here," she said, tears of relief filling her eyes. "But you chose to come to me, so it's your own fault if you're upset."

He could yell at her for hours after today and she wouldn't mind. But she knew he wouldn't yell at her. She'd never known him to yell, not at her at least.

"I'm glad you're okay," she continued. "You really scared me for a moment there."

She didn't get a response from him, but then she hadn't really been expecting one. She watched him for a while, content to watch him sleep peacefully forever.

He uttered a wordless sound. His eyes were still closed.

"Remus?"

She moved in closer to him. He twitched and she brought her face down to his. He made another sound. She grabbed him by his good shoulder and shook him gently. "Remus."

He woke with a start and then immediately jumped at the sight of Tonks's face so close to his.

"Easy," said Tonks. "You were dreaming. Are you alright?"

He looked a little confused. Remus ran a hand over his face.

"I'm fine," he assured her. "I just ... where are we?"

Tonks sat back in her chair. "Saint Mungo's. I know you didn't want me to bring you here," she said hurriedly before he could protest. "Otherwise you would have apparated here instead of to my place. And ... while I'm flattered you have so much faith in my muggle healing abilities..." She crossed her arms. "I don't really share that faith."

"You would've been fine," he told her.

"I'm not so sure."

"Listen, you-" He stopped himself. He could feel an argument coming on. He and Tonks used to argue all the time and after how well they'd been doing lately, he really didn't want to go there. "They're going to throw me out. You know that, right?"

"I think if they were going to throw you out, they would've done so already. No, listen." Remus had shaken his head. "They put you on the first floor and in a private ward. They must know what you are by now or they wouldn't have-"

BANG!

The door to the ward flew open. In walked a healer carrying the clothes Remus had arrived in (now magically repaired) and waving a paper wildly in the air. Tonks recognized him as Vorderman.

"You, sir," said Vorderman, pointing a finger accusingly at Remus. "Are a menace!"

Tonks stood from her chair, anger suddenly flarring up insider her. "Now wait just one minute!"

"Nymphadora," Remus warned.

"Get out!" Vorderman continued, spit flying from his mouth.

"You can't just-!"

"Nymphadora."

"Out!" Vorderman threw Remus's clothes into his face.

"That was totally uncalled for!" Tonks yelled.

"Nymphadora."

"I said, OUT!" Vorderman was up in her face now.

"You have no right to-!"

"Nymphadora." Remus tried in a harsher tone.

Tonks spun around. Remus had swung his legs over the side of the bed. His clothes were clutched under one arm. She realized he need her help. She shot Vorderman a nasty look before rushing to Remus's side.

Vorderman made sure they left, watching them as they walked through the door.

"That was completely uncalled for," Tonks muttered as they headed for the restroom around the corner. "There was no reason for him to-"

"You shouldn't have irritated him."

"I was sticking up for you!"

"Well, don't!"

Tonks jumped. Remus had never raised his novice at her before.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but Sirius and James never understood it either. It's better to just avoid confrontation when dealing with people like that."

"Remus, he had no right-!"

"He had every right." Remus assured her.

"Just because that stupid law passed doesn't mean it's right! We can fight against it!"

"Who's going to fight against it, Nymphadora? You and me? More than ninety percent of the werewolf population's joined with Voldemort. Scrimgeour knew that law was what the public wanted. That's why he supported it. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who didn't like it."

"The Order doesn't like it." Tonks pointed out.

"Which is about fifty against five million people. Excuse me." He stopped using her as a support and hobbled into the one-person restroom to change his clothes.

Tonks just stood there. She felt like she'd been slapped in the face. The funny thing was that Remus hadn't even touched her.

She cleared her throat. "Do you need some help," she called. "Or are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he called back. He didn't sound like it, but Tonks had the impression he was a little bit irritated with her.

He emerged a few minutes later fully dressed. He left the hospital clothes in a bin situated at the side of the door and the two of them started down the long corridor together in silence. They'd only gone about half way when a shout erupted behind them.

"Wait! Stop! Please, wait!"

Tonks turned around and spotted a healer running toward them steering a wheelchair. "Remus, I think we should see what he wants."

The healer was out of breath when he reached them. Tonks recognized him as Morgan. He tapped the chair with his wand, and the breaks locked into place.

"Hospital policy," he gasped as he gestured toward the chair.

"I don't need-"

"Nonsense, Remus." Tonks said. "Sit down."

Remus sat and Morgan tapped the chair with his wand again.

"I'd like to apologize about Vorderman's behavior," he said as he began pushing Remus down the hall. "He forgets sometimes how this hospital is run, and he ... well, let's just say he doesn't like anyone who's ... different." He eyed Tonks's hair and let out a breath. "I better take my time getting back. I can hear him going on about you already."

"Hopefully I gave him more than my hair to go on about."

Remus shook his head.

Morgan smiled. "That was you? I heard the commotion. Sounded like you really went off on him. If he pushes a few more wrong buttons, I might just do the same myself."

They walked in silence for a while.

"It's a shame what the hospital is doing," Morgan continued. "I don't approve of it, personally. I don't believe anyone should be denied medical treatment. But the owner ... his son was attacked by a werewolf not too long ago, almost bitten. So when that law came out, he acted on it."

"I bet he wouldn't be so discriminating against werewolves if his son had been bitten," said Tonks angrily. "I wish he had been."

There was a screech as Remus put his hands on the wheels to stop them. Morgan hadn't expected it. He, Remus, and the chair nearly toppled over, not that Remus had noticed. He fixed Tonks with a stare that made her blood run cold.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly as she realized what she'd said. She covered her mouth with her hand as though she'd just uttered a swear word. "I didn't mean it. I was just-"

"You don't wish that on anybody," said Remus, slowly uttering every syllable.

"I'm sorry," Tonks repeated. She really was. "I didn't-"

Remus turned away from her and let go of the wheels. Morgan didn't know what else to do so he continued pushing the chair. No one spoke.

"Do you know how to use a phone?" Morgan asked Tonks when they reached the exit.

"Yes."

Morgan pulled a card out of his pocket and gave it to Tonks. "Here." he tapped the card with his wand and flipped it over to show her the number on the back. "That's my home phone. You can reach me faster that way - I'm horrible about checking my owl post before I leave. You know, just in case you need anything in the future. I can't guarantee anything but ... maybe I can help."

Tonks nodded and took the card from him. "Thanks."

 

 

Tonks helped Remus over to the couch once they had arrived back at her place. They didn't speak to each other. She noticed that he seemed to be staring at something over her shoulder.

Tonks turned around and received a shock as she noticed the blood on the wall and floor along with the items she'd taken about of the cupboard. She waved her wand and the blood vanished.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" she asked nervously, not looking at him.

"I'm not mad."

She turned to face him. "You were."

He nodded. "I was, but-" He'd grabbed the blanket draped over the couch and winced.

Tonks rushed over to him and took his hands in hers. His palms were red and raw from grabbing the wheels of the chair. He'd burned several layers of skin right off.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He shook his head. "That was my own stupidity. I should've pulled the brake instead of grabbing the wheel."

"But I upset you," she insisted. "I made you hurt yourself and I didn't even mean I what I said."

"I know you didn't mean it," he told her. "And I know you're sorry, which is why you're forgiven. Just watch what you say next time."

She nodded, still staring at his hands. She gently kissed each one before giving them back to him. "Ancient remedy."

"Right," he said skeptically. He chose to skip the "we can't be together" argument. He was too tired to deal with it at the moment. He reached for the blanket again. "Do you mind?"

She shook her head. "Get some sleep."

The sun was up and shinning, but she was ready to go back to bed herself.

She gathered up everything on the floor and put it back in the cupboard. When she went to put away the things that had fallen from the shelves, she found the bottle of peroxide on the floor. She'd missed it in her haste.

She walked back out into the living room and was about to go upstairs to bed when Remus groaned and rolled over in his sleep.

Remembering how peaceful he'd seem earlier, she sat down next to him to watch him for a little while. She couldn't get over how much better he looked, and then she noticed that the gash above his eye was no longer there.

She moved closer to him. She was sure it hadn't just been blood. There had really been a gash, but it wasn't there now. It must have been healed magically, but that meant he hadn't done it to himself . . .

She wondered if anything else had healed.

Slowly and carefully so as not to wake him, Tonks began pulling up the sleeve of his left arm. Remus stirred for moment. Tonks froze in place, holding her breath. She waited for a few seconds, but he didn't wake up. She pulled the sleeve up to his elbow. The gash wasn't there.

She pulled the sleeve back down his arm and began unbuttoning his shirt. There was no sign of a wound there either. But she'd noticed other scratches that hadn't healed, which meant they must have been self-induced.

Puzzled, she buttoned up his shirt and turned to his leg. Had he been faking it earlier? She rolled up the pant leg and let out a long breath of air. No, he hadn't been faking it. He'd nearly torn his leg off.

She went into the kitchen and picked up the phone. It stuck her at that moment how surprising it was that Healer Morgan had a phone. Perhaps he was muggle born, or maybe he'd grown up with a muggle born parent like herself.

She dialed the number and waited. Five rings and she got the answer machine.

"Hey, you've reached Morgan. I'm not in right now. You know what to do."

Beep.

"Hi, um, this is Tonks. I don't think you got my name. I was the one with the pink hair... I had a question. Um, give me a call when you get the chance."

She left her number and hung up the phone. She didn't have anything better to do and she was dead tired. Tonks shivered at the thought. No, she wasn't dead tired. She was just tired. She went to bed.

 

 

Tonks woke to the sound of the phone ringing on the bed stand. She rolled over rather unenthusiastically and picked it up.

"Hello?" she asked sleepily.

"Is this Tonks?"

She yawned. "Y-yes, who's this?"

"This is Morgan. You had a question?"

"Oh!" Tonks quickly pulled herself into a sitting position. "Yes, I did."

There was the sound of laughter from the other end. "Did I wake you?"

"How'd you know?"

"You sound kind of out of it."

"Yeah, sorry." Tonks rubbed her eyes. "I was catching up on my sleep."

"No need to apologize." Morgan assured her. "What was your question?"

"Well," she hesitated for moment, listening to see if there were any signs that Remus was awake and might walk in on the conversation. She didn't think he'd appreciate that she hadn't asked him about what was going on before calling Morgan. "It's just that I couldn't help but notice that some of Remus's wounds had healed."

"Ah, yes. That was the problem. You see, we were able to heal some of his wounds quite easily, but others . . . Well, Vorderman was certain . . . It's 'Remus,' right? Anyway, he was certain Remus was a werewolf. I wasn't willing to take the chance that he wasn't. It just didn't make sense to me why some wounds could be healed and others couldn't. Vorderman insisted we put him in a private ward, and I wasn't willing to argue. We had a background check done and ... well, I guess Vorderman got to it first."

"So ... you're just as clueless as I am?" asked Tonks.

"Yep."

"And you don't have any idea why-?"

"Nope, not a clue. But I take it you didn't ask your brother about it?"

"What? Oh! No, I ... I didn't."

"I didn't think so. I'd ask him about it though, if I were you."

"Yes, I'll do that as soon as he wakes up. Thank you."

"No problem. Oh, and, um, Tonks?"

"Yes?"

"I don't blame you for lying."

"I - well ... you wouldn't have treated him if you'd known what he was, right?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Goodbye, Tonks." The line went dead.

 

 

Remus was sleeping peacefully when Tonks ventured downstairs to check on him. She decided to leave him that way. After all, he'd been up all night while she'd only been forced to awake a few hours earlier than she would've wanted too. She would leave her questions for later.

Tonks realized she was starving and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. She opened the refrigerator and pushed aside the milk to get out a container of chicken noodle soup.

She had finally agreed to let Molly in the house when she'd visited two days ago. She'd given Tonks the soup saying, "It's the least I could do."

It was a massive container with enough soup to feed a quidditch team. Tonks hadn't eaten any yet. Her mother had made chicken noodle soup from scratch whenever Tonks hadn't been feeling well. But now Tonks decided she should eat it. It was time she moved on. It was chicken noodle soup for crying out loud! It shouldn't have any sentimental value! Besides, she didn't want it to go bad and it was sure to be better than the take out she'd been eating.

She glanced at the other contents of the fridge as she removed the soup; half a box of pizza a few days old, a half eaten carton of beef and broccoli she'd ordered from that Chinese place the other day... She couldn't keep living on this stuff. She needed some real food, but cooking had never been her strong point and she hadn't felt like putting in the effort lately.

She poured herself a bowl of the soup and put it in the microwave to heat it up. She succeeded in burning her fingers when she took it out, forcing her to seek the aid of a couple potholders.

She sat down at the kitchen table to eat alone, but she didn't really feel alone. Remus was in the next room. The house had felt so cold, so empty that it had weighed down on her. But the knowledge of Remus's presence lifted that weight somehow, making the mood of the house feel light and promising.

And of course, homemade chicken noodle soup always helped. It was warm and tasty and went down smoothly. Tonks grabbed a second bowl before putting everything away and going upstairs to her room to change her clothes.

While she was searching through the closet, she found a cane resting against the far wall that had belonged to her father. Most of her parents' belongings were in their bedroom, but a few of them had somehow found a way to her own (including her mother's slippers and bathrobe).

Nothing in her room had changed. Same bed. Same carpet. Same paint on the walls. Her personal things had gone when she'd left, and they'd come back with her return. The only difference was that the belongings she'd left with where not the same one's she'd brought back. The room was the same but she wasn't.

It was fitting in a way. The house was the same, but its inhabitants had changed. Her parents were gone, and she had taken their place. Remus was here, but for how long she didn't know. A part of her wished he could stay...

She grabbed the cane, thinking Remus could use it for a while, and started down the hall. She stopped at the master bedroom, her parents' room, and slowly opened the door. It was amazing how empty the room seemed now that they were gone.

She couldn't stand to be in the room for more than a few moments. Her parents had died in there, both of them. Kingsley had spared her the details and the sight, but she didn't know if thanks were in order. Not being able to see it with her own eyes left it all open to imagination.

Each day was a new beginning, a new test for her. She told herself it was just a room. It was all in the mind. There was nothing different about this room than any other one in the house. That's what she told herself, but that didn't mean she was listening.

She took a step inside. Then another and another. One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. And then it hit her. The fear touched her and began to take hold. The walls began to close in. Images danced across her mind.

A dark figure.

Flashes of green light.

Her parents' cold and lifeless bodies.

She couldn't breathe. The room began to tip and then spin. Tonks was on all fours, crawling, dragging herself back the way she'd came...

She lay on her back in the hallway, gasping for air.

 

 

A grievance counselor. Work would pay for one. Tonks had refused. Molly was troublesome enough.

She was checking on Remus for the umpteenth time when Molly's head appeared in the fireplace.

"There you are, Tonks, dear."

"Molly!" Tonks sat down hurriedly in front of her, hoping to block Molly's view. She could only imagine what Molly would say if she were to spot Remus. "W-what a surprise!"

"You said I was welcome to check in on you from time to time."

"Well, yes," said Tonks. She had agreed to it during the last visit. "But I thought you'd at least give me some kind of warning."

She shifted a little to the left. It was impossible to tell if she was blocking Molly's view successfully or not.

Molly simply smiled at her. "Would you mind moving a little to the right, dear?"

"What?" Despite the relationship Tonks had with her, there was no denying that Molly was a mother. It was simply habit for Tonks to try to hide from her what she would hide from her own mum. Tonks had always had great success when it came to hiding things from her mother.

"Come now," said Molly. "I have seven children. I know when someone is trying to hide something from me."

Then again, Tonks's mother had only had one child.

But why hide anything from Molly? Of course, there was always that annoying obsession she had with getting Remus and Tonks together...

"Well, if you must know." Tonks moved aside reluctantly so Molly could see. "Remus showed up at the door this morning. H-he was in pretty bad shape. I took him to St. Mungos."

"St. Mungos?" asked Molly, surprised. "But they-"

"I know, Molly, but..." Tonks got chills as the events of last night came back to her. She moved from the fireplace to stand where Remus was sleeping, searching for reassurance that he really was okay. "I-I didn't know what else to do. You didn't see him. I thought..." Her voice trailed off. He'd scared her so badly. It was going to take a while for it to wear off.

The house suddenly felt too quiet, the way it felt before Remus had arrived. She wished he were awake and talking, anything to make that empty feeling go away.

Molly stepped from the fireplace to stand next to Tonks. "What did you think, dear?"

Tonks swallowed. "I thought - I was afraid I'd lose him." She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears that were threatening to come through. What was wrong with her? She was stronger than this. "He collapsed on the doorstep ... blood everywhere." She wiped at her eyes. "It seems so silly now. I mean, he's fine. Why am I acting like this?"

Molly put an arm around her shoulders and led her into the kitchen. "There, there, dear. You've been through a lot. There's nothing wrong with-"

"But I'm not normally like this!" said Tonks, wanting to scream but keeping her voice low so as not to wake Remus.

"You don't normally get hit with a blow like losing both your parents in a single moment, do you?" said Mrs. Weasley reasonably, easing Tonks into a chair.

Tonks sniffed and nodded.

"There, see? This is all perfectly normal." Molly looked behind her. "Now, about Remus. You could've gone to me for help."

Tonks sat thunderstruck. "I ... didn't think of that." Why hadn't she thought of that? It seemed so obvious.

"It doesn't really matter now." Molly gave a wave of her hand. "Like you said, he's fine. But how long will he be staying?"

Tonks shrugged, still flabbergasted at her ignorance. "I don't know."

"Well, I suggest you figure it out. This would the perfect time to-"

Tonks blinked, taking in Molly's words. Then she shook her head. "Oh, Molly."

"I just happen to find it convenient that after all that time I spent trying to get the two of you together he decides to go to you when he happens to need a little help."

"Molly-"

"I just think it would be foolish not to take advantage of the situation!" There were stars in her eyes.

"And just what exactly do you have in mind?" asked Tonks, keeping her voice hushed. "Seduction?"

"Well, that would be a start."

"Molly!" Tonks gaped at her. "I was joking!"

"Love is a serious matter." Molly lectured. "Now, if you wish, I know a way to get my hands a love potion that would-"

Tonks stared.

"Just a little one." Molly assured. "I'm sure you could find a way to slip it to him. It would ... you know ... amp up the desire-"

Tonks stood, horror-stricken. "I don't want your bloody lust potion!"

"Love potion." Molly corrected. "And it's not mine. I just-"

"Whatever!" Tonks fought to keep her voice low. "I don't want it! Okay? Thank you, but no. Remus and I-"

"Is there a problem, ladies?"

Both women froze. Molly turned a shade of red that rivaled her hair. However, Remus couldn't see it because she had her back to him.

"Remus," said Tonks uncertainly, looking around Molly. "H-how long have you been standing there?"

Remus looked from one woman to the other as he leaned against the doorway. Tonks wondered how he'd managed to make it by himself, and then she noticed the cane in his hand. She must have left it by the couch.

"Not long enough to hear whatever I wasn't supposed to hear," he said finally.

"Well," said Molly, her blush gone. "I'll just leave the two of you to..." She trailed off, but Tonks didn't miss the hidden meaning and she doubted Remus had either.

Molly brushed by Remus and went to the fireplace. He watched as she prepared herself to floo home. It wasn't just Molly who was hell bent on getting him and Tonks together. The whole Order was in on it. But Molly had been the most irritating; shoving Tonks in front of him at every chance she got until it came to the point where even Tonks had gotten annoyed with it.

Remus watched Molly leave in a blaze of green flames before turning back to Tonks who was covering her mouth with her hand.

"So, um..." She laughed, embarrassed by the situation and unable to contain herself any longer. "I'm sorry - How are you feeling?"

"Better, thank you." He hobbled over to the table with the aid of the cane and took a seat.

"You must be hungry. Here-"

She hurried off to get him a bowl of the soup she'd had earlier. She also grabbed the left over carton of Chinese food for herself.

"This is really good," he said minutes later after she had heated it up for him.

"Oh, I didn't make it," she said as she put the carton into the microwave. "Molly did."

"Ah." He stared at the soup suspiciously.

"Don't worry." Tonks told him. "She didn't put anything in it. I had some earlier."

He seemed to take her word for it. Tonks came over to sit across from him.

"So ... how's you're arm?"

He paused. "Um..."

"It healed, didn't it?"

"Yeah." He pulled back his sleeve as though to make sure. He looked at her. "How did you know?"

"I ... checked," she admitted. "What happened?"

"I..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Can't really ... remember."

"Is that usually a problem?" she asked curiously. "Remembering?"

"Well, it's kind of like..." he shook his head. "You don't really want to know what it's like."

"I asked, didn't I?"

Remus studied her. She met his gaze, unfaltering.

He sighed. "Alright." He looked down at his hands. "When I ... change," he said slowly. "It's like all rational thought is stripped away. I'm left with two basic needs: Survival and..." He stopped.

"Food?" Tonks suggested timidly.

"That's the nice way of putting it." He was starring ahead of him now, but Tonks knew he wasn't looking at anything in the room. He still held his spoon in his hand, slowly rotating it between his fingers.

"When I change back," he continued. "And start to remember, it's like a dream ... a very real dream. I can never remember everything. But I remember most things like..."

"Nearly chewing your leg off?"

Yes, that he remembered. That and ... there was a flash of something yellow ... and a strange taste in his mouth... He knew that he hadn't made it to the Shrieking Shack. He'd stopped at a pub and - for whatever reason - he hadn't made it to his final destination. Why?

The answer eluded him. Along with the explanation as to how he'd sustained such injuries. It was so strange. A piece of the puzzle was missing.

"Remus?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I really don't remember how I-" He caught a flash of blue out of the corner of his eye. He paused to turn his attention to the microwave. "Um ... Nymphadora?"

Tonks followed his gaze. She cursed loudly and jumped out of her chair. Blue lightening was flashing in the microwave. The timer went off by the time she put her hand on the door handle. She yanked the door open... The top of the paper carton was on fire and all because of the thin metal handle attached to it.

She tried to blow the fire out but only managed to make herself look like a blowfish while doing so. Remus chuckled to himself from the table.

"Shut up, Remus. It's not funny."

"Don't you know not to put metal in the microwave?"

"Well, yeah, but I didn't think that little bit would matter." She pulled out her wand and pointed at the flames. "Aguamenti!"

Remus continued to laugh. She sprayed him with a jet from her wand.

"Hey!"

She smiled "Then stop laughing at me."

"I'm not laughing at you."

That was the thing with Remus; he accepted her. Anyone else Tonks knew would've shaken their head or rolled their eyes if they'd been witness to her little lightening show. Molly would've given her a lecture about how she should be more careful. But Remus could find it amusing because he understood that was just the way she was.

He watched as Tonks sat down at the table and began eating out of her burnt carton. The thing with Tonks was that she was refreshingly odd. No matter how many walls she managed to walk into, things she managed to trip over, or stairs she managed to fall down, she just smiled and kept going. He liked that about her.

She could be quite optimistic and Remus suddenly realized that he was usually the opposite. He would normally look at a situation, pick out the worst that could come of it, and decide that if worst came to worst . . . he'd deal with it. He hadn't always been like that . . .

He hoped that the deaths of Tonks's parents wouldn't change her the way that Lily's and James's death had changed him . . .

Remus shook his head, ridding himself of the memories. He wasn't going to worry about last night. He'd figure out what had happened sooner or later. Considering it was the first time he'd actually stopped to think about it, he wasn't too worried that he couldn't remember. Besides, there were other things he had to worry about at the moment.

"Listen," he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I hate to take advantage of your hospitality, but . . ." He tapped his leg. "This would be hard to explain to Marcus." He paused. "I-I was wondering-"

"Feel free to stay as long as you need," she said, saving him the trouble of asking. She was more than happy to let him stay, anything to keep him with her a little longer.

He wasn't sure how he felt about the prospect of staying with Tonks. He could remember a time not too long ago when he and Tonks hadn't been able to be alone together for five minutes without arguing. They'd been doing remarkably well lately, but he wasn't sure how long the peace would last.

"I'll have to let Marcus know I'm here," he told her. And he'll probably wonder why.

"Tell him-" said Tonks as though she had read his thoughts. "Tell him I need you here for . . . for emotional support. He should believe that."

 

 

Marcus was watching music videos on the television when he heard the phone ring. He jumped up from the couch and rushed to pick up the phone before the answering machine.

"Hello?" he called into the receiver.

"Marcus, it's me."

"Remus? I was wondering what happened to you. Is your mum sick again?"

Remus paused on his end of the line. How long had he been using that excuse? Since school. He really needed to change it. But he'd never seen the sense of getting rid of something that worked.

"Uh, no," he said. "Actually, I'm with Tonks."

"Oh," said Marcus shortly.

Remus wasn't sure what that 'oh' meant, but he decided not to dwell on it. If Marcus didn't like the idea of him and Tonks being together, that was Marcus's problem, not his.

"Listen," he said hurriedly. "I'm going to be staying with her for a few days. I can't say exactly how long."

"Can I ask why?"

Remus was glad Tonks had supplied him with the answer to the question he'd known he'd receive. "She asked me to come over for emotional support."

"Oh," said Marcus again, sounding relieved this time. "How's she doing?"

"She's doing okay."

They talked for a few minutes more. Then Marcus hung up the phone and went back to the TV, but his mind was elsewhere.

They're just friends. Marcus told himself. He had to admit that he was jealous. He wished he were the one staying with Tonks. It seemed a shame that such an opportunity was being wasted on a man who fell silent under the suggestion of a girlfriend.

But he couldn't be angry with Remus. Without him, Marcus would never have met Tonks in the first place and maybe Remus would be the link to bringing him and Tonks together.

With that happy thought, Marcus turned back to the television. He had no way of knowing that the pink haired woman he found attractive was a witch or that his friend and roommate was not only a magical being but creature as well. And when he retired to bed that night, he was completely ignorant of the Knight Bus roaring past his window.


	3. Waning Gibbous Moon

Remus's presence was a greater comfort to Tonks than he could ever know. Instead of lying around the house and grieving herself into a well of depression as she had been doing, Tonks found herself with a sense of purpose. She'd managed to buy some groceries and use the crock-pot to make a real meal.

She wasn't too bad at cooking. A crock-pot was easy to use and the microwave wasn't bad either (as long as she remembered not to put metal into it). She was horrible with the stove. She always knocked things over, and she always ended up burning herself when using the oven.

She found cooking to be strangely therapeutic, and she never would've gotten the urge to cook if she hadn't wanted to provide Remus with something to eat other than cold pizza. She was also doing herself a favor since she was able to eat something healthy for once.

Clearly, simply by being in the house, Remus was having a positive affect on her. However, with each day that passed, Remus was getting better.

He was going to leave her again.

 

 

All too soon, Remus was able to get around the house without the aid of the cane and while hiding his limp, signaling the end of his stay. Tonks didn't want him to go and she tried to tell him so several times. Yet, each time her nerve failed.

She tried to stall him instead by suggesting that he try walking up and down the stairs just to make sure he really was ready to leave. She was sorely disappointed when he tackled the task with ease. However, Remus had never been upstairs until then so she decided to give him a tour to buy herself some time.

"I want to show you something." She led him into a room at the very end of the hall. "This has been my room since I was little."

Remus's eyes did a slow sweep around. It was said that you could learn a lot about someone by their room, but the room didn't show him anything he didn't already know.

"My parents used this as a guestroom after I moved out." Tonks told him. "But they left everything as it had been in case I would change my mind and come back."

She started rummaging through the closet. "After a while, I guess they started using this for storage as well. I found several of their old things in here."

She pulled out an ocean blue dress that was simple but elegant in its own way. "This was mum's, though I never saw her wear it. She told me I could have it when I moved out. But when I hit 'the terrible teens,' as dad liked to call it, my relationship with mum wasn't so great. I left the day I turned seventeen and went to live with a friend."

She shook her head. "I didn't speak to my parents for a few years, not until I realized how stupid I'd been. I came back here for three weeks to set things straight. That first day all I got from them was a big hug from dad and a stiff 'I'm glad you're back' from mum."

"I sure she  _was_  glad to see you." Remus assured her. "It just must have been hard after-"

She cut him off. "I realize that," she nodded. "Now."

She put the dress back in the closet. "What about you, Remus? Did you ever do something stupid like that?"

He shook his head. "Mum died the year I started school, and dad went a year or so after I'd finished."

Tonks was stunned. "I'm sorry."

Remus shrugged as though it didn't really matter. "It was a long time ago."

She wondered what the bloody hell time had to do with anything.

"What's that?" Remus asked curiously, gesturing toward something he hadn't seen earlier.

There was a small round table on the far side of the room. On it sat small porcelain statues of -

Tonks felt the heat rise to her face. "Wolves were my favorite animal ... when I was little," she added. She knew how that sounded and hoped he didn't look at it that way. "I left them here when I moved out. I guess mum didn't want to put them away."

Having no further desire to show off her room, she took his arm and quickly steered him down the hall. There really wasn't anything else to show. There was a bathroom, her parents' room, and another bedroom that had been a guestroom when Tonks had lived with her parents but was now used for storage.

The room was stuffed with boxes from ceiling to floor, wall to wall. She'd have to go through it all at some point, but she was saving it for a time when she would feel more up to it. Right now, she had no desire to go through her parents' things.

Remus's curiosity got the better of him. He stopped at her parents' former bedroom and stepped inside. It was tidy, but in a way that implied the room was no longer in use. It was completely void of any personality.

"I never got to met your parents," he said.

Tonks wasn't sure if he would've liked them or not. They were good people, but their opinion of Remus hadn't exactly been a positive one. She'd told them about him, and even though she had never said anything negative that she could remember, they'd somehow come out with a bad impression.

Her mother hadn't approved of the thought that her daughter had fallen head over heels for a man that was "so much older" than her. When Tonks had gone to her parents for support after she and Remus had parted ways her father had accused Remus of "stringing her along."

She hadn't told them about his "furry little problem," and maybe she should have. Maybe it would've made things easier. Maybe their opinions would've been different. But she hadn't told them. And it was too late now.

Remus turned when Tonks didn't reply and was surprised to see her standing almost fearfully at the doorway. "Are you alright?"

"I-I can't go in there," she said quietly.

"It happened here, didn't it?" he asked, gesturing around the room. "They died here?"

Tonks nodded. "It's just ... It's all a bit much." She shook her head. "I see things. The room starts spinning. Everything becomes claustrophobic. I can't breathe..."

Remus got a chill. Suddenly, he didn't feel so comfortable. He'd been unnerved to hear that Tonks was living in the house her own parents had been murdered in, but he was standing in the actual room where it had happened!

"I tell myself it's all in my head." Tonks continued.

"Well," he told her slowly. "I feel fine so ... I guess it must be."

Despite what he'd said, he wanted out of the room as soon as possible. He exited quickly, closed the door behind him, and he and Tonks ventured downstairs.

Tonks didn't know what to do. Remus looked like he was eager to leave and she was out of ideas. She wanted him to stay,  _needed_  him to stay. It was now or never.

"Remus," she tried. Why was it so hard to ask this? "I was hoping maybe ... you wouldn't have to go back to your apartment just yet."

He stared at her. "You want me to stay?"

She nodded. And then suddenly she was off, speaking in a mad rush to say everything she'd been holding back. "I think I've been going about this grieving thing all wrong. Before you came here I just sat around the house and felt sorry for myself. I had these thoughts ... terrible, horrible thoughts."

She was pacing now. "I was so depressed. I put on a fake smile for anyone who came by. I just felt so lost and trapped and..." She shook her head. "But now ... I can't explain it. I feel like I'm getting better. Things are just easier now. I'm finally seeing a bright side. I feel like I have a reason to go on.

"But I didn't feel that way until you arrived. I'm afraid that if you leave, everything will go back the way it was. I can't go back, Remus, I can't. Please, I need your help."

Remus didn't know what to say. He knew how she was feeling, what she was going through. But...

After Dumbledore's death, he and Tonks had sat down and had a long talk. All she'd wanted was a chance. Just one chance to let them become more than friends.

He'd given them that chance because a part of him had wanted to try too. But the more time he'd spent with Tonks, the more he'd realized it could never be. He'd had to end it. He'd hurt her, it had nearly killed him to do it, but he'd had to.

And then her parents had been murdered barely a week later.

She hadn't mentioned anything about their "break up" when she'd shown up drunk at his door, and she hadn't said anything about it since he'd shown up at hers. But he wondered if maybe her wish for him to stay had more to do with what she wanted to happen between the two of them and less to do with what had happened with her parents.

"You said," Tonks reminded him, noticing his hesitancy. "That if I ever needed anything..."

Yes, he had said that. He was worried about her. He cared about her. He sympathized with her. He wanted to help her, but...

She seemed to be getting on well. It didn't make any sense to him why it had to be him. If this wasn't about the two of them, why did he have to stay? Why couldn't someone else help her?

"What if Molly-?" Remus suggested.

Tonks slapped a hand to her face. "Oh, god. No, not Molly."

"Then maybe Kingsley." Remus suggested. "Or-"

"No, Remus." Tonks knew she was losing him. How could she explain it? "I don't know what it is. It's just ... having you around ... makes me feel ... better." Oh, that sounded so lame! But it was the truth.

Remus shook his head. "I'm sorry, Tonks."

He turned away from her, heading for the phone in the kitchen.

"You said I needed protection!" Tonks shouted after him, grabbing at anything to keep him with her.

He spun around. "Not  _me_. You don't need me here. Yes, you need protection. Go into hiding. Or have the Fidelius Charm performed. Or stay at Headquarters. Or if you don't want to leave, at least get some aurors in here. But you don't need  _me_."

She didn't understand. She thought for sure that he'd want to help her. Why was he..?

"You think this has to do with us ... with what I feel for you?" she asked. But he was already walking away. "That's it, isn't it?" she shouted after him. "You think I want you here because I'm a ... a stalker or something!"

Remus cringed as he picked up the phone. He knew that sounded crazy. She would never stalk him ... but it didn't make sense why she was convinced he was the only one who could help her through this.

He dialed the number.

There was a soft  _click_  on the other end of the line. "Hello?"

"Marcus, it's Remus."

 

 

Tonks couldn't believe it. Remus actually thought she asked him to stay because... Well, maybe he was right. Maybe her feelings for him were the reason why she felt so much better when he was around. But so what? That didn't change that fact that she felt better.

She wanted help. She'd finally admitted it and he'd turned her away.

Fine. If he didn't want to help, that was fine. She didn't care. She didn't need him. And she was going to prove it.

She opened the door to her parents' room and stood on the threshold. Remus was the only one who could help her. She knew it. But if he didn't want to help, she didn't need him. This was her test and she was going to make sure she passed it. She wasn't going back to the way she'd been before. She was through being depressed. She took a deep breath and stepped inside.

But she found out that her imagination was her own worst enemy.

 

 

Remus told Marcus that he was leaving and that he'd be over in a little bit. When he walked back out into the living room, Tonks was no where to be found.

 _She's probably raving mad at me,_  he thought.

But he believed he knew what he was doing. This was the right thing to do. Wasn't it? They couldn't be together. No matter how bad she wanted them to be, she had to understand that it couldn't happen. It may be a little harsh but she'd realize that he'd been right in the end.

He sat on the couch and watched the minutes tick by on the clock. He planned on apparating to the apartment building, but he wanted to create the illusion that he had taken a bus or a train to get there for Marcus's benefit.

Once time was up, he went looking for Tonks. He didn't think it would be right for him to leave without saying goodbye. As soon as he reached the top of the stairs, he found her...

Splayed face down on the floor of her parents' bedroom.

"Nymphadora!"

He ran to her and turned her over. She was still breathing. He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath, but now he let it out in a great sigh of relief. He had to get her out of here.

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom where he lay her on the bed. God, had he been stupid. She'd told him, hadn't she? She'd felt alone and depressed. Scared, too probably. Heck, she'd gone into a room and had  _passed out_  from the emotional strain of her parents' passing. She'd told him that she needed help ... and he'd turned his head. What kind of friend was he?

It hadn't been about their relationship. Maybe he was the one still stuck on the two of them to think that was the only reason she would want him to stay. Her parents had died. Why on Earth would she be thinking about him during a time like this?

 _God, Remus, you're a prat._  He gave Tonks a gentle shake. "Nymphadora, wake up."

Her eyes opened. She looked up at him, probably wondering how she'd gotten in her room.

"Are you alright?"

She'd scared him, she could see it in his eyes and feel it in the way he kept a grip on her shoulder. She realized that he must have found her in her parents' room and then had brought her here. "Believe me now, do you?" she asked, somewhat bitterly.

"I'm sorry," he told her sincerely. "I had thought... What were you doing in there if you knew it bothered you so much?"

"I thought that if you wouldn't help me," she said. "Then I'd have to get through this on my own. I wanted to test myself. Images kept coming at me and I thought if I just waited a little longer, I could throw them off." She shook her head. "I guess not."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I had thought that you were just... Well, it's no excuse, but, in my defense, it's not like you haven't done desperate things before to get my attention."

She sat up. Remus put a hand on her shoulder to get her to lay back down but she pushed his arm away. "In  _my_  defense, that was Sirius's idea. I didn't want to do it but him and Molly ganged up on me."

Remus nodded.  _Of course_. "I should've known Sirius had something to do with it."

"But you should know me better than that, Remus." She looked into his eyes. "I would  _never_  use something like this to get your pity so you'd stay with me. I hate pity."

He knew that. He hated pity as well. It was something they had in common. That fact alone should have made him realize before that she'd been honest in her request for help.

He hadn't been able to believe Lily and James were gone when he'd been told the story. Only when he saw their house in ruins did it all sink in. He'd fallen to his knees trying to fight off the wave nausea that had over swept him. No one had been there for him during the road to recovery because he'd lost everyone that he normally would've turned to for comfort. All four of his closest friends had been taken from him in a single night.

But Tonks had someone to turn to. How could he turn her down and deny her what he had been deprived of? This wasn't about the two of them. This was about the pain of losing a loved one and the desire to have someone to help with getting through it. He should have realized that earlier.

"Nymphadora," he said. "If you still want me too... I'll stay as long as you need."

He didn't find any reaction on her face, but he could tell by her eyes that the wheels were turning in the back of her mind.

"I have one condition," she said plainly.

"What's that?" he asked almost fearfully.

She smiled. "Don't call me 'Nymphadora.'"

He smiled back. "I can't guarantee anything."

"Well, alright then. Fine. Call me by that dreadful name all you want. I've got another one. Just so you won't have any more doubts." She held up her right hand. "I promise not to bring up my feelings for you in any way or have them be the cause of any action while you're here. Does that make you more comfortable?"

He had to admit that it did.

"But," she added. "You're fair game once you leave."

He smiled half-heartedly. "I'm never going to be rid of you, am I?"

She shook her head. "Not in your lifetime."

 

 

Remus tried calling Marcus back to let him know that there was a change of plans, but the phone just rang and rang. Remus checked the clock. Marcus usually stayed up till late in the evening. However, it wasn't like Marcus had never gone to bed at this hour. And once he was asleep, a train could run through the building and he wouldn't wake up.

Remus called two more times just to be sure. Then he left a message on the answering machine and hung up.

 

 

_Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter were sitting in the shade of a beech tree. James was playing with a golden snitch while Peter watched in awe._

_There was a flash, and Peter was kneeling in front of Voldemort._

_"It has happened my lord. I am the Potters' secret keeper."_

_Another flash, and Remus and Peter were not quite such innocent bystanders as Sirius and James tormented Severus Snape._

_"You-wait." Snape panted. "You-wait."_

_Flash._

_Snape had his wand pointed directly at Dumbledore._

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

_Flash._

_"Wait for what?" asked Sirius. "What are you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"_

_Flash._

_Sirius was falling through the veil. But time suddenly slowed, then stopped. Sirius, suspended in an arc, turned his head toward Remus. He looked at Tonks, laying unconscious on one of the stone steps. He then looked back at Remus and winked._

_Time returned to its normal speed, and Sirius vanished through the dark curtain._

_Flash._

_"Leave him alone!" shouted Lily._

_"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James._

_"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."_

_Flash._

_"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"_

_Lily stumbled from the room. She could hear high-pitched laughter as she ran upstairs to the nursery._

_"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please - I'll do anything-!"_

_"Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!"_

_Lily screamed as Voldemort raised his wand._

Remus awoke with a gasp as Lily's scream echoed in his ears. Only when he heard a second cry did he realize it might not have an echo he had heard the first time. He leapt from the sofa. When he reached the stairs he heard the scream again.

He scaled the steps as quickly as his leg would allow. Tonks's screams pierced the night air. He'd never heard anyone scream like that before. Each cry sent a chill down his spine so cold he wished she'd stop, but as long as he could hear her he knew that at least she was alive.

At last he flung open the bedroom door. His wand raised, he flipped the light switch. Tonks was sitting up in bed, her eyes fixated on the corner of the room. She continued to scream, oblivious to everything but what her wide eyes saw.

But there was nothing there. The room was empty.

Remus scrambled onto the bed and pulled Tonks to him. Only then did she stop screaming, her cries turning into sobs.

Remus let out a sigh of relief. She'd only been dreaming. The whole time he'd thought...

"You're going to give me a heart attack before I'm forty."

That got a laugh out of her.

He rubbed her back. "What were you dreaming about?"

She shook her head. "He was here." She pulled away from him. "Right there in the corner. I didn't see him at first-"

"Who?" asked Remus. "Who did you see?"

"Snape."

Remus blinked. "W-what?"

"He just came out of the shadows ... scared me half to death."

"You weren't dreaming?" asked Remus horrorstricken and looking around the room. He was suddenly very,  _very_  uncomfortable. He felt like someone was watching them. "He was here? Severus Snape was actually here?"

"He must have heard you coming." Tonks told him. "He just vanished - what are you doing?"

Remus was peering into her closet, his wand raised as he searched.

"You don't think he's still here?" she asked, alarmed.

Remus grabbed her hand. "Come on."

He didn't think Severus would really stick around if he had in fact been here (the idea was mind boggling), but he still had the feeling that someone was watching them. If it meant searching the house from top to bottom until he felt safer, so be it.

Remus went from room to room switching on every light and keeping Tonks close by.

"No, Remus, don't go in there."

Tonks pulled on his arm when he reached her parents' room.

"I'll only be a minute."

"Remus, don't. Please."

He pulled lose from her grip and stepped across the threshold. He flipped the light switch and then, even though he knew it was absurd, checked under the bed to be sure.

"Remus, come on." Tonks begged. "There's no one in here." She was terrified standing out in the hallway. She had the feeling that anything could appear from the shadows and grab her. But she was scared more so for Remus. Why, she wasn't sure.

He ignored her, walking to the door to the master bathroom and going inside.

She couldn't see him anymore. Her heart was pounding in her chest. "Remus?"

Unconsciously, she took a step inside. She didn't want to be out there alone and she wasn't keen on the idea of Remus being by himself either, though she was sure he was more than capable of taking care of himself. It just made her uncomfortable that she could no longer see him. The room seemed to twist, but she willed herself to focus only on the bathroom door where Remus had vanished. The floor underneath her feet seemed to move like a fun house, but she kept her eyes fixed straight ahead. Everything started to close in around her. The room pitched and spun dangerously. She fell to all fours but kept crawling.

"Remus."

Images pelted her. The hooded figure was gone. In its place stood Snape, towering over her parents. The spell's incantation rang in her ears and green light obstructed her vision. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move.

The next thing she knew, a strong arm suddenly wrapped itself around her and swiftly pulled her from the room.

"Nymphadora. Nymphadora, look at me. Come on."

Tonks found her vision clearing. "Remus?"

"Are you alright? What on earth possessed you to-? You should stay out of there. Stop scaring me like that."

"I-I was worried you-"

"Don't worry about me, take care of yourself. Are you sure you're all right? Can you stand?"

"I-I think so."

Remus pulled her to her feet. Then he raised his wand. A great silver creature erupted from it. Someone from the Order was bound to get the message.

Ten minutes after all the lights in the house had been turned on, and every room had been searched to Remus's satisfaction, nearly everyone from the Order had arrived.

It seemed as though Remus and Tonks had told the story to each and every single person before the end of the night. And everyone appeared insistent on doing their own search.

"Well," Kingsley told Remus two or three hours later. "If Snape was here earlier, he's gone now."

Remus turned, searching for Tonks. She was talking with Mrs. Weasley. "I'm not sure he was ever really here."

"You think she dreamt it all?"

Remus ran a hand through his hair. He was tired and emotionally spent. "I don't know, Kingsley. She's been depressed and stressed. She passed out earlier today ... or was it yesterday by now? Maybe I'm just tired but it's hard to fathom. I mean, if Severus really was here and was going to ... kill her ... why not just do it and get it over with? Why hide in the shadows?"

Kingsley shrugged. "Maybe he wanted to freak her out."

"I mean, what would he want with her anyway?"

"Why would any of the Death Eaters be after her?" asked Kingsley, going back to the question they'd heard time and time again.

Remus nodded. "I suppose you're right." There was no proof that the Death Eaters were after her, yet they were all sure that they were. Remus shook his head. "It's too late to think clearly."

Kingsley raised his eyebrows pointedly. Remus turned to find Tonks coming toward him. He put a comforting arm around her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded silently.

"We've got this place charmed." Kingsley told her. "No one can apparate or disapparate on your property."

"Thanks," she said shortly. Her eyes were unfocused. She looked like she wasn't with them at all. Both Kingsley and Remus stared at her.

"I'm sorry," she said, putting her face in her hands. "I'm just really tired."

"I think we all are." Kingsley said.

Tonks simply yawned, unable to reply.

Once everyone had left, Remus and Tonks began turning off all the lights.

"Are you going to be alright?" Remus asked once they'd reached her room.

She assured him that she would be, but once she was in her bed she didn't feel as safe as she had earlier. "Remus?"

"Hmm?" He turned in the doorway.

"Do you think ... just for tonight ... if you wouldn't mind ... maybe you could..."

She didn't seem to be able to finish her sentence, but he knew what she was asking and he wasn't too keen on the idea.

 _You've made that mistake once already,_  he told himself. This wasn't about the two of them. She was scared and had every right to be. She didn't want to be alone and when it came down to it, he didn't want to leave her alone. It was the perfect solution to their dilemma. There was no reason for him to shy away from it.

Besides, she'd made a promise.

"Alright," he said a little reluctantly. He closed the door, turned off the light, and Tonks felt rather than saw him get into bed next to her.

There was about an arm's length between them, and even though his presence was a comfort, she needed more than that tonight. She knew he must be uncomfortable at least a little, but she moved closer to him.

Remus could do nothing but stay completely still as Tonks closed the gap between them. In no time at all, she'd moved back so far that they were touching and he could feel the warmth from her body. Although she might feel more comfortable, this was doing the exact opposite for him.

His arm was caught between them and he pulled it free as gently as he could so as not to disturb her. She was turned away from him, but in their current position the only comfortable place to put his arm was where she lay. He placed his hand hesitantly on her shoulder. She grabbed him by the wrist and pulled until his arm was wrapped securely around her and she was snuggled closely against his chest.

Remus stared, perplexed. How had this happened?

"Goodnight." Tonks said.

Remus knew he was stuck. There was no getting out of this now.

"Goodnight," he said.

 

 

Remus awoke with his arm around thin air. He rolled over, glanced at the clock and jumped. Eleven thirty? That couldn't be right. He grabbed the clock and shook it, but the time didn't change. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd slept in that late. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so peacefully either...

Tonks was nowhere to be found when Remus ventured downstairs. She wasn't in the kitchen or the living room.

"Nymphadora?" He called for her up and down the house but she didn't appear to be in it.

He looked for a note, but there didn't seem to be one. Remus stopped in his tracks and thought for a moment. She was safe, he was almost certain of it. If anything had happened to her, she'd be dead and he'd know about it. Where the bloody hell had she gone?

Remus stepped to the fireplace. He grabbed a handful of floo power and threw it on the logs. "The Burrow." Emerald flames leapt into the air. Remus got down on his hands and knees and put his head through.

"Molly?"

A pair of legs came from around a table. Molly's face came into view a moment later as she knelt down. "Remus, what are you-?"

"Do you have any idea where Tonks might have gone?"

"Sorry? Isn't she with you?"

"Well, she should be, but she's not here."

"She's gone?" Molly got a fearful look on her face. "You don't think-?"

Remus cut her off. "You were talking with her last night. Did she say anything that might have-?"

"No," said Mrs. Weasley, thinking hard. She thought for a long moment. "I don't think so. I-" She clapped a hand to her mouth. "Oh, Remus, I know where she is! She's at the Ministry!"

 

 

"Oh, hi, Arthur," said Kingsley, turning in his chair. "What I can-?"

"Have you seen Tonks?"

"What? How could I have-?"

"Molly said she's here."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but how would Molly know if she was here or not."

Mr. Weasley sighed. "I just received an urgent owl from Molly. Tonks isn't at her house. Remus was looking for her and he contacted Molly. Apparently, Tonks said something to her last night, I haven't got a clue what, but she's certain Tonks is here."

Kingsley raised his hands. The whole thing sounded crazy. Tonks was on leave; she shouldn't be here. He didn't understand why she would be. "I've been here all day and I haven't seen her. She hasn't been to her desk, I know that for sure. I don't know where else she would've gone-" Kingsley stopped, the pieces coming together. He rose from his chair.

"Where are you-?" asked Mr. Weasley.

"I know where she is. Tell Molly and Remus not to worry. I'll get her."

 

 

Tonks looked through the jacket of files in her hand. Wrong one. She put it back on the shelf. She walked further down the row and pulled out another jacket. The contents had looked promising at first, but in the end it wasn't what she was looking for. She pointed her wand at the top shelf.

" _Accio!_ " Another jacket came flying into her arms. She looked through it. Yes, this was the one.

She returned to the corner of the room that she'd set up as her own private workstation. She didn't want anyone to know she was here: They'd surely send her home.

"Doing your own personal investigation?"

Tonks jumped. Kingsley was coming toward her. Damn.

"I can't just sit at home," she said. "I want to do  _something_."

"You're not supposed to be here," he told her, picking up a jacket from the floor. "Go home. We'll handle this."

"Oh, yeah, sure." She seized the jacket from his hands. "You'll handle it. Everyone told me I was in danger. Everyone said someone was after me. But as soon as I say Severus Snape showed up in my bedroom-" Tonks shivered. "No one believes me. Nobody did!" Tonks shouted as Kingsley opened his mouth to protest. "Don't think I didn't hear what everyone was whispering behind my back. I dreamt it - bullocks! If Remus hadn't been there to back me up, I don't think anyone would have-"

"Remus isn't sure Snape was there either-" Kingsley froze and cursed himself.

Tonks looked hurt. "He - he doesn't believe-"

"I - what I meant was - I didn't mean..." He cursed again. He realized way too late that he'd said the wrong thing. Try as he might to take it back, there was nothing he could do. "It was late. We were all tired. No one really thinks that Severus wasn't-"

"He doesn't believe me," said Tonks, not listening. "He really doesn't believe me."

"Tonks, I-" He reached out a hand.

But it was like he wasn't even there. She walked right passed him at a mad stomp to the door, muttering angrily under her breath.

Kingsley slapped a hand to his forehead. "Shit." And he had just landed Remus in a large pile of it. Tonks was  _not_  happy. Still, the bright side was that at least she going home. "Remus is going to kill me."

 

 

"Where have you been? I thought you were coming back?"

"I was." Remus explained to Marcus over the phone. "But some things came up and-"

"What kind of things?"

Remus paused. He was used to excluding Marcus from what was going on, but he wasn't sure if that was the best policy to follow in this situation.

Marcus took Remus's silence for bad news. "Is Tonks okay? What happened? Is she-?"

"She's fine." Remus interrupted.

"Then what happened? Why didn't you call to-?"

"I did call. You didn't answer the phone. I thought you were asleep."

"What time did you call?"

"A little after nine."

"Nine?" said Marcus. "Last night? I was up at least till midnight."

"Well, I called about four times. I even left a message."

"Did you? Oh, yeah ... it's blinking."

"Yeah, blinking means there's a message, Marcus."

"Hey, you know I'm horrible about checking these things. Hold on."

Remus heard his own voice coming from the other end of the line. "Believe me now?"

"Yeah ... that's weird though. Hmm. I must have had the TV up or something."

"Or something." Remus agreed.

"So ... what were these things that came up?"

"Well..." Remus hesitated.

"Something  _did_  happen to Tonks!" Marcus shouted so loudly that Remus had to hold the phone at arm's length. "I knew it! What happened? Tell me, Remus! She's my friend too!"

"You only met her for ten minutes-!" Remus shouted so Marcus could hear him.

"Remus - tell me!"

Remus brought the phone back to his ear. He didn't know what else to say. "Whoever murdered Tonks's parents ... came after her last night."

"What!" Remus pulled the phone away to stop his ear from exploding. "You said she was fine!"

"She  _is_  fine!" His head was starting to hurt from the yelling.

"After being attacked!"

"She wasn't hurt or anything!"

"I want to talk to her!"

"She not here right now!"

"Where is she?"

Remus tried to invent something but he couldn't. "I-I don't know!"

"You don't  _know_! She was attacked last night and you don't know where she is!"

Remus stuttered. What was he supposed to say?

BANG!

Remus jumped, pulling the phone to him.

"What was that?" asked Marcus.

Remus peered around the wall. Tonks had stormed in through the door.

BANG!

"What's was  _that_?"

Tonks had slammed the door shut.

"Marcus," Remus spoke into the receiver. "I'll call you back."

"What's going on-?"

Remus hung up the phone. He entered the living room and Tonks came straight at him.

"Get out!" she ordered, pointing to the door. "I want you out!" She had him backed up against the wall in no time.

Remus held up his hands. "I-"

"OUT!" she screamed. "JUST GET OUT! I never want to see you again!"

"Wh-what did I-?"

"If you think I'm delusional, than you can just LEAVE!"

Remus was flabbergasted. "When did I say-?"

"YOU TOLD KINGSLEY YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE-" Her voice broke. She hadn't been expecting it. "You didn't believe Snape was ever really here." She turned away from him. She couldn't cry. That wasn't the image she wanted to portray right now, but the tears came anyway. It hurt that he didn't believe her, but she fought them back.

Remus was stunned. "I did say that ... didn't I?" But he hadn't meant it.

"If you don't believe me." Tonks said coolly. "Then I want you to leave."

"Nymphadora, it was late. I was tired. I-"

"I WAS NEARLY ATTACKED!" She whirled around to face him. "I don't have any proof, but I  _know_  he killed my parents! I  _know_  he came after me last night! I didn't dream it! He was here! He's been after me from the start! He killed them both because he was really after me! I'm the one in danger, and if you don't believe me - you can wipe that smile off you face this minute!"

Remus tried, but he couldn't.

Tonks slapped him.

"Ow!" He brought his hand to his face.

"What the bloody hell do you have to smile about?" She was still screaming at him.

Remus rubbed the spot where she'd hit him. It really hurt. "You've just admitted what everyone in the Order has been trying to get you to realize since your parents died."

Tonks blinked. She had, hadn't she? She opened her mouth to yell at him some more, but her anger had suddenly died off. She closed her mouth. Mad that she couldn't be mad at him anymore, she turned and sat down on the sofa.

Remus chuckled to himself. That look on her face had been priceless.

"Shut up, or I'll hit you again."

Neither of them spoke for a while.

Remus finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have said that to Kingsley - or anyone for that matter. I wasn't thinking clearly. And I guess at the time ... it was easier to think it had just been a dream ... instead of believing someone was actually trying ... trying to hurt you."

Tonks didn't say anything.

Remus sighed. "And to think I told  _you_ to watch what you say." He shook his head. "I know Severus was here. I believe you completely. Last night was just a mistake. I'm sorry," he repeated. "But if you still want me to go-"

"No," she said shortly. "I don't."

Remus let out a sigh of relief. Despite his previous feelings, he wanted to be here. He wanted to watch over her and make sure she stayed stafe.

"Then you should call Marcus back," He suggested. He'd rather have her do it. He'd been yelled at enough today.

 

 

Tonks was nowhere to be found the next morning. Remus cursed to himself. He thought they'd fixed this. But then, she hadn't gone to the Ministry because she'd been angry with him, she'd come  _back_  because she'd been angry.

Remus crossed to the fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder. This time he'd bring her back himself.

 

 

Remus stepped out of the fireplace and into the atrium of the Ministry of Magic. It was a beautiful hall but he wasn't here to sight see. He headed for the golden gates at the other end. He was so intent on his target that he didn't notice someone was calling his name.

A hand grabbed his shoulder. "Remus Lupin. What a surprise!"

Remus turned, finding the last person he'd wanted to run into. "Hello, Scrimgeour."

"Doing a little sight seeing, are we?"

"No, I-"

"You don't have a visitor's badge, I see."

"I didn't come through the visitor's entrance," said Remus, hiding his annoyance.

"Ah, well, no problem." Scrimgeour produced his wand and conjured a silver badge out of thin air.

He handed it to Remus who stared at it, unable to hide his shock.

_Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing._

Remus swallowed. He took a slow, deep breath.  _You're just here to get Nymphadora,_  he reminded himself.  _Just get her and get out._

"New policy," explained Scrimgeour. "And you do have to wear it, I'm a afraid."

Remus pinned it to his chest. It didn't bother him so much that people knew what he was. He just hated being a walking billboard sign. Why couldn't he just shout, "I'm a werewolf!" at the top of his lungs and get it over with?

"Do you know you have an auror here who's supposed to be on leave?" Remus asked.

"Oh, you mean Tonks?" said Scrimgeour.

Remus had to stop himself from bawling his hands into fists. The bastard knew and he wasn't doing anything.

"Yes, she was here yesterday, wasn't she? Well, what can you do? I can't force her to leave if she doesn't want to. I ask you, how would that look?"

Remus thought of everything he had ever wanted to say to the man in front of him and opened his mouth.

"Right," he said. He turned and headed for the gates.

"Oh, and make sure you turn your wand in at the security desk."

Remus didn't say anything, but he changed his direction toward the desk. The wizard there eyed Remus's badge. He then pulled out a long golden rod and passed it over Remus's front and back. Satisfied, he put the rod away and pulled out a lunar chart.

 _Oh, for love of-_  Remus had to fight hard not to roll his eyes. "The full moon's three weeks away."

"Have to be certain," said the wizard, putting the chart back in the desk. "Wand."

Remus handed it over. The wizard put it onto a brass instrument, read off a piece of parchment that the instrument produced and asked Remus if it was correct. Remus said it was.

"I keep this," said the wizard. He impaled the piece of parchment on a brass spike and stored Remus's wand away.

"Excuse me?" asked Remus. He'd been expecting to get his wand back.

The wizard looked fearful that Remus might attack him. "P-policy."

Remus waned to ask, "Since when?" but the answer was pinned to his chest.

He shook his head. He didn't have time for this.

"You can have it back upon your departure," said the wizard.

 _I would certainly hope so,_  Remus thought.

At last he made it through the golden gates. Everyone there stared at him as they waited for the elevator. He ignored them. At length, the golden grille slid back and Remus was able to get inside the lift. No one got on with him. He was alone except for a stout man in sapphire robes who had been unable to read Remus's badge because the box he was carrying was much too large for him.

The grilles slid shut and the elevator ascended. "Level seven," rang a voice. The doors opened. A few memos flew inside. An extremely tall wizard in forest green robes followed. He caught sight of Remus's badge and turned to leave, but the doors shut in his face. He then took extreme interest in the memos flying around his head and moved to the far side of the lift.

"Level six."

The doors opened. A witch in magenta robes was about to step inside, then changed her mind once she saw Remus. "I'll just get the next one," she smiled. The doors closed.

By this time, the stout wizard with the big box was beginning to realize something was amiss and acquired to the tall wizard as to what the bloody hell was going on. The tall wizard told him and the stout wizard jumped, nearly dropping his box.

Level five was a repeat of level six.

Remus laughed.  _There just aren't enough floors in the building._  He found this thought to be hysterically funny and succeeded in scaring the living daylights out his companions from laughing so hard.

"Level four."

The tall wizard quickly exited, nearly running into Kingsley who was standing on the other side of the doors. He froze at the sight of Remus, but it was the badge that made him step inside before the lift continued its assent.

"Wow," he said quietly. "Someone told me they were going to start doing that but I never actually thought..."

"Yeah, well..." Remus took the badge off and put it in his pocket.

"Sorry," said Kingsley.

"It's not your fault."

"I mean about Tonks. I was just trying to get her to calm down and ... well, I messed up."

"Don't worry about it." Remus told him.

"I figured she'd give you hell."

"It wasn't that bad," said Remus, touching the spot on his face where she'd slapped him.

"Level three."

"Damn it." Kingsley reached for the doors to stop them from closing. "She's at her desk today. You shouldn't have to go looking for her. I'll be up in a minute if you need anything. I've got some things to take care of first. Good luck."

"Thanks."

Kingsley disappeared behind the doors, and the lift continued going up.

The stout wizard moved a little closer to Remus, shifting his box to get a better look at him. "Hi," he said.

Remus nodded in greeting.

"Level two."

Remus exited, leaving the stout wizard to face the floor above. He turned a corner and walked though a pair of heavy oak doors. The area was divided into cubicles. Now all he had to do was find out which one belonged to Tonks.

He went from cubicle to cubicle, peering into each one and trying not to bring too much attention to himself. He was just starting to think that maybe Kingsley had been wrong when he found her.

"Nymphadora?"

Tonks jumped. Only one person called her by that name anymore. She quickly tried to hide the jackets in her desk, but Remus was too quick.

He looked through the files. She'd pulled out absolutely anything and everything she could find on Severus Snape. He looked up at her. "Nymphadora, what are you doing?"

"He killed them, Remus." Tonks said simply, snatching back the jacket. "I'm going to find him." She moved to put the jacket away.

Remus grabbed it, stopping her. "You think you can find him better than anyone else here?" he asked. "Let them do their jobs."

"It's  _my_ job!" she protested.

"Yes, it's your job, but not  _this_." He waved the jacket at her. "Not Snape." He took a file out that had Severus's picture on it, and showed it to her. " _This_  is an obsession."

She snatched the picture from him and turned away. "You don't know anything about it."

"Oh, I don't know anything about it, do I?" he asked. "Have you forgotten I've lost someone too?"

Tonks spoke as though it didn't have anything to do the current situation. "Lily and James-"

"Were murdered." Remus interjected. "By Voldemort. Do you think I didn't try to track him down?"

Tonks was silent.

"Well, I did. I grabbed anything I could get my hands on, anything I could find, any kind of a lead because I didn't believe that he was finished like everyone else. And you want to know something? It was foolish. Do you know how long I spent trying to hunt him down? How many years I wasted? I didn't have the kind of resources you do." He waved around the room and suddenly noticed that things had gotten quieter. He had the feeling their conversation was being listened in on. He and Kingsley weren't the only ones who had tried to get Tonks to go home.

"But none of it matters," he continued. "Because what are you going to do when you find him? Killing him won't make the pain go away. It won't make them come back. It took me years to figure that out, and now I'm giving you a chance to realize it as well."

He placed his hand on hers. She turned to him, tears in her eyes. "Leave this and come back with me."

She shook her head. "I can't. I have to do this."

"No, you don't."

She shook her head and put her face in her hands. "You don't understand."

He moved closer to her. "Then tell me."

She shook her head again.

"Tell me, Nymphadora."

The name was what set her off, knowing her parents would never use it again. "I was there!" she cried, tears rolling swiftly down her cheeks. "I'd gone to stay with them f-for a few days because-" She wiped at her face, but the tears kept flowing. "Because you said it was over between us and I just wanted a little support!" She sobbed. "And I left! I left and then that night, that  _very_  same night, they were-!" She uttered a cry and threw herself into his arms.

He held her tightly. She cried into his shirt, her pain overflowing and he felt it. He  _felt_  it to the point he thought his heart would shatter. "Nymphadora," he said slowly. "I am  _so_ sorry."

"It's-not-your-fault."

"It's not yours either."

"If I'd just-" she sobbed. "Stayed - a little longer - just a few - more hours-"

"You'd probably be dead too."

She shook her head. She could've saved them. If she only she hadn't left, if only she had stayed.

"Nymphadora, look at me." He gently pulled her from him. "I'm sure your parents, wherever they are, are glad you were able to get away. You don't have to do this." He waved at her desk. "Come back with me. I'll help you get through this. I promised I would. But I can't help you if you're stuck on vengeance."

Slowly she turned from him. She carefully took the jackets out of her desk and stared at them for a full minute. Then she silently slid them into the trash bin.

"There you go," he said. "Now promise me-" He turned her face to his. "Promise me you won't blame yourself for what happened. It's no one's fault but his, and there was nothing you could do."

She was silent for a long moment, but the she nodded. "I promise."

"And promise me one more thing. That when you find him," He had no doubt that she would. "It won't be about what he did to you, but about stopping him from doing it to others. Do you understand?"

It was hard, watching her go through what he had, and seeing her trying to learn in a minute what had taken him years to discover. Even if she walked out of here still blaming herself and still seeking revenge, he still wanted her word. Because it meant that she would be thinking about what he'd said, and maybe by the end she would have rid herself of her blame and hatred.

She nodded again, her eyes still teary. "I promise, Remus."

"Okay," he said, satisfied. "Are you ready to go back?"

She nodded. He offered his hand and helped her from the chair. As they turned to leave, she hugged him. He was shocked for a moment, but then he put his arms around her. There were a lot of eyes on them at that moment but he doubted she had any clue.

Feeling extremely self-conscious, he waved to one of the witches staring at the two of them. She smiled toothily and waved back as though this was the best day of her life. Remus wondered if Tonks had told her colleagues about him.

"Thanks," she whispered when she finally let go after what had felt like a full five minutes later. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand.

"No problem."

As they left the cubicle, applause started up. It grew louder and louder until it reached its full climax once they'd made it to the elevator. Remus didn't know any of them, and none of them knew him except that he was the one who had talked Tonks into going back home.

Kingsley came out of the elevator as they reached it. He flashed Remus a thumbs up.

The applause only died with the closing of the lift doors. Remus silently wondered if they would've clapped if he'd still had the badge on.


	4. Last Quarter Moon

The doorbell rang.

Marcus greeted Remus and Tonks as he opened the door to let them inside.

"Where's the loo?" Tonks asked after a moment. "Oh, wait. Never mind. I remember." She dashed off.

"I thought you were just coming over to pick up your stuff," said Marcus, wondering why Tonks was here and then wondering why he cared. She was here! That was good enough. He didn't really need to know why.

"I wanted to get her out of the house." Remus explained.

"I don't blame you," Marcus said. "After what happened."

Remus nodded. "The thing is... I don't really know where to go from here."

Marcus shrugged. "Take her to a movie or something."

"A movie?" said Remus slowly.

"Or..." suggested Marcus, interpreting Remus's thoughts correctly. "If you're afraid that sounds too much like a date, I wouldn't mind taking her."

 _I'm sure you wouldn't_. The thought tugged at him, but why should he care? It was Tonks's decision. She could date whomever she wanted.

"You know, Marcus, that might not be a bad idea."

 

 

"Where's Remus?" Tonks asked once she came out of the bathroom.

"He's getting his stuff together." Marcus told her. "Um, Tonks, listen. Remus said he thought it would be a good idea for you to get out of the house for a while and I was wondering ... maybe you'd like to go to a movie ... with me."

Tonks sighed. As much as she liked the attention, it wasn't fair to keep Marcus in the dark. It was time she told him what was going on. "Marcus, listen..."

 

 

Remus went into his room, wondering where he'd left his suitcase. He found it under his bed. He opened the closet and began packing. He had no clue how long he'd be staying with Tonks but he had the feeling it was going to be a while.

He walked over to the dresser and rummaged around in the drawers until he found the small bag of wizard money he'd been hiding from Marcus. He also found what was left of the muggle money he had and stuffed it in his pocket. Once he'd packed up all his belongings (which wasn't much), he left the room-and almost ran headlong into Marcus.

"Whoa!" Marcus held up his hands. "Sorry. My bad. Um, Tonks decided she'd rather stay here instead of going out. I was going to take her to that one movie rental place ... if you don't mind."

Remus shrugged. "Whatever she wants to do." He could see on Marcus's face that he was celebrating inwardly. Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out the money. "This should cover my share of the rent for the month."

Marcus's face dropped slightly as Remus put the notes in his hand. "Think you'll be gone that long, huh?"

"You never know." Remus told him. "How long do you think you'll be at the movie rental?"

"Oh, I don't know. Half hour at least. Why?"

Remus held up his suitcase. "I was wondering if I had enough time to drop this off at her place and get back here about the same time you would."

"Marcus, are you coming?" called Tonks from the next room.

"Yeah, one moment," Marcus called back. He started for his coat, speaking to Remus as he went. "Well, I don't really know where her house is so I can't really help you with that." He grabbed his coat off the back of the couch. "See you later." He ran off like someone had lit a fire under him.

Remus heard the door shut a second or two later. Marcus's voice carried down the hall, "Do you think I could have your phone number and address? I hate waiting for Remus to call all the time and when he just hung up the other day I really..." and out of hearing distance.

Remus shook his head. Marcus didn't have a chance; Tonks could see right through him. Remus  _did_  want Tonks to find someone else to fancy so he could stop worrying about the way she felt for him, but he couldn't convince any part of himself to cheer for Marcus. He just wasn't the right guy for her.

But then who was?

And why was he worrying about it? Let Tonks figure that one out.

Remus thought of Marcus's promised thirty minutes, and mentally calculated how long it would take a muggle to get from the apartment to Tonks's place and back. He wasn't sure it was possible to get back at the same time. But then, if he added on the time he thought it would take them to pick out movies...

_Close enough._

 

 

"So," said Marcus as the subway train sped down the tunnel. "You have a thing for Remus?"

"Well, it's more than a  _thing_." Tonks told him.

"But you do fancy him?" Marcus couldn't decide if he was amused or seriously bummed out. Considering Remus's aversion to dating, it was kind of funny that she liked him. But, at the same time, Marcus really wanted Tonks to fancy himself instead.

"Definitely," said Tonks. "But..."

"There's a but?" A bubble of hope formed in Marcus's mind.

"Well, there's more to it than that."

"Like?" he urged.

"Well, I-" she thought her heart would burst from the truth. She had wanted to scream it off of rooftops for ... she didn't know how long. One day she'd just woken up and known it. "I can't say."

"Why not?"

"It's just ... too good to share. You know?"

Marcus shook his head, confused. Why did girls do that? Why did they start thoughts but never finish them. It was like a language only understood by women.

"I'm just waiting for the right time, I guess." She tried to explain. "And it wouldn't be right for me to tell you without telling him first."

"Oh," said Marcus, finally getting the picture. "You mean the 'L' word." His bubble of hope burst.

"Does that bother you?"

"Well," Marcus scratched his head. "I have to admit I am a little disappointed. When I first saw you, I thought..." He stopped. Did he really have a chance with her if she'd fallen head over heels for Remus?

"Thought what?" she encouraged.

"I thought..." He shrugged. Remus didn't appear to feel about her the same way she felt about him ... so Marcus had to have some kind of a chance. "What I mean is, I think ... you're attractive."

She smiled. "Really?"

He nodded, and put on the most charming smile he could muster.

"I wish Remus would say something like that to me every once in a while," she told him.

"He doesn't?"

She shook her head.

Marcus found the words tumbling out of his mouth. "Leave him and go out with me and I'll tell you every day."

She laughed. "Sorry, I'll keep my complicated love life."

"That hooked on him, are you?" he kicked the floor. "Bugger."

"Sorry," she said again.

"Ah, don't worry about it. Plenty of other fish in the sea and all that." He pointed at the door, amazed with the words he'd just pulled out of his ass. "This is our stop."

"You know, I'm happy for Remus." Marcus continued once they were above ground. "I always thought he needed a girl-this way." They started off across the street.

"Why did you think that?" Tonks asked.

"Well, sometimes he's just ..." Marcus thought for a moment. "He never shows it or anything-it's down this way about a block-you can just sense it about him when he's not in the best mood. He's ... sad isn't the right word ... depressed isn't it either..."

"Like he's been dragged into something he didn't want to be dragged into-"

"Yeah," Marcus agreed. It was weird. He didn't pretend to be an expert on people, but sometimes there was just this vibe that he got from Remus.

"-But he's known for a long time that it was going to happen. So, even though he's not happy about it, he's going to grin and bare it."

"Only, without the grinning part." Marcus added.

Tonks smiled. "Yeah."

"How did you come up with that?" he asked her. He had never been able to put it into words.

"I've been infatuated with him for a long while; I've had plenty of time to think about it."

"How long?"

Tonks thought for a moment. "God, I can't remember the exact date when it all started ... at least a year."

"A  _year?_ " If Marcus had had Tonks chasing after him for a year, he most definitely would have gone out with her by now. "He knows you're insane about him, right?"

"Of course."

"In here." Marcus said suddenly. He held open the door for her. "You'd think that after a  _year_ -"

Tonks tripped and nearly fell head long into a showcase of videos for sale. Marcus caught her, but the store manager happened to be standing not three feet away.

"Do try to be careful." He said.

"Sorry about that." Marcus began pulling Tonks away as quickly as possible. "It's a good thing we're adults because if we were teenagers he'd follow us around until we left."

"Sorry." Tonks said and she really sounded like it.

"Hey, it was an accident."

"No-I mean, yes, it was but-I'm dead clumsy. I do stuff like that all the time."

"It doesn't matter," he said. "Ah! Here we are." The comedy section. "Let's look here first ... what was I saying before?"

"After a year..." Tonks supplied."

"Right ... you've never dated or  _anything_?"

Tonks shook her head. "We were going out for a while. He might have held my hand from time to time, but sometimes I wonder if he just went out with me because he felt sorry for me."

"Then  _why_ , might I ask, are you still hung up on him?"

"Because he's never given me reason not to be," she said simply.

Marcus stammered. That made  _no_  sense. "But-but-if-if he's never-" He prayed Tonks wasn't one of those girls who were really pretty but also really stupid at the same time. "I think that would mean he's not interested."

"But see, that's just the thing." Tonks pulled a movie off the shelf and looked on the back to read what it was about. "He's never told me that he doesn't feel anything for me. If he would just say 'I'm sorry, Tonks, but I don't feel that way about you' then that would be the end of it. I mean, he can't help how he doesn't feel. But he's  _never_  said anything like that. Oh, if I only knew-"

"What  _has_  he said?" asked Marcus, seriously intrigued now. This was all much more complicated than he had thought.

"That he's too old for me, too poor-" Tonks had to stop herself from adding _too dangerous_  as well. "And also that I deserve someone young and whole."

Marcus picked up a movie and pretended to read the back, miming Tonks. None of what she had just said made any sense to him. All that he could see was that her attentions were being wasted on a man who simply didn't want anything do with her beyond having her as a friend.

"It sounds to me." He said slowly. "Like he just doesn't deserve you."

"What?"

"I mean," he corrected quickly. "Like he doesn't  _think_  he deserves you."

 

 

Remus apparated and walked the rest of the distance to Tonks's house. He had decided a few days ago that he couldn't stay on the couch any longer. He needed to be closer to Tonks in case something happened, and the only available room was the one that had belonged to her parents.

He entered the room, dropped the suitcase on the bed, and began unpacking. He remembered the chills he'd gotten earlier from being in here, but they were gone now. He'd realized that nowhere was safe. They were in the middle of a war. It didn't matter whose house you were in, what room you slept in, or whether or not someone had died there. He could be attacked in this room or the next, die today or fifty years from now. And the same went for Tonks.

This room was no different from any other. Tonks had realized that too, to some degree. She'd chosen to stay in this house, even though her parents had died here. She knew that the only way she'd ever truly be safe was with the Fidelius Charm-and even that wasn't foolproof. But what kind of life would that be other than one of hiding and waiting? She didn't want that. She chose to stay here, unsafe but with room enough to live life like every other day.

She didn't want to go the safest route, and he admired her for that.

Because it was the opposite of what he was doing.

 

 

Tonks sat between the two men on the couch as they watched movies. She couldn't pay attention no matter how hard she tried, though she laughed whenever Marcus or Remus did.  _He doesn't think he deserves you_. The words rang in her ears. The whole time she'd thought Remus acted the way he did because of the whole werewolf thing, but maybe there was more to it than that. There  _was_  more to it, she was sure, something bigger and deeper, something that affected Remus every day.

She was going to find out what it was.

They watched movies until late into the night. Remus had fallen asleep during one of them and when he woke up he saw that Marcus and Tonks had as well. It was still late. He knew it even though he couldn't see the clock. The movie was still playing. Remus felt around for the remote and turned the power off.

Marcus had fallen asleep using the armrest as a pillow, and Tonks ... had her head on his shoulder. For once, he didn't mind. He turned slightly and wrapped an arm around her. She curled into him, her head now resting on his chest. No, tonight he didn't mind because tonight, and  _only_  for tonight, he would pretend that she was his.

 

 

It snowed on Tuesday, and snowed, and snowed, and snowed some more. It was sickening. Yes, snow happened in October but not like this. It just never let up, soft white flakes falling out of the sky until everything was white.

"Close the curtain." Tonks demanded when Remus pulled it back for the hundredth time to look outside. "It's depressing."

He did as he was told. "If it keeps up like this," he said, unsure if he was being serious or sarcastic. "We'll have six feet of snow and won't be able to open the door."

"You might be right," she said as she set down two good-sized bottles of straight tequila on the ottoman.

"What's that for?"

"I thought we'd play a game," she said, straightening up and gesturing to the window. "You know, it's not like we have anything better to do."

"What kind of game?"

She put her hands together. "Have you ever played I Never?"

He hesitated. "Um..."

"You might as well say 'yes.'"

"What makes you so sure I've played it?"

She smiled. "Because you were friends with Sirius."

He nodded. "Good point."

She waited.

"Oh, okay, I have played it ... once or twice."

She fixed him with a look.

"On occasion." He corrected. "Seventh year."

"What kind of occasion?" she asked.

"Whenever Sirius and James were bored."  _And Severus wasn't around for them to torment_ , he thought. But that wasn't what he said. "And they had nothing better to do."

"Which was how often?"

Remus stared. She just wouldn't give up. "Almost every weekend."

She laughed and sat down on the sofa. "So are you gonna play or not?"

He sighed, then shrugged. "I've got nothing to hide. Why not?"

"Should I charm it so we know we're telling the truth or can I trust you?"

He smiled. "You can trust me."

"Good." She took a bottle and unscrewed the top. "You go first."

He thought for a moment. "I never ... slept with a man."

She hit him. "Remus!"

He chuckled. "I'm just making sure  _you'll_  answer truthfully."

She took a drink and retorted. "I never slept with a woman."

He took a drink also.

"Now be serious this time," she told him.

Remus thought, his memories carrying him back.

_"I never..." said Peter, thinking hard. "Saw Lily's underwear."_

_James took a drink. "On accident," he explained. "Her trunk fell open."_

_"Thirsty, Padfoot?" Remus asked Sirius because he had taken a drink as well._

_"Nope," he said. "I've seen them."_

_"How have_ you _seen them?" asked James accusingly._

_Sirius reached into his pocket. "Because," He pulled out a pair of black laced panties and swung them around on his finger. "I have them right here."_

_"Where did you get those?" demanded James, reaching for them, but Sirius held them out of reach. "Give them to me!"_

_Remus and Peter howled as James chased Sirius around the room, fighting in vain for the lingerie._

_"I nicked them for you, mate," said Sirius as he finally tossed them to James. "Out of the laundry."_

_"What were you doing going through the laundry?" asked Remus, but he was ignored._

_"How do you know they're hers?" James asked, looking at them._

_"Look at the tag."_

_James found the initials LE written on it. "Why would she write her initials in her underwear?"_

_Sirius shrugged. "Girls."_

"I've never been in love." Remus said at last.

She blinked. "Never?"

He shook his head. "I thought I was once. But I was young. I didn't really know what love was."

Tonks considered her bottle. She'd never  _been_  in love, but in the present tense she was. She knew it was real this time because in the past she'd learned what love wasn't. But did that count since it wasn't past tense? She smiled at him and took a small sip just to be sure.

"Your turn," he said.

She thought for a moment. "I never had a one night stand."

"Oh,  _great_."

She noticed a flush in his cheeks as he went for the bottle. He took at large gulp and coughed.

"Careful," she told him.

"I have to drink for every one, right?" he sat the bottle back down and refused to look at her.

She didn't care what he'd done in the past. His love life was none of her business. The only time it had been her business was when they had been going out, but that was over now. Besides, people got lonely every now and then. Since Remus refused to get into any kind of a long-term relationship ... well, it wasn't a pleasant thought but she understood somewhat. And it really wasn't her business.

"Your turn," she said.

He still wouldn't look at her.

_"I never watched the portrait of that naked couple we found in the hidden passageway," he said, curious as to whether anyone had._

_Sirius and Peter took a drink._

_"How did you end up watching?" James asked Peter._

_"I was coming back from the kitchens and I saw Filch on the map so I ducked in the passageway to hide and..." Peter shivered. "I think he might have heard me because he was out there pacing around the exit for ever."_

_Everyone laughed but Peter._

"I never watched porn." Remus said.

"Oh, you  _can't_  be serious!"

To Remus's utter amazement she took a drink.

"My muggle boyfriend who used to live down the street." She covered her eyes with her hands and shook her head. "He had a whole box! I only watched one though, I swear!"

Remus suppressed a laugh. "I guess we both did some stupid stuff when we were younger."

"Urgh!" she shook her head again. "Tell me about it!"

Time wore on. They drank and swapped stories, learning more about each other that afternoon than they had in the past year. Molly's head appeared in the fireplace at one point, but they were too wrapped up in their conversation to notice her. She quickly assessed the situation and withdrew.

After a while, Tonks's cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, but she wasn't ready to end their game. "I have a confession to make," she said, not one hundred percent sober but not at all drunk yet. "I never had sex in the back seat of a car, though I've always wanted to try it."

Remus laughed and put his face in his hands.

"Oh, don't tell me you  _have_!"

He took a drink and nearly choked on it.

"Oh, my god! When? Where? With who? How was it?"

"Nymphadora,  _please_." He was laughing from embarrassment.

"If you hadn't called me by that name, I'd lay off. Too late! Details!"

"It was all stupid Sirius's idea!"

Maybe they both  _were_  a little drunk.

"Remus, come on." She tapped him on the shoulder.

He had his face in his hands and hadn't said a word in the last fifteen seconds. He held up a finger, asking her to give a minute while he tried to gain control of himself.

"There was this girl," he said finally, putting his hands down. "I'd been attracted to her for years, but I was shy and never said anything. She lived near me, and Sirius came over for a visit one summer and decided to hook us up. But I'd get so nervous I'd start shaking and Sirius thought a great way to break the tension ... god, how did he  _ever_  talk me into that?" He thought for a moment but couldn't remember. "Anyway, she'd done it before so I guess it wasn't that big of a deal for her..."

Tonks spoke slowly. "You lost your virginity in the back seat of a car to a girl you'd never even dated before?"

He turned, finally looking her in the eyes. "What a wonderful way to break the ice, don't you think?"

She shrugged. "Did it work?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah, it worked." He put his face back in hands and shook his head. "Oh, god."

"Whose car was it?"

He was blushing through his fingers. "Her father's." There was a moment, and then he was off laughing again.

"What was her name?" she asked once he'd gained control once more.

He sighed. "Do I have to?"

He was blushing still and he just looked so darn cute that she wanted to drag him outside to her father's car (her father had had a thing for muggle cars) that was still parked in the garage and make his old memory into a new one, but she contained herself. "Give me her name and I'll leave you alone."

"Gracey-I mean, Grace."

"But you called her Gracey, didn't you?"

" _Nymphadora_."

"Alright, alright," she said. "I'm done." She thought for a moment. "I don't think I can top that."

"I would hope not," he said, shaking his head.

"I bet that has a great big golden star under your 'Most Stupid Things I've Ever Done' list."

"Huge," he told her.

"You know," she said. "Maybe I  _can_  top that."

"What?"

"I think it all depends on perspective, but try and guess. It's your turn."

_"I never had sex," said James._

_Sirius raised his drink. "Only because you're waiting for Lily."_

_James rolled his eyes and caught Remus taking a drink. "Since when?"_

_Sirius smiled._

_"Padfoot, don't." Remus blushed._

_"I never had sex last summer with Grace Hart in the back seat of her dad's car!"_

_Remus wouldn't have done it, but the game was charmed and his hand brought his drink to his lip._

_James, Sirius, and Peter cheered._

"I never had my parents or my partner's parents walk in on us having sex."

Tonks broke into a fit of giggles. "You guessed it!" She took a drink once she'd calmed down.

"Whose parents?" Remus asked.

Tonks giggled again. "Both!"

"You're kidding!"

She shook her head. "I can't even remember why they were here, but his parents and my parents were down here talking and we'd gone up to my room. And when it was time for dinner they all came up and-" She laughed. "It's so funny now, but, god, I swear I thought I was dead."

He laughed too. "I don't know if that topped mine but I bet that has a great big golden star-"

"Yeah," she nodded. "It does."

They smiled at each other. The atmosphere had changed. They felt more comfortable around each other now that they'd shared their darkest secrets.

"I never had a girlfriend." Tonks said.

Remus took a drink.

"I'm jealous," she told him.

"I was still in school," he explained. "Before life hit and reality reared its ugly head."

"Grace?"

He nodded.

"You mean that actually went somewhere? That's great! I guess that makes the act a little more tolerable."

He shook his head. "Not really," he said with conviction.

_"I never made out with Grace," said Peter, deliberately targeting Remus._

_"He's done a lot more than make out with her," interjected Sirius._

_But Remus wasn't listening, lost in an extremely happy memory of just before he'd gotten here when he'd met with Grace under the beech tree. They'd kissed each other senseless, the light of the waxing moon shining on both of them._

"I never had a snogging session under a full moon," he said.

She took a drink.

"You have?" He was the one who was jealous now.

"It's kind of romantic," she said, remembering.

He nodded. There were a lot of things he hadn't done under a full moon and wished he had, and there were a lot of things he had done under a full moon and wished he hadn't. There was nothing he could do about it now, but still...

She looked up at him, breaking away from her memory. He just looked so ...  _sad_. She grasped his hand. He looked up at her and she smiled at him. "A waxing moon is just as good."

He nodded again and forced a smile but he wasn't sure he believed her.

"I have an I Never," she said, reaching for her drink. "If someone had told me yesterday that I'd be sitting here and having this conversation with you, I never would have believed them."

He didn't drink.

They smiled at each other.

She raised her bottle. "To sharing secrets."

"With the right person," he added, raising his.

Their bottles came together in a soft  _clink_ , and they both drank for the last time.


	5. Waning Crescent Moon

Tonks awoke to the phone ringing. "Hello?"

"Hi, Tonks."

"Marcus?"

 _Click._  "Hello?"

"Hi, Remus."

"Marcus?"

"I've got this one." Tonks said.

"Oh, okay."  _Click._  Remus hung up.

"How do you know I don't want to talk with him?" Marcus asked.

"Do you?"

"No."

Tonks laughed. "What can I do for you?"

"You can go to a concert with me tomorrow - not as a date," he said quickly. "But I thought maybe it would help with your ... Remus problem."

"What are you planning?" she asked skeptically.

"I want to make Remus so jealous that he realizes what he should have done the first time he met you."

"And what was that?"

"Sweep you off your feet onto a white horse and off into the sunset-" Marcus nearly gaged. Where did he come up with this shit?

"To live happily ever after and all that fairy tale nonsense?" she asked, smiling. "That's sweet, Marcus."

"You aren't really prepared to wait for him forever, are you?"

"Till the end of the world," she assured him.

Was there nothing he could do to change her mind? "Really?" he asked. "Because I'm sure I could find a white horse somewhere and me and you could-"

"Sorry, Marcus."

"Oh, well," he said. "I had to try. But seriously, you should go with me. It will be fun, and maybe Remus will go insane with jealousy in the process. I mean, he still thinks I fancy you, right? So, who knows? I'm curious as to how he'll react."

He honestly didn't think Remus would react at all. It was clear to Marcus that the man just didn't want to get into a relationship with Tonks. But she was still crazy about him. Maybe if Marcus could show her that Remus didn't care for her in that way...

"I'm not sure he'll react at all." Tonks told him. "There's that self-control of his."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."Marcus was silent for a moment. "It can't hurt to try, right?"

"Marcus, I can't," she said. "I made a promise."

"That you wouldn't go out with me?"

"That I wouldn't mess with his head."

"Well, there's nothing stopping  _me_  from messing with it."

"Marcus-"

"He's got something special right in front of him and he's letting it slip right through his fingers without a second thought." He just  _really_  wanted to take her out!

"Marcus, you hardly even know me."

"I don't care," he said. What did he have to say to get her to agree to go? "You got this - I don't know - this aura about you. If he can't see it, I certainly can." Just one date. Was that too much to ask for?

"Marcus-"

"Come on, Tonks," he insisted. "I have two tickets and I don't have anyone else to ask. The snow's melting, so it's going to be a nice day. There'll be a lot of energy ... it will be great. It's not a date, but make sure Remus knows you're going with me."

"Even if it does bothers him," said Tonks. "He won't show it-"

"That doesn't change the fact that I have two tickets."

She paused, finally catching on. "Are you doing this because you want to help me or because you want to go out with me?"

Marcus was silent for a moment. "Look," he sighed. "I'm attracted to you, I admit that, but... It's like you said before: You can't help how you don't feel. I just have to turn my sights elsewhere."

"Have you?"

 _No._ "Well, I'm working on it."

Tonks shook her head. If he still fancied her... "Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

There was a long silence. "Well," Marcus said finally. He didn't sound too happy. "If you decide you want to go, give me a call." He hung up.

 

 

Tonks walked downstairs to find Remus making breakfast.

"What did Marcus want?" he asked.

"I wanted to do that," she said forlornly as she watched him.

He looked taken aback. "Did you? I'm sorry." He made no mention of the fact that she'd nearly caught herself on fire the last time she'd tried. She hated using the stove, but she was willing to try again. "I'm almost done now ... you can give it a go next time."

She nodded, then said quietly. "Marcus asked me to go to a concert with him." She watched him carefully for a reaction, but he just loaded their plates with food.

"You should go," he said, taking her by surprise.

"Y-you think so?"

He nodded. "It's probably close to your kind of music and it might be fun."

She felt something akin to fury welling up inside her. It might be fun? That was all he had to say about it? He  _knew_ Marcus had feelings for her and he was tellling her to go? Did he care at all? She watched him for telltale signs but there was nothing; no hesitation, no change in his tone of voice, he wasn't even averting his eyes! Nothing! He cared, he  _had_  to! And if he didn't care, she was going to make him!

She smiled. "I'll call him back then." And headed for the phone.

 

 

Remus had no clue what the bloody hell was going on. Marcus and Tonks had left for the concert half an hour ago, but his mind kept going back to the way Marcus had put his arm around her... It had been  _possessive_  and Tonks hadn't said anything! It just didn't make sense!

Marcus must have told her how he felt, and she must have told him that she didn't like him in that way ... but he'd just  _grabbed_  her and she'd tolerated it. Maybe this was her way of getting back at him. Maybe she wanted to see how he, Remus, would react if Marcus ... but then that meant she'd broken her promise! No, she wouldn't do such a thing.

Maybe she'd felt sorry for Marcus and had gone out with him because of that. No, she hated pity. That wasn't right. Still, the way that Marcus had...

Maybe she'd moved on, found someone else to fantasize over. He'd wanted her to see other people and drop this obsession she had with him. Maybe she thought she'd give Marcus a try.

 _Would she really give up on me that easily?_  He realized how conceited that sounded and pushed the thought out his mind.

"Hello."

Remus turned to find a head floating in the fireplace. "Hello, Molly."

Molly looked up at him. She realized that she must have come at a bad time. He hadn't even noticed her until she'd announced her presence and now that he had acknowledged her, he took up pacing again. She wasn't sure he realized it, but he was twisting the morning newspaper in his hands. He must have been doing it for a while now because the paper looked like it was soft enough to use as a tissue.

Molly surveyed the room. "Where's Tonks?"

"Out," he said shortly, still pacing.

"You're not with her?"

"She's with Marcus."

He'd said the name as though she was supposed to know it. "Who's Marcus?"

Remus stopped, realizing he'd said something he probably shouldn't have. He looked down at the paper in his hands and jumped as though he didn't know how it had gotten there. "Marcus is my roommate," he explained slowly.

Molly was taken by surprise. "You have a roommate?"

Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. This was  _not_  turning out to be his day.

"Maybe this isn't the best time," she said, sensing the tension. "I'll check back later."

She disappeared. Remus didn't care. He resumed pacing, twisting the paper madly in his hands and carrying on as though Molly had never appeared.

He didn't like this. Either Tonks had broken her promise or she had actually wanted to go out with Marcus. He should've asked her more questions about what was going on, but he hadn't thought it would be that big of a deal. Now he just didn't know what to think.

He'd wanted this, though. Hadn't he? He'd wanted her to go out with someone else. Oh, but Marcus was just the wrong person. Maybe she'd meet someone at the concert instead. Then again, everyone at the concert would probably be like Marcus, so that wouldn't help. None of them deserved her...

She had been unsure about going with Marcus. Yes, he realized that now. She had come downstairs to ask him if she should go, and he'd told her to. So, she knew that Marcus fancied her and she was uneasy about it. She had just gone for fun ... but the way Marcus had grabbed her ...  _why_  hadn't she said something? Had she felt sorry for - His thoughts just kept going in circles!

_This is so bloody confusing!_

Remus threw the paper down and looked at the clock. They had promised to be back by midnight, and he planned on being wide-awake for their arrival.

 

 

Tonks walked down the sidewalk, laughing and talking with Marcus as they made their way toward the front door of her house. She was glad she had gone. The concert had been a complete blast!

"Don't look now," said Marcus as he put an arm around her waist. "But Remus is watching out of the second floor window."

"Really?"

"Don't look!" He covered her eyes with his hand. "He'll notice."

Tonks laughed. "Marcus, quit." She pulled his hand down.

He took hold of her other hand and refused to let got until they reached the door.

"Marcus, I want to thank you." Tonks told him. "I had a lot of fun tonight and-"

"Let me kiss you." Marcus said suddenly.

Tonks shook her head. "What?"

"Think of how he'd react."

"If he can even see us at this angle," she pointed out. "Marcus, I don't think..." Tonight had been fun. Why couldn't they just leave it at that? She didn't like doing this to Remus. She hadn't liked the way Marcus had grabbed her before they had left either, but it wasn't like she could have said anything with Remus standing there. "I made a promise that I wouldn't-"

"Yeah, but if  _I_  kiss  _you_ , you're not doing anything."

"Yes, I am because I  _let_  you kiss me. That makes me your accomplice and that's just as bad as if I had-" She didn't get to finish her sentence because he pushed her up against the door and pressed his mouth against hers.

It had all been a game to him from the very moment she'd told him that she fancied Remus. He had pretended to be interested, trying to pick up on anything he could use to turn the tide in his favor. He'd never wanted anything as bad as he'd wanted her. He'd said things he normally never would have said to anyone - mushy, girly stuff. He'd made so much stuff up, had said such bullshit, had pretended to want to help her. It hadn't gotten him anywhere. Those tickets and this kiss were his last hope.

He'd wanted this for a long time, but it wasn't how he'd imagined it would be. She didn't react at all. Maybe it was shock, but she just stood there and let him have his way. All this time he'd thought that he could turn her attentions from Remus and onto him. Yet, he realized that his efforts had been for nothing. He felt something wash over him. He didn't know where it had come from, perhaps he'd known it all along, but the truth of it was undeniable now. Tonks felt  _nothing_ toward him. He'd been wrong. He knew now, without a single doubt, that he could never make her love him instead.

 

 

Remus watched Marcus and Tonks as they came down the sidewalk, talking and laughing. Marcus put his hand over her eyes and she laughed, pulling his hand down. After a moment he couldn't see them.

He considered opening the window and sticking his head out, but then they were sure to see him. He grabbed a chair and placed it in front of the window. He then climbed on top of the seat. He had a good view of them holding hands for a few moments, but once they reached the door they were out of range.

It wasn't the most brilliant idea but he climbed onto the headrest of the chair. It nearly toppled over for a moment, but he managed to keep everything under control. By peering out of the far top corner of the window he could just make them out on the front step.

And then Marcus kissed her ... open mouthed, tongue and all.

That was all he needed to lose his balance.

 

 

Tonks slapped Marcus across the face so hard he stumbled back two feet and off the step.

Marcus was dazed. He'd been a real prat. "T-Tonks, I-"

"Don't you dare touch me again!" She was disgusted with him and with herself. She'd agreed to go along with this even though she had known he had feelings for her. It was her fault every bit as much as his.

"Tonks, I'm sorry." Marcus told her. "I didn't realize... I had thought-"

But she walked into the house and slammed the door behind her.

"Brilliant, Tonks," she muttered to herself. "Just bloody brilliant!" She had been afraid that something like this would happen, but she'd gone anyway. Marcus had told her that it hadn't had anything to do with his feelings for her, but she'd been suspicious. Remus had suggested that she go with Marcus, but it had ultimately been her choice. She'd used both of them and that wasn't right. She'd used Marcus to get to Remus, and she'd used Remus as well by going back on her promise. She shouldn't have done either of those things. Oh, she'd really mucked things up! She never should've agreed to go.

"How was the concert?"

Tonks looked up to see Remus standing on the stairs and rubbing the back of his head. He'd hit it pretty hard when he'd fallen off the chair, but she didn't need to know that. He put his hand down.

Tonks stared at him for a moment. Had he really been watching or had that been something Marcus had told her so he could kiss her? It didn't matter. She wasn't playing head games anymore. "It was fun," she admitted. "Right up until Marcus decided he fancied a snogging session."

He didn't look surprised. "I told you he liked you."

"Yeah, well I told him I liked  _you_  so apparently he didn't get the message. Hopefully I hit him hard enough for it to sink in."

Remus smiled. She didn't know if he was happy to hear it or if he just found it funny.

She was still stuck on him, she hadn't gone because she'd wanted to be with Marcus ... and the thought pleased him more than it should have. "I hope so too."

 

 

Tonks awoke to a tapping at her window. "Errol?"

She opened the window and Errol fell with an almighty  _plop_  to the floor. She picked the poor bird up and untied the letter attached to his leg. She then lay him on the bed and he chirped in gratitude. She unrolled the parchment. It was from Molly.

_Tonks,_

_I popped in to check on how you were doing earlier today, but you weren't in. Remus said you'd gone out with someone by the name of Marcus. Did you know Marcus was Remus's roommate? You went out with him so you must know, but I was surprised Remus had never said anything. He was in a foul mood so I didn't ask any questions. I'm a little confused, dear. Is there something going on you haven't told me about?_

_Hope everything's okay,_

_Molly_

Tonks's breath caught in her throat. So Remus did care after all! Well, at least, he cared enough to be bothered about her going with Marcus. That was something at least.

She quickly wrote back, telling Molly about Marcus and how guilty she felt about using both him and Remus.  _PS,_  she wrote, _you really should think about getting another owl, Molly. I'm not sure how long Errol's going to last._

"Well, what do you think?" she asked the owl once she had finished. "You up for another journey?"

Errol rolled over and managed to get himself back on his feet. He looked like he wanted nothing more than to lay down and never get back up, but he took the letter that Tonks held out in his beak and flew off.

 

 

"Why," asked Remus the next morning. "Do you get the Daily Prophet  _and_ the muggle paper?"

"I like to know what's going on with both sides," she told him.

"I've never known anyone to cook eggs in the microwave before," he said, sounding amused. She had been determined to cook breakfast this morning, but after a while she'd given up on the stove.

"I figured out how to do it a long time ago."

"Your concert made the first page in the muggle paper."

"Really?"

She didn't sound like she cared, which pleased him. He started reading the article and his eyes widened. "There was a fire... Nymphadora," he said slowly. "This isn't good."

"What?" She walked over to read the paper.

The fire seemed to have been caused by electrical problems. The concert had been inside an arena and the exit doors had refused to open. By the time anyone outside had noticed anything was wrong and the fire department had been able to break the doors down, the flames had engulfed countless people on the first level. Countless others on the upper floors had suffocated from the smoke. Many others had been hospitalized.

"Marcus and I left early," she said in awe. "It must have started some time after we'd gone."

A man who had managed to come out of the disaster unharmed had lent his camera to the reporter to develop photos of the fire that he had taken. Remus scanned a picture of people running from the blaze while Tonks continued to read the article. Then Remus saw something that shouldn't have been there. He did a double take and spat out his tea all over the paper.

"Remus, what-?"

He jumped up from his chair and grabbed a paper towel. He then began dabbing at the picture, trying not to ruin it any more that he already had.

"Remus, what is it?" Tonks walked over to him. "What-?" She gasped because once he'd pulled his hand away she saw it too. "But how..?"

It was a wonder Remus had noticed. There, amongst the people running, was the head and face of a man she recognized, barely visible in the background. It was Severus Snape and he didn't look at all worried or frightened like everyone else.

"I don't..." Neither of them could say anything, just stare.

The phone rang. Both of them jumped. Remus got to it first.

"It's Marcus. He says to turn on the TV."

Tonks went into the living room. She never used the telly. The only reason she had one was because of her dad, and she just hadn't gotten around to throwing it out yet. She wasn't sure if she even had cable still, but apparently she did because the news came on. Snape's face came on the screen.

" ...the public is warned that Snape is armed and very dangerous. A special hot line has been set up, and any sighting of him should be reported immediately..."

Remus placed a hand on Tonks's shoulder. "I'll be right back."

"'Kay," she said dully. She seemed hypnotized by the television.

"I never would have noticed," Marcus was saying once Remus had gotten back on the phone with him. "If I hadn't had the paper right in front of me... What's going on? I don't understand," he continued. "It seems crazy but ... is that the guy who murdered Tonks-?"

"Marcus, I'll call you back." Remus hung up the phone. Then he remembered that Marcus had the number and he unplugged it. The phone started ringing upstairs as soon he reentered the living room.

Tonks was sitting transfixed in front of the TV, but Snape's face was no longer there. "I've never understood it," she said. "How they can just go from one story to the next." She turned it off.

"Are you alright?"

She shook her head. "I don't understand it." She ran a hand through her hair. "Is he following me?"

Remus wished he had the answer. "I don't see how he could've known."

Tonks felt as though her every move was being watched. It terrified her. "All those people ... if we hadn't left early ... I-I'm going to take a bath."

Remus was sure he had heard wrong. "What?"

"I-I can't think like this," she told him. "I need to relax a bit." She started for the stairs.

"What about your eggs?" He wanted to talk with her for a moment so they could sort this out and he didn't like the idea of having her out of his sight right now. But she seemed to have other plans.

"I'll eat them cold," she said with a wave of her hand. Why the hell was he asking her about breakfast? Her head hurt. A long soak in the tub would calm her down.

She liked the claw-footed tub in the upstairs bathroom. The only problem was that the room itself was too small. There was a single window placed up high to provide light and privacy. She opened it for some air and turned on the water tap.

She slid into the tub once the water was ready, glad that she could relax this way again. She closed her eyes and tried to pretend that she was anywhere but here and that she didn't have a murderous mad man after her. After a few minutes it worked and she felt peaceful like she was floating. She closed her eyes and lost all track of time.

After what had seemed like hours, she heard a strange  _click_  behind her but thought nothing of it.

 _Go under_ , said a voice in her head.

Yes, that would be nice. Just to go under the water for a moment. She slid down in the tub, eyes still closed, submerging herself. It felt very refreshing, the water warming her from head to toe.

_Inhale._

She'd forgotten she was underwater in a bath tub, forgotten that she was in danger. In her mind, she was somewhere peaceful and calm and safe, somewhere where nothing could ever harm her. She wanted the cool air of that place to fill her lungs and relax her even more. She took a breath...

Water rushed in through her nostrils, dark and oppressive. Her eyes snapped open and she gasped, fighting for air but all she got was more water. She thought she could see the shimmering surface above her and she flailed her arms, reaching for the rim of the tub so she could pull herself back up. But she didn't know which way was up anymore. She  _needed_  air. Her lungs were  _screaming_. Her vision was darkening. She panicked. Even more water rushed into her lungs, suffocating her, killing her.

There were a few more moments of struggle. She never gave up fighting ... but she never breached the surface either.

 

 

Remus sat on the couch thinking. What was going on? How had Severus known she'd be at the concert? How had he missed that she'd left early? Thank god that she'd left early. All those people he'd killed just to get to her...

Who were Severus's contacts? How was he getting information on her? Who would've known where she'd be other than himself and Marcus? Had his face appeared on the news because of the fire or some other reason? Remus didn't have any answers. The phone finally stopped ringing.

Remus turned the TV back on. He was hoping the story might come back around. He flipped between news stations, studying the scrolls at the bottom of the telly. Frustrated, he turned the TV off and grabbed the newspaper. He reread the article but it didn't say anything he wanted to know. He read it over twice more to make sure. He grabbed the Daily Prophet and searched its pages thoroughly, cover to cover. There wasn't anything, not one bloody thing.

He threw the paper down and sat on the sofa. What was going on? He glanced at the clock. Tonks had been in the tub for at least forty-five minutes. If her intent was to soak, then she'd be in there for a long while. He thought of going to check on her, but she probably didn't want to be bothered.

He turned the television on again. There  _had_  to be  _something_. He thought of contacting Kingsley. He'd probably know what was going on. Remus decided he'd wait until Tonks came back downstairs. This was all just a great shock for the both of them. They needed some time to think for a moment, and he really should talk with her before he did anything.

The news turned to the weather, which was the last thing he wanted to hear about so he turned it off. He glanced at the clock again, then over at the stairs. Something was pulling at him, a soft voice in his head telling him that he should go check on her. But there wasn't any reason to worry. He was just shaken up from this whole thing with Snape. Tonks was fine. He really should let her have more time to herself.

But the feeling kept pulling at him, the voice a little louder in his head. Remus looked at the clock again. He'd wait ten more minutes and then he'd check on her. He was sure she was fine. Why wouldn't she be? He turned the television back on, looking for something other than the news.

Something kept tugging at him, causing him to glance up the stairs and at the clock for the third time. He found himself mesmerized by the second hand.  _Tic, tic, tic_. It was almost like it was speaking to him.  _You're running out of time._  He turned away from the clock and became transfixed with the stairs.

But Tonks was fine. She might be a little stressed out right now, but she was fine. What was there to be worried about?

He turned off the TV. The voice kept talking to him, growing louder and louder with each passing second. He stood from his seat. She was fine... wasn't she?

_MOVE!_

Remus scrambled forward, propelled by an overwhelming feeling of anxiety that he could not explain the origin of. He flew up the stairs, taking them three at a time. He reached the door, spared nothing on manners and turned the knob.

The door was locked.

His stomach sank in an immediate feeling of dread. He hammered on the door.

"Nymphadora? Nymphadora, open up!" he called. Why didn't he get a response? "Nymphadora, can you hear me?"

He pulled out his wand. " _Alohomora!_ " The spell didn't work.

He slammed his shoulder against the door. "Nymphadora!" He couldn't remember a time when he'd been this terrified. Something was wrong, horribly, horribly wrong and he knew her life hung in the balance. Again he rammed the door and again and again and again until he felt it starting to give way.

Finally, the door broke free. He barged into the room and slipped on the water that had spilled onto the floor. He raised his eyes to the tub and in that moment he felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him. All sense of time ceased and his whole world came crashing down around him. The room splintered, cracked, shattered, and then fell away into nothingness. He was floating in darkness with nothing but the view of the tub and the body lying in the water inside it. He felt helpless, trapped, lost - a million things at once.  _No, no, this isn't happening. Not again. Not like before. It can't. I won't let it_. This was exactly like when he had watched Sirius fall through the... but, no. This time was different. This time he wasn't powerless to stop what was happening. This time he could do something about it.

He took a hurried step forward and everything rushed back into place. He reached into the water - it wasn't nearly as warm as it should have been - and pulled Tonks's body out. He lay her down on the floor and began fighting to revive her.

It was the longest three minutes of his life. He spent the first thirty seconds telling himself that she would come back. She hadn't been in the water that long. It was all going to be okay. Then he worried about how much time he'd wasted downstairs. How long had she been under the water?

"Come on, Nymphadora."

Then he thought about everything he had ever wanted to say to her, and how he'd never get that chance now. She couldn't be gone, not yet. If he could have five minutes, that would be enough. Just five minutes, five minutes to tell her the truth, to confess. He wouldn't hold anything back. If he could just have that, just those five minutes ... was it too much to ask?

"Stay with me."

His vision grew misty. He was going to lose her too. He was going to lose her right along with Lily and James and Sirius. So much had been taken from him. Why did she have to go too? It wasn't fair. Why did he have to lose so much? Why was it that he always lost the people he loved most? Why did he have to go back to that place of death and pain over and over again?

She was gone. He knew it. She'd been gone before he'd even reached the door. The only reason he kept working on her was because a small desperate part of him refused to believe that he'd lost a person whom he'd loved yet again. Even though his body moved without him, in his mind he knew that he'd lost her for good.

She coughed up water.

Relief washed over him like a waterfall of ice water. He turned her onto her side where she coughed and gasped for air. He wanted to take her into his arms and hold her forever, but he gave her the room she needed. She pushed herself up from the floor. He would've put a hand on her shoulder to keep her lying down but he didn't trust himself to touch her.

Tonks sat up and immediately brought a hand to her head, wondering if she'd gotten up too fast. Her vision blurred for a moment and she swayed. She felt Remus's hand grab her arm, steadying her. Her vision cleared and ... was he just wet or were those tears on his face?

He cupped her cheek in his hand. "Are you okay?" He couldn't believe it. She was alive. She was breathing. She was looking at him. She wasn't lying on the floor, cold and lifeless. She was here with him, and he could see the woman he cared for behind her eyes. It was as though the terrible ordeal had never come to pass, and yet the evidence was right in front of him.

"Yes," she gasped, captivated by the look in his eyes. She couldn't begin to explain the emotions she saw swimming there. "I'm fine."

Oh, to hear words come out of her mouth when he'd thought she'd never even open her eyes again! He couldn't restrain himself any longer.

Remus gently pulled her to him as though he were afraid she might break, but he held her tightly as though afraid that she'd vanish if he let go. Tonks felt him press a kiss into the side of her head. "God, I thought I'd lost you."

"I'm right here," she said softly, more to herself than to him. She'd thought she'd seen the end as well and she couldn't believe she was alive and breathing right now. "How did you know?"

He pulled back and shook his head. "I don't know." He tucked a strand of her wet hair behind her ear. It was as though he had to touch her to make sure she was real. "I just had this feeling... I can't explain it ... and I came running. The door was locked," he added, his hand now resting on her shoulder.

She shook her head. "That wasn't me... It was Snape. I heard his voice in my head. Only I didn't recognize ... the Imperius Curse..." she let her head drop to his shoulder. "I'm so stupid."

"Don't beat yourself up." She'd nearly  _died_. Any lecture on stupidity could wait.

"I let my guard down," she told him. "I knew I was in danger and I let my guard down because I wanted to pretend everything was alright. I did everything I was trained not to do - I could've thrown him off!" she broke away from him angrily. "I was perfectly capable of throwing that curse off and I couldn't because I-" she stopped herself. It was no use now. But next time - and there  _would_  be a next time - she'd be ready for him.

She pulled back from Remus, crossed her arms over her chest, and nodded in the direction of the sink. "Could you get me that towel?"

It hadn't even registered before, but he suddenly realized that she was naked. He swallowed and forced his eyes over to where her towel sat. "Sure."

He reached the towel but before handing it back to her he stopped at the window. It was wide open and there was a tree outside as tall as the house. An image crossed his mind of Severus climbing it and looking inside the window to perform the curse. Maybe it was a little far-fetched...

"Remus." Tonks called behind him.

"Yes?" he asked, still peering out the window.

"I'm naked," she told him.

Yes, he knew that ...  a little too well.

"I'm wet."

He knew that too.

"And I'm cold."

That snapped him out of it. "Oh." He turned to her, keeping his eyes locked with hers. "Sorry. Here." He knelt before her and put the towel around her. Then he helped her up from the floor.

After repeatedly assuring him that she was okay, Tonks left to change into some clothes. Remus waved his wand in a wide sweeping motion and the water vanished. He felt a blaze of anger toward Severus. He wanted the man dead. It wasn't about revenge; it was about stopping him from hurting Tonks more than he already had.

Remus went to his room to change into some dry clothing (what he currently had on was soaked) and then knocked on Tonks's bedroom door.

"I'll be out in a minute," she told him from the other side. "Meet you downstairs."

He hadn't liked the idea of having her out of his sight before she'd gone to take a bath and he sure as hell didn't like it any better now. "I'll just wait out here."

"Remus, I'm not going anywhere."

She'd just been going to the bathroom and look at what had happened. "I'll wait right here."

There was a silence like she was considering arguing with him. "Fine, it's not like it matters anyway."

BANG!

"What the-?"

Remus leaned over the railing and got a view of a group of wizards bursting through the front door, their wands drawn. They caught sight of him and charged for the stairs. Remus had a feeling this was all just a big misunderstanding. He automatically put his hands up as they reached the landing. There were four of them and they all dove forward to restrain him.

"What the bloody hell-?" Tonks came out of her room without any pants, startled by the commotion. A light pink patch of underwear could be seen whenever she turned sideways because of the cut of her shirt. "What are you doing? Unhand him!"

They took one look at Tonks and let Remus go. He moved to her side. "What in the name of-?"

There was a startled cry from behind them and Remus and Tonks turned to find Kingsley Shacklebolt. He had a hand over his mouth but the expression on his face couldn't have been clearer:  _Ops._

Still confused, Remus chanced a glance at Tonks. She was livid.

Kingsley lowered his hand and braced himself for the explosion. "W-we had a Green Alert. I-I-" A Green Alert was the code name for whenever an Unforgivable Curse was performed.

Tonks rounded him. "How many times have I told you? HOW MANY TIMES!"

Kingsley held up his hands as Remus had done earlier. "I-"

"How many times have I told you that the alert system is too damn slow? HOW MANY!"

"There's n-nothing I can do-"

"I nearly died!" she shouted as she got in his face. "No thanks to our stupid alert system! And no thanks to the dingbats over here who nearly arrested the man who  _did_ manage to save my life! Don't tell me there's nothing you can do, Kingsley! I'm an extremely pissed off, scared crazy, newly revived, half naked woman - Don't  _tell_  me to calm down, Remus!"

Remus, who had put a hand on Tonks's shoulder, backed off. This wasn't his fight.

"And just WHEN," Tonks shrieked. "Were you going to tell me about posting Snape's FACE all over the bloody damn television?"

This seemed like a question she actually wanted him to answer, but he was stunned. "I-I didn't know you had a television," he said lamely.

"THAT'S NOT THE BLOODY POINT!"

"You're right! You're right!" He put his hands up higher like he was trying to shield himself from a hevy blow. "It's not. I just didn't see the point in worrying you. I was going to tell you tonight."  _Please don't hex me._  He knew Tonks to have a few good curses up her sleeve. "There was a fire and I thought since he was attacking muggles they had to be warned-"

"I know about the bloody fire! I was there!"

"W-what?"

"I just happened to get lucky and left the concert early! And I wake up this morning to his face in the paper and on the telly!"

Again, Kingsley was stunned. "You get the muggle paper?"

"KINGSLEY!"

"Alright! Okay! Bloody hell, but you need to tell me these things! If I'd had any idea you were involved or that you had any way of knowing, I would've told you straight away." He hadn't known. He just happened to notice Snape's face in the paper. The only reason he'd had the paper was because ministry officials were supposed to read it to see if anything was amiss, but he didn't know Tonks got the paper at home too. Maybe he should have expected it since her father had been a muggleborn. But how was he supposed to know she'd been there? And he hadn't known she had a TV or he would've warned her (again, her father being a muggleborn may have been a good sign). He'd had no idea she'd been involved in any of this.

"Well, I  _was_  involved!" she shouted, her voice growing hoarse. "Snape tried to kill me at the concert and he just tried to do it again Merlin only knows how long ago! So, thanks for the notice and thank you for intruding at the most inappropriate time! I'd appreciate it if you were the hell out of my house - I assume you can find the door as you just barged through it - by the time I've found something to cover my arse! Excuse me!"

With that she turned, marched into her room and slammed the door behind her.

Kingsley let out a low whistle, finally lowering his hands.

Remus was silent. She'd nearly died. If he hadn't been here... Snape would try again, Remus was sure of it. They'd gotten lucky, but he wasn't sure how much longer it would last. If only she had better protection. If only...

"She  _is_  okay, right?" Kingsley asked.

"Just a little shook up, I think." Remus told him.

"What exactly hap-?"

"One moment," he said. "Don't go anywhere."

Remus knocked on the door to Tonks's room. "Nymphadora, I-"

"Just come in, Remus." She still sounded ticked.

He entered the room. As he closed the door behind him, he received an amazing view of her pulling her trousers up to cover her pink clad rear. The material closed around her waist, hugging her hips. He had never thought anyone could make getting dressed seem sensual, but she'd just done it.

Remus shook his head. What was wrong with him? She turned to face him, looking unfazed like she'd just done something completely normal. He couldn't remember what he'd wanted to say.

"It isn't Kingsley's fault that the system's so slow." Tonks said, sounding calmer. "But every time I tell him it sucks, he defends it." She imitated Kingsley's voice. " _It's the best we can do._  Honestly..." she shook her head. "But complaining about it isn't going to help, and there's nothing we can do about it for now... I'm still  _pissed_ he didn't say anything about Snape!"

Remus suddenly remembered. "You should let them stay." He gestured to the door.

She looked ready to laugh. " _Them?_ As protection? Remus, the four who grabbed you are as dumb as rocks or worse and one of them, Balaquer - the big blonde guy - he's not only stupid but prejudiced as well. Other than Kingsley - and I'm having my doubts about him right now - these are the last people you'd want-"

"This isn't about me."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry. These are the last people  _I'd_  want as a guard."

"You nearly  _died_  tonight." Remus told her. "You either go to your head of department-"

"Colin," she told him.

"Right," he said. "You either go to Colin and tell him you want protection or I'm taking you to Headquarters - kicking and screaming if I have to."

She stared at him for a moment. "You're serious, aren't you?"

He'd never been more serious about anything in his life. This had gone far enough. Snape's last attempt had been too close. She was going to accept protection or he was going to force it on her.

"I don't want to go into hiding," she told him. "Before, I was in denial, but now ... I don't want to sit around and wait. I want to be ready when he comes for me. I want to get this over with so I can move on."

"Then you've got to let the dingbats stay here," he said, using her word. "Or at least until you can get replacements."

She touched her wet hair, and it seemed to remind her of just how close she'd came. She looked up at him and nodded. "Okay."

The phone rang.

Extremely irritated, Remus walked over to it and pulled it out of the wall. "We can plug these back in once everything's sorted out." Sometimes muggle devises could be a damn nuisance.

He left the room with Tonks close behind. She stopped to have a rational talk with Kingsley while Remus went into his room and unplugged the last phone in the house.  _Try to get through that, Marcus._


	6. New Moon

After Tonks had explained the situation to Kingsley, he used the fireplace to floo to the Ministry to see about setting up a guard for her. He left the other four aurors at the house, and Remus received apologies from three of them for tackling him earlier. Balaquer had only grunted and there had been something about his wide face, crystal blue eyes, and gruff demeanor that had suggested to Remus that the reason he hadn't apologized wasn't because he was the silent type.

"He's very well acquainted with Dolores Umbridge." Tonks explained to him later.

"Oh," said Remus. That certainly explained it. "So, he knows who I am."

"He knows  _what_  you are." Tonks corrected. "And that's enough for him. I mean, he doesn't like anyone who's different - including me."

Remus suddenly remembered why he'd initially been attracted to Tonks. Her metamorphic abilities and her rather unusual yet pleasantly unique clothing and hairstyles made her somewhat of an outcast, like himself. Over time, the reasons for why he enjoyed her company had grown, but the basis was always there.

"He's not quick to voice his opinion," she continued, braking into his thoughts. "But if he sees an opening, he'll take it. He likes to wait for the right moment."

Remus wasn't sure he understood completely. "Are you telling me not to give him a reason to single me out?"

Tonks shook her head. "He's already singled you out. I'm telling you not to give him a reason to think he's right because then we'll never hear the end of it."

 

 

Molly's head appeared in the fireplace the next morning, having heard about the attack. Tonks assured her that everything was fine and that she was receiving protection. After a short conversation, Molly disappeared again.

Breakfast was hectic ... at least it was for Tonks. Kingsley had returned and informed her that what she saw was what she got. McDouglas and Shanksfort were going back to the Ministry, but she was stuck with Kingsley and the other "dingbats" - Balaquer and McKinley - as her guard. She complained later to Remus that she'd rather just have Kingsley and let the others go back to the Ministry. Remus argued that three aurors where surely better than one.

"I beg to differ." Tonks told him. She was trying to cook for five people. What was worse, she was trying to use the stove.

"Oh, it's just no use!" she yelled, extremely frustrated.

"You've got to show a little more confidence in yourself." Remus told her.

"Easy for you to say," she shot back as she nearly knocked the frying pan over. "You're not a clumsy freak of nature."

"No," he corrected. "I'm a furry-shaping-sifting-once-every-full-moon freak of nature."

She stiffened. "Remus, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it," he said quickly.

He stepped behind her - a little too close for Tonks's comfort at the moment considering there were hot objects in front of her. Without warning, he slid his hands over her shoulders and down her arms to her wrists. Tonks got chills from his touch and she had to force herself not to tremble in his arms.

He whispered over her shoulder into her ear, his breath hot on her skin. "Us freaks need to stick together."

The spatula hung limply in Tonks's hand. Her heart was pounding like a drum in her chest and she hoped he couldn't feel her pulse beating wildly against his fingers. "What are you doing?" she asked, pleased her voice didn't give away how she felt.

His hand moved to encompass hers, forcing her fingers to close around the rubber handle of the spatula. "Helping you cook." Her self-esteem was low when it came to how clumsy she was and he wanted to help her overcome it.

Tonks didn't understand what he was doing. Whatever it was, it wasn't helping her nerves at all. "Remus-"

He slid his free hand around her waist. "Trust me." Oh, she trusted him. She just didn't know if she could trust herself. "I'll steady you," he promised.

Tonks thought she was better off risking setting herself on fire or burning the house down. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "Right." She looked down at the stove. What was she doing again?

There were sausage links in the frying pan on the far burner and she moved to rotate them. As she did so, she nearly knocked over the container she had filled with pancake batter. Remus linked his arm under hers. "Keep your elbows up."

"Right." She reached for the container, stepping to the left and stood on his foot.

"Ow."

"Oh, sorry!" She grabbed the container, stepped to the right and stood on his other foot. She could practically hear him clamping his teeth together to stop himself from saying anything. She swore he wasn't helping her, just making her even clumsier than usual.

"Why are you wearing high heels when you're inside?" he asked her after she'd stepped on him a third time.

"These are new shoes," she told him. "Well, no. Actually, I bought them a long time ago but I've never worn them because I haven't had the time to break them in."

"What do you have to break them in for?" he asked incredulously. "It's not like you really have any place to wear them to. Please, take them off."  _Before you break in my toes._

She kicked out of the shoes but continued to step on his already sore feet.

"You know what? There is a solution to this."

She gave a cry of surprise as he put his hands on her hips and lifted her a few inches off the ground. He sat her back down on his feet. Her heels were nestled back far enough that it didn't hurt him as much. "Now just stay there," he told her. "And tell me which direction to move in."

She laughed. This was so ridiculous! "A little to the right-no, sorry. Left. I meant left." She felt like a puppet as his legs moved underneath her. She realized however that he was the puppet as soon as she moved her arms. They had to look ludicrous!

"What is so funny?" he asked her. She couldn't stop laughing.

"I don't know," she said. "You're laughing too."

"Only because you are."

"This is so weird."

"Well, it's working, isn't?"

" _That's_  what makes it so funny!"

Kingsley watched them from the table.  _Oh, my god! Are they_ flirting  _with each other?_  That was certainly what it sounded like. They looked like they were... Well, Kingsley wasn't sure  _what_  it looked like they were doing. They seemed to be having a good time, though. That he knew for sure.

Balaquer was eyeing them strangely. When it came to harassing people, he never targeted a group. He always singled someone out, holding the person he detested the most above his dislike for the other. And despite his dislike for Tonks, the fact that she was an auror forced him to give her at least some small shade of respect. And to have a  _werewolf_  actually  _flirting_  with her, a Ministry of Magic official...

Kingsley could see where Balaquer's thoughts were headed and he quickly pulled the man into conversation. Whatever Remus and Tonks were actually doing, Kingsley was most definitely  _not_  about to let Balaquer step in and ruin the Order's hopes for those two.

 

 

Tonks was beside herself with joy. She had actually made breakfast without breaking anything! Or setting anything on fire! Or knocking anything over! And she'd made enough food for five people when she couldn't normally cook for herself! Her archenemy, the stove, had been defeated! She could've kissed Remus, she was so happy.

Remus, however, wasn't so elated. He was glad she was delighted, but if feet were capable of murder, he'd be dead because his would've killed him by now.  _The things he was willing to do for her._  Silently cursing her shoes, he found a spot on the couch and removed his socks. He was going to be feeling the pain tomorrow, he just knew it. He could already see a bruise forming where she'd stepped on him with her bloody high heels. He had just pulled his abused feet up in front of him on the sofa when she appeared next to him.

"Here," she said. "Let me do that."

"No, it's okay. I was just-" In two seconds flat, before he even knew what was happening, he was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling and she was proceeding to give him a foot rub. "O-okay." Clearly, he didn't have a choice.

She touched an especially sore area. "Ouch." He yanked his foot out of her hands. "You know what? Maybe this isn't-"

"Oh, come here you big baby. There." She tried to be more careful. "Is that better?"

He had to admit that it was.

Her fingers brushed a little too lightly against his skin and his foot twitched. She smiled. "Are you ticklish?"

"Maybe."

She tickled the underside of his foot mercilessly.

"Alright! Yes!" he laughed, trying to pull his foot from her grip. "Stop!"

Content with his answer, she obeyed his wishes and resumed her previous work. "You're not just ticklish," she said. "You're  _very_  ticklish."

"Only in that particular spot," he corrected, smiling up at the ceiling in spite of himself.

"Hmm..."

"And I probably shouldn't have told you that," he realized a little too late.

She chuckled to herself. He was right. He probably shouldn't have told her. "I want to thank you again."

"You don't have to give me a foot rub, you know."

"Well, since I stepped on you," she reasoned. "It only seems fair. Besides, I don't mind." He had rather attractive feet.

She laughed at the idea. She was being silly. Saying someone had attractive hands was one thing, but attractive  _feet_? How could feet be attractive? And yet, in some strange way, his were.

He heard her laugh and lifted his head to look at her properly. "What?"

She averted her eyes. "Oh, nothing."

He lay his head back against the armrest. He wasn't going to press it. It was kind of nice to be pampered for once. He closed his eyes peacefully.

"Do you mind?"

Remus opened his eyes after what had felt like only seconds later to take in Balaquer's buzz cut blonde head. He gave a grunt.

Remus was in too good a mood at that moment to realize anything other than the fact that there were five people in the house and it wasn't fair for him to be hogging three fourths of the one and only couch. He sat up and removed his feet from Tonks's lap to let Balaquer sit down.

"Remus!" Tonks objected. "I wasn't finished."

Balaquer gave a grunt that clearly said he didn't think she should have started in the first place. He fumbled with the remote. Tonks didn't think he'd ever seen a TV in his life, but he must have seen her turning it on to show Kingsley the news story on Snape yesterday. He got lucky and pressed the right button. The TV turned on ... but all he got was static.

"Well," said Tonks, clearly happy about this predicament. "That's what happens when you don't pay the cable bill. Come on, Remus. We can finish this upstairs."

 

 

Tonks never got to finish that foot rub; Remus had escaped from her clutches.  _If Balaquer didn't have to be such a prick... damn him!_  She realized suddenly what a hindrance having three other men in the house was going to be. It'd be virtually impossible to get a private moment with Remus. She needed the protection, but that wonderful game of I Never that she and him had played could never be repeated with them in the house. If she could choose, she would make them all go back to the ministry, but Remus would never let her do that.

The doorbell rang. Tonks sighed exasperatedly. She was never going to have moment's peace.

She and Remus came down stairs to see who was at the door, but none of the three aurors had opened it yet. They were all staring at it with their wands drawn.

"Expecting someone?" Kingsley asked.

"Oh, come on." Tonks protested as the doorbell rang again. "Snape's not going to come through the front door."

Kingsley shook his head. "You're an auror, Tonks. You know the possibilities."

Tonks sighed. Yes, she did know. But she also thought this was rather absurd. She walked to the door and peered through the peephole. "It's Marcus."

"Marcus?" Remus repeated. "What's he doing here?"

Kingsley turned. "Who's Marcus?"

"Ask him a question," suggested McKinley. "So you're sure it's him and not Snape in disguise."

Tonks didn't know how Snape could know about Marcus. Still, if he was following her...

She opened the door to the horror of her guard.  _What did they expect me to do? I can't ask him a question and expect him to hear me with the door closed._  "Hi, Marcus."

Marcus looked up at her. Judging from her tone, she wasn't happy to see him. The fact was that he was surprised to see  _her_. "Tonks, I ... I'm sorry. I know you're upset about ... about when I kissed you but I ... I tried calling but the phone just kept ringing. I know you probably didn't want to talk to me, but when I tried again this morning and still no one picked up the phone I thought-"

Remus slapped a hand to his forehead. He'd forgotten to plug the phones back in.

Marcus had said that he didn't want to have to fight traffic, so he and Tonks had left the concert early. Snape had probably been setting the fire around the time Marcus had kissed her. So, if Snape really was following her, there was no way he could know about the kiss. "It's him." Tonks assured everyone.

She opened the door wide and Marcus got his first view of the three aurors.

"Bodyguards." Tonks explained quickly, noticing Marcus's bewildered look.

"Bodyguards?" Marcus repeated. "Did something happen?"

This wasn't something that could be explained quickly. Tonks pulled Marcus inside, closed the door, and began ushering him into the kitchen. "You explain to Kingsley," she told Remus. "And I'll work this out." She closed the kitchen door behind her.

Tonks jerked her head in the direction of the table. "Have a seat." Under different circumstances she would have offered Marcus a drink, but the truth was that he'd played her and she wanted him out of here as soon as possible.

"I only came to make sure you were alright," he told her, but he took a seat anyway. "I'm sorry, Tonks," he continued. "I really am. I had thought... It was a mistake. I never should have kissed you."

She nodded in agreement. He waited for her to say something, but she didn't seem to have any desire in joining the conversation.

"I had hoped..." Marcus stopped. There wasn't any point in saying it.  _I'd hoped we could still be friends._  But he'd said enough. He'd  _done_  enough. He could tell when he wasn't wanted. At least he had apologized. "Well... I'll show myself out."

He got up to leave but Tonks moved in front of the door. "Who are you, really?"

Marcus stared at her, bewildered. "Pardon?"

"What kind of person are you when you're not stalking women and leading them on falsely with your lies?" she accused angrily.

"Whoa! Hey, now wait a minute!" Marcus was sorely offended. Of all the things he was, he was  _not_  a womanizer. "You've got me all wrong!"

Tonks crossed her arms and stared him down. "Do I?"

_Yes!_  He wanted to tell her that he wasn't like that at all, but as he stared at her, he slowly realized her case was the exception. She had mesmerized him and he had pined after her. He would have done  _anything_  to get her. And, goddamn it, even now as she stared him down angrily he felt only his attraction for her!

He stammered. He couldn't think of anything to say.

"It was all a lie, wasn't it?" she asked. What had happened after the concert had been partly her fault, but he had been the one playing games through everything else. "All of it? Everything you said to me? Everything you did? Even when I was telling you about Remus and you said..."

_It sounds to me like he just doesn't think he deserves you._  He had been jealous. It had seemed so unfair that she cared for Remus and not for him. Marcus had simply spoken his mind.  _He doesn't deserve you._  He had no idea why Remus turned her attentions away.

"Everything," he told her. "I lied about everything."  _But I'm not lying now._  He wanted to tell her that, but he didn't think it would help.

Tonks was silent for a long moment, but she seemed to soften a little. "That's all I wanted to know." She added, "Thank you for being honest with me."

Marcus nodded silently, waiting for her to tell him he could leave.

"I was attacked," she told him.

That caught his attention. "You mean the man on the telly? Snape? Is he the one who ... who murdered your parents?" he asked tentatively.

"We think so," she said. "There's no real proof, but I know it was him. Anyway, that's why I have the guard."

"Are you alright?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

She nodded slowly. "If Remus hadn't been here... He unplugged the phones so we could sort everything out and we forgot about it. I'm sorry you had to worry."

"Well," said Marcus. He wasn't sure how to respond. "As long as you're safe..."

She turned to the door, signaling that the conversation was over.

He followed her out. The first person he lay eyes on was Remus, and Marcus felt something ignite inside him. Tonks didn't care for him but she did care for Remus. He would have to get over that fact sooner or later, and he knew that he would. But Remus ... what possible reason could he have for taking her for granted? She cared so much for him, Marcus had felt it, but Remus seemed content to throw all of that away.

"I don't know what your problem is." Marcus said, going up to Remus and speaking so quietly that only the two of them heard. "But I suggest you get over it."

With that, Marcus showed himself out the door.

Remus stared after him, stunned. He turned to look at Tonks, wondering what she had said to Marcus to make him go off.

"What?" she asked, confused. "What did he say?"

Remus turned to stare at the door again. It was obvious she didn't have a clue what that had been about.

"Remus?"

He didn't hear her. He was thinking back, back to when she'd nearly drowned and he had been wishing for just five more minutes with her.  _I'll tell her everything._  He turned to look at her now and realized that he couldn't do it. He couldn't tell her. Five minutes would be more than enough to say what he wanted to say, but if she knew the truth, she'd never let him go. Harsh as it seemed, it was for the best. The only way he'd ever let her know how he felt would be if she were dying ... because then there wouldn't be any time left for her to bind herself to him.

_Idiot,_  he heard a voice inside his head say.  _She's already bound herself to you. Why do you think she's hung on this long? She's not letting you go._

But he was still hoping he could make her see reason or at least shake her off.

"It was nothing," he said. "Nothing important."

 

 

The next day, Remus found Tonks rummaging through the unused guestroom and humming contently to herself.

"You seem happy about something."

"I got rid of the television," she said as she struggled with one of the many boxes.

"Let me help you with that." He hurried forward - the box was at least half her size - and grabbed the other end. Together they lifted it off the box that was underneath it. " _What_  is in this?"

"Haven't a clue," she said as they struggled not to drop it. "Merlin's beard, it's heavy. Here - sit it down carefully."

"Watch your fingers," he warned.

She chuckled, remembering breakfast yesterday. "Watch your feet."

"Ha, ha, very funny."

"You're smiling. I know it."

She was right; He was.

They managed to sit the box down without breaking anything.

"Right." Tonks wiped a hand across her forehead as she straightened up. "I think I'll just levitate the rest of them."

"What did you mean," he asked. "You got rid of the television?"

"It's in the garage." She pulled out her wand. "I never liked television." She ran her wand along the tape on the box and it started to come off. "Anyway, while I was in there, I was looking around and I realized there's a ton of stuff stored away that I'll never use. I thought once spring comes I could have a garage sale or something, and then I remembered that I hadn't even gone through this room yet. So, I decided it was about time that I did."

Remus couldn't have been more proud of her. She was thinking of the future even though - and he hated to consider it - there might not be one for her. She was coping with her parents' deaths. She wasn't letting anything stop her from getting what she wanted, which was a life.

"Oh, wow!" She nearly fell into the box with excitement when she finally opened it and saw what was in side.

Remus reached out and grabbed her arm. "Careful."

Tonks reemerged with an old fashioned record player. "I remember this," she said slowly. She was suddenly lost in memory. She was a little girl, singing with her dad as the record player played behind them. She could almost remember the song.

Remus watched her. She had her eyes closed and she was humming a tune that sounded familiar. He couldn't quite put his finger on what it was, though. She sat the record player down and reached into the box again.

Tonks didn't even have to hunt. She knew exactly what was in here. She reached down and pulled out the first album she touched. She flipped it over to look at the cover and smiled. She straightened. "Look." She showed the album to Remus.

He got this incredible look on his face. "The Beatles? Are you serious?"

Tonks smiled. "My dad  _loved_  The Beatles."

"Who doesn't?" he asked dubiously as she dove back into the box to pull out more albums.

"Probably every witch or wizard who had the misfortune of growing up without a muggle or muggle born parent." She resurfaced with her arms full. "There must be every album they ever made in here."

"Put one in," he suggested.

She did as he said and gave the record player a tap with her wand. She took in the song for a few moments and then bounced to the music and sang along. " _Love, love me do. You know I love you. I'll always be true._ "

Remus smiled and he just couldn't help but join in. " _So plea-ea-ea-ease, love me do._ "

They both laughed, and Tonks pointed to the box. "Yeah, I think that's a keeper."

They moved the box aside and stared going through the rest, The Beatles continuing to play as they went. One box was filled with knickknacks that had belonged to Tonks's mother. She picked out a few to keep - those that held special value to her - but the rest were doomed for the sale. Another box contained-

"Junk." Tonks called it. She didn't even know what some of it was. "I don't even think I can sell any of this." They started a "throw away" pile.

"Oh, no." She pulled out a hideous purplish blouse that was covered ridiculously with ribbons and lace from a box of terribly out-dated clothes belonging to the 1950's and 60's. "I know mum did  _not_  grow up in the eighteenth century."

Remus gazed into the box decided to refrain from mentioning that he'd worn some of the items in there. "It's not that bad," he said, but he hadn't really looked at the blouse.

"Trust me, Remus. It's bad." She tucked it under her arm. "I'm burning it... What is this?" She pulled out an ugly orange looking thing. "Can you even wear this?" She fumbled with the object, looking for arm and head holes. "Is this even in the right box?"

Remus took the questionable object from her but he couldn't make heads or tails of it either. He shrugged.

"Right," she took the orange thing and threw it back into the box. "All of this is going in the 'sale' pile - No, not this. I'm  _burning_  this."

Yet another box was filled with books and 8-track tapes. Tonks was considering throwing it all away, but Remus assured her that some people collected 8-track tapes. "And if you don't want the books, I'll be happy to take them."

_Where exactly would you put them_? She refrained from asking.

She took the books out of the box, deciding that she'd keep them for herself. If bad came to worst, and she never got anywhere with Remus, then at least he could visit her for reading material. The 8-track tapes went into the "sale" pile.

The next box contained photo albums; some of them were pictures she had never seen before. Some of them were charmed to move and others weren't.

"Is that you?" Remus asked as he looked over her shoulder.

There was a photo of young girl who looked as though she was still losing her baby fat. She wore a white dress with pink ribbons in her hair. She was playing on a playground. It was a little weird seeing her dressed up, all ribbons and curls; Tonks always seemed like more of a tomboy.

"I hated that dress," she informed him as the memory came to her. "I couldn't move right in it, and mum had me under such pressure to keep it clean. I ruined it, needless to say. I fell off the monkey bars and it ripped, not to mention how dirty I got it. Mum wasn't too happy, but dad didn't seem to mind."

She turned the page and came face to face with a moving picture of herself picking her nose. "Oh, no!" She closed the album, but not before Remus saw it. He turned away to hide the fact that he was laughing.

Blushing furiously, Tonks sat the album down and picked up another one. Glancing through it, she saw that it was filled with pictures from when her mother and father had first met. "Oh, look! There's the dress." She pointed with her finger to a photo of her parents. Her mother was wearing the ocean blue dress Tonks had shown to Remus earlier. She couldn't remember ever seeing her mother wearing it, but she obviously had worn it at some point.

She stared at the picture. Her parents looked so happy together. She was suddenly reminded of how much she'd lost. "I miss them," she admitted.

Remus sat down silently on the floor next to her.

"But you were right," she added. "It has gotten easier." She no longer blamed herself for had happened.

Remus nodded. She'd come a long way. The record player was currently playing "Eleanor Rigby."

Tonks felt her feelings warring inside her. She had made a promise, but Snape had killed her parents and every time she thought of him, she wanted him dead for it. It was hard not think of vengeance.

She turned to Remus and asked. "Do you hate him?"

He looked up at her, startled. "You mean Severus?" He had to think for a moment. He remembered when Tonks had left to change into her clothes after the incident in the bathroom and much he had wanted Snape dead at that moment. And yet, despite everything... "No, Nymphadora. I don't hate him."

Tonks stared at him, surprised. "You don't? Not after Dumbledore? After everything that's happened since?"

Remus struggled with the right words. "Hate is ... it's such a strong word."

"Because you have a history?" she asked.

"I guess it's because..." he hesitated. This was hard to explain, even to himself. "Because I know where he's coming from. At school," he explained. "Severus wasn't very popular. He never had any real friends that I knew of and he was constantly ridiculed and taunted." He paused. "James was horrible to him. We all were. No one deserves to be treated the way he was. There just wasn't any reason for it at all. Sometimes I think..."

He stopped and shook his head. "He was obsessed with the dark arts, even then, but I think it may have been a kind of retreat. I heard things weren't that great at home for him, and he rarely left Hogwarts during the holidays.

"It's no excuse for who he's become, but I sympathize with that boy I remember from school. That could have been me if I hadn't had such good friends to help pull me through the dark times. Severus had no one. Sometimes I think that things could have been different if we had left him alone and if he'd had the chance to make some friends - some  _good_  friends.

"But maybe the real reason I can't hate him is because he hated James so much. He carried that grudge with him for so long ... I've seen what hatred can to do people, Nymphadora." He shook his head. "I'd rather not harbor that emotion toward anyone."

_Even if I do want them dead._  But, Remus reminded himself, he only wanted Severus dead to make this stop. If it could be ended with out death, he'd gladly take that option. However, he doubted that opportunity would present itself.

Tonks was silent. She turned back to the picture she'd been looking at. She didn't know what she'd do when she ran into Snape or what she'd feel. But at least she was trying to sort it all out.

"Does that help at all?" he asked when she didn't say anything.

She nodded. "A little." She smiled at him encouragingly. She didn't want him to worry about her. "Come on. We've still got a few more boxes to go through."

Downstairs, Balaquer turned to Kingsley questionably. " _We all live in a yellow submarine?_  What in the name of Merlin are they listening to?"

 

 

Tonks and Remus discovered that there was actually a bed and a dresser hiding under all the boxes by the time they'd gone through everything. With the boxes put away according to the piles they had been placed in, the room was ready for occupancy. Tonks offered the room to Kingsley (the aurors had been conjuring cots to sleep on in the living room), but he declined. The members of the guard had taken up night shifts, patrolling the house in turns, and Kingsley said that having an actual bed to sleep in would be too tempting.

She left the room vacant.

 

 

Remus was making tea the next afternoon for himself, Tonks, and Kingsley. The other aurors were around the house somewhere, and Tonks and Kingsley were chatting at the kitchen table. Remus wasn't listening to their conversation, but pieces of it drifted in his direction.

"Oh, that reminds me." Kingsley said to Tonks. "Have you heard what happened in Hogsmeade?"

The mentioning of Hogsmeade caught Remus's attention. He kept his ears pealed as he poured the tea into three glass cups.

"No," said Tonks curiously. "What happened?"

"Well, it's not official yet, but in just a day or two..." he paused. Remus could've sworn he felt Kingsley's eyes on his back. His voice was hushed when he spoke again. "They're placing a ban on werewolves."

Remus froze, but he was afraid they might notice so he tried to make himself busy. He realized Kingsley was just looking out for him, but Remus didn't like being left out of the loop. Besides, he couldn't have stopped listening even if he'd wanted to; Kingsley had caught his full attention and there was no way of getting it back.

"What?" said Tonks. She lowered her voice too. "Why?"

"Well..." Kingsley got so quiet that Remus had to strain his ears to hear him. "Two boys were attacked."

At those words, the kitchen fell away and Remus felt himself going back. He remembered suddenly what had happened during his last transformation, the scene replaying before him as though he was living it anew. Never had he remembered the night of a full moon so vividly.

_He was running. He could feel the cool night air and the cold ground beneath him. His breath was coming out in white puffs of steam before his mouth. Distorted shapes and colors went by in a blur as his paws thudded on the dirt path. He could see the legs and feet of the boys he chased._

Kingsley's voice continued. "They thought they'd heard shouting or screaming - some kind of commotion..."

_He leapt._

"If it wasn't for the boy's jacket..."

_He sank his claws into the boy's shoulders. The boy cried out and fell back. The other boy appeared, shouting something incoherent as he helped his friend dislodge from the jacket. The world turned yellow as the jacket was torn to shreds, the material flying in all directions. The boys had disappeared. He picked up their scent and gave chase._

"But the other boy..."

Remus's hands were shaking, but he didn't notice. He was staring straight ahead at the wall in front of him, his eyes wide, but he wasn't seeing the wall. He was stuck in another time and place, in a nightmare that he wanted desperately to be out of.

_He could see them again, the distance between him and the boys closing rapidly. He snapped at their heels. Finally, he caught the boy's foot in his mouth, the taste of rubber on his tongue from the sole of the boy's shoe. The boy screamed_   _into the night air._

The cup Remus had been holding fell to the floor and shattered, tea spilling over the floor, but he didn't notice nor did he care. The boy's cry echoed in his ears and the horror of what he'd done ripped through him. But he had to be sure, he had to hear Kingsley confirm it, and that was the only thing in the world that mattered.

Kingsley and Tonks turned at the sound of the glass breaking.

"Remus?" Tonks had never seen him like this. He looked pale - no  _white_. He was as white as a sheet and shaking from head to toe. He stepped toward Kingsley, taking no notice of the mess on the floor. He nearly impaled his foot on the broken glass. "Remus, watch-"

"Are they alright?" he asked Kingsley, dreading the answer he knew he'd receive. He choked on the words. "Those boys, are they okay?"

Kingsley was too stunned to speak. "I..." Like Tonks, he had never seen Remus like this. He hadn't thought Remus was listening to their conversation - obviously he'd been wrong - but Remus's reaction was far greater than what Kingsley had feared it would be.

"Kingsley-"

The rest of the guard came rushing into the room, startled by the sound of breaking glass; They weren't taking any chances. Kingsley turned to tell them everything was fine, but Remus was unable to stand the tension any longer. He seized Kingsley by his robes, pulling him out of his seat. "Damn it, Kingsley, tell me!"

Balaquer immediately jumped into action. He whipped his wand out of his pocket, but Tonks was quicker. "Expelliarmus!"

Kingsley stared at him for a moment, feeling as shaken as Remus looked. "The-they're fine," he said at last. "They're both fine."

Remus hesitated, completely oblivious to the two confused aurors standing in the doorway. "They ... they weren't ... they're..."

Kingsley finally put two and two together, the truth hitting him in a sudden revelation. "Neither of them were harmed, Remus. They had a terrible fright, but-"

"They weren't-?"

"They weren't bitten, no."

Remus released him in a daze. "They weren't..." He'd almost ... it had been so close... He closed his eyes in a silent prayer of thanks. He felt dizzy with relief and he sank to his knees, putting his face in his hands as he took a shaken breath.

_The boy fell forward, but he twisted around, franticly pulling at his foot. The shoe slipped off and the boy got up and hurried on. He grabbed his friend - who had started to double back - by the arm and they kept running._  They'd gotten away. They'd made it. They were safe.

"Remus," Tonks reached for his hand but he jerked away from her. She tried again, placing a comforting hand on his back. "It's okay. Come on." She helped him into a chair. He ironed is face with his hands.

"It was you, wasn't it?" asked Kingsley slowly.

Remus nodded silently. Tonks could sense the pain it cost him to admit it and she rubbed his back encouragingly.  _It's alright._

"I thought it was just a coincidence it had happened in Hogsmeade. I was sure that you couldn't have..." Kingsley paused. "Why weren't you in the Shrieking Shack?"

Remus shook his head, "I don't know." As he said the same words he had said to Tonks weeks ago, he realized that something was wrong. "I-" He stopped, looking over Kingsley's shoulder.

Kingsley turned to the aurors behind him and dismissed them but neither of them seemed too keen on leaving. They appeared to be intensely interested in what was going on. Kingsley told them again to leave and they did as they were ordered, albeit grudgingly.

"You don't know?" Kingsley asked incredulously as he turned back to Remus. It seemed impossible that he wouldn't know.

Remus shook his head again, thinking hard. His mind kept coming up blank... Oh god, why hadn't he seen it before?

"It's been ... what?" asked Kingsley. "Two weeks since the full moon, right? At least. And it never worried you that you can't remember half of what had happened that night?"

Tonks remembered asking Remus the same question.  _That doesn't worry you?_  He'd told her he would remember once he'd had time to think about it. Well, time had passed and Remus still didn't remember.

"So much has happened," Remus told them.  _Blank. Blank_. That's all his mind was coming up with. He searched for a memory of  _something_ : a sight, a sound, or a smell. Nothing. There was nothing, and it only confirmed his fears. "I haven't had the opportunity to think about it." Before, he'd had no reason to suspect ... but now that he had finally found the opportunity, and considering everything that had happened recently, it did worry him. A lot.

"What  _can_  you remember?" Kingsley asked.

Remus closed his eyes, as though hoping it would conjure up an image. "I remember ... transforming ... the boys ... running..." Bits and pieces flashed before him. That part of his memory seemed to be intact at least.

"And before you transformed?"

Again, Remus raked his mind. "I stopped at the Hog's Head."

"And after that?"

Nothing. Remus opened his eyes and shook his head.

There was the sound of clinking glass, and all three of them turned to see Balaquer bent over a newly repaired cup.

" _Do-you-mind?_ " Tonks hissed irritably, rising out of her chair. Remus put a hand on her shoulder, forcing her back down.

Balaquer left without a word.

"What do you remember at the Hog's Head?" asked Kingsley, as if the conversation had never been interrupted. "Do you remember leaving?"

It struck Remus as strange question. Of course, he'd left. He... "No," he said quietly, wondering why he hadn't noticed this oddity before. He knew he  _had_  left, but he couldn't remember doing it. "I had a few drinks and..." And nothing... Oh, but there had to be something! Yet, no matter how hard he tried, there seemed to be a gap. It was almost as though it had all been ...  _erased_.

"What about your injuries?" Tonks asked before he could dwell on this horrible thought.

Remus thought for moment. She watched him. He stared straight head, his eyes slightly crossed from concentration. His hands clenched and unclenched and she didn't think he even knew he was doing it. He looked like he was going through an invisible filing cabinet, searching carefully for the one file that held all the answers. Instinctively, she reached forward and slipped her hand into his. He grasped it tightly.

He lowered his eyes, and the gravity of what he was about to say hit him hard. "I had them before I transformed."

"What?" asked Tonks and Kingsley together.

Tonks stared at him. "Are you sure?"

He nodded. "It was after I left the Hog's Head, but before I had-"

"But you don't remember getting them," Tonks interrupted. "You just know that it had to have happened at that time."

Remus nodded.

"Do you remember  _anything_  that happened from the time you were at the Hog's Head to the time you transformed?" Kingsley pressed.

There was ... something. "There was a man at the pub," he said slowly. "O-or it could have been a woman, I guess." He was trying not to make assumptions. "I'm not sure." He looked up at the two of them. "They were hooded and cloaked. I didn't see their face. They sat in the far corner, as far from everyone as they could get." Remus shook his head. "I didn't think it was strange at the time - I mean, you get a lot of strange characters at the Hog's Head, but-"

Tonks turned to Kingsley. She'd clearly come to terms with what Remus didn't want to believe. "Do we have access to Dumbledore's pensieve?"

Kingsley looked surprised then thoughtful. "We might have to-"

"Get it," she ordered. "Whatever you have to do, just get it and bring it back here."

"I don't know if-"

Tonks grabbed him. This was serious. They didn't have time for excuses. "You know what this could mean, don't you?"

Kingsley tried to rationalize, but then he nodded, defeated. "You're right." He looked at the both of them. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He got out of his chair and walked to the door. "And I'm locking this behind me." Tonks couldn't have felt more grateful to him. They didn't need McKinley or - more importantly - Balaquer barging in on them. "The others will stay here while I'm gone." He left.

Tonks turned to Remus. She wanted to say something to him, but she didn't know what. After a long silence, she got up to finish making the tea he had started.

"My memory's been erased," he said slowly once she came back to the table. The words sounded foreign to him, like someone else had said them.

She pushed the cup of tea wordlessly into his hands.

"And the man at the pub-" he continued.

"We don't know anything for sure yet," she interjected.

"Nymphadora," he looked up at her. "My memory's been  _erased_." He put a lot of emphasis on the last word. "Someone didn't want-"

"You're jumping to conclusions," she said. Although, he was probably right.

"I gave them information on you-"

Tonks slammed her cup down on the table. It cracked. She didn't seem to notice. "Remus, stop it!" She feared that he was right, but she didn't want him beating himself up about it like she knew he would. Already he was beginning to. "You don't know anything yet - And even if you're right," she continued as he opened his mouth to protest. "It doesn't matter. It happened, alright? You can't change it." She paused. "I wouldn't blame you," she said gently. "Everything that's happened ... I know you wouldn't intentionally harm me, Remus. No matter what happened, none of this is your fault."

He was silent for a long time, but she knew that look on his face. He blamed himself ... and they didn't even know for sure what had happened yet.

 

 

It was hours before Kingsley returned with the pensieve. Remus deposited his memory inside it, feeling that this was pointless. He was sure he already knew what had happened, including who had administered the Memory Charm, though he hadn't told Tonks yet. She took his hand and they ventured inside together.

They appeared on a side street in front of the Hog's Head. Tonks turned just in time to see Remus - from over two weeks ago - walking up the street. He was wearing the dirtiest and most tattered robes she had ever seen. Of course, when you're about to transform into a were-beast, you don't exactly dress up for the occasion.

"Come on," Remus pulled her into the pub after himself.

Tonks had never been in here; She preferred the comfortable feeling of the Three Broomsticks. The bar was a small, dingy, dirty room. The place was so filthy! She knew if her mother could've seen it, she would have thrown a hissy-fit. She also would have insisted on tiding up the place.

"You come here  _why_?" she whispered to Remus, forgetting that she was in a memory and couldn't be heard by the people around them.

He shrugged. "Familiarity and ... well, with the prospect of a horrific transformation ahead," he grinned sadly. "I wasn't exactly looking for a place with a cheerful setting."

"You wanted somewhere to sulk." Tonks nodded. "Gotcha." She looked over to watch as Remus's past self sat down at the bar ordered a drink.

"Over there." Remus pointed, touching her shoulder to further get her attention.

Tonks followed his gaze to where a man sat in the corner, heavily hooded in a dark cloak. "That's him?" she asked.

"That's the one."

Time passed slowly and at first it didn't seem like anything was out of the ordinary. That is, until she noticed that the shady character sitting in the corner was staring intently at Remus's past self. At least, she  _thought_  that's what he was doing. It was hard to tell considering that the heavily cloaked wizard kept his hood up and made minimal movement.

The Remus Lupin sitting at the bar turned around to look to behind him, his eyes landing on the hooded man, who didn't make the slightest movement. Remus shiffed nervously and turned back to his drink.

"I remember feeling like he was staring at me." Remus said from beside her. "I thought I could feel his eyes on my back, but then once I turned around ... well, its hard to tell, isn't it? I mean, it just looks like he's sitting there."

The Remus at the bar looked up from his drink to get the bartender's attention.

"I'm asking him if he knows who the shady character is." Remus told her.

The bartender shrugged and shook his head. Remus turned to look back at the heavily cloaked man.

Tonks and Remus watched this charade continue for what seemed like hours, Remus's past self turning around now and then in his seat to glance at the figure in the corner who seemed to be doing nothing but sitting there. Then, at one moment, something seemed to register because Remus suddenly paused with is drink halfway to his lips. Slowly, he sat his drink down. Then, just as slowly, he reached into his pocket and deposited some money on the counter. Remus then turned and stood from his seat, presumably to confront the heavily clocked wizard.

BANG!

Without warning, a fight broke out. Two middle-aged wizards drew their wands and commenced dueling. They had Tonks's full attention until Remus shouted, "Look!" She turned just in time to the see the cloaked figure quietly inching away from the scene, completely unnoticed except by Remus's past self who was following the figure's progress.

Then everything went black.

"What?" Tonks wheeled around. A light mist was trolling at her feet but that was all. Everything had disappeared. "What happened?" But she knew what had happened. This was the part of Remus's memory that was missing.

"He left." Remus told her. "I don't remember him leaving, but ... I just know that's what he did. And I ... I followed."

"You're sure?" she asked.

Remus nodded. He was positive. He remembered now how confient he had felt in the identiy of the wizard. He most definitely would have followed him. However, he realized now that he shouldn't have done so. The man had led him right into a trap, and he'd leapt without even looking. He wasn't sure if he had realized it before, but it seemed as though the cloaked wizard had started the fight himself (via the Imperious Curse, maybe).

Before he could mention this to Tonks, the ground came up to meet them. They were on the outskirts of the village. A stile was raised before them and beyond that was the mountain that shadowed Hogsmeade during the day.

Tonks gasped. Remus's past self lay wounded and bloodied at the foot of the mountain. The hooded man stood on an oversized rock above him with his wand drawn. A battle may have broken out and it was just as likely that Remus had fallen down the rocky slope. They wouldn't know since his memory had indeed been erased, nor was there any way to tell if he'd given out any important information. But at least they now knew how he'd gotten his injuries.

Voices were carried to Tonks's ears and she turned, peering down the road to spot two boys, looking very small in the distance. She realized that these were the ones who had been attacked.

The hooded wizard standing over Remus turned swiftly, his cloak billowing over Remus like a dark blanket. Remus alighted from Tonks's side, hurrying after the wizard. He was sure he knew his identity but there couldn't be any room for doubt. He had to be sure.

Tonks started after him when a cry hit the air. To her left, Remus was scrambling up the slope after the dark wizard, seemingly oblivious to his past self, suffering at the base of the mountain under the beams of the full moon.

Tonks froze, unable to move as she watched him cry out in agony. His body twisted, stretched, contorted, and she couldn't look away. She'd never witnessed anything as horrible as this. She was lucky that during her years as an auror she hadn't encountered the Cruciatus Curse yet, but it couldn't be much worse than what she was watching Remus's past self go through now.

She wanted it to end, wanted it to stop. She would give  _anything_  to spare him from having to go through this. His pain seemed to last an entirety and then, all at once, it ended. But Remus was gone; a wolf had taken his place. The wolf got to its feet, sniffed the air ... and looked right at her.

She didn't move. The wolf charged but she was frozen to the spot. She brought her hands up, shielding herself. The moment came and she felt the memory pass through her. She turned around to see the wolf bounding down the road after the two boys.

She simply stood there gazing down the street, phased by what she'd just witnessed. She didn't know what finally snapped her out of it, but she turned and hastened up the rocky slope after Remus.

The cloaked wizard was moving slowly, taking his time. Remus was swiftly gaining on him. He reached the wizard but kept going, heading for higher ground so he could get a better look. At last he turned, and gazed down at the cloaked figure.

The wind blew the hood back from his face, and Tonks gasped. Then she realized that it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise, really. A part of her had expected this.

Severus Snape continued forward, walking right through Remus. Remus spun around, waiting to see where Severus would go. Then, suddenly, he knew exactly where he was going. "Son of a bitch!"

"Remus!" Tonks stared. She couldn't have heard correctly. He never said things like that. At least, not in front of her.

Remus couldn't restrain himself, not this time around. Certainly not as he thought about Severus's unrelenting hold on his grudge toward Sirius. He was sure Snape was enjoying this. He picked up a rock and lobbed it at Severus's head, forgetting to reminded himself that a) it was a very childish to do and b) he was in a memory and it unfortunately didn't have any affect."That fucking bastard!"

"Remus Jonathan Lupin!" Tonks shouted, more amused and amazed than offended.

Before she could say anything else, Remus turned back to her and took her arm. They were leaving.

 

 

Remus couldn't help but give some random object a good kick as soon as they were back in the kitchen. "God, damn it!" It wasn't just about Sirius. It was more about the knowledge that he had given Snape information. He was sure of it now. What else would Severus have wanted from him?

"Remus, calm down." Tonks said, only half chiding him.

He took a deep breath and turned to Kingsley. "It's Snape," he said shortly. "He's hiding in Sirius's cave." With that, he stormed out of the room and up the stairs.

Tonks and Kingsley exchanged glances.

"Give him a minute." Kingsley advised.

Tonks nodded.

He turned to the others in the room. "Right," he said, immediately stepping into action. "McKinley, stay guard here. Balaquer, come with me." He turned to leave.

"We're just going to go on what the werewolf said?"

Kingsley froze. Tonks turned to the one who had spoken. "You-!"

"Yes!" Kingsley shouted, turning. "Balaquer, that's exactly what we're going to do! And if you have a problem with that, you shouldn't have a problem following orders!"

The two men glared at each other. Then Kingsley turned and walked out the door, leaving Balaquer, McKinley, and Tonks behind. Balaquer hesitated, then pulled out his wand and followed. Tonks knew exactly what he was thinking. The only reason he was going was because he hoped to find more things to use against Remus.

 

 

Tonks picked up the phone to call Marcus. Despite everything, he was in this with the rest of them. He deserved to know what was happening.

She got the answering machine. "Marcus? It's Tonks. I-I just thought you should know ... we think we know where he's hiding. Snape, I mean. They've gone to bring him in now. I'll keep you posted ... bye."

 

 

Tonks knocked on the door to Remus's room.

"Come in."

She opened the door. Remus was sitting on the bed, looking up at her.

"Are you alright?"

He nodded. Then shook his head. "No."

She wanted to come in, but hesitated on the threshold.

"Oh," he said, remembering that she had trouble with the room. "Wait. I'll ... I'll come out there."

She was surprised but glad that he was willing to talk with her. They sat out in the hallway, their backs against the wall. She had thought he was crazy for wanting to stay in what used to be her parents' room, but it was a comfort to her at night knowing that he was just a door away.

"I'm sorry about ... my language," he said. "That was inappropriate."

"It didn't bother me," she told him honestly. "It's nice to know that even Always-Perfectly-Calm Remus Lupin can lose control."

He let out a soft laugh. "Am I really like that?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you are."

"I bet that gets annoying," he said somewhat dully.

"Sometimes." She would have laughed but he seemed detached from the conversation somehow. "So," she asked, unsure about whether she should. "Do you hate him now?"

Remus hesitated. "Ask me that again when I'm feeling better."

"Right."

Silence. She couldn't help but feel as though he was holding something off.

"It's John, by the way," he said finally.

"What?"

"Back in the pensieve, when you used my middle name," he explained. "Mum used to do that whenever I did something wrong. She'd use the name Jonathan, and I always told her that it said John on my birth certificate." He smiled. "She didn't like that."

"I can imagine."  _Remus John Lupin_ , she'd remember that next time "I like it," she told him. "John."

He shrugged. "It's boring."

"Better than Nymphadora," she pointed out.

"I think it's a beautiful name." He paused. She guessed he hadn't meant to say that.

"I'm leaving," he announced, catching her off guard.

"What? Why?"

"You've been doing great," he told her. "You've come to terms that you're in danger, you have protection now, you've finally gotten around to cleaning out that extra room..." He paused. "You don't need me here anymore."

_Yes, I do_ , she wanted to tell him. But she couldn't come up with a good reason why. "This is about the pensieve, right? Because you think you gave Snape information on me. You think you've placed me in danger, so now you've decided that you need to leave."

He didn't say anything, but he didn't really need to.

"Remus, I told you. Whatever you said - if you even said anything at all, I don't-" She told him he was being stupid. There was no way he could have given Snape any important information. She just couldn't see how he could have said anything of value when Snape had already known where to find her. And there wasn't any evidence that he'd said anything at all! But he'd made his decision and there was no talking him out of it.

"When they return," he said calmly. "I'm leaving."

 

 

Remus searched through the dresser drawers to check that he hadn't missed anything. He  _was_  leaving, and with a little luck he wouldn't be coming back. Tonks didn't want him to go, but he had to. He'd been looking for a reason to leave ever since she'd nearly drowned. The incident had made him realize that he cared for her a whole lot more than he wanted to admit.

Something shinny caught his eye. He reached into the drawer ... and pulled out the badge he had been forced to wear at the Ministry of Magic.

_Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing._

He stared at the object. When he left tonight, he would tell himself that he was leaving to protect her. But the real reason he had to leave was sitting in his hand.  _Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing._

He grasped the badge tightly ... then flung it with all his might into the trash bin.

 

 

"Well?" Tonks asked hours later.

Kingsley shook his head. Tonks felt herself deflate. "Someone had definitely been there, but they must have left shortly before we arrived," he told her. "We waited for  _hours_  and no one showed. We handed it over to other officials but ... I think he's abandoned it." He added, "Sorry."

She shrugged, not knowing what else to do.

Balaquer gave a grunt, and Tonks felt herself bristle with irritation. "And just  _what_  are you grunting about?"

He turned to her and said gruffly. "Your werewolf sent us on a wild goose chase."

Tonks was going to speak but Kingsley stepped in, afraid she might blow something - or rather  _someone_ \- up. "Balaquer, you know someone was using that cave. The evidence was there."

"How do you know the werewolf didn't set that up?" Balaquer demanded.

Tonks's hand twitched as she reached for her wand.  _The werewolf?_  "He has a name-"

"How do you know this isn't all an act?" he continued. "The werewolf wants us to think he's on our side so he can send the enemy information!"

"And exactly what would be the point of that?" asked Kingsley hotly.

Balaquer pointed at Tonks. "So he can finish her the first chance he gets."

"He's had plenty of chances-!"

"If he'd wanted to kill her," Kingsley interrupted Tonks. "He could've done it a long time ago."

"How am I supposed to understand the mind of a  _werewolf?_ " he asked. " _They're_  not human."

Tonks strode forward. Kingsley stepped in front of her, fighting to keep the peace. "Balaquer, I'm warning you-"

"Maybe," he continued. "He's waiting for the full moon. He's planning something, Kingsley. He's-"

"You don't know what you're talking about." Kingsley told him.

"He's wants us to think he's  _tame_." He spat out the word as though he believed werewolves would always be animals. "And  _then_ , when the full moon gets here..." He pointed at Tonks again. "He'll  _bite_  her the first chance he gets!"

WHAM!

Tonks stepped around Kingsley, her wand forgotten, and drove her fist into Balaquer's fleshy nose with a sickening  _crunch_. It hurt, but judging by his cry of pain it had hurt him a whole lot more. He had a hand pressed to his face, blood spilling between his fingers. She pulled her arm back and hit him again, but this time a sharp pain flashed through her hand. She pulled back again, hesitated. Then she decided it'd be worth it to hit him once more.

Two strong arms wrapped around her, pulling her away. She flailed her fists, wanting to get just one more hit in as Kingsley moved towards Balaquer. Her fist hit the wall as she was pulled through the doorway. She gave a cry and pulled her hand back, pained tears immediately springing to her eyes.

"Calm down before you hurt yourself even more."

It was Remus. He pulled her into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. She sat down moodily in a chair while he grabbed a pack of ice and wrapped it in a dishtowel.

"Ow!" He'd placed the ice pack a little too hard on her hand.

"Sorry-Here. No-Just hold still." He cradled her hand in both of his, the ice pack in between. She glared at him, upset that he had stopped her from giving Balaquer his just reward. He glared back at her, upset that she'd gotten into something he obviously thought she shouldn't have gotten into. "You shouldn't have done that."

"He deserved it," she said shortly.

He lifted the pack of ice to assess the damage. Her two middle knuckles were black and blue, bruising continuing up her hand a little ways. Her middle finger looked slightly out of place, probably because everything around it was swollen. Nothing appeared to be broken.

"After everything," said Remus, shaking his head and placing the ice back on her hand. "He's the one who comes off easy."

"If you'd heard him-" The thought that Balaquer had the  _nerve_  to suggest that Remus would actually  _plan_  to bite someone...

"I heard everything he said."

Tonks blinked. "Y-you did?"

He nodded. "And I stayed out of it - like you should have done. Look at this." He raised the ice pack again. "They can fix Balaquer's nose in a second, but you..." He pressed the ice to her hand. Magic had its limits. "I've told you not to stick up for me."

She snapped. "Not everything is about  _you_ , Remus!" she shouted. "Balaquer just happens to piss  _me_  off every time I go into the office!  _I've_  been looking for an excuse to squash his ugly face in since day one!  _I_  did it for myself! Not for you! So, just get off your damn pedestal!"

She stared at him with cold determination in her eyes.  _Go head,_  she was saying.  _Tell me again that I shouldn't have done it._  Lily had worn that look once, and he faltered under it now as he had done before. The women were very different from each other, but he could see Lily's strength in her. That was something he would always admire.

Tonks swore she could see the hint of a smile on his face. They stared at each other for a while, a silent understanding between them. She was going to stick up for him and the next time it happened, he wouldn't mind so much. She felt like she had finally gotten through to him ... at least a little.

"Half-bred, shape-shifting freak!" Balaquer shouted, shattering the moment. "Umph!" He'd fallen over something.

Remus whipped out his wand and muttered a hurried charm so Balaquer couldn't open the door. He turned back to Tonks and grinned. "Think he's talking about me or you?"

There were the sounds of the others pulling Balaquer away from the door. "I'm going to get that bitch!"

Tonks smiled. "Me."

 

 

The object Balaquer had tripped on turned out to be Remus's suitcase. He was still leaving, and Tonks couldn't stop him (not that she hadn't tried).

"Do I at least get a hug?" she asked as he placed his hand on the doorknob.

He hesitated, then turned to her and asked, "Do you want one?"

She nodded sadly. Oh, if only she could find a way to keep him here!

He put the suitcase down, walked over to her and put his arms around her. She held him tightly. " _Please_ don't leave me here with these people."

He laughed. "One more minute and I think I'll go insane." Balaquer was staying, though Kingsley was keeping a close eye on him. "Take care of yourself. Be safe."

She nodded. "You too."

He let go and she did also.

He turned from her, walked to the door, grabbed his suitcase, and walked outside. Tonks moved to the doorway and watched him leave. He walked down the sidewalk ... and then disappeared entirely.

That was it. He'd left her again. But she'd get through it just like she had gotten through everything else.

"I'm going to bed," she announced as she closed the door.

She turned around only to find Balaquer staring at her. The look on his face couldn't have been clearer.  _Good riddance._  She wanted to punch him again, but her hand gave a painful twinge as if in warning. At least Kingsley had promised to curse Balaguer's mouth off his face if he opened it again.

Tonks went upstairs and paused at Remus's room. This always happened. She always got her hopes up, and he crushed them every time. He didn't want to hurt her, didn't mean to. She knew that. But it still hurt.

She wondered when this game of Tug-of-War was going to come to an end. One of them was going to give up eventually. They couldn't keep going on like this forever.

She took a step into the room. The floor seemed to tilt beneath her, but she kept going. Another step and then another. The room started spinning. She closed her eyes, but kept moving straight ahead. A scream echoed in her mind and she swore she saw a flash of green behind her eyelids. She felt lightheaded and she fell forward.

Her hands grasped something soft and warm. The most wonderful scent filled the air. It was a scent she associated with Remus, and she buried her face in it. The room seemed to right itself and she opened her eyes. She was lying across the bed, her face buried in the sheets.

She crawled under the covers, and even though he was gone, Tonks felt as though Remus was with her. She was safe and warm and comfortable in the bed he'd slept in. She closed her eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


	7. Waxing Crescent Moon

Marcus scratched his head as he listened to Tonks's voice on the answering machine. How had he missed her? He'd been home. Why hadn't he heard the phone ring?

There was the sound of a key turning in the lock and Marcus turned to see his roommate walk through the door. "Glad to have you back, mate."

"Glad to  _be_  back." Remus told him. He could relax here. Here, there was no Snape to worry about. Here, there wasn't an entrancing nymph to confuse him. And he  _was_  confused, very. Ever since Tonks had nearly drowned in that tub, he'd realized how important she was to him. And it was disquieting. He needed to be away from her for a little while.

"So," said Marcus. "When you called earlier to let me know you were coming ... you didn't exactly explain why you were coming back."

Remus shrugged. "It was just time to come back. She doesn't need me over there anymore."

"Right." Marcus said slowly. That didn't make sense. "There's a murderer after her, but she doesn't need you for 'emotional support?'"

Remus invented quickly. "She was worried that having me with her placed me in danger."

Marcus nodded thoughtfully. He supposed he could see Tonks saying that, but he sensed there was more to it. He decided not to ask, however. He knew Remus wouldn't tell him. Damn, that got his nerves! Why did everything have to be so secret? He hated feeling like he was being left out of the loop.

Remus stayed up and watched TV for a while with Marcus, but he found that he couldn't focus completely. His mind kept drifting to Tonks.  _She'll be fine. She's got three other men to watch over her. Don't worry about it._  But he couldn't help from wondering where Snape was now and when he'd make his next move.

He went to bed and tossed and turned for  _hours_. He hated not knowing what was going on. The thought that something could happen to Tonks and he wouldn't be there was driving him mad. He half expected the phone on the bed stand to ring with bad news. He wanted to go back, just pack up his suitcase and go back. He needed to know that she was safe, and he needed to be there in case something happened. But he knew couldn't leave.

Eventually, he fell asleep.

_He was standing at the door, fiddling with the gold ring on his finger that didn't mean anything anymore. A part of him was determined to stop her from leaving, but another part of him knew there was nothing he could do. He couldn't force on her a life that she didn't want. "You said once," he told her slowly, trying not to show how much this hurt him. "That you didn't care."_

_She was sitting on the bed, closing her suitcase. Tonks stood up, and he turned away from her, not wanting to hear what she was going to say. "I was wrong, Remus. I'm sorry."_

_And then suddenly, he was gone from their bedroom and in another place. He was at Hogwarts, running his fingers through Grace's red hair. She pushed herself away from him angrily._

_"Gracey, please," he tried. "I love you."_

_She turned to face him, and it was Tonks, not Grace, who was talking to him from the past. "Well, I don't love you, Remus."_

_"You said-"_

_"That was before I knew!" she shouted back at him. "Merlin, if I had known that you were a..." She couldn't even say the word._

_"Gracey..." He reached for her._

_Tonks slapped him away. "What would make you think_ anyone _could love someone like you?" she spat. "Girls don't fall in love with_ werewolves _, Remus!"_

_The moon came out ... and it was full. Pain swept over him, and then his mind was gone. The wolf having overtaken him, he leapt at Tonks, sinking his teeth into her arm as she screamed._

Remus woke with a yell. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was. His body ached all over, and he had no idea why. He was breathing like he'd just run a marathon.

 _"Girls don't fall in love with werewolves, Remus."_  He put his hands to his head, trying to block out the words Grace had said to him.  _"What would make you think anyone could love someone like you?"_

"Stop it," he said, fighting to shake off the memory.

There was a knock on the door, Marcus's signal that he was coming in. This wouldn't be the first time Remus had woken him up due to a nightmare. "Are you alright?"

Remus nodded, not looking at him. "I'm fine."

Marcus always asked the same question, and he always received the same answer. Remus would never tell him what he dreamt about, and Marcus often wondered what the bloody hell had happened to him to make him wake up screaming in the middle of the night. "Just thought I'd make sure."

Remus nodded again. "Right. Thanks."

Marcus left.

Remus tried, but he couldn't fall back asleep.

 

 

Kingsley kept a close eye on Tonks the next day, but she seemed fine. She went about the house as though nothing had changed. He thought this was strange considering how that one time when Remus had left her, she'd gone into a sulk and her hair had been that mousy brown color for months. Then again, maybe she was getting used to Remus leaving her... Oh, that was just sad! He was going to have to talk with that man,  _again_. But Tonks kept throwing herself in front of Remus, so ... she had to be aware of the risks.

Later that night, Tonks went missing. And  _none_  of the three aurors who were there had  _any_  clue where she'd gone. They did a quick search of the house, which took less than a minute. Kingsley was about to have a nervous breakdown when he happened to look out the window.

"Bleeding Muggle Christ!" Kingsley cursed as he walked outside. "Get back in the house!"

"It's nice out here." Tonks told him. "I wanted some fresh air."

"So open a window!" he exclaimed. "I thought you were..." Her eyes were fixated on some spot in the sky. He waved his hand in front of her face. "Are you even listening to me?"

She shook her head as though coming out of a trance. "Sorry, what?"

He stared at her. "What are you doing?" he asked again.

She shrugged awkwardly, glancing back up at the sky. "The moon's pretty."

Kingsley chanced a look. It was ... nice tonight, but that wasn't what this was really about. "Tonks, don't you think you're over doing it a little? You knew he was going to leave eventually."

She nodded. "It's just ... I need him here, Kingsley." She turned to him. "I could die tomorrow-"

"You're not going to-" he interjected.

"It's possible," she said. "I mean,  _no one_  knows when they're going to go. Usually, we don't think about it and just go on with our lives. But, if Voldemort sends his number one after you, well, you tend to wonder how much time you have left."

"Tonks-" Kingsley tried.

"No, just listen for a minute." She was so calm and that was the only thing that kept him silent. "Everyday, I wake and up and wonder 'is today the day he'll come for me?' and 'will I be ready?' And the fact that I just don't know the answers was easier to handle when Remus was here.

"I've nearly died once already," she continued. "And I was only going to take a bath! That made it pretty clear to me that I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Having Remus here just made it easier to keep going."

Kingsley was speechless. He didn't know what to say. Being an auror, the chance for death was always there, but one never really thought about it. To think that she thought about it every day . . .

"I'm still going to keep going," she assured him. "It's just harder now, and I wish it didn't have to be."

Kingsley had half a mind to find Remus and drag him back here. How could he leave her like this? "Can you come back inside?" he begged. She was making him nervous. It was too open an area out here, and Snape could come from anywhere. "It'd be easier for  _me_  to keep going if you'd come back in."

She laughed. "Well, okay, Kingsley. Merlin knows I wouldn't want to make anything hard for  _you_."

She was smiling, and he knew she was going to be fine.

 

 

Remus dreamed again the next night.

_He was back at Tonks's house and they were sitting at the table in the kitchen._

_"Nymphadora, there's something I need to tell you-"_

_The door burst open and there stood Snape. Remus immediately leapt from his chair and stood protectively in front of Tonks. "Leave her alone."_

_"I'm not going to do anything, Lupin." Snape sneered. "But you are."_

_Remus didn't understand. Suddenly, he was feeling the pains of transformation. Tonks was beside him. He tried pushing her away, but she wouldn't leave. And yet, when the pain ended, he was still himself. Instead of transforming into the wolf, the wolf separated from his body. It turned and lunged for Tonks. She screamed and ran toward the other end of the room, but there wasn't anywhere for her to go._

_Remus staggered to his feet, watching the scene in horror. He tried to move but couldn't. He shouted at Snape. "You can stop this! Make it go away! Leave her alone! Take me instead!"_

_Snape only continued to sneer._

_The wolf finally caught Tonks, biting her._

_"NO!" Remus screamed._

_Tonks fell to the floor and the wolf kept going at her. She tried to fight it off, but it wouldn't relent. It was biting her again, tearing at her flesh, and Remus couldn't do anything but watch. It was going to kill her._

_He shouted franticly. "No! Stop it! Make it stop!"_

"Remus!"

_"Don't do this! Please!"_

"Remus!"

_"I'll do anything! Please! Make it stop! Don't-"_

"Wake up, damn it!"

Something hard hit him across the side of the head. He snapped out of it, rolling into his pillow to hide the tears that were threatening to come through. He clutched at the blankets, making sure that he was awake, that this was true, that what he'd dreamt hadn't happened. It had felt so real. "Oh, god." He was drenched in cold sweat.

Marcus stood beside the bed. "Are you alright?"

Gaining control of himself, Remus sat up and put his face in his hands. He shook his head.

"You've never done that before." Marcus said slowly. "I've never had to come in here and wake you up."

Remus swallowed hard. He was still lost in the terror of the dream.  _She's fine. It wasn't real. Nothing happened. Snape isn't anywhere near her. It was just a dream. Get a hold on yourself._

"You were screaming like a mad man."

Remus was pulled from his thoughts. He brought his hands down, worried. "What did I say?"

Marcus ran a hand through his hair. "Nothing I could make sense of."

 _Good_. Remus thought. He sighed in relief.

They were silent for a long moment. Marcus felt like he couldn't hold himself back any longer. He had always respected Remus's privacy and had never asked before, but now he couldn't help it. "What the devil do you dream about?"

Remus was quiet for a moment. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Marcus stared at him. "Try me."

"I'd rather not-"

Marcus jerked his head in the direction of the wall. "If you're going to wake the neighbors up, I at least need an explanation when they come to the door."

Remus realized he wasn't going to be able to get out of this. Marcus deserved an explanation anyway. He'd been putting up with it since they'd moved in together. "C-Could you ... get me some water?" he croaked. "I-I-"

"Sure." Marcus left the room. He had a feeling Remus was trying to buy himself some time, but there was no way he was going to let Remus get out of this. It had gone on long enough. Sure, it didn't happen often, but it was just ridiculous. He shouldn't have to wake up in the middle of night wondering if something had happened to Remus or if he was just dreaming again.

He took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it at the sink. Then he went back into the room and handed it to Remus.

"Thanks." He took a long sip.

Marcus waited patiently.

"You're going to think I'm crazy." Remus said when he finally brought the glass from his lips.

"Doubt it," said Marcus after he'd thought for a moment. "I've had my share of nightmares."

"You don't wake up screaming in the middle of the night." Remus pointed out.

"I did once." Marcus told him. "Scared the hell out of my parents."

Remus frowned. "That was a long time ago."

Marcus nodded. "True, but if I wake up in the middle of the night because you're going on like a mental patient and I don't think you're crazy ... there's not much more you can do to convince me otherwise."

Remus sighed. He had a point. "It's just that ... In my dreams..." He trailed off, trying to think of the best way to put it. "I dream that I ... hurt people ... physically," he added so that Marcus got the point.

"People you know?" he asked.

Remus nodded. "People I ... people I care about ... and I mean, I would never intentionally hurt them but ... it scares me to death," he admitted.

Marcus was a little confused. "Why would you dream about hurting people you care about?"

"I don't know, Marcus." Remus lied. He knew why. It had something to do with that furry little problem of his. "I've had dreams like these since I was just a little kid. You'd think I would have gotten over it or something." He was suddenly angry with himself, though he wasn't sure why exactly. "Look, I'm sorry to bother you about this. Try wearing earplugs. I'm going back to sleep."

But even after Marcus had left, sleep didn't come.

 

 

"Maybe I'm being selfish." Tonks told Molly the next morning. "I only place him in danger by keeping him here."

"Dear," said Molly's head from the fireplace. "Remus didn't leave because he felt he was in danger, or he would have left a long time ago. Nor did he leave because he felt he was endangering  _you_. 'Giving Snape information,' that's ridiculous. What could he have possibly said that would have been significant? I mean, honestly."

"Then why did he go?" asked Tonks skeptically.

"Really, dear, why is it that you and him are the only ones who can't see just how much you two care for one another?" Molly rolled her eyes. "Love really is blind."

Tonks stared at her. "You think he left because he cares for me ... that makes no sense."

"Well, I believe it scares him a little, dear. But, if you don't believe me, you should ask him yourself." Molly's hand reached out of the fire and held up a crystal clear vial of just as equally clear liquid.

Tonks took it from her. "Wait... this isn't... Molly, where did you get this?"

"Arthur was promoted, dear, remember? He confiscates more..." She searched for a word. "Interesting items and I just happen to ... take a few souvenirs every now and then."

"Molly!" Tonks lowered her voice. This was a potion controlled by very strict ministry guidelines. The others couldn't know she had it. Arthur could lose his job if they knew Molly had gotten hold of it. "Have you thought this through? This is Veritaserum!"

"Yes, and I think it would behoove you-"

"I'm not talking about me! I'm talking about Arthur!"

"Dear, no one is going to find out. And Arthur said it was perfectly fine-"

"He agreed to this?"

"Of course," said Molly as though it were obvious. "He and I are very interested in seeing that you and Remus-"

"I'm not going to use it." Tonks declared. "And Arthur should know better. And the  _both_  of you should mind your own business."

"You really should consider-"

"I'm not going to use it," she repeated.

"That love potion is still available, by the way."

"And I suppose Arthur agreed to that too?"

"Dear, I just think you should-"

"I'm not going to use this on Remus." Tonks told her. "If I did, it would mean that I don't trust him."

"Can you tell me that you trust him enough to tell you if he cares for you or not?"

Tonks was silent. She trusted Remus with everything ... everything but that.

"Then you don't trust him," said Molly. "So if you use it, there's no harm done."

Tonks shook her head. "I'm not going to use it, Molly." She held out the vial. "Take it back."

"I really think you should hold on to it, dear."

"Molly, take it. I don't want it."

"You'll thank me later."

"Molly, no-"

She disappeared. Tonks frowned. Sometimes she really couldn't stand that woman ... and her husband was no better. Well, at least now she knew where the twins had gotten their sense of humor, not to mention mischief.

 

 

Marcus had to wake Remus up again the next night. This time Remus couldn't even remember what he'd dreamt about. Tonks had been in it, that he knew for sure.

"Are you sure you don't know why you have these dreams?" asked Marcus. "'Cause they've been happening an awful lot lately."

Remus put his face in his hands. "I just can't get her out of my head."  _Did I just say that out loud?_ Judging by the look on Marcus's face, he had.

"Tonks," he said slowly. "You're worried about her, right?" Was that where the dreams were coming from? Because he was worried about her?

Remus let out a laugh. There was more to it than that, no matter how badly he refused to accept it. He didn't want to believe it, but he couldn't fool himself any longer. "I have feelings for her," he said, more to himself than to Marcus. "Romantically," he added.

He had needed to say that out loud, and now that he had, it all made sense. He'd realized earlier that he felt something for her and that complicated things. He wanted her to find someone else, but that wouldn't work out too well if he began to fancy her. So, he'd left her house in the hopes of cutting himself off. But now he worried about her endlessly. She was all he could think about, and that's where the dreams were coming from. He was worried that something might happen to her, and he was worried about the way he felt toward her. Obviously, those two worries didn't mix well.

"Oh," said Marcus quietly. "Well..." He knew that him and Tonks would never be, and he knew he had to get over it. Remus was his friend, and if he liked her that way... Marcus wasn't going to turn into someone on one of those soap operas and try to steal her from him. That would be ridiculous.

"Don't tell her I said that."

Marcus was jarred from his thoughts. "What? Why?" So what if he wasn't overly excited about the whole prospect of Tonks and Remus. The point was that they fancied each other. Marcus knew he'd be jumping at the chance if Tonks fancied him, so he didn't understand why Remus wasn't.

"Marcus, she just can't know."

"But ... if she fancies you and you-"

"That's just the way it has to be. She can't-"

"What is it with you?" Marcus shouted suddenly. "It's like ... like you can't run away fast enough! I don't get it!" He started pacing. "I mean, it's not like you have a terminal disease or something... You don't have AIDS, do you?"

Remus actually laughed. "No, Marcus," he said, shaking his head. "I don't have AIDS."

"Well, then  _what_  is it?"

Marcus watched as the laughter left Remus's face and he struggled for the right answer. Every time he opened his mouth he closed it again and fell silent. At last, he sighed and said, "I-I want to ... I want to be able to give her ... more than just the things that she needs." He looked away from Marcus. "But I can't do that. She ... she deserves someone who can."

Marcus stared. " ...You want to run that by me again?"

"Marcus-"

"You're being ridiculous."

"I am  _not_  being ridiculous!" If he had a galleon for every time someone had told him that... "I'm being realistic."

"Look," said Marcus. "I don't pretend to be an expert on girls, okay? I'm not. But ... she is clearly smitten with you and-"

"Marcus-"

"Just listen for a minute. I-" Marcus stopped. Why was he trying to talk sense into Remus?  _He_  was the one who wanted to be closer to Tonks.  _He_  was the one who clearly deserved her. "You know what? Never mind." He turned and left the room.

Remus sighed exasperatedly and put his face back in his hands.

 

 

Marcus was distracted during work. He couldn't stop thinking about what Remus had said. Sure, he could understand ... to an extent. What bloke wouldn't want to take his girl out to a fancy restaurant every now and then? He could understand Remus's conflict with wanting to do more than he could afford, but that was no reason to pass up a chance with a beautiful girl like Tonks. She didn't seem like the kind of woman who wanted to be showered constantly with gifts anyway. Surely, she would understand. Of course she'd understand! She did fancy Remus, after all. She must have known him long enough to know his income.

Was there more to it? Had Remus not told him everything? Knowing Remus, he'd probably held something back. Yes, there had to be something else. Either that or Remus was just an idiot. It was probably a little of both.

Those dreams Remus had been having were starting to get annoying. Marcus didn't like being woken up in the middle of the night and he needed sleep if he expected to work in the morning.

Remus hadn't worked since he'd gotten back, which was understandable since he'd undoubtedly lost the job he'd had from staying with Tonks. He'd have to look for a new one, but he'd need sleep for that and he probably hadn't slept more than six hours since he'd arrived. He'd need those dreams to go away first, but Marcus didn't see that happening any time soon. Remus insisted it was something he'd have to work through, that he'd get over it eventually. But Marcus knew emotions couldn't be turned off that easily. And if Tonks really was the cause of those dreams...

Marcus sighed. He knew what he should do, but his own emotions were holding him back. He shook his head. This wasn't about Tonks (no matter how he felt about her). This was about Remus. If there was one good lesson he'd learned over the years, it was that, in situations like these, you  _always_  put your best friends before your newly aqcuired girlfriend.

"She's not even my girlfriend anyway." Marcus said to himself. "I just wanted her to be."

 

 

It was dark by the time Marcus made it to Tonks's house. He hadn't thought this through. He had no clue what he was going to say, but he knew he needed to talk to her . . . for Remus's sake.

He reached the door and rang the doorbell. It wasn't Tonks who answered, but one of her bodyguards. "Um..." said Marcus. "I know it's late, but I really need to speak with Tonks."

"She's already gone to bed."

Marcus bit his lip. This wasn't going to be as easy as he had thought. "Look, I know I should have called or something, but Remus doesn't know I'm here. And I don't want him to find out, which is why I really need to talk to Tonks. It's important."

Kingsley scrutinized him. Marcus showing up at this time of night was very suspicious. The fact that he hadn't called first gave Kingsley more reason to be cautious. And then, of course, there was Marcus's insistence that Remus didn't know he was here.

Something didn't feel right, and Kingsley had learned that if you expected to survive as an auror, you had to trust your instincts. Yet, something else was telling him that Marcus was speaking the truth. He seemed genuine ... but so did any other Death Eater in disguise. The way to solve this, of course, was to ask Marcus a question to prove his identity. But Kingsley didn't know him well enough to do that.

Marcus could sense that this wasn't going the way he had hoped it would. It was probably best that he left. "Um ... I guess I'll just put it in a letter."

Kingsley was about to nod when a scream split the air. He spun around, his eyes becoming fixed on the door where Tonks slept. Damn! He knew something was wrong. He had just targeted the wrong person.

There was a sound like an explosion and Kingsley was jarred from his thoughts and into action. Somehow, Marcus had gotten ahead of him.

Marcus alighted up the stairs, all of his attention focused on the door the sounds were emitting from. He grasped the doorknob and flung the door open.

A jet of red light whizzed passed his head. Everything became surreal. He couldn't hear anything. Tonks was on the far side of the room, brandishing a stick. Another jet of light shot out at the man closest to Marcus. He was hooded and cloak (and also brandishing a stick), but Marcus had no doubt who he was. Jets of light were fired simultaneously and the bed in-between Tonks and Snape was raised up into the air and then sent tumbling down again.

Marcus felt a hand reaching for him (probably to pull him back), but his legs were moving him forward and, doing the first thing that came to his mind, he jumped onto Snape's back and wrapped him arms in a choke hold around the man's neck. Snape stumbled. Then he pointed the stick in Marcus's face and the next thing Marcus knew, he was blasted into Tonks's mobile full-length mirror.

 

 

"Marcus." Tonks gave his arm a shake, praying that he wasn't dead. He was cut and bleeding from falling through the glass. "Marcus. Marcus, come on. Wake up."

Marcus could hear someone calling his name, and he opened his eyes. Tonks was kneeling beside him. Her bodyguards were there as well, but they appeared to be blurry and far off. He couldn't remember what had happened just yet.

Tonks pointed her stick at him and muttered something he didn't understand. He winced, feeling sharp jabs of pain all over his body. But then it was gone and Tonks was holding several bloodied shards of glass in her hand. She turned to the shattered and broken mirror and muttered something else. Marcus felt his eyes widen as he watched the broken wooden frame of the mirror repair itself and the glass fall back into place.

Tonks studied the mirror. It looked completely renewed. Content that there weren't any pieces of glass still embedded in Marcus's skin, she gave the mirror a push and it rolled away on its wheels.

Marcus flinched as Tonks turned back to him and placed a hand on his arm. What was going on? How had the mirror done that?

"It's alright, Marcus."

She lowered the stick and ran it slowly over his wounds, muttering things as she went. Marcus watched in fear and amazement as his skin pulled together and healed without any sign that a million little pieces of glass had sliced his body.

"Can you stand?"

Marcus stammered. This wasn't normal. "H-How-?

"I'll explain later. Can you stand?"

Marcus didn't know if he could stand or not, but he gave it a try. He stumbled and Tonks took hold of his arm, pulling him up.

"I-I don't under-understand-"

"Later, Marcus," she said softly. "Right now, lets just get you downstairs."

She sat him down on the couch and he looked at her. "I'm dreaming, right? That's what this is. I'm just dreaming."

She smiled. "That's right, Marcus. You're dreaming."

"That's good." His wounds may have healed but he could still feel the affects one had after having one's fall broken by a wooden frame and a five-foot sheet of glass. He closed his eyes.

Tonks put a hand on his shoulder. "You just rest for a minute. I'll be back." She left him to talk to Kingsley.

"I hope," he told her. "That when you said you'd explain, you didn't really mean it."

Tonks was taken aback. As far as she was concerned, Marcus had just saved her life. She felt he had earned an explanation. "Kingsley, he's a friend. Both Remus's and mine. He's been in this whole thing from the beginning. I think he has a right to know what's really going on."

"You know that's not the point," he said. "There are strict ministry guidelines. We have to follow The Muggle Protection Act to ensure the wizarding world stays hidden-"

"I think he's safer knowing the real danger than staying in the dark, don't you?" asked Tonks. "I mean, would he have attacked Snape if he'd known we were casting spells at each other? A Killing Curse nearly hit me. Kingsley, that could have been him!

"I know the guidelines," she continued.

"Then you should know-"

"He has a  _right_  to know."

"I'm not arguing that. What I'm saying is this: Do you really have the authorization to tell him? I agree that he would be safer. But how well do you really know him? If he doesn't take it very well, you'll have to wipe his memory anyway. And the longer you wait-"

"The greater the risk there is to him." He had a point. "I don't think he'll ... freak out or anything. No, I know he won't."

"You better be sure," he told her seriously.

She stared at him. "You're going to leave the decision up to me?"

Kingsley shrugged. "I don't know him. I can't make an honest judgement, but I trust that you can." He sighed and lowered his voice so the others wouldn't hear. "I've got to report to the ministry about what happened. If they ask, and only if they ask, I'll tell them we wiped his memory."

"You're going to lie to them?" she asked, surprised.

"I'm not sure we're authorized to make decisions like this," he admitted. "That's one thing I've never looked in to. I'm used to obliviating memories, not deciding whether or not I should. Besides, it's not like I've never lied before. I did that loads with Sirius."

She smiled. That was another good point. She forgot about stuff like that sometimes. She was used to having Kingsley recite the rules to her. She was also used to him bossing her around since he was a higher rank than she was. She was glad that he trusted her with something as important as this. "Thanks, Kingsley."

 

 

Remus had just managed to get some sleep when the phone rang. He rolled over and picked it up. "Hello?" he asked groggily. "Kingsley?" he sat up, suddenly very awake. "What happened? Is-is she alright?" He shook his head. "No, I-" He waited. "Marcus is there? What's Marcus doing-?" He listened. "I'll be right over." He hung up.

 

 

Remus was in a kind of haze when McKinley opened the door. He asked a question and Remus answered promptly but none of it really registered. Then McKinley stepped aside and he saw her.

His first thought was how pretty she looked. Her hair was still that wonderful pink color, and she had her mother's bathrobe wrapped around her. She looked radiant for someone who had just been attacked in her own home. Her dark and twinkling eyes caught his and he couldn't help but smile lightly. She was okay. Kingsley had told him over the phone that she was fine, but he'd still rushed like mad to get to her. She smiled back at him, and he felt the feelings he'd been trying so hard to repress hit him in a mad flood of emotion. It was a struggle to fight off the sudden urge to take her into his arms and hold her.

He didn't look well. That was her first thought. There were dark circles under his eyes and his face appeared to be thinner than she remembered. Then she noticed how tossed and unkempt his hair was, but, instead of giving her another indication as to how he hadn't been sleeping well, she was merely filled with a desire to run her fingers through it. She could tell he had been in a hurry to get out the door because his clothes were lopsided. His shirt hung out of his pants on one side and he hadn't taken the time to button it all the way, leaving a bit of his chest visible and sending another jolt of desire through her. Tonks's second thought was that he looked down right shag-able.

Suddenly, they were standing before each other and Remus felt the light touch of her fingers on his arm. His hands lingered at her waist, and he realized he had left his suitcase at the door, though he didn't remember doing so. He took hold of her other hand.

"Are-are you-?"

"I'm fine," she said.

It was awkward and, at the same time, it was the most comfortable thing to be standing there and looking into her eyes. Neither one of them seemed to have much to say to each other, but then, what really was there to say?

"I'm-"

 _Glad you're back._  "I know," he said before she could finish. "I'm-"

 _Sorry I left._  "I know," she said.

He brought a hand up to lightly caress her face. He hated to think Snape had tried to hurt her yet again. He wasn't going to let his emotions scare him away this time. This time, he was here to stay, and he was going to do all that he had to do to protect her.

Tonks was thinking about how nice his touch felt against her skin and how badly she wished she had the courage to reach out and brush the hair from his eyes. She couldn't do it, but she told herself he just looked so damn good that it would be a shame for her to change anything.

Balaquer gave an almighty grunt and both of them snapped out of it, shaking their heads and pulling away from each other a little.

"H-how-how is Marcus?" asked Remus a little awkwardly.

"He's alright," said Tonks, gesturing toward the couch with a nod of her head. "I think he's a little shaken. He barged right into the action ... saved my life, though."

Remus was impressed. He apparently didn't give Marcus enough credit. Then again, he realized he shouldn't be surprised. Marcus always had reminded him a little of Sirius, and jumping right into the action without really thinking about it first was exactly what Sirius would have done. "Wait a minute. You mean you haven't-?"

Tonks kept her voice lowered. "Remus, I think he has a right to know the truth."

"Well..." Remus hesitated. Marcus certainly had the right but... Remus lowered his voice as well. "Are you allowed to do that?"

Tonks was saved from answering when there was a flash and Kingsley stumbled through the fireplace.

"Did they ask?" Tonks inquired quietly once he had joined them.

Kingsley shook his head, grinning, and flashed Tonks the thumbs up sign.

"Are we allowed to do that?" asked Remus again.

"Allowed to do what?" asked Kingsley, confused.

"Allowed to..." Remus gestured toward Marcus's sleeping form. "Isn't there some kind of Ministry guideline?"

Kingsley shrugged.

Remus was surprised he was taking this so lightly. Then again, he was talking to the man who had kept the Ministry off Sirius's trail for a year so...

"He has a right to know." Tonks said again.

"I'm leaving this up to you two," said Kingsley, clearly indicating that he didn't want involved in this conversation. "And I'm making sure those two don't catch on. Especially  _that_  one." He left them to pester Balaquer.

Remus turned back to Tonks. It didn't seem to matter whether or not they were allowed to do it but he was still concerned. "How much do you want to tell him?"

"Well, you know ... that you and I can..." She trailed off, suddenly realizing what seemed to be bothering him. "Oh, no, Remus. I didn't have any intention of telling him that you're a werewolf. I mean, that's for you to decide."

He seemed to relax a little. "So, we'll just tell him that we can do magic and Severus can too and that he needs to be careful."

"Right." Tonks nodded.

Remus nodded thoughtfully. He apparently agreed it was the right thing to do. He pointed to Marcus. "Should I wake him, then?"

"Yeah, that's probably best."

Remus knelt in front of Marcus and gave his arm a shake. "Marcus?"

Marcus opened his eyes and gazed around the room looking confused. His eyes finally landed on Remus.

"How are you doing, mate?"

"I'm okay ... I think." He looked at his hands and his arms. Remus didn't have a clue what he was looking for, but he knew Marcus hadn't found it when he looked up and said, "I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Remus shook his head. "No, you're not."

"What the hell happened?"

Remus realized he had the same question. Tonks hadn't told him anything yet, but he trusted she'd explain everything later. "That's what we're going to find out. Come on." He helped Marcus up from the sofa and led him into the kitchen. Tonks shut the door behind them as Remus settled Marcus into a chair at the table.

"What's going on?" he asked.

Tonks looked at Remus. He scratched his head and looked down at the floor. Tonks realized she had the duty of breaking the news.

"Marcus," she said as she walked up to him. "You know how I healed you after you fell on the mirror?"

Marcus shook his head and looked down at his arms again. "I'm not sure what you did."

Tonks bit her lip. This was going to be harder than she'd thought. She looked back at Remus.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," he said.

But Tonks was determined to make Marcus understand. She pulled her wand out of her pocket. Marcus stared at it in terror.

"It's alright," she said. "Just watch." She moved to the cupboard, took out a glass dish and threw it to the floor where it shattered. She pointed her wand at it. " _Reparo!_ "

Marcus recoiled as though a snake had leapt at him. His eyes were glued on the newly repaired dish. She'd fixed it just as she had fixed the mirror. "How are you doing that?" he asked, clearly alarmed.

"It's alright, Marcus." Remus moved toward him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He stepped behind Marcus, hopping he could stop him if he made a sudden decision to run for the door.

Tonks pushed forward, thinking it was better to just get it all out in the open. "I'm a witch."

"A what?" Marcus practically jumped out his chair. Remus gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze while shaking his head at Tonks. This was not working.

"Not the kind that you're used to thinking of," she said quickly. "I'm not Wicca. But I can do magic - real magic like..." She cast her mind around for something Marcus could associate her with. "Like Merlin."

"Merlin?" Marcus repeated. Bloody hell. The whole world had gone crazy. He had to get out of here. But Remus had a firm grip on his shoulder.

"You've heard of Merlin, haven't you?" asked Tonks hopefully.

"Of course I've heard of - Magic isn't real!" Marcus shouted suddenly.

"It's not?" asked Tonks. "Think, Marcus. Think of what just happened."

"I don't know what just happened," he said, shaking his head. He didn't want to think about it. It didn't make sense. It defied all logical explanation.

"Just think for a minute," she pressed. "Think of before, of what happened upstairs. Think of what you saw. What did you see?"

Marcus thought wildly. "There - there were jets of - of light and - and the..." The bed had gone flying into the air as though an explosion had gone off, but there hadn't been any explosives. He'd been cut and she had healed him. She'd fixed the mirror and the dish ... and she'd done it all with only a word and a gesture. He had seen it, but he couldn't believe it.

Lost in thought, Marcus relaxed slightly and Remus loosened his hold a little bit.

Tonks came up to Marcus and placed a hand on his arm. He flinched. "I healed you. You know I did."

Marcus looked at her and noticed the stick she was holding. "What is that thing?" he asked quietly.

"It's a wand," she said simply.

"A magic wand?" Marcus's mind was spinning.

Tonks nodded. "Magic is real Marcus."

Marcus put his face in his hands. "This doesn't make any sense."

"Because of what you've been told," she said. "You have forget about that. Didn't you believe in magic when you were little?"

"Dad took me to see a magician once." Marcus told her, clinging to the memory. It was the only thing that made sense at the moment. "I was amazed by all the things they did, and then dad took me back stage to show me it was all just smoke and mirrors."

"Magicians just do tricks," she said. "But this is magic -  _real_  magic. No strings attached."

Marcus just sat there, shaking his head. This couldn't be real.

"I can make something levitate across the room if you want."

"No!" said Marcus quickly. "No more ... magic. I-I just..." His head swam. Oh, why couldn't he wake up from this nightmare? He kept waiting for someone to tell him this was some sick joke, but no one was saying anything. The more he thought about what had happened in Tonks's room, the more he came to realize ... but no ... it just couldn't... Magic wasn't real. It just couldn't be. But then, what other explanation was there? "On-on second thought," he said to Tonks, deciding that he needed more convincing. "...maybe you should..."

Tonks gave her wand a flick and the cupboard door sprang open. " _Wingardium Leviosa_!" A cup raised from the shelf and began floating slowly but steadily in Marcus's direction.

He stared at it, not in fear but in wonder. Floating before him was everything he had ever wanted to believe in. His father hadn't approved of his ten-year-old son believing in such nonsense, but his dad had been wrong. Magic was almost within Marcus's grasp. All the stories he'd heard about dragons and Merlin and King Arthur came to life before his eyes.

He reached out and the cup landed in his upturned hands. He stared down at it and knew he was now a believer. "This is insane."

"It wasn't insane to that little boy." Tonks pointed out.

Marcus was silent for a long moment, but there was excitement in his eyes when he looked up at Tonks and said, "Can you make it go back?"

Both Tonks and Remus laughed. At sound of his voice Marcus turned to Remus. "You knew? This whole time?"

"Well..." Remus hesitated. "I can do magic too."

Marcus blinked. Then his eyes widened to the size of Quidditch hoops. "And what does that make you, a warlock?"

"Well," Remus shifted uncomfortably. "Wizard is the preferred term, but-"

Marcus cursed and lay his head on the table with a hard  _thunk_. His own roommate! "I'm all right!" he professed, holding his hands up when Tonks and Remus moved to comfort him. "I'm all right! I just need a minute! A very  _long_ minute!"

"Listen," said Tonks quickly. "The reason we're telling you all of this is because Snape can do magic as well and-"

"And them?" asked Marcus, jabbing his thumb at the door where the aurors were waiting on the other side.

Tonks nodded.

Marcus ran a hand over his face as though ironing it. He was going to need some serious therapy, but he got the point. "Next time I run into Snape, I'll let the magic people handle it."

Tonks smiled. "Good... Do you still need a moment?"

"Please," said Marcus as though they couldn't leave him alone fast enough.

They went to the door, but Marcus changed his mind. "Actually, Tonks? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Remus left and Tonks sat down at the table across from Marcus.

"I want you to know," he said. "That ... well ... this is a real turn-off."

Tonks laughed. "Can't date a girl who can perform magic?"

Marcus shook his head. "Nah, she'd be too far out of my league."

Tonks smiled. It didn't look like he was going to be chasing after her anymore. "There are plenty of muggle girls out there for you, Marcus."

"Muggle?"

"It's a word for people who can't do magic."

"Oh."

"Listen, if you ever have any questions about the wizarding world, don't hesitate to-"

Marcus stuttered. "W-w-w-world? There's a world?"

"I mean, there's people like me and Remus all over the planet. We're all hidden, trying to make sure you don't notice us-"

"W-wait. Just stop. I don't..." He put his face in his hands. "I don't want to hear anymore. I mean, it's cool. But my brain is just ... I don't even have a word ... in overload. You know?" He looked up at her. "As long as it's just you and Remus. I mean, those guys," He pointed at the door. "I don't know them, so I don't really care. And Snape... I guess I'll have to watch out for him. But that's it.

"And, yeah, I have questions," he continued. "I don't know how you learned all that stuff, I don't know who those other guys in the living room are, and don't know why Snape is after you. But don't tell me. Because I just don't want to know."

Tonks hesitated, reaching for the wand in her pocket. "Marcus ... if you want, there is a spell ... I can make you forget that we ever told you about this. I can make you forget the whole night."

"You mean like ... you'd erase my memory?"

Tonks nodded. "Yeah."

Marcus thought for a long moment. Oh, did that sound wonderful. No witches or wizards. No magic. But then, he didn't like the idea of having his memory wiped. It just seemed . . .  _wrong_  to let someone do that to him. Marcus shook his head. "I'm not afraid of the truth . . . even if it's crazy."

Tonks released her wand and then suddenly remembered something. "Why did you come here in the first place?"

It took Marcus a moment to remember. "Oh! That..." He hesitated. Remus had asked him not to say anything. But then, maybe he didn't have to. Maybe tonight's events had convinced Remus to come back here. "Do you know if Remus is staying?"

"He brought his suitcase, so ... I think so, yes. But what does that have to do with-?"

"He hasn't been sleeping well lately." Marcus interjected. "He said he has these dreams where he hurts people, and ... well, don't tell him I told you, but he's woken me up a few times because of them. I thought maybe you'd know something about it." There was certainly more to it than that but if Remus was staying... mission accomplished. There wasn't any point in saying what Remus didn't want him to say.

Tonks was thoughtful for a moment. She felt that she knew exactly what Remus dreamt about, but she'd had no idea it could get that bad. "Maybe I can do something."

"I need to go home," said Marcus suddenly.

Tonks was shaken from her thoughts. "What? Oh, no. You're more than welcome to stay here-"

Marcus held up a hand. "No. Thanks, but I really need to go home."

Tonks didn't like the idea of him going alone. "Well, I'll get someone to escort you or Remus could-"

Marcus got up from the chair. "I'd rather not-"

They argued about it all the way out the door, and then Remus heard what was going on and joined in as well. It ended with Marcus simply walking away from them and out the front door, all the while insisting that he'd give them a call once he got home. Remus and Tonks stared after him.

"He'll be okay ... right?"

Remus shrugged, looking worried.

"I'll watch him." McKinley sneaked out the door, tapped himself with his wand, and vanished before their eyes. Remus wondered if Marcus would have been a little more enthusiastic about magic if they had mentioned invisibility ... but somehow he doubted it would have made a difference.

 

 

"Hey, it's me." Marcus said from the other end of the line. "I'm alive ... obviously."

"You going to be okay?" asked Remus.

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'm just going to watch the telly, get drunk, go to bed and then maybe in the morning the world will make more sense."

Remus cringed. He still wasn't sure if telling Marcus had been the best idea. "Just take care of yourself, mate."

"Me? Oh, I'm just dandy. But what about you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Here, I'll give you a hint. It starts with a 'T' and ends with an 'onks.'"

"Are you drunk already?" asked Remus, slightly amused.

"Nope. Haven't even opened a bottle yet."

"Get drinking, then." He hung up the phone.

Kingsley cursed loudly from the other room and Remus went to investigate. "What's going on?"

"I don't believe it!" he shouted. "After what happened last time... I ought to chain her to the wall!"

"You're rambling." Remus pointed out.

"Tonks!" said Kingsley, clearly upset. "She's disappeared  _again_ -"

"She's disappeared before?"

"-She's got to be outside somewhere." Kingsley began frantically checking the windows.

Remus strangely wasn't worried. He felt that he'd know if Tonks was in danger, and somehow he knew she was fine. Funny how he hadn't been so confident when he'd been back at his apartment with Marcus.

He didn't really know where he was going, but he walked through the living room, passed the stairs and turned to the left where he found an inconspicuous door waiting for him. He opened it and stepped outside into the backyard of the house. Tonks was standing at the edge of the pond, trying and failing to skip rocks across its surface.

"I never was very good at this," he said as he came from behind her and picked a pebble off the ground. He flung it across the water and it skipped five times before sinking.

Tonks gave him a look.

"Beginner's luck." He picked up another pebble. It skipped across the surface six times before vanishing under the water.

Tonks laughed and shoved him. "You are such a  _liar!_ "

Remus chuckled and returned to his spot beside her. "I try," he said casually.

Tonks gave her pebble a throw, but it sunk with a  _plop_. "I need to get out of the house some times," she said, picking up another stone. "There's too much testosterone in there."

Remus smiled and shook his head. "You better watch it. Kingsley might have a nervous break down."

Tonks nodded in agreement. She hefted her stone before throwing it. It skipped once.

"You going to tell me what happened?" Remus asked.

"Not much to tell," she admitted, throwing another rock. That one sunk too. "I woke up - for some reason the prat had his wand illuminated. So then ... I don't know, we just started throwing curses at each other." Another rock sank. "Marcus comes in and jumps on his back. A Killing Curse went right past my head ... probably would've killed me if the slimy git had been able to aim properly." She got her pebble to skip twice. "He blasted Marcus into the mirror, realized he was out numbered when he noticed the rest of the party had arrived and threw some kind of powder into the air. Everything went pitch black. We couldn't see anything. When we finally got it all to clear, Snape was gone and Marcus was lying in a bloody mess on the floor." She went to throw another pebble but Remus grabbed her hand. He was about to say something, but paused as he noticed how quickly her hand had healed since she'd punched Balaquer's face in. She must have found something to put on it.

"Am I missing something?" he asked once he'd recoved his thoughts. She seemed upset.

"You weren't there," she said, dropping the pebble.

"I told you I was-"

"I know."

"I would've been there if I could have-"

"I know."

"Then what's wrong?"

She shrugged. "He got away again. I have a whole Merlin knows how many days ahead of me full of worrying and wondering when he'll show up again." But there was something in her tone and her manner that suggested that wasn't what was bugging her. "And Marcus-"

"Marcus will be fine." Remus assured her. "He just needs some time, but he'll be fine."

She threw her hands into the air. "Well, alright then!" She headed for the door.

Remus grabbed her wrist. "Nymphadora-"

"Don't call me that!"

"-What  _is_  it?"

"Hormones!" she shouted. "I'm PMSing! I don't know!" She pulled her hand from his and headed for the door once again.

Remus blinked. Several times. "W-w-wa-wait, what? Are you?" he asked.

She turned at the door. "Do you really want to know the answer to that?" Her tone implied that he didn't.

"Well, not really," he admitted. "But I would like to know what you're so upset about."

"So would I!" she said and slammed the door behind her.

Remus stood outside, feeling extremely confused. After what seemed like several eons, he shook his head. "Women are insane." But he smiled knowing that there was one particular insane woman inside the house whom he was absolutely crazy about.

 

 

Remus was sitting on the bed and unpacking when Tonks gave a knock and walked in. "Sorry about ... earlier."

Remus shrugged. "That's okay." He was more than content to just forget about it.

"I was frustrated," she said.

"About what?" he asked, still very confused.

She shrugged again. "It's a woman thing. Give me a few days and you won't have to worry about me going through crazy mood swings. Here." She put something in his hands. "Marcus mentioned that you hadn't been sleeping very well."

Remus looked at the object in his hand. It was a large ring that leather had been bound around. Three feathers hung off the one end and there was a loop on the other end for hanging. An intricate web of thick string was dotted with beads and had been spun inside the ring. At the center of the web was a small hole. "What is it?"

"It's a dream catcher. Dad got it for me when I was little and it never worked for me but ... well, it's kind of childish but I thought it wouldn't hurt to try."

"How does it work?" he asked curiously.

"Well, supposedly bad dreams - worries or anxieties - have sharp edges and get caught in the web. Good dreams - happy thoughts - have smooth edges and pass through the hole in the middle. You're supposed to hang it near where you sleep."

Remus studied the strange object in his hands.

"I just thought..." said Tonks nervously. "You know ... humor me."

Remus shrugged. It was the thought that counted, right? Besides, it wasn't going to hurt anything. "Well," he said. "I guess I'll give it a try." He stood up. "I mean, I wouldn't want you to go into another one of your mood swings."

Tonks laughed.

"Is the window alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I think that's fine."

He hung it up and walked back to her. "I guess we'll know if it works by tomorrow."

She nodded.

"Goodnight, Nymphadora." And without thinking, without meaning to, he kissed her on the cheek. He froze once he realized what he'd done.

Tonks seemed to hesitate. Then she kissed him on the cheek as well. "Goodnight, Remus." She hurried off down the hall.

Remus touched the spot where she'd kissed him, noting that it was same spot where she'd hit him a couple weeks ago. He stuck his head out the doorway. Was she skipping down the hall or was it just his imagination?

"What the bloody hell was that?" he asked himself once he had closed the door. He slapped a hand to his forehead.  _Smooth, Remus. Real smooth._

He collapsed onto the bed. That hadn't been stupidity. No, that had been insanity. What on earth had made him do that? "We're both off our rockers," he said aloud. "We both need to be checked into a mental hospital." In his mind's eye he could see Tonks doing a silent victory dance in her room.

At length, he shook his head, finished unpacking and went to sleep.


	8. First Quarter Moon

"Did it work?"

"...Did what work?"

"The dream catcher."

"Oh!" Remus had completely forgotten all about it. He had to think for a minute, but in the end he wasn't sure if it had worked or not since he hadn't had any dreams last night.

"So ... I guess it sort of worked," said Tonks after he had told her this.

Remus shrugged. "Sort of," he agreed. Though, he was pretty sure the dreams had gone away because he didn't have to worry about her anymore.

"How do you think Marcus is doing?" she asked, glancing at the phone.

"I'm sure he's fine." Remus assured her. "But I'd give him a day before contacting him. You know? Just so he can get his bearings."

At that moment, Balaquer came into the kitchen where Remus and Tonks were having breakfast and (as usual) grunted, but it wasn't in greeting. He clearly didn't approve of them sitting together.

Tonks rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. Remus fought back a laugh.

"At least he's not talking anymore," she muttered, leaning closer to him so Balaquer couldn't hear. "But he's still an annoying pain in the ass."

Those had been Remus's exact thoughts. He shook his head, smiling. "No comment."

"You know," she whispered, keeping Balaquer under close scrutiny. "I bet you I could AK him, plead temporary insanity at the trial and get away with it."

She certainly sounded insane to him. "And what makes you say that?"

"It was in the paper," she explained. "A muggle woman pleaded temporary insanity because she had been on her period and-" She stopped. "Well, men don't really want hear about that kind of stuff, do they? Sorry."

"Well..."

_"Any luck with Evens today, Prongs?"_

_"No." James said sadly._

_"Oh," said Sirius. He wasn't really surprised. Practically every day James tried to get Evens to go out with him. Sirius thought that maybe he should try a different tactic. Like asking her every other day, for example. "Well, better luck next time, mate."_

_"She seemed really moody today," said James thoughtfully. "I mean, more than usual. I thought she was going to bite my head off for a moment there."_

_Sirius shrugged. "Maybe ... you know ... it's that time of the month for her."_

_James twisted his face into a look of disgust. "Thanks, Padfoot," he said sarcastically. "Like I really wanted to know that."_

_Just then, the door to their dormitory burst open._

_"Oi! Moony!" greeted Sirius._

_Remus glared at him._

_"What's eating_ you? _" asked James as Remus passed by him on the way to his four-poster._

_Sirius grinned mischievously. "Maybe ... you know ... it's that time of the month for him."_

_Remus flashed him a vulgar hand gesture. Truth be told, the full moon was only a day or two away._

_Sirius feigned surprise. "Did I just see an obscene hand gesture coming from-!" He didn't get to finish his sentence because James's feather pillow hit him on the mouth._

_Remus lay down on his bed and drew the curtains forcibly around him as Sirius threw the pillow back at his attacker._

_"Honestly, Padfoot," said James. "You're my best mate, but sometimes you can be a real prick." Yet James was smiling when he threw the pillow at him again._

_Sirius shrugged. "It's a living." He suddenly turned, throwing the pillow at Peter who had been silently watching from his own four-poster. He was caught by surprise, the pillow hitting him hard on the head ("Ow!") and knocking him off the bed and onto the floor._

_Sirius and James roared with laughter._

_"Will you three KNOCK IT OFF!" Remus yelled from behind his curtain._

"Remus?"

He shook his head, dislodging himself from the memory. "Oh, sorry. I was ... um..." It took him a moment to remember what they had been talking about. "So ... did she get off?"

Tonks nodded.

He stared at her. "You're kidding," he said in disbelief.

She shook her head.

"What did she do?"

"I don't remember," said Tonks as she looked around the table for the paper. "It was something serious. Like robbing a store or something."

"And she got off just because she..." His friends may have made jokes about his "time of the month" but they were two very different things. "That isn't right," he said. "Just because she-" He suddenly noticed Tonks was staring at him. She looked all in a huff, and he realized he'd said the wrong thing. "Er, I-I mean-"

"I'm just teasing," she told him, smiling at the look of terror that had momentarily crossed his face. "I thought it was pretty ridiculous myself."

 _Oh, okay. Good._ Remus sighed in relief. That could have been bad. "That's not funny."

She shrugged, smiling apologetically. "I thought it was."

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus caught Balaquer standing by the sink. He was taking his sweet time, watching the both of them. Remus really wished the git would leave, but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He turned to Tonks and put his hand on hers. "Listen, Nymphadora. Maybe we should-"

Balaquer cleared his throat loudly.

Tonks shot him looks of death but Balaquer had turned his back on them again. She reached for her wand and turned to Remus. "Let me do it."

She was whispering so quietly that he could hardly hear her, but somehow he could understand every word she said. He smiled. Then he realized she was only half joking about AK-ing him and shook his head.

She pouted. "Oh, come on."

He shook his head again, grinning at the look on her face. "No."

" _Please?_ " She looked like a little girl begging for money to spend in the candy shop.

Remus had to fight hard not to laugh. "No."

There was a sparkle in her eye as she said, "I'm sure to get off. I'm insane, remember?"

He looked down at the table. He was sure to burst out laughing with the faces she was making. "I don't think so."

"Just a little hex?"

He was actually considering it when Balaquer slammed his plate down on the table. They looked up at him.

"Can we  _help_  you?" asked Tonks moodily.

"Pass the salt."

"Get it yourself-"

"Nymphadora." Remus tried.

" _Remus,_ " she shot back at him.

He raised his eyebrows at her. Really, it just wasn't worth it. He took his hand from hers, which was undoubtedly what Balaquer had wanted, and reached for the salt. He handed it to Balaquer who then began shaking it onto his eggs.

Tonks glared at Remus, apparently very disappointed in him.

"You're being childish," he mouthed.

She lifted her eyes to the ceiling as though to say,  _Yes, I am_. Then she looked at him and stuck out at her tongue.  _What are you going to do about it?_

 _Apparently nothing._ Remus had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.

Balaquer finally put the salt down. There was no doubt in Remus's mind that he had witnessed everything that had just happened, and frankly... Remus didn't care. Balaquer took up his plate and was about to sit down when Tonks shot him a look that Remus felt would have sent Voldemort himself running for cover.

Balaquer quickly turned to leave, and, as he walked out, Remus noticed that magical words had appeared on his back:

I

AM

A

PRICK

Remus put his head down and laughed into the table because Balaquer surely would have heard him if he hadn't.

" _Now_  who's being childish?" asked Tonks coyly, laughing freely now that Balaquer was out of ear shot.

"I didn't do that." Remus protested, lifting his head.

"No," said Tonks, twirling her wand between her fingers. It fell to the floor and she disappeared under the table for a moment to pick it back up. "But you're laughing, so you obviously approve."

 _Yeah, well, you do that to me._  Remus hesitated and realized this was not a retort he wanted to share. "How long do you think?" he asked, nodding in the direction Balaquer had gone. "Before he notices, I mean."

She shrugged. Then she laughed. "I don't want to be around when he does."

Remus grabbed her hand. "Then let's get out of here."

"Oh, no," she said in mock concern. "Kingsley will have to be admitted into a mental institution if we just disappear without saying anything."

"Well..." said Remus, playing along. "If you'd rather not..."

Tonks practically leapt from her chair. "Are you kidding? Let's do it!"

Together they managed to get out of the house without anyone noticing. They spent what had seemed like hours outside in the backyard at the pond where Remus tried to teach her how to skip rocks. She had gotten it down to four skips when Kingsley came out of the house shouting like Mrs. Weasley.

 

 

Tonks gave Marcus a call the next morning and somehow convinced him to come over.

"I have to ask you a question before you can come in." Remus told him when he came to the door.

"Why?"

"Because ... wizards and witches can disguise themselves as other people."

"Really?" asked Marcus, surprised. "So ... Snape could disguise himself to look like me? Like shape-shifting?"

Remus nodded.

"Wow." Marcus tried to wrap his mind around the concept. He got a headache and stopped. "Okay, um ... ask away."

Remus looked at him. "What did I  _specifically_  ask you not to tell Tonks?"

Marcus felt his eyes widen. "I didn't say anything, Remus. I swear."

"You told her I wasn't sleeping well," he pointed out. "And you never told me why you had been over here that night."

Marcus knew he was trapped. "I was ... a little  _concerned_  about you," he admitted. "But I swear, the only thing I told her was that you weren't sleeping well. That's it! Nothing else. Honestly, mate, I wouldn't say something like that when you had asked me not to. You know I wouldn't."

Remus let out a slow breath as he realized his mistake. "Sorry, Marcus. But I had to be sure. You understand, right?"

Marcus shrugged, which basically meant that he did understand. "I can't be offended for too long, right?" he asked. "I mean, you'd turn me into a ... I don't know. A toad or something.

Remus let out a laugh. "Nymphadora would turn you into a toad. I'd just-"

Marcus mouth dropped open. " _Nymphadora!_  That's her name!"

Remus cursed inwardly and brought a hand to his mouth. He hadn't meant to say that.

"Oh, my god." Marcus laughed. He apparently found it very funny. " _Nymphadora?_ "

"Marcus, shush," pleaded Remus. "She'll kill me. I'm serious."

"What are you going to do for me?" asked Marcus, still laughing. "That's two secrets I have to keep for you."

"I don't know." Remus hurriedly racked his brain for something. "Er..."

"You have to go to a concert with me."

"Deal." He was in a hurry to get Marcus to shut up before Tonks came by.

They shook hands on it. Marcus put on a straight face and entered the house. He started laughing again the moment he caught sight of Tonks, however.

"Be _quiet._ " Remus hissed, though he wasn't sure Marcus had heard him.

Tonks decided to introduce Marcus to Wizard Chess. Remus wasn't sure it was a good idea, but Marcus seemed to like the idea that the pieces could move on their own. Before Remus could explain that the pieces could talk too, Tonks had conjured a couple chairs and a small table, and Marcus had pulled him into a game. Five minutes later, Remus couldn't decide if Marcus was a horrible chess player or if he just liked watching the pieces beat each other up.

"What the bloody hell's wrong with you?" demanded Marcus's rook. "Can't you see his knight? It's like you actually  _want_  us to lose!"

Marcus just laughed and ordered the rook forward. The chess piece looked up at Tonks who nodded. Reluctantly, the piece obeyed.

"They seem to like you." Marcus told her as he watched the rook march off to its doom. Then he realized how crazy that sounded. These were chess pieces!

"Yes. Well, I've had this set for a long time."

Remus ordered his knight to overtake the rook. It moved without complaint.

"How come they don't talk to you?" asked Marcus.

"Because," he said simply. "I'm not sending them on suicide missions."

Marcus sat transfixed as the knight clobbered his rook and then dragged it off the chessboard. "This is better than professional wrestling," he said enthusiastically as he ordered a pawn forward.

"I'm going to make some tea," said Tonks, standing up. "Do you want some?"

Both men nodded.

"Oh, wait!" Marcus shouted after her once she had gotten halfway across the room. "Now they won't listen to me." The pieces only seemed to follow his orders when Tonks told them to.

"Doesn't matter," said Remus as he commanded his bishop. "Checkmate."

"That's it?" said Marcus as he watched the king throw his crown at the bishop's feet. "No epic battle?"

Remus laughed. "You're enjoying this too much."

Marcus turned in his chair to make sure Tonks was out of the room. "I've changed my mind. Forget about the concert. I won't tell her you told me her name if you get me a set like this for Christmas."

Remus thought for a moment. He made sure none of the aurors were listening before he said, "I could probably do that. You'd have to keep it hidden, though."

"Right," he agreed. "Are there other games like this? Wizard Checkers?"

"Well, I'm sure someone's charmed a set. But this game's more popular." He thought for a moment. "We have our own sport. Did you know that?"

Marcus shook his head, seeming interested.

"It's called Quidditch, and we play it on broomsticks-"

"You mean that's true? You actually ride brooms?"

"Our worse kept secret," he told him. "We use them to travel short distances too."

"What do you use for long distances?" asked Marcus curiously.

"Well, there's floo powder - you throw it in the fire and it acts as a kind of portal - and then there's apparition where you disappear from one place and reappear-"

Marcus put his hand up. He was getting a headache.

"Sorry." Remus apologized. "Too much?"

Marcus nodded. "I think I'll just stick with chess. I mean, Quidball sounds interesting but-"

"Quidditch," said Remus, laughing.

"Whatever," he said. "I like chess. Let's just stick with that."

"Do you want to play again?"

"Sure, but ... the pieces won't listen to me until Tonks gets back."

"I'll lose this time."

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

Remus reset the board and sent his pieces blindly forward.

"So," said Marcus conversationally. "I take it you've been sleeping better lately?"

Remus nodded absentmindedly and sent his rook forward.

Marcus countered with his pawn. If Remus had been sleeping, that meant he'd gotten the dreams to go away. And if he'd gotten the dreams to go away, that meant... "You really were worried about her then, weren't you?"

Remus looked up from the battle commencing on the board. Marcus knew this wasn't a conversation he wanted to get into, but he couldn't help it. "Look, mate, I just..." He gestured behind him. "Tonks is a beautiful girl, so why wouldn't you... There has to be something you haven't told me... It doesn't have anything to do with the magic thing, does it?"

Remus sighed and sent his knight into harm's way. "I'm cursed, Marcus," he said sadly.

Oh, so it had everything to do with the magic thing. "What does that mean?" he asked after a moment. "I don't know what that means."

Balaquer moved a little closer to them. He looked out the window and seemed to be checking on the perimeter, but Remus knew he was really listening in on their conversation.

"It means," said Remus slowly. He didn't even bother lowering his voice. He was too fed up with Balaquer to care. "That I can't have a normal life."

"How?" Marcus wasn't paying much attention as he sent his knight onto the field.

"I have - well,  _had_  a muggle job because I can't get one in the wizarding world. And that's because most people don't ... want someone like me around."

"Isn't that discriminatory?"

"Well, certain legislation was passed..." He waved it off with his hand, signaling that he really didn't want to talk about it. He moved his pawn. "The point is that it's virtually impossible for me to get a job in the wizarding world."

"Well, why?" asked Marcus, blindly moving his bishop. "What's so bad about being cursed that people don't-" And then he remembered what Remus had said about his dreams and how he, Marcus, had wondered why he would dream about such things. "When were you cursed?" he asked slowly.

Remus looked up at him, wondering if he should answer that question. "I, um ... I was very young."

Remus had said before that he'd had the dreams since he was little. Marcus stared at him, hardly daring to ask the question. Remus swallowed, aware that Marcus had figured something out, but unsure as to exactly what it was or whether he really wanted to hear what Marcus was about to say. However, Marcus didn't seem to be able to say anything. His mouth was open but there was no sound.

"You ... you hurt people?" he barely managed to rasp out.

Balaquer scoffed, still looking out the window.

Remus rested his head in his hand and looked down at the table, the game forgotten. There was a notch in the wood and he picked at it. "I could," he said.

"Randomly?" he blurted.

"It's on a time frame," he explained. "It happens every-" he stopped. There was no way he was going to tell Marcus that. At present, he had no clue werewolves existed and Remus wanted to keep it that way.

"Have you ever..." Marcus hesitated, realizing this was a touchy subject. "Hurt anyone?"

Remus shook his head. A bit of the wood he was picking at chipped away. "I've come  _very_ close." He looked up. "Marcus, you have to understand. I don't have any control over it. I don't have any idea what I've done until after the fact."

"Is it like ... like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing?" asked Marcus, trying to relate it to something he knew.

Remus thought about it. "Sort of." At least when Jekyll turned into Hyde, he was still a man.

"You weren't visiting your mum all those times, were you?" he asked.

Remus shook his head. "Mum's dead. She got sick," he explained.

"I'm sorry."

"It happened a long time ago."

"I mean, I'm sorry I brought this up," he said. He wanted to ask a few more questions but he could tell Remus really didn't want to talk about it. He wasn't going to press it any further. "That's just..." He didn't know what to say. He was completely blown away.

Remus hesitated. "Listen, Marcus, if you're ... uncomfortable with-"

"What? No, I didn't mean... Well, you're careful about it, right? I mean, you've been living with me for how long and I've never known. You never told me anything - which really ticked me off at some points but - you have to do what you have to do, right? I guess what I'm trying to say is..." He shrugged. "I don't mind."

"So ... you're okay with it?" he asked.

He shrugged again. "Yeah, whatever."

Balaquer made a sound of disgust and walked away.

Remus smiled. "Thanks, Marcus."

Marcus turned in his seat to see where Tonks had gone. She wasn't back yet. "Tonks ... she knows, right?"

"Yeah," said Remus, finding a sudden renewed interest in the game. "She knows."

"And she doesn't care?"

Remus shook his head. "It's your turn."

Marcus leaned forward and lowered his voice so no one else heard. "Mate, listen for a minute."

Remus looked up at him. Marcus glanced over his shoulder again, but when he turned back it was Sirius who was sitting across from Remus and saying,  _"Exactly how many chances like this do you expect to get?"_

"What?" Remus shook his head and the vision of Sirius faded.

"Think about it," said Marcus. He looked down at the board and moved his queen. "Checkmate." He stood up. "I'm going to check on Tonks."

Remus's mind was in a haze. Had Marcus actually said that or was he, Remus, just imagining things? He suddenly realized Marcus had checkmated him. He looked down at the board. "Wait-How did you do that?"

Marcus turned and shrugged, walking backwards.

"Marcus, watch-" Remus called out, but too late. He slammed right into Tonks who had just come out of the kitchen carrying a tray of hot tea.

There was a  _crash_ , then muffled curses and hurried apologies. Remus got out of his chair, coming toward them, but then Tonks took her shirt off. Remus immediately turned in the opposite direction.

Tonks couldn't help it. That tea was  _scolding!_  She ripped her shirt off, afraid of being seriously burned. All the men in the room turned respectfully the other way ... though some were so shocked that it took them a little longer than the others. But it wasn't like she really cared. She  _did_  have a bra on, after all. It wasn't like they could actually see anything.

"Tonks, I'm so sorry." Marcus kept his eyes down, making sure to look everywhere but at her. He felt so stupid. He'd just spilt scolding hot tea down her front, not to mention he'd broken everything. And she'd taken her shirt off!

"Don't worry about it," she said quickly. "Just give me a hand, will you?"

"Sure." He grabbed the tray and a cup and then realized that everything had been repaired. She must have fixed it with her wand when he hadn't been looking properly.

He followed her into the kitchen and placed the items on the counter. "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention-"

"It's alright," she assured him. "There. See?"

He looked at her. The blouse she was wearing was now completely dry as though nothing had happened, but- "Um..."

Tonks looked down. The shirt was missing a button or two, causing the neckline to dip dangerously low. She cursed and turned from him, franticly looking through the drawers for a safety pin. "I was never very good at those kind of spells."

"I really am sorry," said Marcus who couldn't seem to apologize enough.

"Really, it's nothing. I do stuff like this all the time." She laughed. "The look on Remus's face..." She shook her head. "Almost made it worth it." She closed the drawer. There weren't any safety pins. "Oh, well." She moved about, making tea for the second time.

Marcus watched her for a while before finally making up his mind to ask. "What is it about him?"

Tonks looked up from her work. "Pardon?"

"It's just ... well, Remus said he was cursed and I was wondering-"

"He said that?"

Marcus nodded. "I mean, it's none of my business why you-"

"I suppose..." Cursed. She had never thought of it that way. Hmm. She went back to making tea. So, Marcus wanted to know why she liked Remus. Well, that was easy. "He sees me."

"He sees you?" he repeated slowly. What the bloody hell was that supposed to mean?

Tonks nodded. "I remember ... a year ago - well, no. It's been longer than that. I don't really remember exactly when it happened, but he looked at me and I felt as though he could see right through me. It was like he could see all my faults, my weaknesses, and my secrets. I was so terrified. And maybe it was just my imagination then, but now ... sometimes I feel like he knows me better than I know myself. I could list everything about me that I don't like, and it wouldn't matter because - even though he's never said anything - I know he likes me just the way I am. I like the way I feel when I'm around him. He makes me the person I've always wanted to be because he looks at me and sees absolutely nothing wrong with me."

She paused before continuing. "And when it comes to him ... there's things about himself that he doesn't like. And I wish he wouldn't be so hard on himself because there isn't one thing about him that I would want to change if I could."

"What about the curse?" asked Marcus.

Tonks shook her head. "Not even that. There's a saying that goes: 'We like people for their qualities, but we love them for their defects.' And I do. I really do." She picked up the tray of tea and headed for the door.

Marcus followed her, thinking silently. We love people for their defects? So ... wait. Did that mean that she loved him  _because_  of the curse, not  _in spite_  of it? He was a little confused. Had he heard her correctly?

Tonks sat the tray on the table as Marcus sat down. Remus turned to her and his eyes lowered to the dip of her neckline. He quickly drew his eyes away. Marcus laughed and Remus gave him a good kick from under the table. Tonks excused herself and she went upstairs to change. Remus glared daggers at Marcus.

"What?" he said, laughing. He raised his hands in a protest of innocence. "I didn't do anything!" But as he tipped the chair back on its hind legs, Remus was reminded too much of Sirius. And Sirius, although innocent of the crime he had been sent to Azkaban for, had always been guilty of some form of mischief or another.

 

 

Marcus spent the night and the guestroom was finally put to good use. The next day, Tonks gave him an album of moving pictures to look through along with a bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans to try. Marcus thought the pictures were cool, but he soon moved onto the Every Flavor Beans and spent a good hour trying them.

Tonks set up the chess set again and talked Marcus into a playing a round with her.

"Okay," said Marcus as he sat down. "This time it's serious."

Remus watched. Marcus wasn't a half-bad chess player, but Tonks was better.

Marcus folded his hands behind his head once the game was over. "A gentleman always lets a lady win."

Tonks laughed. "Oh, yeah, right!"

"I play winner." Remus announced.

Marcus gave up his seat and watched the game. Tonks won again.

Remus shrugged. "I'm just following Marcus's example."

Tonks threw her head back. "You're both full of it!"

Marcus hung out with them for the rest of day, but once the sky began to darken he decided it was time for him to go. He shook hands with Kingsley and Remus and gave Tonks a hug. "I guess I'll see you later," he said as he turned to leave. "Oh! I left you guys something in the kitchen, but don't look until after I've gone."

"Wait a minute."

Marcus turned around. "What?"

"What are you planning?" asked Remus suspiciously.

Marcus looked at him strangely. "I'm not planning anything."

Remus stared at him and look of complete disbelief fell over his face. "I know that look," he said slowly.

"Yeah..." said Tonks just as slowly. "I know it too."

They both looked liked they'd just seen a ghost.

"Okay," said Marcus. "You're both starting to freak me out. I'm leaving." He walked out the door. McKinley charmed himself and disappeared after him to keep watch.

Tonks and Remus turned to each other. It couldn't be ... Sirius?

"I'm losing my mind."

"If you're losing it," said Tonks. "Then I am too."

Remus shook his head. "No, because just the other day I thought I saw-" He paused. Kingsley was looking at the pair of them strangely. "Let's see what he left us, shall we?"

Remus pulled Tonks into the kitchen. It was dark inside. The only light came from four candles sitting on the table that was set for two. There were two wineglasses along with an expensive looking wine bottle, and a whole dinner was set out.

"What's going on?"

The door closed with a  _snap_  behind them. Remus turned and twisted the doorknob. It was locked. He reached into his pocket for his wand but- "My wand's gone," he said as he checked his other pockets.

Tonks felt around for hers. "Mine's gone too." She gasped suddenly. She was willing to bet anything that Marcus had taken hers when he'd hugged her, and Kingsley had taken Remus's when he and Marcus had shaken hands.

Remus jiggled the doorknob. "Kingsley! This isn't funny! Let us out!" He pounded on the door, but it was useless. They were stuck.

He turned back to the table. It was a romantic setting for two. After everything he had told Marcus... "I'm going to kill him." Remus said, carefully uttering every syllable.

Tonks giggled.

"Well, I'm glad someone finds this amusing."

Tonks shook her head. "It's just that ... it's so strange." She wiped at her eyes.

Remus stared. Was she crying?

She sniffed and turned to him. "I had overhead Sirius and Molly plotting to lock us in a closet together until we'd talked everything out. Obviously this is much bigger than a closet and I doubt Sirius had planned on providing dinner but..." She trailed off.

"When did you hear about this?"

"It was just a few days before ... before he died." She spread her arms, gesturing around her. "I mean, it's almost like he..." She stopped to wipe her eyes again. "I'm sorry it's just-"

"No," he said. "I know what you mean. Yesterday, when you weren't there, we were talking and I could've sworn Sirius was sitting across from me instead of Marcus. Weird, huh?"

"Yeah," she agreed. She sniffled.

Remus went to her. "Are you going to be all right?"

She took a shaking breath. "Yeah." She took another more steady breath this time. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He gestured toward the table. They were stuck in here so they might as well. "Shall we?"

 

 

Marcus knocked on the front door. Kingsley opened it.

"One wand," said Marcus, smiling as he held it up. "Special delivery."

Kingsley took Tonks's wand and put it in his pocket with Remus's.

"How are they doing?"

Kingsley looked behind him. "Well, they stopped trying to break the door down, so I think they realize they're going to be in there for while." He turned back to Marcus. "Great idea, by the way."

Marcus shrugged. The idea had just sort of dropped out of the sky, so to speak. He didn't know where it had come from. But once he'd thought of it, he'd felt like it should have been done a long time ago. "Let me know how it goes, will you?"

 

 

Remus opened the wine bottle and filled both their glasses.

"Who do you think cooked?" Tonks asked, looking down at her plate curiously. "Not Marcus, surely."

Remus shrugged. "He mentioned that he'd had to pick up a few culinary skills while I was gone."

Tonks took a careful bite of her food before saying, "Speaking of Marcus ... he mentioned the other day that you told him you were ... cursed."

He looked up at her. It sounded like she was trying to get more information out of him, but he wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. "Yes, I did. Why?"

"Well, it's just... " She met his eyes. "I had never thought of it that way."

He stared at her. What other way was there to think of it?

Tonks sighed. She would have liked to enjoy the dinner that had been set up for them, but if she allowed herself to pretend that nothing was bothering her, she knew she'd regret it. She reached into her pocket. "I found this when I was throwing out the trash, and I've been meaning to ask you about it."

She slid the object across the table. It glinted in the candlelight as she took her hand away, and when Remus saw the shape of it, he knew what it was.

_Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Sight Seeing._

He picked up the badge he had worn at the ministry and explained to her how he had gotten it. When he had finished, she didn't look at all angry about Scrimgeour's new policy. It was as though her mind was on something else.

"Why did you hang on to it?" she asked, gesturing at the badge.

"I didn't," he told her. "I threw it away."

"I found it in your room a few days ago," she said. "It's been two weeks since you went to the ministry."

"Then I suppose it was in the rubbish bin for two weeks." He wondered why she was making such a big deal out of it.

She shook her head. "You're lying." She spoke softly and sounded anything but accusing. "You know it wasn't in there for two weeks. I can tell because lying makes you uncomfortable, and when you're uncomfortable, you hesitate while you talk."

Had the circumstances been different, he would've taken the time to be amazed that she'd noticed such a small detail. "I put it in a drawer," he admitted. "And I forgot about it. When I was packing up to leave, I found it and threw it away." He shrugged. "Does it matter?"

She scooted her fork around on her plate. She hadn't eaten much. She glanced over at his plate and noticed that he hadn't either. "Marcus said something to me about you when I first met him. He told me later that he'd just been talking out his arse but..." he paused. "I think he might have hit the mark without realizing it."

He stared at her. "What are you talking about?"

"I told him how I felt about you and how you keep throwing excuses at me-" Remus opened his mouth to object, but Tonks went on. "He said it sounded like you didn't think you deserved me."

Remus blinked. "What? Why would-?"

"I don't know why I never noticed before," she said, cutting him off. "I guess since I've always thought you were so wonderful, I couldn't see how anyone - least of all yourself - would think any differently. But I was wrong." She looked into his eyes. "You've told me over and over that you're too old, too poor and too dangerous. I used to think you were just being noble, but now... Marcus was right. You think I deserve better. You don't think you're good enough. You don't think you deserve me ... or to get married or have a family or ... or to be happy."

He didn't say a word as she went on. His face remained blank, expressionless. She knew that  _he_  knew that if he said anything, he'd give away what he didn't want to share with her. She watched him build a brick wall between them through his silence.

"It's not your fault that you're like that." She kept going because she needed to get it all out. "You've been told everyday since you were little that you were worthless. You couldn't find a school that would let you attend because you'd been bitten. You didn't want James or Sirius or Peter to find out because you were afraid they'd turn their backs on you. It was hard enough for you to find a job  _before_  Umbridge got that legislation passed. Saint Mungo's has its 'no treatment' policy. Scrimgeour passed that new Act and made you wear that ridiculous badge. Hogsmeade placed that ban. Then there are everyday assholes like Balaquer and Vorderman who aren't ashamed of telling you what they think of you. You aren't pessimistic by nature, Remus. This crap has been pounded into your head day in and day out so that when someone like me comes around and tells you how amazing you are, you literally think it's too good to be true."

She paused before continuing because she knew that if what she had just said hadn't hurt him, then this certainly would. She looked at him apologetically. "There was one person who could've made all the difference ... and I guess in a way she did."

"Nymphadora-" He closed his eyes, trying to shut himself off from the pain of rejection.

Tonks knew he didn't want her to continue, but she also knew that she couldn't stop now. "You thought you loved her," she said. "You thought you could trust her. So, you put your heart on the line and told her the truth. You told her you were a werewolf and she couldn't handle it." She stopped because it was hurting her to know what she was doing to him. "Grace dumped you, didn't she?"

He didn't give her an answer, which was fine because she already knew what it was. He got up from his chair without excusing himself and went to the door. He knocked twice. "Kingsley, open the door."

There was a tone of urgency in his voice, and Tonks knew Kingsley didn't hesitate before complying. She knew he practically rushed to open the door because that's what she would have done in his place.

As soon as there was enough space, Remus squeezed in between the door and the wall and vanished up the stairs as quickly as he could go without running.

Kingsley watched him leave and then peered into the kitchen at Tonks. "Er ... I guess it didn't go every well."

Well, yes and no. Remus was undoubtedly upset, but Tonks knew she had  _finally_  gotten somewhere. At last, she was beginning to understand why Remus continuously pushed her away. "Actually," she said. "For what it's worth, I think it went rather well."

 

 

Remus sat on the bed in his room, forcibly wiping away the moisture that had sprung to his eyes. Merlin's beard, did she have to lay it all out like that? But then he realized what he had never realized before.

_I am too old for you, too poor ... too dangerous._

When he had said the words, he'd thought he had simply spoken the truth. Those were obvious reasons why a relationship between the two of them would never work. But after what Tonks had just said, it became clear to him for the first time that he truly didn't think he deserved her.

And why would he deserve her? Hadn't Grace said it plain as day? What would make him think  _anyone_  could possibly love someone like him? And it wasn't just Grace. He'd been told nearly his whole life that he didn't deserve the light of day ... and all because of what he was.

From some desperate part inside of him, he cried out that they had all been wrong ... but when you've been looked down upon practically every day of your life, and when everyone had died who had truly mattered and who could have told you that everyone else was just full of themselves, what did you have left to convince yourself that there wasn't indeed something truly wrong with you?


	9. Waxing Gibbous Moon

Tonks hadn't gotten a real chance to speak with Remus since the night they'd been locked in the kitchen as he was doing his very best to avoid her. Truth be told, he was doing his very best to avoid everyone. The full moon was only a day or so away, depending on how you looked at it, and he was feeling antsy.

He could feel the curse running through his veins as though the wolf was impatient to break free.  _Not yet_ , he told it.  _It's not your time._  But it would be soon, and he felt like he was a danger to everyone, as though he had an infectious disease and needed to be isolated. He hated that feeling. Sometimes it went away, sometimes it came and went continuously, and sometimes it stayed with him until he transformed. Either way, it drove him mad.

Usually when he got like this, he rented a room at an inn and stayed there for a day or two where everyone he knew was safe from him. But Molly had a night out planned for Tonks and she had said that she expected Remus to be there and had gone on to add that there would be hell to pay if he wasn't. Damn that woman!

So, unable to leave, Remus had taken to barricading himself in his room. He left only to go to the loo (which didn't exactly count since the bathroom was attached to the bedroom).

Tonks was in the kitchen, making a sandwich, when Remus appeared as he had been doing when it was time to eat. He quickly put a sandwich together and then disappeared again before anyone had the chance to say a word to him.

Tonks watched him go. She ate her sandwich, then went upstairs. She was sure the last thing Remus wanted at the moment was company, but she was worried about him. She decided not to knock since he was sure to tell her to go away.

She eased the door slowly open. He was sitting against the headboard of the bed and reading this morning's  _Daily Prophet._  His hands shook slightly and the paper shook with them. Eventually, he put the paper down and then pressed his hands together in an effort to get them to stop.

Tonks stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Remus snapped his head up, his hands flying to his side.

"Nymphadora!" he gasped, surprised to see her.

She smiled softly and stepped further into the room. "I can walk in here now," she said. "Did I tell you?"

He shook his head, and she turned slowly in a circle to demonstrate.

"Congratulations," he told her, but it was only half-heartedly.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

He nodded. "I'm fine."

She didn't believe him. "You didn't eat much." She indicated the half-eaten sandwich on the end table.

"I'm not hungry."

She went to him and took his hands in hers. "What is it?" she asked.

"It just happens," he told her, needing to tell someone. "It's like I can feel it ... like it's ready to break lose and I don't know how long I can hold it back. I feel ... feral."

"You're not a danger to anyone until the full moon," she reminded him.

"I know. I just  _feel_  like-"

"I think it's all in your head," she cut in.

"Maybe."

They were silent for a moment. Then Tonks said, "Let me hold you."

Remus blinked. He wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. "Nymphadora-"

"Please? It might help."

"I don't think-"

But she'd already moved behind him. Before he knew what was happening, his head was resting against her shoulder and her arms were around him. She took his shaking hands in her steady ones, and he felt himself begin to relax.

"I'm sorry," she said. "About that night in the kitchen."

He shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

"I hurt you."

"Everything you said was true."

She bit her lip. "Remus, I want you to know that all I've ever wanted was to make you happy, to take some of the weight off your shoulders."

He didn't know how to tell her that she did that everyday.

 

 

Kingsley managed to drag Remus out of his room the next day. They stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Tonks. She had set an hour and a half aside to get ready for her night out. It wasn't required to dress up as they were only going to a pub, but it was Tonks's night so she could do whatever she wanted.

"We're going to be late!" Kingsley shouted up the stairs. "Molly and everyone are probably there already!"

"I'm coming! One minute!" she yelled back.

Kingsley turned to Remus and Marcus and shrugged.  _Women._

Marcus had been invited to come along (he'd even picked out the pub they were going to). He had shown up at the door five minutes ago.

"I think she just likes to aggravate you." Remus said to Kingsley. "She sneaks out of the house when she's supposed to stay inside, but now that she can leave freely, she's going to drive you mental by not going."

"Yeah? Well, you can wipe that smirk off your face, Remus, because I know you helped her out of the house at least once."

Marcus tried to disguise his laughter but failed miserably. Then suddenly, he stopped laughing and stared straight ahead at the stairs.

Remus turned to see what he was looking at and did a double take. Tonks stood on the bottom step dressed in the ocean blue dress that had belonged to her mother, and she had changed her hair to match. He couldn't tell what else she had done in the hour and a half, but, whatever it was, she simply glowed. Remus couldn't pull his eyes away.

Tonks focused on the three men in the room who mattered to her: Marcus, Kingsley ... and Remus. All of them were giving her the deer-in-the-headlight look. Kingsley was the first to recover and he smiled at her approvingly. Marcus was next. He turned from her to glance at Remus whose mouth had dropped open.

Tonks felt the heat rise to her cheeks, and she looked down at the floor for a moment. When she lifted her head again, Marcus was beaming at her and Remus was waking in her direction.

Marcus looked over at Kingsley and winked. Kingsley turned to Balaquer who was standing next to him and said, "If you so much as  _think_  anything berating, you thick, pompous bastard, so help me, I'll-"

"You look-" Remus said when he reached her. He paused, struggling to find the right word. "Amazing."

Tonks couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face. "Thank you." She lifted her eyes, indicating her hair. "No pink."

"I like pink," he said, playing with a strand of it. "This is nice too," he added. Then he whispered in her ear. "You're beautiful no matter what, Nymphadora."

She smiled. "Would a gentleman such as yourself care to escort a lady?"

He offered his arm. "At your service."

Only when they had gotten halfway out the door did Remus finally ask himself what the hell he was doing. However, at that point it was too late to turn back. He opened the door of the rental car for her and she slid in across the back seat. He slid in after her, and Marcus climbed into the passenger side. Kingsley got in up front; he was driving.

Tonks didn't know how Kingsley had gotten one of the Ministry's rental cars and she didn't ask. He was just good at that kind of stuff.

He turned the key and the ignition and they were off. Balaquer and McKinley weren't coming. This was Tonks's night out, and, besides, six members of the Order of the Phoenix should be more than enough of a guard.

 

 

"Dance with me?"

Remus looked up from his drink at the hand Tonks was offering him. He stole a glance around the table. Kingsley, Moody, Molly, Arthur, Hagrid, Marcus and Minerva were all pretending to be wrapped up in conversation, but Remus knew they had all heard Tonks and were waiting for his answer. Thinking of what he'd have to face from each one of them if he turned her down, Remus took Tonks's hand. "Sure."

He could practically feel everyone's approving glances on his back as she pulled him onto the dance floor. A jute box in the corner was playing unfamilure, yet entrancing music and setting the mood. Remus didn't know the words to the current song, but it had a good beat to it.

"I thought you were going to say 'no' for a moment there." Tonks told him as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, well I figured if I said that, then Hagrid would probably squash me."

She laughed. "The gentle giant."

He gave her a spin for fun. "Hagrid can be scary if he wants to." He knew from experience. When he had dated Tonks after Dumbledore's death and then had suddenly broken it off, Hagrid had come to him with his two cents about it. He had backed Remus into a corner and had shaken his fists at him. Remus had been seriously afraid of having his head separated from his body. Hagrid undoubtedly hadn't meant to be threatening, but Remus had seen his life flash before his eyes more than once during that short conversation. Come to think of it, it had been more of a monologue; Remus had just stood there and prayed.

Eventually, the song ended. Remus had had every intention of staying on the dance floor for a while since he and Tonks were enjoying themselves, but the song turned out to be a slow one. Remus hesitated, glancing up at the table. The faces he saw there told him clearly that they would all do worse than Unforgivables if he walked away so soon. Reluctantly, he stepped closer to Tonks.

"I don't get it," said Marcus to everyone at the table. They had long since gone through introductions. He had found it surprisingly easy to make conversation considering he was the only muggle at the table. He nodded in Remus and Tonks's direction. If anyone could answer the questions he had, it was the group of witches and wizards sitting with him. "Why is he so opposed to being with her? I mean, he told me he was cursed - so I can understand why he would be uneasy - but if Tonks doesn't care-"

"What all has Remus told you, dear?" asked Molly gingerly.

Marcus told her.

Molly bit her lip. "Well, you have the gist of it."

"You mean there's  _more_?" Somehow he wasn't surprised.

"Cursed?" growled Hagrid as he emerged from his mug. He had ordered a larger drink than everyone else, but Marcus imagined everything had to be larger around this guy. He was gigantic! Like an over large biker dude ... except that Marcus had trouble imagining Hagrid in a leather jacket and tattoos. He just didn't seem the type. "Cursed?"

"That certainly throws it out of perspective." Minerva agreed. She had ordered a small glass of wine.

"Sounds like some un put a spell on 'im, don' it?" said Hagrid. "But we all know he was-"

"Hagrid!" Molly jumped in. "Don't!" Plotting to get Remus and Tonks together was one thing, but this was another entirely. "I don't think we're the ones who should tell him."

"Who's going to tell him then, Molly?" inquired her husband, Arthur. "Remus apparently isn't."

"Certainly not!" agreed Minerva. "He didn't tell Pettigrew, Potter or Black, I can assure you. They figured it out on their own. One of them probably told Evans."

"And Sirius was the one who told Tonks." Kingsley added.

Marcus was lost. He didn't know any of the people they had spoken of. "Who's ' _Serious_?'" he asked, wondering if he had heard the name right.

They all looked at him as though he had just asked what two plus two equaled.

"How long have you known Remus, dear?" asked Molly gently.

"Er ..." Marcus counted on his fingers. "A year? Yeah, a year. Give or take a month or two."

They all looked at each other. Remus had been living at Grimmauld Place, but he'd moved out after Sirius had died. He must have moved in with Marcus some time after that.

"And he's never mentioned," continued Molly. "Anyone by the name of James or Sirius or Lily?"

Marcus shook his head. "Who are they?"

But they didn't seem to have heard him. They were all looking at Molly pointedly. If Remus hadn't told Marcus about his best friends, then he defiently wasn't going to tell him about...

"Oh, all right!" she said, throwing her hands into the air. "Tell him. But I don't want any part of it."

The others turned to each other, looking like they were about to draw straws to decide who would carry out the deed. Arthur sighed and took up the torch.

"Marcus..." He paused, trying to decide the best way to put it. At last he said, "I work at the Ministry of Magic."

Marcus's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "There's a Ministry of ...  _Magic?_ "

Arthur nodded. "The ministry's purpose is to keep the wizarding world hidden and also to protect the muggle world from the dangers of our own world."

"Dangers like what?" Marcus's mind was still reeling from the idea of a magical ministry.

"Dark wizards," said Arthur. "But also..." He paused again. "Well ... there are magical creatures like dragons-"

"Dragons are  _real?_ " Marcus's head was starting to hurt again.

Once more, Arthur nodded. "There's also unicorns and ... and phoenixes and..."

"Merpeople." Minerva supplied.

"Giants," said Hagrid.

"Are you?" Marcus asked quickly.  _Nothing_  would surprise him now.

"On'y half." Hagrid told him.

 _Only half!_  Marcus's brain was spinning like a top. He really needed to stop asking questions. Then he wouldn't get answers he didn't want to hear.

"Spinxes," said Mad-Eye Moody, putting everyone back on track. Marcus had avoided looking at him. The way his eye whirled around in its socket made him want to hurl. "Goblins. Leprechauns."

"Yes, yes." Arthur broke in. "Thank you. What I am trying to get at," he said, turning back to Marcus. "Is that there's also ... vampires-"

"Vampires!" exclaimed Marcus. His head was surely going to explode. He couldn't take much more than this.

"And werewolves." Arthur finished.

Marcus didn't get it. His head was pounding too much. Arthur glanced pointedly in Remus and Tonks's direction. Marcus looked at Remus ... and what Arthur had said rang in his ears.  _Werewolves._

Marcus felt his mouth drop open. It all made sense. Remus's scars. His avoidance of women. The dreams. The "curse." Why he liked to keep to himself. Why he disappeared  _once a month_. Marcus had never paid attention to the phases of the moon but he was sure Remus had always disappeared around the time when the moon was full. And suddenly ... his hesitance when it came to a relationship with Tonks made a whole lot more sense too.

"Holy-" Marcus cursed several times. Then, before anyone could say anything more to him, he got up from his chair.

"Where are you going?" asked Kingsley, alarmed.

"To get a drink," said Marcus slowly.

"You have a drink." Kingsley pointed to it.

"A stronger one." Marcus explained. He escaped to the refuge of the bar.

"I told you it wasn't a good idea," said Molly.

 

 

Remus had been dancing with Tonks for at least twenty minutes, and he was beginning to worry that he was enjoying himself too much. He liked the way she felt in his arms and the way her skin felt underneath his fingertips. He liked the way she smiled. It was the kind of smile that told him she didn't have any worries on her mind. It had been rare this past month.

He also liked the way the dress fit her, how it accented her curves. He liked how the material seemed to slide against his skin, as though it would be impossible to hold on to. He wondered what it would be like to watch it fall from her shoulders and onto the floor at her feet...

 _Whoa! Back up!_  He pushed the image of what Tonks would look like without that beautiful dress on out of his mind. He had seen her naked once before, but that didn't really count since he had been afraid for her life and therefore had not paid the slightest attention.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" He looked up at her, wondering where he had found the courage to do so. He had just been imagining her naked! "Yeah, I'm fine. I just ... zoned out for a minute." He slid his arms back around her.

She smiled softly at him. "Getting tired?"

He nodded. "A little." He would have been relieved to sit down at the table and get these inappropriate thoughts out of his head.

"One more dance?" she asked.

He nodded because he didn't have it in him to refuse her ... or himself for that matter. "One more."

Eventually the song ended and a new one came on. It was another slow one.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember, to let her into your heart, then you can start, to make it better._

_Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to, go out and get her. The minute, you let her under your skin, then you begin, to make it better._

_And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain, don't carry the world, upon, your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool, who plays, it cool, by making his world, a little, colder._

Remus wasn't paying any attention to the words. He was looking at Tonks, thinking of how beautiful she looked and how strange it was that she was such a gracefull dancer when she was normally tripping over her own two feet. He found himself wishing that the song would never end. He'd had fun dancing with Tonks and things were just so much simpular here on the dance floor. Here, at this moment, there was nothing to worry about; no approaching full moon, no complications with his and Tonks's relationship, no Snape, no Werewolf Protection Act, no ... anything. It was just him and the music and Tonks, her hand resting in his and her other hand resting on his shoulder, him and her spinning around and around without a care in the world.

"What is it?" she asked him. There was a soft smile playing about his features.

"It's nothing," he told her sofly. "It's just ... I've had a lot of fun tonight ... thank you."

She smiled wonderously at him. Really, there was no reason for him to thank her. "Thank  _you_ ," she said.

She pulled him tighter as though embracing him, and she rested her head against his shoulder. Maybe it was the music, but Remus didn't mind in the slightest.

_Na, na na, na, na; na na na, na._

Hey Jude, don't let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. (so let it out and let it in)

Remember (hey Jude), to let her into your heart, then you can start, to make it better.

Moody got the attention of everyone sitting at the table, and they all turned to watch Remus and Tonks. The two of them looked extremely comfortable out there.

_So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin, you're waiting for someone to, perform with. And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do. The movement you need, is on your shoulder._

_Na, na na, na, na; na na na, na. Yeah._

Tonks lifted her head. She didn't know what she was thinking as she gazed into those soft brown eyes of his. Maybe it was the song. Maybe it was the atmosphere tonight and how carefree she was feeling. Or maybe ... it was just plain desire. What she did know was that it had felt like the right thing to do at the time.

_Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song, and make it better. Remember, to let her under your skin, then you'll begin, to make it better._

Remus was sharply aware of how close they were to each other. He was aware of Tonks doing something, and he thought he might know what it was. But that was as far as his brain was willing to work. He didn't try to stop her, probably because he hadn't been able to think. Or maybe a part of him simply couldn't find a reason as to why he'd want to stop her.

_Better, better, better, better, better, oh!_

He felt her lips press against his, soft and tender. He loved the feel of it, how inosent it was. She opened her mouth slightly, her tongue brushing lightly against his lower lip in another kiss. And after a moment he decided to open his mouth as well ... just enough to get a small taste of her. It was probably one of the most tender kisses he had ever and would ever expirence. He was about to open his mouth further when the back up generators came on in his head, and he realized what he was doing. Suddenly, he broke away from her.

_Na, na na, na na na, na; na na na, na; hey Jude._

She looked as shocked as he felt. "Remus, I-I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean-"

"It's ... all right," he told her, still surprised.

She brought her head forward to rest against his shoulder. "Oh, god. What was I thinking?"

_Hey Jude._

"It's all right," he repeated, wrapping his arms back around her. He didn't know what else to say. He knew how she felt, though. Why did their relationship have to be so bloody complicated?

_Na, na na, na na na, na; na na na, na; hey Jude._

After wondering how many more times The Beatles were going to sing " _Na, na na, na na na, na; na na na, na_ " the song ended, and Remus let go of her. Tonks watched him go, unable to say anything. She just stood there stupidly. They had been having such a good time and she'd had to go and ruin it.

She felt a hand on her arm and she turned. "Oh,  _Molly_."

"Come here, dear. It's all right," she said. "There now. Come with me." She dragged her off to the loo.

Remus wasn't going back to the table. He knew every single one of them had seen what had happened, and he couldn't face that at the moment. He headed for the bar ... and then spotted Marcus sitting there. Slowly, he turned, forcing himself to look upon the faces at the table. They all turned away from him, unable to meet his gaze.

He headed for the bar again. "Marcus?"

Marcus had seen him coming. His drink was only half gone, but he ordered another for himself, thinking he was going to need it. "I just found out a whole bunch of crap that I  _really_ didn't want to know," he said as Remus sat down next to him. "And I don't want to hear another word about it ... except, you're my friend so I have to ask..." He took a deep breath. Then he closed his mouth and tried again. "Are you really a werewolf?"

It took Remus a moment to process what Marcus had just said. When it all sunk in, he chanced another glance at the table. Again, no one would look him in the eye. He turned back to Marcus. "Yes," he admitted. "I am."

Marcus cursed and downed the drink the bartender had just brought him like it had been a shot. Remus stared. He had only ever seen Sirius down a drink like that.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression," said Marcus, slurring his words slightly as he sat the drink down. "But there's only so much information I can hold in here." He tapped his head. "And the wizarding world is just too big."

Remus wasn't sure he understood. "Do you need me to move out?"

Marcus nearly choked on his second drink. "Did I say that?"

"I'm not sure what you said." Remus told him honestly.

"What I meant to say-" Marcus paused and rubbed his eyes like he had a migraine and they were hurting him. "I meant to say that ... it's a lot to take in but ... I mean, you're still you. I said I didn't have a problem with it before and ..." He shrugged. "I don't have a problem with it now." He turned to him. "Hell, Remus, I've known you for a year. What did you think I would do? Besides ... someone has to pay the other half of the rent."

Remus nearly laughed. "So you're going to keep me around for the money, are you?" he said sarcastically. "Fine. I see how it is."

Marcus shook his head in disbelief. "Werewolves," he muttered. He took a large gulp of his drink and then turned back to Remus. "Can I just pretend that you still visit your mum when you go away?"

Remus smiled. "Sure." He raised his hand to get the bartender's attention. "I'll have what he's having," he said, pointing to Marcus.

"Got something you want to forget too?" his roommate asked.

"You could say that."

"Why don't you just use that spell - Tonks mentioned it to me - the one that erases your memory?"

Remus thought about that soft kiss on the dance floor. He could, if he really wanted to, obliterate it from his memory to hopefully be lost forever. But, when it came right down to it ... he didn't  _ever_ want to forget it.

 

 

"Remus?"

Remus paused before going into his room and turned to see Tonks's head sticking out of her bedroom door. She had apologized again in the car for kissing him, and he had told her not to worry about it. Still, he really didn't want to talk with her right now. All he wanted to do was go to bed and try to forget it ever happened.

"Yes?" he asked, cursing himself. Why did he always have to be so polite? Damn his morals!

"Could you help me with this?" she asked, turning around as he came toward her. Considering what she had done, Remus was the last person she wanted to ask for assistance, but there was no point in going downstairs when he was standing right there. "I can't seem to get it."

Remus stood in her doorway. She had her back to him and was trying to catch the zipper on the back of her dress that she couldn't get to budge.

"I've got it," he said without thinking. He took the zipper between his thumb and forefinger and pulled. It stuck for a moment but then slid down easily. The thin fabric gently separated, revealing the soft, pale skin of her back. Remus felt something wash over him, and all he could do was stand there and stare as he once again imagined the dress falling from her shoulders and to the ground.

"Thanks," said Tonks. She turned, holding the dress to her and not looking at him.

Remus swallowed.  _Say something,_  he thought.  _Don't just stand there. Stop perving and say something._

She shut the door in his face.

"You're welcome," he finally managed.

He headed back toward his room in a daze. He closed his eyes in the hopes of shutting out the image in his head of Tonks naked. It worked, but in his mind's eye he kept replaying how the fabric of her dress had folded away from her skin when he'd undone the zipper and he thought of how he wanted to... He shook his head. Merlin, he was going to go insane if he stayed here any longer.

He rushed into his room, searching for his jacket. He wasn't going to leave for good - he'd promised he wouldn't - but he had to get away. He found his jacket, pulled it on and hurried downstairs to the front door.

"Rushing off to pass Snape information, are we?" sneered Balaquer, heading for him. "You worthless shit of a-"

CRACK!

Balaquer was on the floor, pinks soap bubbles foaming from his mouth. Remus cringed. He had never liked that spell. There was always a chance the victim would choke or suffocate. Yes, Balaquer deserved it but ... McKinley turned his head in the other direction, pretending he hadn't seen. He apparently didn't like Balaquer very much.

Kingsley removed the hex. "Open your mouth like that again, I'll leave it on next time and I'll hope you drown in it!" he threatened. He turned from Balaquer who was gasping for breath on the floor. "Remus, where are you-?"

Not wanting to explain, Remus wrenched the door open and hastened out into the night.

 

 

Tonks had heard the hurried footsteps, the  _crack_ , the sound of someone yelling, and the slam of the door. She quickly finished changing and then ventured downstairs to see what the commotion had been about. Kingsley gestured wordlessly at the door and she knew Remus had walked out.

She went into his room and noticed that he had left everything behind, so he had to be coming back. She sat on his bed, wondering why he would leave, and she eventually came to the conclusion that she'd had something to do with it.

She thought of the things she'd said when they'd been locked in the kitchen and of what she'd done when they had been dancing. He had told her not to worry about it but that didn't necessarily mean anything. He was probably just being polite.

She waited half an hour, but Remus didn't return. She thought about going after him, then decided to wait fifteen minutes more. When he didn't come back, she decided that an hour was too long to wait and went into her room for her cloak.

Reminding herself that she was the only wizard living in this neighborhood, she exchanged her cloak for her father's jacket and headed downstairs. Kingsley grabbed her arm before she could make it out the door.

"If you think I'm just going to let you walk out of here," he said. "You're mental."

"I  _have_  to go after him," she pleaded, trying to pull her arm from his grip.

"Do you even have  _any_  clue where he went?" he asked doubtfully.

"No," she admitted. "But I have an idea."

"If you're going, one of us is coming with you."

"No," she said. "Kingsley, please. You don't understand. It's my fault. If I hadn't... Please, you have to let me go on my own. I have to do this. Please."

She looked so desperate that he hesitated. "Tonks-"

"Please," she begged.

Kingsley fought with himself. It was irresponsible to let her go, but he could see how important this was to her.

"I have to go," she told him. "I have to talk to him. Just me. No one else. You have to understand that. Please."

Kingsley bit his lip, as though by doing so he thought he could stop the words from coming out of his mouth. "You have fifteen minutes."

"Fifteen?" that wasn't nearly enough time. "Forty five," she argued.

"Half an hour," he said as he looked up at the clock. "Starting now." And, against his better judgement, he let her go.

 

 

Tonks walked as fast as she could without running. The neighborhood she lived in was small. Houses were few and sometimes far between. But down the street there were a few small shops where the owners lived in the floor above. If Remus had gone this way, Tonks had a feeling he had stopped at the small pub next to the flower shop.

 

 

Remus was ordering another drink and thinking that he'd stay until he ran out of muggle money (which wouldn't take very long) when the last person he wanted to see came in through the door. He groaned inwardly and turned away, hoping the intruder wouldn't see him, but she did.

"You're hopelessly predictable, do you know that?" she asked, trying to catch his attention as she came over to him.

He looked at her, said nothing, and turned back to his drink.

"I'm sorry," she said.

She moved to sit next to him, but tripped. He reached out and caught her by the arm, apparently more sober that she had thought he was.

"For what?" he asked as she settled into her seat.

"For what I said," she reminded him. "For what I did-"

He put a hand up to silence her and shook his head. "You've got it all wrong. It's not you, Nymphadora, it's me."

That sounded like a bad break up line. "Care to elaborate on that?"

He didn't say anything. In fact, he acted like he hadn't heard her even though she knew he had. They sat in silence for a while. Remus seemed to be lost in thought, so Tonks gave him a minute or two. She kept a close eye on her watch, noting how much time she had.

"Remus-" she started.

He cut her off. "All my life, I've met two kinds of people," he said. "Those who pity me and those who fear me. People like Balaquer and Vorderman," he continued. "They're afraid of me. People who like me ... they pity me."

"Your friends don't-" she objected.

"Kingsley and Molly do," he told her. "It's a very small amount, but I've seen it in their eyes. Even James and Sirius ... and Peter, I saw it in their eyes too."

"I don't pity you," she whispered with strong conviction.

He turned to look at her, but again he didn't say anything.

"Marcus does too," he went on as though she hadn't spoken. "Now that he knows the truth."

"He knows?" It was news to her. "When did he find out?"

He paused. "When we were dancing, the others told him."

"What did he say?" she asked hesitantly. She didn't think Marcus would brake off his friendship with Remus because of that, but she could have been wrong.

"He said he didn't care."

"So," said Tonks slowly. "This isn't about Marcus?"

Remus ran a hand over his face as though he had already explained this to her. "No."

"And it's not something I did?"

"No," he said again.

He had only looked at her twice since she'd come in the door and it was starting to annoy her. She reached forward and snatched his drink from his hands. "Then stop feeling sorry for yourself and come home."

He threw his head back and laughed, taking her by surprise. "I don't have a home, Nymphadora," he said, reaching for his drink.

She held it away from his grasping hands. "Yes, you do," she insisted as though what he had just said was completely ludicrous.

"You mean my temporary stay with Marcus?" he asked, giving up on the drink for now. "Or my even more temporary stay with you?"

"For being so temporary, you've lived with him for a year," she pointed out.

He shook his head. "I'm always moving, Nymphadora. I never stay in one place for long ... and I don't suppose I ever will."

She stared at him. She wanted to say that home is where the heart is, but that sounded cheesy. "I've always considered home," she said slowly. "To be where I know I'll be welcomed by the people who matter to me. And your friends will always welcome you, Remus. And you're more than welcome at my place. So ... why don't you leave this and come home?"

He couldn't exactly argue with her. He'd had every intention of going back, just not at this very moment. But since she was here, he might as well. "After I finish my drink."

He reached for it, but she put it to her lips, threw her head back and chugged it.

Remus stared.

At last, her head came forward and she sat the empty drink before him. "There. It's finished. Let's go."

He followed her wordlessly out the door. They walked down the street in silence. Tonks checked her watch. They would make it back just in time.

"Have you ever wanted something," asked Remus as they neared the house. "So badly you could hardly stand it, but in the end it didn't matter because you couldn't have it?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, thinking of how long she had chased after him. "I have."

"It's unfair, isn't it?"

"What have you ever wanted so badly and couldn't have?" she asked, looking up at him. He refused to meet her eyes.

He was silent for what seemed like a long time, and then he said, "A normal life."

"What would you do with it if you had one?" she inquired, wondering what he thought he could do with a normal life that he couldn't do with the one he already had.

Again he was quiet for a while. "I wouldn't be alone."

She put her hand in his. "You don't have to be alone, Remus."  _I'm here._

"Yes," he said. "I do." He took his hand from hers.

Tonks felt frustration wash over her. What exactly did she have to do to get through that thick skull of his?

They made it to the door, and Kingsley let them inside. As soon as they had entered, Remus froze on the spot as though he had just realized something. Out of nowhere, he rounded on Kingsley.

"You let her out of the house on her own?" he demanded. "What on earth were you thinking?

Kingsley was taken aback. "Er, well, she insisted-"

"So you just let her go?" Remus pointed to the door. "You didn't even ask the question that time!"

Tonks shook her head. Maybe he wasn't as sober as she had thought. She took his arm. "Come on, Remus."

"You could have had McKinley go after her," he continued. "At least he can make himself invisible!"

"Come  _on_ , Remus."

She managed to pull him upstairs.

"Don't ever do that again," he said seriously, looking at her this time. "Don't risk your safety over me. I'm not worth that."

"I thought you were." She shoved him in his room and closed the door before he could say anything.

 

 

An hour or so later, Remus lay still fully dressed on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He felt rather depressed but he couldn't quite put his finger on why. Though, considering that the full moon was tomorrow night ... that was probably the reason. Or maybe it had more to do with Tonks and how he wanted to be with her but knew he couldn't. Or maybe-

 _Or maybe,_  he thought.  _I've had too much to drink and I need to stop thinking about it and go to sleep._  But he wasn't tired. Just as he was considering counting sheep, he heard the soft  _snap_  of his bedroom door closing. He looked up to see ... S _weet virtuous mother of Merlin_.

Tonks stood at the door. She was wearing a pink negligée that would have matched her hair except that she hadn't changed it from that ocean blue color. It was just low enough to cover her. Paralyzed from head to toe, he could do nothing but stare as she came toward him. He  _had_  to be dreaming.

Only when she touched the bed did his brain finally click on. Nope, not dreaming. He moved backwards, scrambling away from her until he hit the headboard and couldn't go any further. She crawled towards him on her hands and knees, slinking like a cat, until their faces were inches apart.

He stammered. "W-w-wh-what are you doing?"

"Don't worry." She settled down in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm not here to seduce you."

He didn't know what made him glance down, but, when he did, he noticed that the bra under the negligée she was wearing was lacey and black. He couldn't help but wonder if she had on matching panties. Chiding himself for entertaining such thoughts, he brought his eyes back up to hers. She was smiling at him as though she knew what had crossed him mind, and he felt the heat rise to his cheeks.

"Could have fooled me," he managed.

She shook her head. "I just wanted to get your attention."

"Yeah, well, you have it," he assured her.

She removed her arms from around his neck and leaned over to pull open the bed stand drawer. She reached in and pulled out a small clear vial.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asked hesitantly as she held it up.

She nodded. "Veritaserum. Molly gave it to me while you were away. I guess she wanted me to knock you out or something and use it on you." She shook her head and placed the vial on the end table. "But I'd prefer if you'd just be honest with me."

He looked at the vial. Then he looked back at her and the way she was dressed. "Didn't you promise me when I said I'd stay that you wouldn't-?"

"Yes," she admitted. "But I said you were fair game once you left."

"I came back," he pointed out.

"We never discussed what would happen if you came back." The look on his face clearly said that he didn't think that was fair. "Besides," she sighed. "I already broke it anyway."

He blinked. "What?"

"When I went to the concert with Marcus," she explained. "I knew he had feelings for me - he doesn't anymore, by the way. Though, I'm sure you've figured that out - so I was hesitant to go. But I thought you'd be jealous so I went."

He didn't know what to say. For some reason, he was more amused than disappointed. Probably because he knew she wasn't proud of what she'd done.

"Did it work?" she asked suddenly.

He hesitated, silently contemplating what it would mean to lie to her. He couldn't possibly look her in the eye and tell her that he didn't have feelings for her. But telling her he hadn't been irritated by the way Marcus had put his arm around her was different, wasn't it? After all, you didn't have to feel strongly toward someone to be jealous when someone other than you took them out for a date.

"Be honest with me, Remus," she pleaded, noting his hesitancy. "I just want you to be truthful. That's why I came her tonight; to get some honest answers from you."

He stared at her. "You thought you had to dress like that to get a little honesty out of me?"

She shrugged. Then asked curiously, "Do you like it?"

He considered what she was wearing. He knew he should tell her that she shouldn't dress like that. It was inappropriate. Not only that, but they weren't the only people in the house. If anyone else had seen her ...

He glanced over at the Truth Serum sitting on the bed stand and reminded himself that she could've used it on him but had chosen not to. She deserved some honesty. Then of course, there was always the fact that she could use it on him later if he didn't answer her truthfully tonight. He wouldn't put it passed her.

"Does it make me a pervert if I say 'yes?'"

She let out a laugh. "Well, that depends." She smiled at him but didn't elaborate. "So, did it work? The concert with Marcus?" she inquired, pulling him back to their previous subject."

"Yes, it did," he admitted. "And I have-" He lifted his hand to the back of his head. "Well I  _had_  the bump to prove it."

"What happened to your head?" she asked, concern filling her voice.

"I fell off the chair," he said, as thought he hated the thought that he'd done something so stupid. "I was watching you and Marcus from the window, and when he ... kissed you ... I guess I was so shocked that I fell off."

"I'm sorry." Her hand went to the spot on his head where his own hand had been earlier to assess the damage. She hadn't meant for him to get hurt.

He gently pulled her hand down. "Don't worry about it."

She wetted her lips nervously with her tongue. He wished she wouldn't. There was something sensual about that simple act.

"So then," she said. "You do feel something for me? Romantically?"

He took a deep breath and then let it out. He couldn't lie to her, not about something as important to him as this. "Yes," he admitted in almost a whisper.

His confession satisfied her for only a split second. "Then why do you push me away?"

"We've been through this," he said patiently, but at that moment she could see he was starting to build that wall back up between them. His wall of self-control. Remus Lupin's security blanket. "I'm too old for you."

"My parents were ten years apart," she told him. "I don't see how a few more years makes any difference."

"I'm too poor."

"And what if our positions were switched?" she asked, trying something new. "What if I didn't have any money and you did? Would you care?"

He thought about that one. "No ... I don't suppose I would."

"And neither do I," she said.

"There's still the fact that I'm a werewolf."

"Remus, when you look at it, it's only twelve days out of a year. Twelve days out of three hundred and sixty five. Are you really going to let that stand in your way?"

"Yes," he said defiantly, and she saw the wall shoot up between them. "That's twelve days too many, twelve days or nights where I'm not in control, where I have no idea what I'm doing. I could hurt you or anyone and not even know it, not even  _care_  until it's too late. I could ... I could even  _kill_  you and I wouldn't..." He trailed off, the thought apparently too horrible to say aloud.

"And anyone who can do that to someone they love clearly doesn't deserve to have them, is that it?"

He looked at her, and she could tell by the expression on his face that he had shut himself off from her completely. "Yes," he said stiffly, pushing her off him. "That's it."

He slid off the bed and headed for the door. He wasn't sure exactly where he was going, but he did know that this conversation was over. He had to get away from her.

The next thing he knew, she had grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "God damn it, I'm not through with you yet!"

She practically threw him back onto the bed. He was lying on his back and looking up into her face. Remus felt something boil up inside him for the first time in a long while. She was getting to be a damn nuisance. Why couldn't she just drop it and leave him be?

"Why?" she demanded fiercely. "Give me one good reason why the hell we can't be together!"

"Because I'm  _defective!_ " he shouted.

The words were out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying. He had to stop himself from yelling, "Are you happy now?"

Tonks watched the surprise come over his face and she knew he hadn't meant to say those words, but she also knew that it was the most honest answer she had ever gotten from him. He brought his hands to his face. It hurt her to think that he thought of himself like that, that he actually believed all the crap he'd been told.

He felt her hands on his, gently pulling them from his face. As he looked into her eyes, he found himself wishing he were anywhere else. He wanted to be with her so badly, but there were better people out there for her to run to, people he knew she'd go to if she'd just move on. It would kill him to see her with someone else, but she deserved that much.

She scrutinized him, and he thought he knew what she would say. He waited for her to tell him that he was wrong, that he wasn't defective. But the words that came out of her mouth shocked him to the core.

"And I'm not?"

He stared. "Why would you think-?"

"I'm dead clumsy, Remus. You know that. I'm lucky if I can walk down the stairs without falling flat on my face. I'm completely dysfunctional."

"Being clumsy doesn't make you dysfunctional," he told her. "It make you unique. I've lost count of how many times you've tripped over that umbrella stand at headquarters, but that's never stopped you. No matter how many times you knock it over, you still walk by it and try again.

"I've never told you but ... whenever I was having a bad day, I would think of all the walls you've walked into and how you just put a smile on your face and keep going." He paused. "It gave me some motivation." He fell silent and averted his eyes. After a while, he looked back up at her and said, "But you can't find something good about what's wrong with me."

She shook him, as though doing so would help make her words sink in better. "There's  _nothing_  wrong with you, Remus! Do you hear me?  _Nothing!_ "

She sighed. "Do you have any idea just how amazing you are? I think of Greyback and how he's attacking without the full moon now and then I think of you and..." She shook her head and looked at him as though what she thought was simply mind blowing. "You were bitten so young and ever after so many years you haven't bitten a single person, not one. Yes, there have been close calls but when I look at Greyback and what he's done and then I look at you... Remus, you try so hard not to hurt anyone, and I know it would tear you apart if you did. Greyback  _wants_  to hurt people.  _He's_  the animal.  _He's_  the defective one, Remus.  _He's_  the one who has something wrong with him, not you. The two of you have nothing in common, Remus, nothing."

He disagreed. He and Greyback had one very important thing in common. They were both werewolves. They could still hurt people, whether they chose too or not. Tonks didn't understand. It didn't matter that he didn't want to hurt anyone because it could still happen. He had no control over it, no choice in the matter.

Tonks could see that he hadn't understood her. Why couldn't he see that Greyback's choice to attack people left and right and that his choice to try and fight against it  _did_  matter? Why couldn't he see that it made all the difference in the world?

"Being a werewolf isn't as horrible as you like to think, Remus," she told him. "That crap has been put into your head, so I'll forgive you ... but there  _is_  something good about it. At least, there is for me."

She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "You wouldn't be the man you are today if you hadn't been bitten. I like to think that you'd be more carefree ... probably not such a gentleman ... and more rambunctious. A lot more like Sirius, in short," she explained. "And if you didn't notice ... men like Sirius aren't exactly my type."

"He was your cousin," he pointed out.

She nodded. "Even if he hadn't been..." She shook her head. "He was a great guy, but not someone I'd target for a long term relationship. The point I'm trying to make is that your so called 'curse' is every bit as much a part of you as anything else. It makes you who you are. I happen to care for you very deeply, but if you hadn't been bitten, then I doubt I would've been attracted to you at all. I think you feel like you have to compensate for it, so in a way the curse brings out your best qualities."

She smiled. "You might hate me for it, but ... I'm glad it happened. It brought me to you. And there isn't one part of you that I would change, Remus, not a single one."

He could never hate her, never. But he just couldn't understand. "Why me?" he asked her. "Out of all the men in the world, why do you think I'm the one you have to have?"

"Because I know you, Remus," she said softly. "Sometimes I think I know you better than yourself. You deserve happiness. You deserve love and laughter and a family, and I wanted to be the one to give that to you. You deserve to have someone to take care of you when you're unwell and to be there for you when you need them and to love you no matter what. You deserve to have someone to take some of the weight off your shoulders and to tell you how wonderful you are and to show you how to look on the bright side a little more often. You deserve to have someone to hold you when the day's gone wrong and to tell you everything's going to be okay when the world comes crashing down and to be there to share the good times with you as well. You deserve to have someone to battle the assholes with and to fight with you over stupid things just so you can make up afterwards."

She was laughing now but there were tears in her eyes. "The good and the bad that comes with a healthy relationship," she explained. "You just deserve to have that special someone in your life and I..." Her voice broke and she turned away from him for a moment before looking him in the eye. "I just thought it could be me."

Remus felt his defenses crumble. He stared at her, flabbergasted. What do you say to someone after something like that?

She sniffed. Then she got off the bed and headed for the door. She'd said all she had to say. If he still didn't get the picture, then ... tears came to her eyes and she wiped them away.

Remus just lay there, staring at the spot where her face had been moments before.  _Don't just sit there, you stupid arse, go after her._

Tonks had nearly reached the door when a hand closed gently around her wrist.

"Nymphadora ... wait."

She turned to him slowly.

"Let's talk about this," he suggested sincerely.

She shook her head. "I'm tired of talking about it, Remus. In fact, I'm sick of it."

"It will be different this time," he promised. "There are things you don't know, things I need to tell you."

It didn't matter anymore that they couldn't be together. It didn't matter that he was too old or too poor or too dangerous. All that mattered in that moment was that she had just bared her soul and he needed to tell her that he wanted to be there for her as well. He wanted to let her know that all she had to do was smile at him and it made his whole day better. Truthfully, even though he had never said anything, she already was that special someone in his life.

She shook her head again before he could say anything. "I don't want to talk about it," she repeated.

"Then what do you want to do?" he asked.

She seemed to hesitate for a moment and then...

She kissed him.

Just like before, he felt her tongue brush against his bottom lip, only more insistent this time. He opened his mouth willingly, praying for dear life that his mind wouldn't suddenly wake up and tell him that this was something he didn't want to be doing. Because he  _did_ want to be doing it. He wanted nothing more than to be standing in that room at that exact moment and snogging the woman he cared about most in the world.

Unable to dig up any opposition, he returned the kiss, hesitant and soft at first. Then a flame ignited inside him and began to grow. Surer of himself, he explored her mouth feverishly. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her to him as his mouth claimed hers.

Tonks couldn't believe this was happening. A burning desire shot through her, and she knew she didn't want this to end. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she kissed him greedily, urgently, like there was no tomorrow and tonight was all they had.

Remus knew only one thing in that space of time: She tasted like heaven and he couldn't get enough. He needed her, wanted her, desired her. She filled his senses. He could smell the wonderful scent of her hair that was every bit s unique as its color. He could taste her in his mouth and feel the softness of her skin against his own. His pulse was pounding in his ears. She was all he could see, even when he closed his eyes.

He matched her greed and her urgency, and when they finally parted, after what had seemed like several bright and sunny summers later, they were both breathless. And her hair had changed from ocean blue to the most brilliant pink he had ever seen.

"Nymphadora..." He had something he wanted to say to her, but his brain wasn't working and he couldn't remember what it was.

She kissed him again, drawing him away from whatever he was thinking. She was afraid that he'd say something she didn't want to hear and ruin everything.

Desire was crashing over both of them like waves generated from a hurricane, and there was a kind of neediness to it. Neither of them could say where this shock wave of emotion had come from. Perhaps it had been there all along. Nevertheless, they couldn't deny the intensity of what they were feeling.

She rubbed her hips against him suggestively and, in the far reaches of his mind, a voice of caution rang out.

"Nymphadora," he gasped.

She drew away from his lips and began trailing soft kisses down his neck, hoping that whatever he had to say, he'd just say it and get it over with.

"There are other people in this house," he reminded her, his skin burning pleasantly from the touch of her lips.

Oh, so that's what he wanted. She kissed his lips tenderly before moving to the end table where his wand lay. She went to the door and muttered a few choice incantations over it. Then she walked back toward him, dropping his wand to the floor without a care.

Remus watched her. He was captivated by the way she moved and how, when she walked, the negligée road up slightly, hinting at what was underneath. Desire had completely consumed him. He wanted her now and waiting was killing him.

She put her arms around his neck. "Happy?" she smiled, her lips almost touching his. She wanted to kiss him again but she forced herself to wait for his reply.

"Yeah," he whispered, drawing out the tension as he looked into her eyes.

He cupped her cheek and she took a moment to enjoy the feel of his thumb caressing her skin before he kissed her thoroughly. He pulled her closer and she kissed him back ravenously, running her fingers through his hair. Dear _god_ , she had wanted to do that for so long!

Senses and emotions running wild, they both went tumbling onto the sheets.

 

 

Kingsley had the first shift that night. He stayed up and patrolled the house while the others slept. After he got bored with that (which didn't take too long), he went up stairs and down the hall to Tonks's room to check on her as he did every night.

However, when he opened the door and peered inside, there was no sign of a sleeping body in the bed. He moved into the room, thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him. But they weren't. Tonks wasn't there. The bed didn't even look like anyone had lain in it since the night before.

Kingsley did a quick sweep around the room. There didn't appear to be any sign of a struggle, but that didn't really mean anything. Still, there was no cause for alarm just yet.

He doubted she would've ventured outside (as she had been prone to doing) at this hour, but that was still a possibility. He checked the bathroom, but she wasn't there. He checked the guestroom (just in case), but she wasn't there either. He went to Remus's room, hoping that perhaps he'd seen her or maybe she'd said something to him ... but the door was locked.

That was a little strange. Kingsley pulled out his wand, contemplating. Remus had taken to barricading himself in his room lately, but he had never locked the door. However, there was a chance that after the events of today, Remus didn't want anyone to bother him. Or maybe Tonks had decided to talk to him and didn't want anyone to barge in.

Kingsley raised his hand to knock, but, before he'd even touched the door, his fist went flying away from it. Weird. He tried again, and again his fist bounced back. Why was there an Imperturbable Charm on the door?

He raised his wand again ... then stopped to think. The Order had gotten into the habit of always using the Imperturbable Charm when they had meetings. The charm was virtually a Do-Not-Disturb sign.

Kingsley hesitated. "Better Safe than Sorry" had always been one of his mottoes (though he didn't take it as far as Moody). He could remove the charm from the door, but his instincts were telling him that he'd sorely regret it if he did. He didn't know what was going on in that room, but he suddenly felt that he had a very good idea.

He left the door alone and went back downstairs. There was no way he'd be able to explain this to others. If they too noticed that Tonks wasn't in her room, what was he supposed to say? Don't worry about it, she's in Remus's?

He shook his head. His three-hour shift had just had several more hours add to it. He was in for a long night.

 

 

Remus lay staring up at the same ceiling he had lain staring up at earlier, but the scene under it had changed completely.

He kept waiting for his mind to come back and tell him what a terrible mistake he'd made. He dreaded the moment that the thought,  _Oh, my god! What have I done?_  would run through his mind. But the longer he waited for it, the more he realized it was never going to come.

"Are you all right?" asked Tonks from somewhere beside him.

He nodded, still looking at the ceiling. "I think so."

She covered is hand with her own and began absentmindedly caressing his skin with her fingers. There was something she wanted to say, but she was afraid of what his reaction might be. She debated on whether or not now was the right time to tell him.

Aside from his current physical state, Remus felt naked in every other sense of the word. Tonks had broken down his defenses, defenses he'd built and had carried for years. He'd relied on them all his life, and he had needed them to survive. But she'd broken through, and he felt as though he'd never be the same again, like his whole world had been turned upside down.

"I love you." Tonks said at last.

Remus's stomach did a few nauseating back flips. He felt his world turn right side up and then upside down again. He wasn't ready for this. It was too much too soon. He was still trying to process what they had just done, what they had shared.

He turned to her slowly, uncomfortably aware that he couldn't say the words back. "Nymphadora ... I-"

She put a finger to his lips. "You don't have to say anything. In fact," She smiled sadly. "I'd prefer if you didn't. It's just that I've felt this way for a long time and ... I thought you should know."

He said nothing.

Still smiling sadly, she turned on her side and faced the opposite direction from him. She knew she shouldn't have said it, but she'd had to. It was time that she told him ... even though she'd probably ruined everything.

Remus stared at her back, wishing she'd turn back around. He wanted to see her, but she apparently thought he didn't want to. He felt horrible. A part of him seemed to think that he should've been able to say the words back to her but that he had simply chosen not to. He disagreed with that particular part of himself, but he still felt as though he had ruined the night for her.

She had told him that she loved him... The thought was mind-blowing, and it was hard for him to make sense of anything at the moment. But he knew he couldn't stand to see the woman beside him hurting.

He moved closer to her so that his skin was against hers. Then he wrapped an arm around her, holding her the way he had the first night Snape had tried to harm her, back when there hadn't been any aurors and it was just the two of them.

 

 

_Remus awoke to the sound of scratching at his bedroom door. He sat up in bed. His Scottish Terrier puppy was pawing at the door and whining. It wanted outside._

_Remus swung his legs tiredly over the edge of his bed. He went to the door and opened it. The puppy dashed down the hall to the door that led to the backyard and barked happily._

_"Remus?" His mother emerged from the living room where she had been talking with his father. "What are you doing up, sweetheart? Go back to bed."_

_"He wants out." Remus explained, pointing to his puppy. "I think he has to go."_

_His mother bit her lip nervously. She looked pale and tired, almost sickly. Remus worried about her. She had taken to getting ill recently. She would be drained of her light and her spirit and her strength. After a while, it would pass and she'd be well again. Then, out of nowhere, she'd be sick once more. No one knew what was wrong with her._

_"I'll put him out," his mother said softly. "You go back to bed. I'll bring him to you."_

_"But-"_

_"Remus," his mother said in that tone that told him there was no room for argument._

_"Yes, mum." He turned and walked back to his room._

_Mrs. Lupin studied the puppy uncertainly. It scratched at the door again. When it got no assistance, it sat down on its hind legs and began to howl. She considered letting it mess on the floor just this once._

_It wasn't safe to go out tonight._

_"What's going on?" Her husband came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He rubbed her arms comfortingly._

_She leaned against him. "He wants out," she said, gesturing to the howling puppy at her feet._

_He caught the worry in her voice. He thought for a tense moment and sighed. "I'll put him out." He let go of her._

_"John-no-" She protested, but he had already opened the door and the puppy had slipped out. "Please be careful."_

_"Don't worry." He closed the door behind him and stepped out into the night._

_As the puppy sniffed the ground, searching for the perfect spot, John looked up into the sky where a silvery full moon shined. He glanced quickly around. The night was quiet and the shadows were still. It made him uneasy._

_"Hurry up," he said harshly to the puppy as it continued to search._

_The puppy didn't seem to be listening. Suddenly, it jolted to attention and sniffed the air. Then it growled and barked, high pitched and unthreatening._

_But it scared John._

_He reached for the small animal, but it dared between his hands and ran off, barking as ferociously as any puppy could, into the woods behind their house. He took a hurried step forward, about to run after it, when he froze on the spot. He glanced up at the moon. It was too risky._

_He went back into the house where he proceeded to have a hushed conversation with his wife. Unhappy, she turned from him and walked down the hall into Remus's room. The boy asked for his puppy._

_"He ran off," she told him gently. "But your father is looking for him. Don't worry. You just go back to sleep." She promised to wake him up when his father came back with the puppy._

_Remus tossed and turned after she left. He thought it was strange that the puppy had run off since it had never done that before. He knew his dad wouldn't be able to find it. He, Remus, had a connection with that puppy. He knew it would come running back to the house if he stepped outside and called to it, but he doubted it would come to dad._

_Thinking he'd help his father, Remus got out of bed. He walked through the door and down the hall, but paused when he heard voices. His parents were having a heated discussion in their room. He bristled at the realization that they weren't looking for his puppy. How could they just leave it out there all alone in the dark? His puppy needed him!_

_He stepped outside into the backyard. It was dark and he could hardly see anything. He called for the puppy several times ... but it didn't come._

_He was about to go back inside when he heard a high pitched bark. As he called for the puppy again, the barks turned into whimpers and then changed to yelps._

_Remus ran into the woods, following the sounds and calling his puppy's name. Branches cut at his face and brambles caught onto his clothing as though trying to grab him and hold him back from some unseen danger. But he had to help his puppy so he pushed onward._

_Eventually, the frantic yelps turned to silence, and Remus was lost in the dark. He repeated the puppy's name over and over as he walked blindly through the woods. His bare feet were sore and scrapped, and he wished he'd thought of putting on shoes._

_Suddenly, he stepped on something wet and warm. He jumped back in surprise. It was too dark to make out what he'd stepped on, so he reached down and picked it up cautiously. When he realized what it was, he gasped ... and dropped the mangled and bloodied body of his puppy at his feet. There was blood on his hands. He hadn't know blood had a smell until that moment._

_He turned and retched into the bushes._

_He emerged to the sound of a deep, low growl coming from his right. He rotated slowly on the spot and found two amber eyes staring at him from the shadows. Gripped by fear, he was unable to move as a massive wolf padded slowly around him, stalking him._

_"Remus!"_

_His father's voice jolted him into action. He turned and ran. "Dad!" he cried fearfully._

_"Remus! I'm coming, son! Hold on!"_

_He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, but the wolf wasn't far behind. He could see the light of his father's illuminated wand ahead, and it was like a beacon of hope. He sent up a silent, desperate promise that if he made it, the next time his parents told him to go to bed, he'd do so and stay there without hesitation or complaint._

_But the menacing growling behind him told him that he wouldn't be able to make good on that promise._

_"REMUS!" For the first time, he heard nothing but fear in his father's voice._

_His own fear melted in a scream of pain as the wolf sank its teeth into his skin._

Remus sat bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily. The dream faded from his eyes and reality began to sink in. He could feel the spot where the wolf had bitten him as though its jaws where still clamped there, but it was just the fear of the dream staying with him. He glanced around the room uneasily, looking for reassurance. To his fright ... he found two amber eyes staring at him from the shadows.

He scrambled backward and switched on the bedside lamp. They weren't eyes at all, just the brass knobs on the cupboard doors under the sink glinting in the moonlight. He'd left the bathroom door open.

He breathed a sigh of relief and ran his hands over his face. It had happened so long ago (he couldn't even remember what the puppy's name had been), he'd think he would've gotten over it by now. Apparently not. The terror of that night was just as fresh as it had been all those years ago ... especially when the full moon was so close.

"Remus?"

He jumped, having forgotten where he was.

"Are you all right?"

"It was just a dream," he said, more to himself than to her.

"You're shaking."

"Am I?" He hadn't noticed.

Her arms enveloped him. Comforted by the warmth of her body, he felt the fear instantly leave him. He closed his eyes. This was  _so_  much nicer than being alone. She turned the light off, then gently pulled him back down onto the pillows.

"What were you dreaming about?" she asked softly as she caressed his hair, her arms still wrapped around him.

"Greyback," he admitted quietly after a moment.

She didn't say anything for a long time. Then she removed her fingers from his hair and touched his shoulder, tenderly tracing the scar she found there. It was different from the others on his body. "Is this were he bit you?"

He nodded, his eyes still closed. He felt strangely relaxed, considering the topic of conversation.

She pressed her lips to the scar three times, as though her kisses could lift the "curse" from his body and make it vanish forever. He wished he could tell her just how much that simple act meant to him ... but he couldn't find the words.


	10. Full Moon

When Tonks woke the next morning, she felt more peaceful than she had felt in what seemed like a long time. She rolled over and reached for Remus ... he wasn't there. She sat up suddenly, careful to hold the sheet to her chest.

Remus had conjured a chair and was siting in it beside the bed. He was fully dressed and in the process of tying his shoelaces. He was looking down, so he didn't see her.

"What are you doing?"

He looked up, startled. "I  _was_  watching you sleep," he told her.

She studied his muggle clothing. "Are you going somewhere?"

"You do realize what day it is, don't you?" he inquired seriously.

She shrugged. "It's the full moon tonight." She ran her fingers in small circles on the bed sheet beside her. "But you don't have to go right now." She glanced at the clock and nearly jumped.  _Holy Merlin on a pogo stick!_  Was it really eleven o'clock? "You have a handful of hours at least."

He shook his head and went back to tying his shoes. "No, I really need to get going."

She stared at him, hurt and confusion welling up inside her. So that was it? He was going to pretend nothing happened and just walk out as fast as he could?

"Were you going to wake me up before you left?"

"Honestly," he said, still not looking at her. "I hadn't thought that far."

There was long moment of silence. Then Remus heard something between a choke and a sob and looked up. Tonks turned away from him, but not before he saw the look on her face.

He cursed inwardly. "Nymphadora-" He reached for her but she shook her head and pushed him away. "No, don't-Don't be like this. Come here." He grabbed her and pulled her to him. "I'm sorry. Nymphadora, I am so sorry. I didn't mean it like that.  _God_ , I'm an idiot!"

She said nothing, only let out a sob against his chest.

"Don't cry, please," he begged. He held her more tightly. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean - Nymphadora, look at me." He cupped her cheek in his palm and it nearly killed him to see the tears running down her face and know that he was the cause. "You will  _never_  be just another one night stand. I swear it, Nymphadora. You mean too much to me."

She gulped down her tears and he wrapped his arms back around her. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. "So much is on my mind right now, I didn't stop to think... I'm such a git."

She shook her head against him. "You're not a git." Her voice sounded watery.

"Yes, I am," he told her, clearly angry with himself.

"You're just a prat," she said.

"Oh, is that all?" he asked. "Fine, then I'm half a git."

She uttered something between a laugh and a sob. Then she pulled away from him, trying to dry her tears on the blanket but she couldn't get them to stop falling. It still hurt.

"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I wish I could tell you..." He paused. "The words," he explained. "I can't ... find the right ones."

He reached forward, wiping the tears from her face. She found a comforting reassurance in his touch. She sniffed and finally got her tears to stop flowing.

"I really do have to leave," he told her regretfully. "I wish I could stay, but I can't. When I come back," he promised. "We can talk about this ... about us ... and where we go from here. But right now, I  _really_  have to go."

She nodded silently.

He apologized again and kissed her softly in goodbye, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a deep, passionate kiss. He pressed his lips to hers a second time, momentarily forgetting that he had to be somewhere. Her mouth claiming his, she pulled him down to lay on the bed. Only when she went to remove his jacket did he suddenly remember.

He pulled away from her and chuckled. "Nice try." He kissed her on the forehead this time. "I'll see you later. Promise."

He left her reluctantly, still apologizing as he closed the bedroom door behind him.

He headed downstairs and almost made it out the door.

"Remus."

He turned and spotted Kingsley coming toward him. He didn't know what it was, but one look at the man told him everything.  _He knew!_  He knew that he and Tonks had... Christ, did they all know?

His fear must have shown on his face because Kingsley told him not to worry. "I kept it under wraps." He looked tired.

"Thank you." Remus said sincerely, glancing at Balaquer.

"Well..." said Kingsley. "Take care of yourself."

Remus nearly scoffed. Considering that he was probably going to spend the night unintentionally beating the crap out of himself... "I'll try." He glanced at the stairs, thinking of Tonks. "Take care of her for me, will you?"

Kingsley shrugged. "That's what I'm here for."

They shook hands, and Remus slipped outside.

He had been wrong last night. Tonks hadn't broken down his defenses, she'd destroyed them. It was unnerving and yet wonderful at the same time, like there was a brilliant light he hadn't been able to see until now. It was going to take some time to get used to.

She had told him she loved him ... He realized that deep down he had always known, but hearing her say it out loud ... it still blew him away. Yet, at the same time, the knowledge of how she felt made him feel really good, like her arms were still wrapped comfortably around him and always would be. It was something else that was going to take some time to sink in.

He walked down the street, heading for the florist he had noticed last night. He could hardly believe it had been only one night ago. It seemed like weeks.

Such an unusual place for a florist to open shop. Right next to a pub ... not that it really mattered. He stepped inside and had just enough money to buy four white roses.

Carrying his purchase, he walked outside and continued down the street. He would have to apparate eventually, but, for now, he fancied a stroll to clear his head. He kept going over what Tonks had said to him the night before. As he thought of every excuse he had ever given her, they all now seemed pathetic and pointless. Maybe ... they could be together after all.

 

 

Tonks made it downstairs a little over an hour later dressed in jeans and one of Remus's shirts. Kingsley had been a little worried about her, but now he realized there was no reason for him to be. She seemed happy, and she hummed softy as she made herself breakfast ... or was it lunch by now?

Balaquer was eyeing her strangely, as though he knew the shirt didn't belong to her. Kingsley kept his wand at the ready. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself at the thought of what Molly would say if she knew Remus and Tonks had finally worked out "all that sexual tension" she had always claimed they had between them.

Tonks ate her lunch silently, but she was in a good mood. She began to wonder why Remus had been in such a hurry to leave. The full moon was hours away, so he had plenty of time. There must have been something he had wanted to do before then. It was bothering her because she felt like she should have realized what it was.

She gave Marcus a call. She asked him how he was and he told her he was fine.

"Full moon tonight," he pointed out carelessly.

"Yes," she said. "Remus already left."

"Where does he go?"

"Somewhere safe." She thought the full explanation would take too long. "Listen, did he happen to stop by to see you?"

"No," said Marcus. "Why? Did he say he was going to?"

"Well, no," she told him. "It's just that he left rather early and I feel like I'm missing something that I should-" She gasped suddenly. "Lily and James."

"Who?" asked Marcus.

Tonks cursed as what Remus had said rang in her head.  _You do realize what day it is, don't you?_  It was October 31st, the anniversary of Lily's and James's deaths. "Merlin, now  _I'm_  the prat!"

Forgetting Marcus, she hung up the pone and raced upstairs for her jacket.

 

 

Remus combed the cemetery. Despite coming here once a year, he never could remember where the stone was. Eventually, he found it and placed the four white roses solemnly before it like an offering. "Well," he said as he straightened up. "Here I am again."

Four roses. One for Lily and one for James. Another went to Sirius. Since there wasn't a body, Remus liked to come here to remember him. The last rose went to Peter. Although he was still alive, the Peter that Remus had known was long gone.

During the first decade after Lily and James's deaths, Remus had still brought four roses. The only difference back then was that the reasons for Peter's and Sirius's roses had been switched. When Remus had learned the truth, he and Sirius had come here together.

Remus had only brought three roses at that time, but Sirius had thought there only should have been two. Remus had disagreed. They'd had some good times with Peter. He doubted Peter had always planned on betraying them, but Sirius never was able to think of Peter kindly. Remus left him be and kept the thoughts of the Peter they had once known to himself. After all, Lily's and James's deaths had unhinged Sirius even more so that it had Remus.

And then Sirius had died ... and Remus was back to four roses. God forbid he ever had to carry more than that.

"Perhaps you remember me mentioning Nymphadora Tonks last year," he said. To anyone else, it would have seemed like he was just talking to stone, but Remus could almost feel his four friends circled around him. "If not, then I'm sure Sirius has told you all about her."

He put his hands in his pockets. "By the way, Sirius, she told me about that plan you had to lock us in the closet." He grinned. "I'm not ashamed to say that I'm glad you never got the chance to carry that one out." He shook his head. "You and Molly were always plotting. You'll be happy to know that she's still plotting. In fact, she lent Nymphadora a bottle of Veritaserum." He laughed to himself. "You'll be disappointed to know that she chose not to use it."

He sighed and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet for a moment. "There's been some ... rather interesting developments between us." He was silent for a while. "So, Sirius, you can stop putting ideas in Marcus's head. And stop egging him on, James, because I know you are. Lily, I expect you to keep the two of them in check. And Peter..." He paused. "I wish I knew what happened to you, I really do."

He fell silent again. "Dumbledore died," he said absent-mindedly. "Though, I'm sure you lot know that already. Tell him we miss him, will you?" He shuffled his foot against the ground. "After he died ... Nymphadora and I dated for a little while, but ... I broke it off."

 _You stupid arse,_  said Sirius's voice in his head.

"Her parents died," he continued. "But I suppose you know that too. Severus-" He stopped himself. That was not the track he wanted to go down. "I've been staying with her this past month to ... watch over her, I guess. Anyway, long story short, things have happened and the more I think about it, the more I realize ... that I was wrong.

"I kept hoping she'd find someone else, but now I know I'd go crazy if that happened. I used to think that I was protecting her by pushing her away, but she said some things and now I realize that the real reason I pushed her away was because ... I didn't think I was good enough ... and I didn't think anyone could ... ever really love someone like me."

It was hard to admit, but he felt better somehow once he said it. He could almost see Lily smiling at him sadly.

"You're right, Lily," he said. "It was wrong of me to think that. Nymphadora - she's amazing - she told me ... she said I deserved happiness, and she..." He shook his head and laughed. "I still can barely believe it, but she said that she loved me. And I-" He stopped and didn't say anything for a long time.

"I think... I've fallen in love with her."

 

 

Tonks stumbled through the cemetery in the high-heeled shoes she'd nearly broken Remus's toes with. She really wished she'd been able to grab something else but they were the only things she could get to without having Kingsley see her. She probably could have levitated her trainers across the room, but it hadn't been worth the risk. He would kill her for sneaking out the back door, but she couldn't help it. She had to see Remus.

Finally, she found him. He looked like he was talking to someone, but she couldn't see whom. As she moved forward, she realized he was talking to the dead. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but she didn't want to. This was a private matter.

Unsure of what to do, she turned and succeeded in tripping on the corner of a tombstone and landing flat on her face. Damn those shoes! Remus turned at the sound, then rushed over to help her to her feet.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry," she said as he brushed the dirt off her. "I didn't want to interrupt-"

"Don't worry about it. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He took her hand. "Come on. There's a couple people I want you to meet."

He pulled her over to a stone with Lily's and James's names on it. Below their names were the dates of their births and deaths, and below that was inscribed a quote:  _Only the good die young._

"You would have liked them." Remus told her. "Especially Lily. The two of you would have gotten along very well."

"How do you know?" she asked curiously.

He was quiet for a moment. "Remember when I told you that there are only two kinds of people that I meet?"

She nodded silently.

"There's a third kind," he said. "But only two people fit in it."

"What's the third kind?"

"The third kind," he told her as he turned and met her eyes. "Is the kind that when I look into their eyes, I don't see pity or fear. All I see is unconditional love staring back at me."

She beamed knowingly.

"You're one of those people." He turned back to the stone. "And Lily was the other." He supposed his parents had fit into that category too, but it had been so long that he'd forgotten until that moment.

"Grace-" Tonks started.

Remus laughed. "Poor Grace." He shook his head sadly. "I hope she's happy, wherever she is."

"After what she did to you?" she asked incredulously.

He shook his head again. "No, Nymphadora, it's what  _I_  did to  _her_. Grace was Lily's look-a-like at school," he explained.

"Then," she said slowly. "It wasn't Grace you thought you were in love with... It was Lily."

He nodded guiltily. "James was crazy about her from day one. The moment he saw her, he couldn't have any other. He tried to get her to go out with him many times, but she wasn't interested. She saw him as nothing but a bully and we, as his friends, weren't any better in her eyes.

"One day, Lily and I were paired together for a class project. She wasn't too thrilled about it, but once she discovered that I wasn't as horrible as she had thought, we became fast friends. James didn't talk to me for weeks."

He smiled softly. "I thought I was falling for her, but it was just a flame, a crush. It wouldn't do for me to fall for James's girl, though. Close up, Lily and Grace looked nothing alike. Lily had dark red hair, Gracey's was warmer, brighter. Lily's eyes were emerald, Grace's were olive. And Lily had many more freckles. But, from a distance you couldn't tell them apart. They were often mistaken for one another."

"So you turned to Grace," said Tonks. "Pretending she was Lily."

He nodded slowly. "It's not something I'm proud of. And I've never told anyone about it. So you're the first to know." He indicated the stone with his foot. "And now they know too."

He had this god-awful look on his face. "If it makes you feel any better," she said. "Then I hope Grace is happy too."

He looked at her. "You're not just saying that but secretly hoping she rots in hell, are you?"

She hesitated. He rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief.

"I can't help it," she told him. She loved him too much and Grace had been horrible to him.

"Try," he pleaded. "For me."

She nodded. "I'll try." For him, she'd do anything. Especially if he asked her like that. And when she thought about it, if everything had worked out with Grace, then Remus wouldn't have been available today. In a way, she realized she probably should be thanking Grace for dumping him.

They were silent for a while.

"Maybe that's another reason," Tonks said, breaking the silence. "Why you couldn't believe me when I told you how I felt. You thought you loved Lily, and then she chose James ... someone who was whole. That's why you thought I would do the same thing."

Remus stared at her. He had never thought of it like that. "You should be a psychiatrist," he told her. "Or is it a psychologist?"

She laughed. "Oh, no, I'd be  _horrible!_ " She took his hand and gave it a playful squeeze. "I just know you too well."

He smiled and took her other hand so that they were facing each other. "And I'm thankful for that."

"I love you, Remus Lupin," she told him.

He moved in to kiss her but paused to take her face in his hands. He tried to say the words back, but they stuck in his throat. He still wasn't sure. "I'm falling for you," he whispered, but it was only half of the truth.

However, it was more than enough for her, she who had thought he would never show any interest in her beyond friendship. She kissed him fully on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her, deepening the kiss, and vowed to never let her go.

 

 

Marcus went into the kitchen for a glass of water. He had tried calling Tonks back, but she had either hung up the phone improperly or had left it off the hook deliberately because he couldn't get through. She and Remus were always hanging up on him and it was really starting to get annoying. He wondered if witches and wizards carried cell phones... Probably not.

He heard the sound of the door closing, and Marcus spun around to see a hooded and cloaked figure standing in the room.

Marcus recognized the man imeadiately. "H-h-how did you get in here?" he stuttered as he backed up against the sink.

Snape said nothing. Marcus looked around and seized a knife out of the sink, holding it before him like a sword. "Stay away from me." What was he thinking? This guy knew magic. A knife wasn't going to do him any good.

Snape pulled something out of his pocket. His wand.

Marcus suddenly had the strangest feeling of déjà vu, as though this had happened before.

"Wait," said Marcus, concentrating with all his might. "You ... I know this." He knew, somehow, that Snape had come to him before. He had stood in almost exactly the spot and had worn the same clothing. As Marcus looked at the wand, he knew Snape was going to make him do something he didn't want to do.

Something clicked in Marcus's mind as he started to remember. "No," he objected.

Lightening, white hot and prickling, exploded in Marcus's head. He dropped the knife and fell to his knees, pressing his hands to his head in an attempt to shut out the pain as Severus Snape raised his wand to interrogate him for the fourth time.

 

 

Remus and Tonks eventually parted. Remus looked up at the sky and noted how much time he had left. Not much ... but enough.

"I'll walk you to the end of the village," he said.

It wouldn't be a very long walk considering that the cemetery was on the outskirts of the village, but it was the least he could do. Holding hands, they found their way out of the cemetery and onto the gravel road.

"I wish I could stay with you," she told him.

"No, you don't," he almost said, but he bit back his tongue and gave her hand a squeeze. "I wish you could too."

They hadn't gone very far when Tonks cried out and her hand was ripped from his. Remus spun around, automatically reaching into his pocket for his wand . . . and there stood Snape. His hand was fisted in Tonks's hair, forcing her head back in an unnatural angle, and his wand was at her throat.

"Don't move," he said unnecessarily. "And take your hand out of your pocket, Lupin."

Remus slowly did what he was told.

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you've caused me?" Snape jerked on Tonks's hair and she gasped in pain.

"Leave her alone!" shouted Remus before he could stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

"Or you'll do what?" spat Severus.

Remus said nothing. There wasn't anything he could do but pray that someone would see them. However, the chances of that happening weren't very likely. It would be dark soon and he doubted anyone would have a need to come by the cemetery at this hour. Then, of course, if someone did happen to see them, Snape would kill them on sight. No, the only chance Remus had was to send a message for help, but he needed his wand to do that and he couldn't risk Tonks getting hurt. He had to wait for an opening.

"Let her go," he tried, knowing it wouldn't work.

Snape sneered. "You know I can't do that, Lupin."

"What would Voldemort want with her anyway?"

"You mean you don't know?" Snape laughed maliciously and turned his attention back to Tonks. "You never told him? Answer me when I'm talking to you!" He pulled on her hair again.

"Leave her alone-!"

"No." Tonks gasped. "How would I know why you were after me?" She was trying desperately to think of a way out of this. She was mentally reviewing her auror training, looking for anything that might help. One thing she did know was that she had to keep Snape talking.

"Don't play dumb with me, girl." Severus snarled. "You know why. You must have realized a long time ago. Now, are you going to tell him or do I have to?" He pressed his wand into her throat.

Tonks shifted her gaze to Remus. She knew she didn't have a choice. "Scrimgeour choose a select group of aurors to take part in an investigation to find out what Dumbledore had been doing the night he died. Kingsley was chosen, I was too."

Remus nodded silently. He knew this already. He remembered Kingsley mentioning it to him shortly after Dumbledore had died, but he didn't understand what it had to do with what was going on. The Order had known for a long time that Scrimgeour was trying to discover what Dumbledore had been up to.

"Go on," ordered Snape.

"Scrimgeour wanted weekly reports on what we had found, and Kingsley and I just made stuff up. I don't think Kingsley even bothered looking for anything ... but I did. I know I shouldn't have," she added quickly. "But I was curious, and I didn't understand..." She trailed off.

"It took a long time," she continued. "But I figured it out. I know what Dumbledore was doing."

For a split second, Remus's mind was completely drawn away from the current situation he and Tonks were in. "You ... you figured it out?"

"Dumbledore didn't want anyone to know," she told him. "And for good reason, which is why I never said anything. No one was suppose to know. But if I had figured it out, then someone else could too if they looked hard enough. So, I destroyed what evidence I could."

"You weren't very careful." Snape hissed. "In fact, I'd say you were almost  _clumsy_  about it."

Tonks caught the insult but said nothing.

"The Minister's not the only one interested in what Dumbledore was doing." Snape continued. "I had a spy in the ministry following your little group, who reported that you were destroying certain records. They suspected that you might know something. The Dark Lord requested that I find out."

 _Well, you've done a piss poor job of it._  Tonks bit down on her tongue.

"The spy also happened to overhear you telling Kingsley that you'd be staying at your parents' residence."

Tonks felt the tears spring unexpectedly to her eyes.

"It wasn't your fault."

She looked up at Remus. Merlin, he looked so calm ... but there was an air about him that suggested he was on the alert. She could tell he was waiting for the slightest window he could use to snatch her out of harm's way ... a window she was sure Snape would never give them.

But Remus was right. It wasn't her fault. It was the fault of the bastard who's wand was pointed at her throat.

"They need not have died," said Snape. "If they hadn't been such light sleepers I could have been in and out of there without causing them any harm."

"Then you would've tried my place." Tonks supplied.

"And you would've been dead a long time ago." Snape agreed. "But, as it were, I had just killed two people. I had to get away before the ministry showed up, and I had no doubt they would contact you immediately. I had to wait.

"However," he went on. "Since you would be taking leave from the ministry, my spy was useless. I needed to go somewhere else for information."

He turned his gaze on Remus, who had to fight hard not to curl his hands into fists. "Took you hours to realize I was sitting right behind you in that pub at Hogsmeade. I made sure you followed me toward the outskirts of the village, and we had ourselves a duel on the mountainside ... though I doubt you remember any of that." He sneered. "You took quite a tumble ... I was afraid you'd died before I could get anything out of you. I should have killed you afterwards, but those boys were walking down the road and if they had found your body, I would've had to give up my hiding spot."

Tonks felt him grip her hair more tightly, as though he were going to rip it all out at once. She gasped again in pain as he hissed in her ear. "I  _really_  liked that hiding spot. It smelled like dog, but it was rather convenient."

"What did I tell you?" asked Remus shakily, ignoring Snape's comment about Sirius and hoping to drawl Severus's attention away from Tonks.

"You told me that  _Tonks_ -" He gave her head a shake.

"Stop it!" Remus wanted to shout, but he didn't because he knew that was what Snape wanted him to do.

Tonks felt pained tears swell up in her eyes. She knew she was going to have blisters ... if she lived through this. She saw Remus grimace as though he could feel what she was feeling.

"-Was now living in her parents' home ... and you told me about Marcus."

Tonks saw a look of horror pass over Remus's face before he quickly composed himself and said, "He has nothing to do with this."

"Are you sure about that, Lupin? I told you my spy was useless. If I needed information on Tonks, I'd have to find it elsewhere. I couldn't go to you; you'd realize I was placing Memory Charms on you eventually. But if I used a Muggle, someone who would refuse to believe in magic even when they were staring it in the face..."

Remus shook his head. This couldn't be true.

"It was perfect." Snape continued. "Marcus was your roommate, surely you would've mentioned Tonks to him... After all, something  _had_  been developing between the two of you by the time I'd gone."

He looked between the two of them, searching. Remus averted his eyes ... but not soon enough.

"Make her your bitch yet, Lupin?"

The only thing that stopped Remus from wrapping his hands around Snape's throat and strangling him to death was remembering that he still had Tonks. Remus couldn't risk her safety, but neither could he stop himself from balling his hands into fists.

Tonks couldn't see his face, but she knew Snape was smirking. She wanted to smash his nose in as she had done with Balaquer's.

"Marcus proved useful quite a few times," said Snape, picking off where he had left off. "The first time I interrogated him, he said you were visiting Tonks but would be returning later that night. The phone was ringing when I left ... I didn't think about it then, but I suppose that was you calling to say you'd changed your mind."

He turned his attention to Tonks, again gripping her hair tightly. "I suppose light sleepers run in the family. You woke up not a moment after I had apparated. I didn't think it would be a problem until you screamed and I heard Lupin come running up the stairs."

Remus thought back. He'd gone to Tonks for assistance after the full moon. She had wanted him to stay longer than he had originally planned, and he'd been too unsure of her intentions to consider it. He had called Marcus and had told him that he was coming over, but, in the end, he'd realized that Tonks had needed someone with her. He'd tried calling Marcus back several times but no one had picked up the phone. Snape must have left the apartment before he, Remus, had given up and left a message.

"I had orders." Severus said, still speaking to Tonks. "I was to deliver you to the Dark Lord so he could interrogate you himself. And I was to do it inconspicuously, make it seem like you had just disappeared. If I had to kill Lupin before I could disapparate with you - although I would be particularly pleased - the Dark Lord wouldn't be happy."

So he had fled. He'd disapparated before Remus had gotten into her room.

"The Dark Lord has a limited amount of patience," he told her. "My orders changed and I was told to kill you if nothing else. So, the next time I questioned Marcus, he said you were going to a concert together. It would be easy to perform a murder and make it look like an accident with a crowd like that."

But he hadn't timed it right. They'd left before he'd started the fire. Undoubtedly frustrated, he'd tried to drown her in the tub the next day ... but Remus had saved her from that.

"I had no idea you'd be able to revive her, Lupin," said Snape. "Or I would have stayed and killed you along with her."

Yet again Tonks felt his fist vise her hair. He held on this time. The pain was so intense that tears began falling down her face. She nearly fell to her knees, but he forced her up by her hair, which only hurt even more. She brought her hands up to his, ready to pry him away, but he pressed his wand warningly into her throat and she lowered her arms. It hurt so badly, and she wished it would stop. Then, all at once, it ended.

"I said, stop it!" Remus was shouting. "There's no need for any of that!"

"I think there's plenty of need for it." This time, he hardly tugged on her hair, but her head was so bruised that it sent fresh tears down her face. "Payback for all the crap I've had to go through."

"H-how many times have you questioned Marcus?" Remus asked, again trying to drawl Snape's attention away from Tonks.

"Well, let's see," said Severus. "The third time I questioned him, he explained how he and Tonks had left the concert early, but other than Tonks getting a guard from the ministry, he had nothing useful to tell me. And then the phone rang." He turned back to Tonks and she waited for him to grip her hair again, but he didn't. "I waited this time. And it was your voice I heard on answering machine telling Marcus you thought you knew where I was hiding and that your guard were coming to bring me in." He smirked. "Excellent warning,  _Nymphadora_ , I thank you..."

"Don't-call-me-by-that-name," said Tonks through gritted teeth. He had no right to call her that, not after he had killed the two people who had refused to call her by her last name. To her parents, she had always been Nymphadora.

Snape pulled sharply on her hair.

"Severus!" barked Remus in protest.

"I don't think you're in a position to be making orders," hissed Snape in Tonks's ear. He turned to Remus and continued. "I had to find a  _different_ ," Another tug on her hair. "Place to hide out. Needless to say it was much less convenient. But I made my way back into Tonks's house. You were becoming quite the nuisance, Lupin. I decided to go after you..." He pulled viciously on her hair.

Tonks had to bite her lip to prevent herself from begging.  _Please ... please just stop doing that._

"But he wasn't in his room, was he?" growled Snape.

"No!" Tonks shouted in answer, fighting back the tears.

"No," repeated Snape, turning to Remus. " _She_  was in your room."

Remus blinked. He hadn't known that. After viewing the pensive, Remus had gone back to the apartment with Marcus. He had assumed Snape had attacked Tonks in her room while he'd been away... But none of that mattered now, it wasn't important.

"I was surprised," continued Snape. "And I'll admit that I forgot myself for a moment and lit my wand to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Tonks awoke and we dueled. But then  _Marcus_ ," Again, a tug to her hair. "Had to barge in." He turned to her. "I tried to kill you before your guard arrived, but no such luck."

He paused for a moment and then smirked. "I went to Marcus again today ... and he actually broke through one of my Memory Charms. I was impressed. The strain on his mind, though ... it's such a shame... If it's of any comfort, I could tell you what his last moments of life were like."

Again Tonks saw a look of horror pass over Remus's face ... but it stayed this time, mirroring what she was feeling. "No," said Tonks. "He's not-" Her voice broke.

"He is," said Snape in mock gravity, focusing his attention on Lupin. "The last words I got out of him were 'Lily and James,' and I knew I could find the two of you here."

Remus's had his fists clenched so hard that his nails were digging into his skin. Not Marcus too. It just couldn't be.

"Now that we're all caught up," continued Snape, turning to Tonks. "Here's the predicament I'm in. I could take you back to The Dark Lord ... or I could question you myself."

"I won't tell you anything," she said defiantly.

"No," he agreed. "I'm sure you won't ... but I'll enjoy the look on Lupin's face as I torture you."

So that was the reason. Snape could've -  _should've_ \- killed her by now. But he hadn't done it because it was too enjoyable to know the pain he was causing Remus. That was what all this was about. He wasn't pulling on her hair to inflict pain on  _her_. No, he was doing it because he enjoyed Remus's reaction. Yes, he had a service to pay to the Dark Lord. He  _was_  going to kill her, but he was also going to take every chance he had to make sure Remus suffered in the process.

"You're bleeding, Lupin."

Remus looked at his hands. He'd dug his nails in too deep.

No, thought Tonks. It was  _not_  going to be like this. Snape could kill her if he had to, but she was not going to let him hurt Remus as well. Forget about putting herself in jeopardy. If Snape had to kill her sooner than he wanted to, so be it. At least Remus wouldn't have to suffer because of her.

She tried to release herself from Snape's grasp, but her foot twisted in her high-heeled shoe and she fell at least an inch, causing her hair to pull on Snape's fingers. Again, tears came to her eyes. Damn those shoes! She'd never wear them again if she had the chance. They were the most useless footwear on earth! ... And then she heard a voice speaking to her from the past.

_"Mum, why do I have to wear these?" Tonks had complained many years ago. "They hurt my feet. I don't care if they look nice or make me taller. I don't want to wear them."_

Snape's attention was on Remus. "Why don't you just say it, Lupin? Just this once."

_"Oh, Nymphadora," said her mother. "There are more uses to high heeled shoes than looking nice and making you taller."_

"You're a bastard," said Remus.

_"Really?" asked Tonks curiously._

"It takes one to know one." Severus retorted.

_Her mother nodded. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes._

"I never did anything to you." Remus objected.

_"Like what?" Tonks urged ... and her mother answered..._

"No," agreed Severus. "You just sat there and ignored what was happening."

Tonks brought her foot up as hard as she possibly could between Snape's legs. The moment she felt his grip loosen on her hair, she shot forward. It had all happened too fast for it to register with Remus. Tonks grabbed his arm and pulled him as quickly as she could toward the cemetery where they could find some cover.

"Did you just do what I think you did?" he asked in awe as she pulled him down behind a large tombstone. He whipped out his wand and a silver animal erupted from it. Someone from the Order was bound to get the message.

"Yep." She pulled off her shoes and broke off the heels against the stone before she slid them back on. "Much better." At least she could run properly now.

She pulled out her wand, but Remus put his hand on her arm.

"You're going back to the house, Nymphadora."

"What? No! I can't-!"

"It's you he wants. Apparate to the house where it's safe and then send someone-"

"No!" she shouted at him. "As soon as he finds out I'm gone then he'll disappear too! I'm not going to give him time to hurt someone else! First it was my parents and then it was Marcus! No one else is going to die at my expense! I'm ending this!"

She moved to stand, but Remus pulled her back down.

"This isn't up for argument." A jet of green light blasted away the stone above his head and he jumped. "Shit!"

He hesitated and then peered around the stone for a moment before turning to her. "Go back to the house," he ordered. Then he hurried to his feet.

"Remus!"

She reached for him, but he slipped through her fingers.

" _Expelliarmus!_ " he shouted as he headed for Snape.

"God  _damn it!_ " cursed Tonks.

Remus ducked another jet of green light. His primary goal at the moment was drawling Snape away from Tonks. After that, he just had to try to stay alive. With a little luck, help would arrive soon.

He dove behind a large statue of an angel. Peering around it, he spotted Snape and shouted, " _Stupefy!_ " He hit nothing but stone. It was impossible to get a good aim. There were too many large stones and statues around. Though, if he was having trouble aiming, then Snape surely was too. He had a better chance of living if he stayed in the cemetery.

Remus peered around the angel again, but he couldn't see where Severus had gone.

" _Impedimenta!_ "

The spell hit the wing of the angel and it came crashing down. Remus dove out of the way. He looked up to see Tonks not far off wearing an apologetic expression. It wasn't Snape who would had hit the angel's wing.

"Who's side are you on?" he asked incredulously once he had reached her. He knew there was nothing he could do. She was staying with him ... and a part of him preferred it that way.

"Yours," she told him.

"So act like it."

" _Reducto!_ "

Tonks and Remus scrambled out of the way as the stone they were taking shelter behind exploded. Remus cursed again. The two of them scrambled to their feet and pointed their wands at Snape.

" _IMPEDIMENTA!_ "

It was Tonks's turn to curse as Snape ducked behind an oak tree. The spell ricocheted off the tree and came back towards the two of them. Remus pulled her down to the ground.

They scrambled to their feet.

" _Reducto!_ " shouted Remus.

The statue he had just seen Snape move behind exploded. What he hadn't expected was for Snape to still be standing there when the dust cleared.

" _Avada Kedavra!_ "

Remus saw it all in slow motion. The statue exploding. Snape emerging from behind it. His wand pointed directly at Tonks.

All Tonks saw was the flash of green light ... right before she hit the ground.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

Order members were apparating all around the graveyard. Stunning spells were fired in every direction and ricocheted off gravestones. For a while, everything was chaotic ... and then everyone moved to the two bodies lying on the ground

Dark. Everything was dark. Tonks couldn't see a thing... but she could smell the grass beneath her nostrils. She could feel the air in her lungs flowing slowly in and out. She could feel the presence of the people standing in a large circle around her and could hear their incoherent whispers.

Her face was pressed into the ground. She opened her eyes. She could see several blades of grass and the soles of someone's shoes. She wasn't dead... But why couldn't she move? Her limbs felt so heavy... Then she realized that something was on top of her.

No ... not something ...  _someone_.

Dear God, no.

" _Remus!_ " she shouted hysterically, pushing his lifeless body off her and startling the people standing around them. " _Remus!_ "

She shook him.

He didn't respond.

She shook him again. " _Remus!_ "

Again, she got nothing.

"No..." She felt a hand on her shoulder but she pushed it away. " _Remus_ ," she said more softly but still in that hysterical pitch. No, this wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. " _Remus!_ " she shouted, giving him another shake.

Remus could hear someone calling his name hysterically, but the voice sounded far off. He opened his eyes and it took a minute for the scene to come into focus.

Remus's eyes appeared to be crossed, and Tonks knew he'd gotten hit with one of the ricocheting Stunning Spells. She felt the vise of fear around her heart release its hold, and tears of relief filled her eyes as she sent up a silent prayer of thanks.

She helped him sit up and he stared at her in wonder and disbelief. He brought his hand to the back of his head where he'd felt the Killing Curse ruffle his hair. He couldn't remember consciously thinking of pushing Tonks out of the way. He had just done it. He'd thought he was dead...

He looked at Tonks and a slow smile spread across his face. He let out a nervous laugh. He was alive. She was alive. They had made it. It was unbelievable! This kind of thing never happened.

At last, Remus burst into laughter and Tonks burst into tears and they both threw their arms around each other.

"I'm dreaming." Remus told her, hardly daring to believe his luck. One of them should have been killed, and yet neither of them had. He must have done  _something_  right to deserve this moment with her.

"Then I'm dreaming with you," she said. She knew just as well as him that one of them shouldn't be there.

After a moment, they parted and helped each other to their feet. The Order stood around them, looking as unbelieving as the two of them felt. The lot of them had probably thought both of them had died.

"Impeccable timing." Remus commented.

Tonks giggled uncontrollably.

"What did I tell you?" Balaquer suddenly shouted loudly to Kingsley. "It's all an act! The werewolf's been planning this all along!" He pointed. "Look-!"

He didn't get to finish his sentence Remus grabbed him and slammed him up against the nearest headstone. "I've had just about enough of you," he warned through gritted teeth.

Remus was at the end of his rope. He'd had enough on his plate as it was with the full moon, the anniversary of his best friends' deaths, and the newest development in his and Tonks's relationship. Then sodding Severus Snape had come along and had nearly tortured Tonks in front of him. He, Remus, had had killing curses flung at him and at the woman he cared about most in the world. Both of them had nearly been killed. Add Balaquer on top of all of that and... Remus was ready to rip the man's bloody head off.

Balaquer struggled to break free but Remus was stronger than he'd realized. "Take your hands off me, werewolf."

"I have a name." Remus growled.

Balaquer glared at him defiantly, as though trying to stare him down, but Remus glared right back. He wasn't taking crap from Balaquer - or from anyone - any longer. He wasn't going to stand for it. He'd had enough ... and Tonks had helped him to see that he had the right to feel that way.

"Remus," said someone tentatively.

" _What?_ " he snapped, turning to face whom had spoken.

Tonks pointed silently. She watched as all the color drained from his face.

Remus let Balaquer go as he stared at the rapidly setting sun. The full moon was winking down at him mockingly from its patch of clear sky.

"Everyone get out of here," he said hoarsely. When no one moved, he shouted. "Go! Now!"

They didn't need telling again.

"Remus-" Tonks started as everyone began disapparating around them.

"Go," he told her.

"I don't-"

"Go," he repeated more urgently. "You can't help me." He pushed her insistently into Kingsley's arms. "Take her."

"Remus-" she tried again.

"I'll be fine," he told her. "Don't worry about me."

Kingsley disapparated with her. At last Remus was alone. Dumbledore had let him use the Shrieking Shack for transformations even after he'd finished school, but he didn't have enough time make it there tonight. He ran down to the gravel road and looked down it. There was a forest at the village's end. If he could make it there, then perhaps he'd stay in that area once he transformed. He had to do what he could to ensure he wouldn't be a danger to the villagers.

He ran as fast as he could toward the forest. He had almost reached the shelter of its trees when a searing pain ripped through him and sent him to his knees.

 

 

"Snape-" Tonks began.

"It's alright," said Kingsley. "We got him. The others have him." He and Tonks were the only ones who had returned to the house. The others had apparated to take Snape in to the proper authorities.

The good news didn't register with Tonks at that moment. "No, Marcus." She was having trouble making complete sentences, and she paused to take a deep breath before going on. "Snape said he... He said that he..." She couldn't say it, she just couldn't. "You  _have_  to check on him," she insisted. "You have to make sure he's all right." Even though she knew he wouldn't be.

"Okay," said Kingsley quickly to calm her. "I'll check on him. Do you want to come with-?"

Tonks shook her head. She didn't want to see Marcus like that. "I'll stay here ... if that's alright with you," she added, trying to sound calmer than she felt.

Kingsley hesitated, but thought better of it. The danger was over right? "You'll stay here," he repeated.

She nodded.

"All right then. I'll be back." After removing the Anti-Apparition Charm from the property, he turned on his heel and disappeared.

Tonks paced nervously. So much was going through her mind at the moment; Snape, Marcus ... Remus.

The transformation she had witnessed in the pensieve kept running through her mind. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair. He shouldn't have to be alone. She wanted to be there ... even though she knew it was impossible.

And yet, she worried. She knew he'd be fine, but she feared that they weren't out of the water yet. She had to make sure ... but it wasn't safe. She couldn't. But she had to. She'd only be gone for a few minutes - that's all - then she'd come back.

Her mind made up, she disapparated.

 

 

It was dark in the cemetery now, and it took a minute for Tonks's eyes to adjust. She didn't dare light her wand since she had no clue where Remus had gone, but thankfully the full moon was giving off enough light for her to walk by. She walked down to the edge of the cemetery, careful to keep off the gravel road.

She just wanted to see Remus, just to ease her troubled mind. It was a stupid thing to do, but she told herself that she knew what she was doing. After all, she was smart enough to realize that there was a full-fledged werewolf out there somewhere. She didn't want to give away her presence if she could help it.

She thought she heard whimpering coming from the direction of the forest. Deciding that was a likely place for Remus to go to, she headed quietly that way. Then she thought she heard sniffing - the kind a dog would make - and she quickly hid behind a tombstone. Peering around it, she saw the wolf - Remus - come slowly padding up the gravel road. It had its nose to the ground and was walking away from the forest in the direction of the village.

Tonks bit her lip and peered up the road. There was nothing she could do but hope that there wouldn't be people out of their houses at this hour. She could see lights on in the houses but no people outside . . . not that that meant anything.

She turned back to watch the wolf as it searched for a scent. She knew she should get out of there, but the crouched position she had adopted was not an able one to perform apparition in. She didn't dare stand up lest the wolf see her. She held her breath as it neared and kept perfectly still.

All at once, the wolf paused in its tracks and sniffed the air. Tonks hid herself completely behind the stone, praying that it wasn't her scent the wolf had caught. She heard growling. She peered around the stone cautiously to see what the wolf was growling at ... two amber eyes met hers.

Tonks didn't even have time to curse. All thought of apparition forgotten, she turned and ran toward the village. The wolf was practically snapping at her heels. She pointed her wand behind her and muttered a silent apology.

" _Stupefy!_ "

There was a yelp and she knew she'd hit it. She couldn't apparate now, though. She had to stay. She had to warn the villagers, make sure everyone stayed safe. Remus would never forgive himself if he bit anyone. Eventually, she made it to the first house and pounded on the door.

Suddenly, she heard the sounds of a massive animal running up the gravel road. She couldn't see the wolf, but she knew it wasn't far off. She pounded on the door harder.

All at once, the door opened, a hand reached out and pulled her inside. The door closed and Tonks heard the  _thud_  as the wolf slammed its body into it. The wolf scratched at the door angrily, but there was no way for it to get in.

"Thank you," said Tonks as she turned to face her savoir.

The man was large, almost as wide as he was tall. He said nothing to her, only moved to the side and walked away. A smaller, but still large, woman had been standing behind him. She held out her hand.

"I'm Abba," she said politely.

"Tonks." She took Abba's hand and shook it.

"I don't think I know you. Do you live around here?"

"Uh, no," said Tonks. "I was just visiting the cemetery and it," she pointed behind her at the door. "Came after me out of nowhere."

"Irma!" shouted a voice from upstairs. "Keep those crazy sons of yours in the house! We've got a werewolf on the prowl!" There was the sound of a window shutting.

Tonks turned to Abba questionably.

"You'll have to forgive my husband, Ethan," she sighed. "I'm afraid he's obsessed with horror movies." She shook her head. "However, he is a respected hunter. If he said - God forbid - that there was a Yeti running through the village, everyone would know that at least  _something_  was out there that they wanted to stay away from." She paused. "Irma's boys are not going to be happy. They had been planning a walk through the cemetery. They thought it would be 'cool' considering there's a full moon and it's Halloween and all."

"You're husband's a hunter?" asked Tonks nervously.

Abba beamed proudly. "Let me show you." She led Tonks into the sitting room.

Tonks stared. Hundreds of animal heads were mounted on the wall: deer, moose, elk. There was even a bear skin rug. There was a cat like animal that had been stuffed and was sitting near the sofa, and also a stuffed squirrel was mounted in the corner of the wall. Hundreds of animals, all stuffed and on proud display. Tonks stared dumbfounded for several minutes.

"He caught all of these?"

Abba nodded.

"Not here, surely."

"Oh, no, dear. Ethan does a good bit of traveling."

"Admiring my collection?" asked Ethan from behind them.

"Er ... yes," said Tonks quickly, eyeing the rifle in his hand. "It's quite impressive."

Ethan strode into the room and over to the telly. There was a large bookshelf (atop which sat a stuffed mouse like creature of some sort) that housed only horror movies. One of the titles stood out for Tonks:  _The Wolf Man_. Ethan shifted the shelf so he could get behind it. Bending down, he pulled out a small matchbox that apparently held something other than matches.

"I told you these would come in handy someday, Abby," said Ethan as he took a seat on the sofa.

Abba nodded politely but Tonks swore she saw her roll her eyes a minute later.

Ethan opened the box, and began loading the ammo into his gun.

"Silver bullets?" breathed Tonks.

"That's right," said Ethan. "Only way to stop a werewolf."

Tonks was confused.

"Oh, come on!" shouted Ethan. "You must have heard the stories! Silver is the only thing werewolves are vulnerable to. They can't abide it - can't touch it even."

Tonks had never heard of such a thing. Remus could touch silver (plenty of the goblets at Grimmauld Place had been pure silver). And she may not have known much about guns, but she was sure any kind of bullet would stop Remus. "You're really going to shoot it?" she asked, trying not to sound alarmed.

Ethan stared at her. "You're not one of those animal rights people, are you?"

"No, no." Tonks assured him. "It's just-"

Ethan cocked the rifle. He then got off the sofa, brushed passed the two women and headed for the stairs.

Tonks scrambled after him. "But-wait a minute! If you really believe in werewolves - and there's nothing wrong with that, believe me - then you should know that it's an actual  _person_ , not an animal."

"Then I'm putting the poor bastard out of his misery."

Tonks bit her lip. As soon as there was room, she ran passed Ethan to the window that overlooked the village, peering out of it for the wolf that was Remus and praying that she wouldn't see it.

"Out of my way." Ethan pushed her roughly aside and threw the window open. He positioned the rifle on the sill.

Tonks glanced at the stairs, checking to see if Abba had decided to come after them. She hadn't.

"Ah, there it is!" Ethan got into position, peering through the sight. "Sniffing around the Potters' old house."

Tonks registered the name but could've cared less at that moment. She pulled out her wand and muttered a quick spell. Ethan pulled the trigger, but nothing happened.

"What?" He took the rifle and shook it. Then he pulled the trigger once more. Again, nothing happened. "I just cleaned the blasted thing yesterday!" He shook it furiously. "Abby!" He headed for the stairs.

Tonks ran to the window. She spotted the wolf somewhere near the other end of the village. "Get out of here," she said as though it could not only hear her but understand her as well. "Before he comes back."

Then, almost as though the wolf  _had_  heard her, it paused, howled, and shot off away from the village. Tonks hoped it was chasing after some small animal and not an actual human being.

She headed back downstairs. Ethan was sitting at the table with some kind of kit, vigorously cleaning out his rifle. Abba stood by and watched.

"It's gone." Tonks told them.

Neither of them said anything. After several minutes Ethan reloaded the gun and cocked it. He pointed it at the floor.

"Oh, dear, not in the house!" Abba objected.

He pulled the trigger to no avail. "Blast!" He threw the rifle across the room. "It's jammed somehow." He thought for a long moment. "Abby," he said, turning to his wife. "Where did I put grandfather's old rifle?"

"In the attic, dear."

"Yes, but  _where_  in the attic?"

Abba shrugged. "Honestly, daring, I haven't a clue where it would be. It's a jungle up there. You'll have a hard time finding it," she added as her husband got up from the table and headed for the stairs again, taking the bullets with him.

"Does he honestly think it will come back?" asked Tonks, worried.

Abba shrugged again. "Who knows? Ethan can stay in one spot without moving for hours, and I mean  _hours_ , just waiting for an animal to cross his path. I suppose that's one of the reasons why he's done so well. He's a very patient man - well, with animals. When it comes to people ... well, I could tell you stories..."

Tonks let her ramble on. She looked out the window, studying the scene before her and praying that the wolf would stay as far away from here as possible.

"I think it would be safe for you to go outside," said Abba after a long while, taking Tonks's diligence for hesitance. "I don't think the wolf's about... However, if you'd like to stay here for the night, you are more than welcome."

"Thank you," said Tonks, not taking her eyes from the window. "I think I'll do that." She was determined to stay awake all through the night just in case the wolf came back.

 

 

BANG!  _Yelp!_

Tonks awoke with a start. She couldn't remember falling asleep, but apparently she had. She was seated at the table with her head in her arms.

"Oh!" said Abba, looking up at the ceiling. "It sounds like Ethan found his rifle."

Tonks leapt from the table and ran to door, flinging it open and running outside. It was lighter than she had remembered it being, but it was still night.

"Oi!" shouted Ethan from the open window. "Careful! I got it!" He pointed between two houses. "But I don't think it was a fatal shot! It's still dangerous!"

Tonks turned and ran to where Ethan had pointed. She noticed droplets of blood. There were more and more of them as she moved forward. At last, she found the wolf standing in a defensive stance, holding up an injured front leg. It started growling at her, but it was whimpering too. Blood was slowly trickling from the wound.

She approached it slowly, unsure of what to do. With dogs, she knew to approach with a hand gently outstretched, yet she was sure that was the correct way of going about getting bitten when dealing with werewolves. The closer she came to it, the more furiously the wolf growled. It didn't seem keen on attacking her, however.

"Remus," she tried. She knew he was lost to her in this state, but it didn't matter. He was still in there  _somewhere_ , if only she could find a way to reach him. "Remus, it's me. It's Ton-Nymphadora." She took another confident step forward, being careful not to back down when the wolf - no, not the wolf.  _Remus._  They were one in the same - let out a vicious bark. Dogs could smell fear. She doubted werewolves were any different. "I just want to help you, Remus." She gazed into those amber eyes, searching for the brown ones she knew so well. "Just let me help you. He'll kill you if you don't let me help you."

She took another step, but this time he took a step back. "No," She shook her head. "Don't do that. I'm not here to hurt you. Remus, I love you." For one miraculous moment, she swore she had seen those amber eyes darken and soften to brown, but it was gone once she took another step forward.

"Stay there," she told him. "Don't move. I love you," she tried again because it had seemed to work last time. She kept her eyes locked with his, hardly even blinking, and somehow she knew he wasn't going to hurt her as long as she stayed like this.

"I love you," she repeated. Another step and then another. She was so close.

"Stand aside, girl."

Tonks didn't hear him, neither his voice nor the cock of the gun. All her concentration was on Remus. "Don't move," she whispered.

"Stand aside," ordered Ethan threateningly. "Before I shoot you too."

Tonks reached her hand out slowly, passed his muzzle and over his pointed ears to the top of his head where she buried her fingers in his fur.

The gun fired ... but the bullet missed its query. Tonks had disapparated.

 

 

She appeared back in her house. She jumped swiftly away from Remus as he barked furiously and tried to bite her. She pulled her hand away just in time. He left her alone after that and limped away to whimper in the corner. Apparently, the pressing, pulling, and pressure akin to being forced through a very small tube during apparition wasn't that great a feeling when you had a bullet wound.

Tonks cringed. "Sorry," she muttered.

She thought wildly for a long moment, then hurried to her room. She found Healer Morgan's card and flipped it over to the phone number on the back. She was about to dial it when she realized that Morgan probably worked late night to early morning. He wouldn't be home at this hour.

Tonks thought again. She couldn't owl him. No, it would take too long. She needed him, though. She hardly knew anything about Muggle weaponry and she had no clue what to do about a bullet wound. Making up her mind, she raised her wand and a giant sliver werewolf erupted from the end of it: Her patronus.

She went back downstairs to keep an eye on Remus, hoping Morgan would get the message. Time went by, but at last the doorbell rang.

Remus began to growl, low and warningly in his throat.

"Shush," she said to him. "He won't hurt you."

She opened to the door.

"Sorry to bother you," said Morgan nervously. "It was the strangest thing ... this werewolf-looking patronus found me in my office and I couldn't help but feel like you might need something." He looked up at her and shrugged as though to say, "Isn't that the weirdest thing you've ever heard?"

Tonks just smiled thankfully. "I wasn't sure you'd remember me. It's been a month."

Morgan shook his head. "You're the one with the pink hair who talked down Vorderman. How could I forget?"

She opened the door wider. "Please, come in. Try not to make any sudden movements."

"What?" he asked as he stepped inside. He caught sight of Remus and jumped. "For the love of Merlin!"

Remus was on his feet, barking and growling viciously.

"Remus!" Tonks shouted as though she were disciplining a small child.

Morgan stared at her in wonder as the wolf quieted and backed up. He noticed it was bleeding.

"Don't make any sudden movements." Tonks repeated.

"Well, I wasn't expecting ... er." He indicated Remus. "You said he was your bother, didn't you?"

"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "I did." She shook her head. No time to correct that now. "I need your help." She moved slowly toward Remus.

"Tonks ..." Morgan warned.

"I know what I'm doing." She put her hand on Remus's head and began brushing his fur with her fingertips in an attempt to keep him docile.

Morgan's mouth dropped open in amazement.

"He was shot," she told him. "I don't know what to do." She got too close to the wound and Remus snapped at her. "Remus!" she said again in that disciplinary tone, snatching her hand back.

Again, Morgan was amazed as the wolf hung its head.

"Well?" asked Tonks, turning to him as soon as she was far enough away from Remus.

Morgan hesitated. He couldn't do this, could he? ... Oh, what the hell? Why not? He thought quickly. "We can ... we can take him ... there's a private ward close to my office ... he can go there. You should come too," he added.

"Vorderman-" she started.

"I'll take care of him." Morgan assured her. "Now, I can apparate us to the spot ... if you can handle him, that is."

Tonks nodded. She made her way over to Remus, entwining her fingers in his fur. She smiled softly at the thought of how strange it was that, in his human form, Remus wasn't very hairy at all. Well ... he was normal, she supposed, as far as hair went. It was just that you'd expect a werewolf to be hairier. But that was completely beside the point.

Morgan moved toward them and Remus began to growl.

"Remus." Tonks established eye contact with him. Again, she swore those eyes had blinked brown for just a second. "He won't harm you, Morgan," she assured him, reaching out a hand.

Morgan let out a nervous laugh. "Right." He swallowed his fear and took Tonks's outstretched hand.

They apparated into the private ward Morgan had mentioned, Remus landing conveniently in the hospital bed.

Morgan pulled out his wand. "He should be restrained, for safety's sake."

"What?" asked Tonks alarmed. "No," she said. "No restraints."

"I really must insist. For everyone's safety."

Tonks shook her head again. She couldn't stand to have Remus restrained like some animal. He was dangerous in this state; she knew that, yes. But he wasn't going to hurt anyone. She'd make sure of it. "No," she repeated.

Again, Morgan hesitated. "It would just be until he changed back."

"No," she said defiantly. "He's not going to hurt anyone."

Morgan stared at her. She was doing that eye thing again, staring at the wolf as though daring it to move. It seemed to work, whatever it was.

Defeated, he pocketed his wand. "I'll be back. I'm locking the door. Don't open it to anyone." He left.

Tonks stared into those amber eyes, searching for brown once more. She examined the wound, and Remus whimpered. "Shhh..." She stroked the fur on his back. "You're going to be fine. In fact, I'm the one that should be complaining." She smiled. "You're going to kill me when you're back to yourself."

At length, the door opened. Morgan walked in with another Healer in tow. Tonks didn't see his face. He jumped back behind the guard of the door as soon as he caught sight of Remus.

"Morgan," he hissed. "That's a-"

"It's all right, Jeffrey."

"Morgan, I-I can't. I just can't. I've got kids, Morgan."

Morgan stepped closer to him. There was no use fighting. "Do two things for me. Just two. Get the incoming record. Name's Remus Lupin. Got that? Good. I want you to get to it before Vorderman does and I want you to destroy it. Got that? And then once you've done that, I want you to keep Vorderman as far away from here as possible. Is that clear? ... Good. Now go." He closed the door and locked it magically.

Morgan shook his head, stepping closer to Tonks but keeping his distance. "It's a shame. I really thought Jeffrey could help ... he shares much of the feelings I have about that Werewolf Protection Act ... but I suppose when you have children..."

He sighed. "No matter. I can handle on my own." He checked his watch. "Sun rise just began. Give it a minute or two and I can get started."

Tonks nodded, turning her attention back to Remus. The minutes seemed to take forever to pass. Tonks swore those eyes really were brown for a moment before they closed.

Remus breathed deeply and Tonks noticed that little things were changing. The fur on his face was fading, his nose shortening. His ears were shrinking and becoming more curved. His paws shortened and separated, looking more like hands. His tail shortened and then disappeared all together.

Morgan stood transfixed. He'd never witnessed anything like this before. It was amazing. And then he realized that Remus was going to be completely naked once he changed back into himself. Raising his wand, Morgan quickly conjured a sheet that gently fell from the air and covered the dozing figure on the bed.

The transformation complete, Tonks ran a hand lovingly down the side of the face she knew so well. Forgetting herself, she pressed her lips ever so gently to Remus's.

Morgan saw all of this, of course, and stopped in his tracks.  _Wait a minute._  He looked between the two of them ... and realized for the first time that they looked  _nothing_  alike. They were  _not_  brother and sister. But why would Tonks lie about something like that?

And then he remembered ... family privileges.  _Clever, Tonks. Very clever._

He moved forward, perfectly comfortable now that there wasn't a potential for him to be bitten. The night was over and the shadows were receding. The nocturnal creatures had finished their nighttime prowl. The sun had risen and the full moon had come to pass.


	11. Afterward

Remus opened his eyes. His right shoulder ached. He reached over with his other arm, touched the wound, and felt a sharp, piercing pain.

Tonks snatched his hand away. "Don't touch it."

Remus turned his head slowly to look at her. "Have I been...?" He paused and his eyebrows came together in a look of confusion. " _Shot?_ " he asked in complete disbelief.

She nodded apologetically.

"Really?" he asked, still not believing.

She nodded again. "Would I lie to you?"

Remus shook his head.  _Unbelievable._  "It's kind of funny. I mean, I must have set a record. You know? How many wizards have been  _shot?_ "

"None that I know of," said Morgan as he approached. "You're the first that I've seen come through here."

Remus looked up at him. "I sincerely hope this doesn't become routine." Considering that he'd been in here after the last full moon as well.

Morgan smiled and nodded his agreement as he placed a hand tentatively on Remus's injured arm to hold him down. He was afraid that Remus might jump. However, he'd never done this before, so he wasn't sure what kind of a reaction someone might have.

Morgan raised his wand. "This may sting a bit."

Remus was no stranger to pain, but he liked to avoid it if he could. This, however, might not be one of those times. He grasped Tonks's hand just in case.

Morgan gave his wand a flick. " _Accio!_ "

Remus closed his eyes, but other than that he didn't move. Tonks felt his hand tighten around hers for a moment as the wasted silver bullet flew into Morgan's open palm. Morgan then came up beside Remus and began waving his wand over Remus's shoulder and muttering what sounded like incantations under his breath.

"This might seem like a really ignorant question," Tonks said to Remus, his hand still in hers. "But ... what does it feel like?"

He turned to her. "To be shot?"

She nodded. "If you don't mind me asking."

He was silent for a moment. "It hurt like hell at first, to be completely honest," he told her thoughtfully. "I don't really feel anything right now, though. Didn't feel much earlier either-" He winced as Morgan prodded the wound with his wand. " _That_  hurts," he said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry." Morgan apologized. "It's necessary, I'm afraid."

Tonks gave Remus's hand a squeeze.

"It's not so bad," he told her, focusing on her face and trying to ignore what Morgan was doing. "I'd take this compared to transformations any day."

That either meant that getting shot didn't hurt that much or that transformations really, really,  _really_  hurt and getting shot was only a lesser version of that. She didn't ask him which he meant, however.

As Morgan began dressing the wound, he asked Remus a few questions. "Have you lost any feeling in your arm? Are you numb anywhere? Can you move everything?" After he had Remus demonstrate that he still had use of his motor skills, Morgan promised he'd be back in a moment and walked out of the room.

Remus was silent for while, and then he turned to Tonks as though he had just realized something. "You came back."

It took her a moment to realize what he was talking about. "Yes, I did."

"I told you stay at the house," he said sternly, propping himself up on the elbow of his uninjured arm.

"I was worried."

"I could've bitten you." He'd told her before about how unstable he was during the full moon, and he sounded upset that she would ignore his warnings and come after him. He clearly thought she had no respect for his feelings when it came this. "I could've attacked you, or I could've-"

"But you  _didn't_ ," she interjected.

"That's beside the point. Nymphadora, how many times do I have to tell you-?"

"You were heading for the village when I found you. If I hadn't shown up, you might have hurt someone or Ethan might have-"

"And telling Morgan not to restrain me-"

"You weren't going to hurt anyone."

"You  _don't_  know that. You had no right to make that call. I could've hurt you. I could've hurt him. I even could've-"

"Drink this." Morgan had returned. He pushed a steaming goblet into Remus's hand.

Remus swallowed the potion without a second thought. "I could have..."

But what else Remus could have done, they wouldn't know. The potion took immediate affect. Remus's eyes closed as he fell instantly asleep, the goblet falling from his hand. Morgan caught it, and Tonks caught Remus, gently easing his head back onto the pillow.

"Thank you," said Tonks.

Morgan shrugged. "I didn't do anything. It's just that he's been up all night and he needs some sleep."

Tonks nodded. "Well ... thanks for everything else."

Morgan looked uneasy. "Er ... here." He reached into his pocket and gave something to her.

It was the silver bullet.

"Some people like to keep them," he explained.

Tonks knew she didn't want it. And she doubted Remus would. But she pocketed it anyway. "Is something wrong?"

Morgan studied her and then sighed. "I'll be sacked for this."

"What?" she asked, alarmed.

"I got off last time because I swore that I didn't know what he was." He gestured toward Remus's sleeping form. "And because the others backed me up. But this time ..." He shook his head. "I let a full-fledged werewolf into the hospital - without restraint - thereby risking the safety of everyone in the building."

Tonks was silent. She hadn't thought about any of that. She'd been too worried about Remus to think of the consequences. "I'm sorry." It was all she could say.

To her surprise, Morgan smiled. "Don't be. This is probably one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me."

Tonks could only stare in amazement. He was  _happy_  he was getting sacked?

"I've always wanted to start my own practice." Morgan explained. "I've just been too afraid of letting go of the security this place offered me." He shrugged and grinned broadly. "But now I don't really have a choice, do I? I was thinking I could offer treatment to people like Remus and any others the hospital decides to turn away. It will be a dream come true, really." He paused. "So I suppose ... I should be the one thanking you."

She didn't know what to say. "Um ... you're welcome ... I guess. And ... if there's anything I can do to help-"

Morgan waved her off with his hand. "I'll be fine. But," He nodded his head at Remus. "I wouldn't mind knowing what happened."

"It's a long story," she told him.

He checked his watch. "I have a little time."

"Well..." Tonks raised a hand to run through her hair and winced.

"What happened to your head?" asked Morgan, concerned.

"It's nothing," she assured him. "It's just-"

But Morgan had already stepped behind her and was gently combing her hair with his fingers to examine her scalp. He cursed softly.

"Is it that bad?" asked Tonks, gritting her teeth. The slightest movement hurt.

"What happened to you?" he asked in wonder.

"That's another, even longer story," she told him.

"I'll be right back." Morgan left her alone for several minutes. "Here," he said when he returned. "Wash your hair with this. It will help." He pushed a bottle into her hands.

"Thanks," she said.

Morgan checked his watch again. "You'll have to tell me that story later. I have to check on my other patients." He tossed something onto the bed at Remus's feet: Hospital clothes. "Would you mind?"

Tonks shook her head and gathered them into her arms. "Um ... Morgan?" He turned at the door. "Hm?"

"We - Remus and I - we're not-"

"Brother and sister." He nodded. "I know." He left without an explanation.

 

 

Tonks found her way into the hospital's Visitor's Tearoom. There wasn't much there, just tea and a tray of donuts and muffins and a small sitting area, but Tonks was starving. She hadn't realized until that moment just how hungry she was. All she'd eaten in the last twenty-four hours was lunch, and that had been a rather small lunch. However, before she could grab something to eat, she spotted someone she knew sitting at a table.

"Kingsley?" she said, walking over to him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, standing up.

"I was just about to ask you the same question."

"I was bringing Marcus in," he said, as though she should have known that already.

Tonks was confused. "You were ... bringing Marcus in?"

"You wanted me to check on him, remember?" He was eyeing her as though looking for signs that she herself needed to be admitted into the hospital.

"Well ... yes, but ... He's okay?" she breathed, hardly daring to believe it.

"Well, 'okay' isn't the word I'd pick-"

"He's  _alive?_ "

He stared into her disbelieving face. "...Yes."

Tonks felt something wash over her. At first she thought it was an up-rush of joy or relief, but it wasn't either of those. It was exhaustion, emotional and physical exhaustion. Marcus was alive. She was alive. Remus was alive. They had all nearly died at least once in the past twenty-four hours and she had nothing left to put into it. She was drained. It was too much, really. All of this was just too much. Her knees gave out.

Kingsley hadn't been expecting it. "Whoa." He caught her by her waist and she clung to his robes to stop herself from falling down. "Easy." He helped her into a chair.

Tonks felt dizzy. Her head was spinning. She truly felt like she was going to faint.

"Tonks, look at me." He had his hands on her shoulders, preventing her from falling forward. "Are you alright? Say something."

"Is she okay?" asked a Healer who had been sitting a few tables away.

"I-I'm fine." Tonks managed as the spinning in her head began to slow down. "I haven't eaten..." She hadn't slept either, now that she thought about it. She may have fallen asleep while watching for Remus at Godric's Hollow, but it hadn't been for very long. Perhaps an hour or two. She could remember sitting at Abba and Ethan's table and watching the clock tick into the wee hours of the morning.

"She'll be fine." Kingsley assured the Healer. "I'll get her something."

The Healer went back to her table. Kingsley gently pushed Tonks back against the chair.

"Here. You just close your eyes for a minute."

She did as he asked. When she opened her eyes again, Kingsley had sat a small plate before her, containing a little of everything that had been available.

"It's not much," he told her. "But you should eat something."

The Healer from before came back and offered Tonks an energy bar. It was the best she could do. Tonks thanked her and took it. The Healer walked away again.

Kingsley sat down across from Tonks. She straightened in her seat and took a bite of a muffin.

"Sorry about that," she said.

"Don't worry about it," he told her. "I'm surprised you didn't do something like that earlier, to tell you the truth. I mean, with all the stuff that's been going on this past month."

Tonks nodded and took a sip of her tea. Already, she was beginning to feel better. "Snape said Marcus was dead."

"Oh," said Kingsley quietly. That explained a lot. "Personally, I thought he was dead too when I saw him." He sighed. "But he hung in there ... barely."

"Where is he?" she asked. "I want to see him."

Kingsley shook his head. "They're still working on him, as far as I know. He was still - how did they put it - extremely unstable, the last I heard." He put his hand on hers and looked into her face, as though trying to see if she might come close to fainting again. "I don't mean to scare you, but he could still ... you know, pass on. I thought you'd kill me if I went back to tell you and left Marcus here when he could ... you know."

Tonks nodded silently. They weren't out of the woods yet. She unwrapped the energy bar.

"Which reminds me," said Kingsley. "Why are you here?"

Tonks gave him a quick version about what had happened with Remus.

"You're insane, you know that?" he told her with a hint of awe in his voice.

"What?"

"You could've been bitten or-"

She put a hand up. "Spare me. Please. Remus has already told me, and I'm going to hear more of it later anyway."

"I'm not saying it was the right or wrong thing to do," he said. "I'm just saying it was incredibly stupid."

"Well ... I love him," she said.

He shrugged. "It was still stupid ... but, you're right, you'll hear enough of it from Remus, so I won't lecture you about it." He paused, his gaze directed over her shoulder.

Tonks turned. A Healer was headed toward them.

"You came in with the muggle, right?" she asked Kingsley.

"Marcus," he corrected.

"Right," she said. "We've got him stabilized, but we've still got him under intensive care."

"Can I see him?" asked Tonks, quickly.

"Sorry," said the witch. "Not even family members at this time. St. Mungo's policy." She walked away before Tonks could express how much she hated some of their polices ... that werewolf one, for example.

"I hope Snape  _rots_  in Azkaban," she muttered darkly.

"Listen," said Kingsley, leaning toward her. "Snape's facing charges for Dumbledore's death along with the death's of your parents. Then there are the attempted murders of you, Remus, and Marcus. The very  _least_  he'll get is life in Azkaban."

"Good."

"What I'm saying," he continued. "Is that you don't need to worry about it any more. It's done. It's over with. You can move on."

She nodded but said nothing. She'd celebrate her freedom later, after everything went back into order and she knew that everyone was going to be okay.

She and Kingsley sat in silence while they finished their food.

"You don't need a guard anymore," said Kingsley as he stood up to leave. "So from now on you'll only see me - or the rest - at work ... when you decide to come back that is."

She nodded. "I know I drove you insane some of the time." She hugged him before he could get away from her. "So, thanks for putting up with me."

Kingsley said nothing, only held her warmly.

"You take care of him," he said casually when they parted.

"Oh, I will," she assured him. "Definitely."

 

 

Remus was dreaming. There came a point in the dream where he realized that it wasn't real, but he wasn't aware of it enough to wake himself up.

_Remus felt Tonks roll over beside him. She reached up and turned off the alarm that had awoken them from their slumber before she settled back down next to him. He turned to her and wrapped an arm around her._

_"Why are we doing this, again?" he asked groggily._

_"Because it's better than the alternative," she said simply._

_"Remind me what that is." It was just too early. His brain refused to work._

_She chuckled, her fingers playing in his hair. "Being woken up by a bunch of crazy, screaming hoodlums."_

_"Ah." Now he remembered._

_From outside their bedroom, there was a whoop, and then a door slammed, and then another door slammed, and next there was a bunch of incoherent shouting, and finally there was the sound of many feet stampeding toward their bedroom._

_"Here they come," warned Tonks. "Pretend you're sleeping."_

_"No problem," muttered Remus, who had begun to doze off._

_WHAM! Their door flew open._

_"It's CHRISTMAS!" shouted Liam, who proceeded to run into the room and dive-bomb onto his parents' bed._

_Remus only managed to pull his legs away - and therefore prevent himself from serious injury - just in time._

_"Wake up!" Liam shouted as he jumped up and down. "Mum! Dad! Wake up!"_

_"We're up." Tonks assured him, sitting up against the headboard to give Liam more room to jump around. Or rather, to prevent herself from being crushed underneath him. One of those. Whatever the case, Remus followed after her._

_Stanley, their youngest, clambered onto the bed, began jumping up and down and shouting incoherently. It was sound that was coming out of his mouth, not words._

_But one was missing. Remus turned, searching for Ann, their oldest. She was standing in the doorway, watching but not taking part._

_"Annie, what is it?" Remus asked her gently._

_She smiled and shrugged._ Oh, nothing.

_Uh oh. His little girl was growing up._

_"Annie, come on," he told her. "You're never too old to jump on the bed."_

_Ann just shook her head and continued smiling._

_"Don't believe me? Watch." Remus got up on his knees and bounced up and down. "See?"_

_"Daddy," said Liam, pulling on the sleeve of his nightshirt. "You're doing it wrong. It's like this." He demonstrated._

_"Okay." Remus got to feet._

_Tonks laughed, as though she thought there was no way_  that _was going to work._

_Remus had to hunch over so that his head didn't hit the ceiling, but he managed a few jumps. "See, Annie? Even I'm not too old!"_

_Ann laughed and clambered onto the bed, joining in with her brothers and her father._

_"Come on, mum." Liam insisted._

_Stanley let out a squeal of approval._

_Tonks just shook her head. "No way."_

_"Oh, come on, mum," pressed Ann. "Dad's doing it."_

_"Yeah," agreed Remus. "Come on,_ mum. _" He grabbed her hand and pulled her up with him._

_Soon all five of them were laughing and jumping on the bed (Tonks and Remus albeit awkwardly). Suddenly, there was a CRACK and everyone stopped jumping and sat down, looking confused and worried._

_"What was that?" asked Tonks to no one in particular._

_"That," said Remus, thinking quickly as he looked at his children. "Was the sound of someone apparating downstairs and stealing all your presents!"_

_Liam let out a cry of mock terror and flew out of the room, Stanley on his heels._

_Ann just laughed. "Good one, dad." She followed her brothers._

_Dad. Every time he heard that word it sounded alien to him. Even after all these years, he still couldn't believe it applied to him._

_"I think we broke it," said Tonks, glancing around and sounding as though she thought that if she moved, the bed would surely collapse underneath her._

_"Then we'll fix it," said Remus, sounding as though he didn't have a care in the world. "Come on."_

_They both donned bathrobes (Tonks had a purple one and Remus's was gray) and headed downstairs after their children._

_It was a good Christmas, everyone laughing and throwing wrapping paper in every direction. Ann's favorite gift was her Hogwart's school supplies. The school had closed after Dumbledore's death and had only reopened this year. Ann would be going next year, but she'd heard her parents' stories of their school days and she couldn't wait._

_Remus and Tonks didn't know what books she'd need, but they'd gotten her other things. Like her cauldron and scales, and_ The Standard Book of Spells, Grade One.  _They had thought about getting her an owl but had decided to wait for her birthday when she would turn eleven. They'd get her books and her robes and her wand after they got her school list. It was a good plan, they had thought, getting what they knew she would need now so that they wouldn't be spending a whole lot of money at once. They had learned how to do that over the years; make money last longer._

 _"Oh, wow!" exclaimed Liam as he unwrapped his copy of_ Advance Potion Making.  _It was an old, second hand book and terribly out of date, but Remus and Tonks hadn't been looking for a new one. The book was extremely advance for Liam, but he was obsessed with potions and even though he wouldn't be able to make anything in the book, he'd still enjoy looking at the pictures and reading over the ingredients and such._

_He was nearly eight years old, but he had big dreams and an even bigger heart. He swore that, when he was "old enough," he'd learn how to the make the Wolfsbane Potion for his father ... maybe even find a cure. His parents didn't have it in them to crush his dreams, so they encouraged him instead._

_Remus and Tonks had decided a long time ago not to hide from their children where their father went every full moon. Safety was always an issue, but Remus left the house as late as he was willing to risk it on those days. And those anxiety shakes that he used to get never happened any more. Tonks said it was because he had so many loved ones around him to take his mind off things ... and perhaps she was right._

_Liam's favorite gift turned out to be a small Beginner Wizard Potions Set, complete with ingredients and instructions on how to make a few harmless potions._

_"Thank you, thank you, thank you," rambled Liam, as he ran over to hug both his parents._

_Stanley got a little toy train that resembled the Hogwarts Express and ran simply on magic. He sat and watched as it ran circles around him, without needing a track, and emitted little puffs of smoke._

_"Did we get everything?" asked Liam later, putting down his book and walking around the Christmas tree to make sure._

_"Not quite," said Remus._

_Tonks looked at him. As far as she knew, there wasn't anything else._

_Remus smiled shyly and pulled a small, cube-shaped gift from the pocket of his robes. "For you," he said, handing it to her._

_Tonks studied him quizzically. She had no idea what this could be, but his eyes didn't reveal any hint._

_"Go on, mum, open it," said Ann impatiently._

_"Yeah, mum, go on," piped up Liam._

_Stanley made a small noise in agreement._

_Tonks quickly unwrapped the gift to appease her small audience and opened the box. She gasped softly. "Remus..." She was at a loss for words._

_"I told you I'd get you one."_

_"Yes, but..." Tonks felt her eyes fill with tears. It hadn't been that important to her, but to him it obviously had._

_He took the box from her and took out the engagement ring inside it. He had proposed to her with a flower since he hadn't been able to afford a ring. Tonks still had that flower. It was magically preserved, sitting on the end table in their room. But Remus had promised her that he'd get her a ring. It had taken him longer than expected. He could've taken a loan from Gringotts, but he'd wanted the money he spent on the ring to be his own, right down to the last knut. He'd been saving for years, and he probably would've gotten the ring sooner if he hadn't had to break into that savings a couple of times._

_He took her hand. "What do you say, Nymphadora? Will you marry me?"_

_She smiled and let out a teary laugh. "Honestly, I wasn't about to say 'no' then, do you really think I'll do it now?"_

_He smiled at her, waiting._

_"Yes, Remus, I will marry you," she said, feeling her throat tighten with emotion as she remembered when she had first said those words over ten years ago._

_He waited still, teasing her._

_"And I'll take your name and have your children and all that other crazy nonsense," she continued._

_Satisfied, he slipped the ring on her finger, pushing it back until it met with her wedding ring. Then he took her into his arms and kissed her deeply._

_"Yuck!" said Liam in disgust. He covered his eyes with his hands._

_Stanley mimicked his older brother. Ann just smiled and looked politely in the other direction._

_"All right," said Remus, laughing moments later. "You can look now."_

_Time passed. Games were played, crackers were pulled, and food was eaten. The children asked for piggyback rides that Remus could not find it in himself to refuse. Eventually, a whole night of staying up in anticipation, coupled with getting up so early, took its toll. Liam passed out in the wrapping paper that no one had found the time to throw away. Ann was curled up on the sofa, and Stanley was beginning to doze off._

_"Come on, Annie," said Remus. "Time for bed."_

_Ann held out her arms. Remus picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Stanley clung to Tonks's robe as she took Liam into her arms and carried him upstairs. Once she had the boys settled in their room, she went to Ann's and stood in the doorway._

_"Daddy, tell me about Hogwarts." Ann pleaded._

_"Again?" Remus asked amusedly._

_"I like hearing about it," she explained._

_Smiling, Remus leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "Later," he told her. "After you've slept."_

_"Promise?"_

_"Promise." He took her stuffed animal from atop her dresser._

_Ann took the animal and held it to her chest. Daddy Wolf, she called it. Remus knew that in a few years, maybe less, she'd probably grow out of it._

_Ann kissed her father on the nose. "I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_He brought his head down to her stomach, as though to blow a raspberry on it. Instead, he growled and pretended to bite her. Ann squealed with delight._

_Tonks laughed silently from the doorway. It was funny how Remus had never been uncomfortable doing that. But he'd changed over the years, they both had._

_Remus closed the door as he emerged from his daughter's bedroom and walked down the hall with Tonks. He noticed that she was eyeing her ring. "You like it, don't you?"_

_"Of course, I do," she told him. He'd told her that he would get her a ring, and she had told him countless times that it didn't matter. He had proposed to her with that flower and she cherished it. Really, she hadn't needed anything else. But now she saw how important getting a ring had been to him, and it was meaningful to her that he thought it had been so important. "I just realized why you wanted that separate savings account."_

_He nodded but said nothing._

_"You're lucky I'm not picky when it comes to stuff like that."_

_"That's why I married you," he said carelessly, knowing what her reaction would be._

_She laughed. "You married me because there wasn't anyone else around," she said, playing along._

_"Oh, really?" He stopped walking as they came to their bedroom door and pulled her to him. "I'll have you know," he said, kissing the nape of her neck. "That women find me rather attractive."_

_"Mmmm..." she said, leaning against the wall and letting him have his way with her. "No argument there. Must be your animal magnetism."_

_"I had plenty of women before you," he assured her, nibbling on her ear._

_"None that loved you."_

_"Exactly," he told her, as though that was the point he'd been trying to make all along. He kissed her and she sighed._

_"How do you do that?" she asked him a few breathless moments later._

_"Do what?"_

_"Go from normal one moment to seductive the next."_

_Undoing her robe, he slid his hands inside and under her night things, searching for the right spot. She gasped and he smiled. "I just know you too well."_

_"Remus..." She bit down on her lip, clinging to him. "The children-"_

_"They're asleep."_

_Oh, no. Doing this in the hallway, right outside their children's bedroom doors was a_ very _bad idea._

_"Remus," she whispered heavily into his ear. "I'd love for this ring to be the only thing I'm wearing right now."_

_That got him, just like she knew it would. He growled in the back of his throat, swept her off her feet, and carried her into their room where he lay her on the bed. Tonks grabbed him and pulled him down with her. Then she rolled on top of him, straddling his hips._

_"My turn," she said, leaning over and kissing him gently._

_"Exactly what do you plan on doing to me?" he inquired with a grin._

_She smiled mischievously. "Merry Christmas, love."_

_After a while, they were quite enjoying themselves, but (as it sometimes happens in the midst of lovemaking when there are children in the house) there was a knock on their bedroom door._

_Remus groaned and buried his face in the crook of Tonks's neck._ Why?  _He thought._  Why now?  _"If we're lucky, maybe he'll just go away." It had to be Stanley because the others would have said something by now._

_Tonks shook her head. "Your son wants you."_

_"He's your son too," he muttered._

_"Well," she said matter-of-factly. "I'd get up, but there happens to be a werewolf on top of me."_

_He lifted his head and raised his eyebrows at her. "Really?"_

_She smiled. "Yes, really."_

_"Hmm ... I wonder why." He kissed her gently._

_From outside the room, Stanley made an impatient noise in the back of his throat, the one he reserved for when he wasn't getting the attention he felt he needed._

_Remus groaned again. "Wait for me?"_

_"Always." Tonks replied._

_He got up and put on his robe. Tonks covered herself with the blankets._

_"What is it, Stanley?" Remus asked once he had stepped outside and shut the door behind him._

_Stanley held up his hand. Remus took it and let his son lead him down the hall. When Stanley reached his room, he let go of his father's hand and grabbed his favorite Christmas story from the bookshelf. He held up the little book._

_"You want me to read it you?"_

_Stanley nodded silently._

_Remus sighed. He just didn't understand why Stanley wouldn't talk. Ann had mastered the use of simple sentences by the age of three. Liam was the same way, and for a while it had looked like Stanley would follow. But some time after his second birthday, he had just stopped talking._

_Ann had been a quiet baby but she once she'd learned to talk, she hadn't stopped. Stanley had been anything but quiet as a baby, and for a while Remus and Tonks had just thought that he was going through the opposite of what Ann had done. But Stanley was nearly four and a half years old. Remus hadn't heard him utter a word in at least two years._

_They'd had him looked at, of course, but no one could find anything wrong with him. They'd been told that some children just have delayed speech. But it wasn't as though Stanley had never spoken before. He_ had _spoken. He had just ... stopped._

 _Remus liked to fantasize that Stanley talked to Liam and no one else, as though it was some sort of game. Like Stanley was trying to see how long he could go communicating with his parents without actually speaking. After all, Stanley had always seemed to understand everything that was said to him. If he_ was _talking to Liam, however, Liam hadn't said anything._

_"Say, 'book,' Stanley," he suggested. "Or 'read.' Read is a good word."_

_Stanley said nothing._

_"How about 'please?'" he asked. "It's always polite to say 'please.'" Just one word, that's all he wanted, just one._

_Still, Stanley said nothing. He just stared at his father, silently waiting._

_Remus sighed. "If you won't talk, then ... then I can't read it to you." He turned and walked out the door._

What they bloody hell is wrong with you?  _he thought._ All he wanted was a story. Is that so hard?

_What if he was wrong? What if something had happened and Stanley really couldn't talk? Just because he liked to think that he talked to Liam, it didn't mean that he did. Just because no one could find anything wrong with him, it didn't mean that there wasn't. All he'd wanted was a story. What kind of father denies his child a story?_

_But he kept walking down the hall, each step harder than the last._

_He'd nearly made it to the end when he heard Stanley's footsteps come running down the hall after him, and Remus knew he couldn't bare to tell him 'no' a second time._

_Stanley caught up to his father and tugged on his robe._

_"Read," he said, holding the book up. "Book ... er ... please?"_

_Remus could only stare, dumbfounded. "What?"_

_" ...Will you read the book to me, daddy?"_

_Remus laughed in disbelief. Emotion welling up inside him, he felt the tears spill from his eyes as he took Stanley into his arms. "Why don't you read it to me instead?"_

 

 

When Remus awoke, he was dressed in hospital clothing, Tonks was asleep (her head resting in her arms on the bed beside his legs), his injured arm was in a sling ... and tears were running in a steady stream down his face. He tried wiping them away with his free hand, but they continued. He tried drying his face on the bed sheet, but the flow was relentless. He pressed his hand to his eyes, but even that didn't help.

" _God,_ " he choked. What was wrong with him? It was only a dream.

But it hadn't just been a dream. It had been an example and a promise.

A normal life. That's what he'd said he had always wanted. And he could have that. He'd seen it. He'd  _dreamt_  it. Maybe he couldn't have  _that_  life - the one he'd dreamt about - but he could have one similar to it. He  _could_  have a home, a family, and people who loved him unconditionally. It had always been there, waiting for him. He had just been too blind to see it.

And Tonks ... she could give that to him. She'd said she wanted to. All she wanted in return was to be with him for the rest of his life... And he rather liked that idea.

 _When you look at it,_  she had said to him. _It's only twelve days out of a year. Twelve days out of three hundred and sixty five. Are you really going to let that stand in your way?_

Not any more.

He placed a hand on Tonks's arm and shook her gently. She stirred, rubbing her eyes. She looked at him, and her expression became worried.

"Are you all right?" She automatically brought her hand to his face and began wiping away the tears. Funny how she could get them to stop when he hadn't been able to.

"It was just a dream," he explained.

"What kind of dream?" she asked.

He smiled gently. "It was about you."

She lowered her hand and searched his face silently. "Was it a good dream, then?"

His smile widened but he didn't answer. "You know, you really shouldn't have come after me."

She went on the defensive before he could explain. "You know what? I really don't care. Yes, I could've been bitten or attacked or even  _killed_. I know that. I realize that. But I was worried about you. I didn't want anything to happen to you. And I really think I ended up saving your arse back there, so don't tell me I shouldn't have gone. I-Wipe that smile off your face this instant!"

He couldn't help it. She'd completely gone down the wrong the track. That wasn't what he'd meant.

"There's nothing to smile about!" she continued. "I love you, all right? Though I can't imagine why - you're so  _difficult!_  I don't know what I have to do to get through to you! But, so help me, I'm going to continue to love you! And I'm going to continue to stick up for you and do all these crazy things you don't want me to do! And if you don't like it, then I really don't know what to say to you because you're pretty much stuck with me and -  _Why_  are you laughing?"

 

 

Molly Weasley continued down the corridor. An hour ago she had just been filled in on everything that had happened, and she wasn't too pleased. Why hadn't someone told her sooner? And she'd had to hear everything from Kingsley and not from Tonks!

"I don't think she had the time to tell you, Molly." Kingsley had told her. "And ... well, you do tend to be a bit ... fussy."

So, what if she was a bit fussy. She was a mother. That was her job.

Nearly three in the afternoon and Kingsley had only just managed to tell her what had happened in Godric's Hollow. She'd known about what had happened in the cemetery, of course. Arthur had filled her in. But Remus being _shot_ , and Tonks going after him...

Yes, that was part of the reason she was here but ... Well, she could tell Kingsley had been hiding something from her, and (having raised Fred and George) she had found a way to get it out of him. Honestly, she hadn't known Remus and Tonks had ... slept together.

"Don't tell Remus I told you." Kingsley had pleaded. "He'll kill me ... or Tonks will ... personally, I'd rather face Remus than her. At least he'd be merciful ... I've got to go to work." And he'd rushed off to the ministry where he knew there would at least be a few other aurors standing around if Remus or Tonks came looking for his head.

But really, Molly wanted to know these things! And details, she wanted details! Honestly, she hadn't worked so hard to get the two of them together for nothing! And she and Tonks had always shared ... well, not everything, but _a lot_  of things. She should've told Molly about this! All that trouble to get hold of that love potion and she hadn't even needed to use it. Tonks surely owed her something ... just a  _few_  details, come on.

So, yes, that was probably the main reason she was here ... but, of course, she wanted to make sure Remus was okay. Yes, that was important too.

And so, with her husband and Fred and George in tow, they had managed to find Healer Morgan who had, ever so discreetly, pointed them in the correct direction.

However, when they made their way into the private ward, the scene wasn't what they had been expecting. Remus was sitting up in the bed and laughing heartily while Tonks yelled at him and made wild hand gestures.

"Really, I don't see what's so funny!" she yelled, oblivious to the group that had just entered. "You expect me to take you seriously when you tell me not to come after you, and then when I try to - It's  _not_  funny! You are so pigheaded! I'll  _never_  understand you, not in a million yea-"

He kissed her, passionately, because it was really the only thing he could think of to get her to shut up. Tonks slowly brought her arms down, and then she wrapped them around his neck, all point of the argument forgotten. He kissed her deeply, and she moaned softly in the back of her throat.

"I think he's fine," said Arthur to his wife. "In fact, I think they're both more than fine."

"Yes, I agree," she said quickly. Details could wait. She'd get them later. "Come along - Fred, George."

"Hold on, mum," said Fred, pulling a note pad out of his pocket. He appeared to be taking notes.

"Yeah, mum," agreed George. "This is educational."

"Fred! George!" Molly hissed, descending on them like a vulture and dragging them out of the ward.

When Tonks and Remus finally parted, neither of them had the slightest clue that they'd had visitors. Tonks was silent. She couldn't find how to start the argument back up after that.

"I love you," said Remus. Tonks looked up at him in surprise, and he watched the smiled spread across her face. "It was never a question about loving you. You realize that, don't you?"

She nodded. "I think so." It had only ever been a question about whether he thought he was good enough. Still, it was nice to hear the words out loud.

He tucked a stray strand of hair lovingly behind her ear. "I want this to work," he told her. "I know it won't be perfect, and I know we'll hit some rough patches along the way but ... I want to face them with you because ... because I have no objection to spending the rest of my life with you." God, it felt good to say that. "I love you."

All she could do was smile at him. "I love you too." She kissed him softly, gently. And then all at once, she pulled away. "But there are some small, little details we need to work out."

She was smiling at him in a way that told him she wasn't serious ... at least, not too serious. "Like what?" he asked, playing along.

"Well for one thing." She crossed her arms defiantly over her chest. "I really think I'm too young for you."

"Hmm..." he said, pretending to give this careful consideration. "I happen to like younger women."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I didn't know that."

He shrugged. "What can I say?" he joked. "I'm lecherous old man."

She laughed. "I also happen to have a well-paying job at the ministry."

"That's a good thing," he told her. "Because I doubt I have two knuts to rub together at the moment."

"Lecherous and avaricious," she noted. "Most desirable traits."

It was his turn to laugh.

"I also happen to be a metamorphmagus," she told him.

Remus was silent for a few moments, but he couldn't think of anything to say. "What's wrong with that?" he finally asked.

She smiled softly. "How do you know I'm real?"

That had always been the question, hadn't it? How did he know? How did he know she could love him and not turn away (if she did turn away, it would've surely been because he hadn't deserved her)? How did he know this could work? How did he know it wouldn't all end up in heartbreak? And he realized that he really didn't know much more now than he had known then.

But, good or bad, he wanted to find out. Because what was the point of going through life and always wondering but never knowing?

"I'll take my chances," he said.

 

 

Remus and Tonks entered St. Mungo's a week later ... and Remus nearly froze in the doorway. There were posters everywhere. All had "Do Not Allow Treatment to These Individuals" in big, bold letters. Beneath that was something about The Werewolf Protection Act and something about St Mungo's policy. There was also a warning, stating that anyone who did provide treatment would be sacked (in which Morgan received mention). But beneath all the lettering was a mass of pictures (over two dozen in all) along with names under each one. It didn't take Remus long to find his own.

He swallowed.

Tonks had taken two steps before she realized Remus had frozen behind her. She went back to him and grasped his hand. "It's all right," she said. "Just keep walking. Look straight ahead. Don't look down. It's going to be okay."

The walk from the entrance to the information desk was the longest walk of his life. He felt like he had a sign on his back with flashing lights and arrows, "Look at me! I'm a werewolf!" The funny thing was that no one seemed to notice.

He kept waiting for an explosion, for someone to cry out and drawl everyone's attention to him. He waited for someone to gasp and point, for some little kid to say excitedly, "Look, mummy! That man's on the poster!" No one paid him the slightest attention, but he kept waiting for it. He dreaded the moment when someone would notice and then someone else would notice and then someone after them until they all would notice. They'd stare at him, maybe point or hide their children, and then they'd ask him to leave or force him out like he was some crazed animal infected with rabies.

He didn't like that feeling. He didn't like it at all. He almost wished someone  _would_  notice so that he could feel something other than overwhelming anxiety. His palms were sweating and he seriously thought he was either going to throw up or have an attack.

"Just breathe, Remus." Tonks advised.

When they reached the front of the line, Tonks gave the witch Marcus's name. He had been moved since they had last visited and neither Remus nor Tonks were sure where to find him. The witch looked Marcus up while Remus pretended to be keenly interested in the notices on the wall behind her (there was one about the importance of clean cauldrons or something), careful not to stare at yet another one of those blasted posters.

"Forth floor," said the witch at last. "Third door on the left. Private ward."

Thinking that Marcus must have gotten a private ward since he was a muggle, Tonks thanked the witch and pulled Remus along. They had nearly made it to the double doors when the witch suddenly called after them.

"Er, sir!" she shouted after Remus. "Sir! I'm afraid you can't-"

Tonks felt something boil up inside her. "Just because you can refuse to treat him," she shouted back at the witch so furiously that Tonks felt her own ears pop. "Does  _not_  mean you can deny him visiting rights!"

This time people did notice. Remus felt the anxiety wash away to something akin to fear as there was much gasping and some pointing and even a little boy tugged on his mother's robe and said, "Look, mummy. That man-"

"Move, Remus."

He had frozen again and Tonks gave him a push forward.

They made it through the double doors, but there were posters in the corridor as well. Tonks took Remus by the hand again and pulled him as quickly as she could toward the stairs. But, even there, they found more posters.

Tonks cursed. "It's  _infuriating!_ "

Remus felt anything but infuriated. He probably should have felt that way, but he didn't. He supposed that's why he had Tonks; so she could feel infuriated for him. The fear was gone, but the anxiety had come back. Tonks was pulling him up the stairs faster than he cared to go and he was afraid that if he opened his mouth, he'd be sick.

At last, they made to Marcus's ward and ... still more posters.

Tonks bit down on her lip and held in a scream. She dashed around the room, snatching the unsightly things from the wall while Remus collapsed into a chair beside Marcus's bed. Once she'd gathered up all the posters in the room, she set fire to them with her wand and crushed the ashes under her foot. After a minute or two, Remus felt he could breathe easier.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

He nodded. "Thank you."

She smiled weakly. "That's what I'm here for."

She conjured a chair and sat down next to him, resting her head on his good shoulder. He put an arm around her, wondering what he'd do without her.

Marcus still hadn't woken up. He hadn't really changed since Kingsley had brought him in, except that his breathing and pulse rate had definitely grown stronger.

"I can't help but feel like this is my fault," said Tonks after they had sat in silence for several minutes.

Remus looked at her incredulously. "Why would you think that?"

She sighed. "It's just that... Snape interrogated him four times. The first three times, he wiped his memory and nothing happened. I was the one who thought we should tell Marcus about the magical world, so then when Snape went to him the fourth time..." Her voice trailed off.

Remus shook his head. "That was a powerful bit of dark magic Marcus had to break through. I doubt telling him about the magical world made that much of a difference. I mean,  _I_  couldn't break through the Memory Charm. We had to use the pensieve, remember? And I know more about magic than Marcus does." He shook his head again. "I don't know how Marcus did it ... but it had nothing to do with what you told him."

Tonks sighed and nodded, feeling only slightly better. She put her hand on Marcus's.

"He'll wake up." Remus told her. "Just give him some more time. You'll see."

She managed a small smile. "Since when did you become the optimist?"

Remus thought about that one and shrugged. "It's a recent development."

Tonks leaned back against him. "It's a shame we can't just-" She snapped her fingers. "And make it all better."

"Unfortunately," he said. "Magic rarely works that way."

There was groan and they turned toward the sound.

Marcus shifted, wrapping his arm over his eyes. "Why is it so bright in here?"

Tonks practically leapt from her chair. "Marcus?"

He jumped. "Don't shout."

"I'll go get someone." Tonks dashed off through the doors.

"How do you feel?" asked Remus, standing beside the bed.

Marcus still had his arm over his eyes. "My head is killing me. And stop shouting."

"I'm not shouting," he told him, lowering his voice.

"It sounds like you are." Marcus's head was pounding. It felt like someone was hitting him repeatedly with a sledgehammer. "And these lights are blinding me."

Remus looked around. The lights were just like ordinary, everyday lights. Nevertheless, he pulled out his wand and gave it a wave. The lights dimmed considerably. Marcus brought his hand to his eyes, gazing through his fingers.

"They still bother you?"

Marcus nodded, wincing slightly at the sound of Remus's voice.

Remus brought his voice down to barely a whisper. "Is that better?"

Again, Marcus nodded. "Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Who's Sirius?"

Remus was taken aback. "Sirius?"

"And Lily," he added. "And James."

"They were friends of mine," he explained after a moment.

"Were?"

"They died."

"Oh." Marcus paused. "Do I want to ask how?"

Remus managed a smile. Considering how Marcus handled magic, he didn't think he wanted to hear that a powerful dark wizard had murdered Lily and James, or that Sirius had been killed by one of the dark wizard's henchmen. "No, I don't think you do."

"That's why you never said anything, right?"

"Right."

"Okay," he said, satisfied. "That's all I wanted to know."

Tonks came into the room, a Healer on her heels.

"Why is it so dim in here?"

Remus stepped over to the Healer explained that Marcus seemed to be sensitive to light and sound. The Healer left the room with the promise that he'd be back.

"Snape!" said Marcus suddenly. He sat up, his hand still over his eyes. His head began to pound even more, but he ignored it. "Snape-he came to me, and I-"

"It's all right, Marcus," said Tonks, rushing over to his side. "Lie down."

Marcus could feel Remus and Tonks on either side of him, forcing him down, but he wasn't going to stand for it. "No! You don't understand-"

"Marcus, we know." Remus told him. "Calm down so we can tell you."

"You know?" he asked, letting them push him down on the bed.

"You've been out of it for a week, Marcus," explained Remus. "Snape's in Azkaban, awaiting sentencing."

"Azkaban?" he asked.

"Wizard Prison," surmised Tonks.

"Oh... okay... Guys, I'm sorry."

"I wasn't your fault-"

"I said things," he explained. "I told him things I shouldn't have-"

"He had you under his control, Marcus. It's all right-"

"I can't remember what all I said." He concentrated. "I think I-ah!" He felt that lightening again on the edge of his mind.

"Don't think about it, Marcus." Tonks told him. "It's over. Forget about it."

The Healer returned with some kind of potion. Marcus drank it, and then the Healer proceeded to ask him all kinds of questions that Marcus really didn't pay much attention to. When the Healer had gone, Marcus's head had stopped pounding.

Remus restored the lights, and Marcus found that they only made his eyes ache slightly. Tonks was able to conjure a pair of sunglasses, which he donned. He was fine with Remus and Tonks talking at a normal volume as long as they didn't raise their voices.

"Where am I?" asked Marcus suddenly in the middle of their conversation.

"You're in a hospital," said Tonks obviously.

"Well, yeah, but..."

He looked around and Tonks realized he was looking for machines.

"You're in  _our_  hospital," she corrected.

" _Oh_ ," he said in sudden understanding. "Right." He turned to them. "Um ... what were we talking about?" He was ready to start up the conversation again.

"We were-" started Remus, but Tonks tapped him on the shoulder. "What?" he asked, turning to her.

She didn't say anything, just stared at Marcus. Remus turned to him and Marcus watched the expression on his face change from confused to scrutinizing.

"What?" Marcus demanded.

"Marcus..." said Remus slowly, reaching forward. "Er ... Take those glasses off for a moment."

Remus took them before Marcus could question him. Shocked looks came over Remus's and Tonks's faces. They turned to each other as though for conformation.

" _What?_ " asked Marcus again.

"Um..." Tonks didn't seem to know what to say.

Remus found a small hand mirror lying around and handed it wordlessly to Marcus. He took it from Remus's hands and turned it to gaze at his own reflection.

The left side of his face appeared to droop slightly when compared to the right. Marcus brought his free hand up to his face as though touching it would break the illusion, but nothing changed.

"I had ... a  _stroke?_ " he asked in amazement. For crying out loud, he wasn't even thirty yet!

"You broke through some powerful dark magic, Marcus." Remus explained gently. "And you did it very suddenly. Your mind couldn't handle it. In fact, you're lucky to be alive."

After a few long seconds of silence, Marcus put the mirror down. He wasn't going to panic. Really, what would be the point? This was something he was just going to have to live with. He raised both arms above his head, experimenting. The movement of his left arm seemed slower, sloppier.

"Well," he said, bringing his arms down to stare at his hands wonderingly. "That's something new."

"Marcus," began Remus. He didn't really know what he had planned on saying, but at that moment the door to the ward burst open and a very distraught looking Molly Weasley bustled in.

"Tonks, I must-" She paused as she caught sight of Marcus sitting up in the bed. "Oh, Marcus, you're awake. That's wonderful. Welcome back, dear." She said it with an air that implied that she wanted to be happy for him but just couldn't muster up the strength.

"Molly, what is it?" asked Remus, standing from his chair and taking a step toward her.

She said nothing for a long moment, and then she burst into tears and threw her arms dramatically around his neck. "It's P-P-P-Percy!" she sobbed uncontrollably.

Tonks saw the pained expression on Remus's face. His arm wasn't in a sling anymore, but that shoulder of his was still sore. She could tell he was torn between comforting Molly and asking her to let go of him.

Tonks stepped in. "I've got her," she said, easing Molly off him. "Don't worry about it." Molly leaned on her and Tonks led her outside.

Remus sat back down in the chair, rubbing his shoulder.

"What happened to you?" asked Marcus curiously.

Remus let out a laugh and shook his head. "You'll never believe..." It seemed to be too ridiculous for him to explain. He reached into his pocket and dropped something into Marcus's hand.

Marcus stared at the small sliver object. It looked kind of like a... "You're were  _shot?_ " he asked, amazed for the second time in the last three minutes.

"I was transformed." Remus told him. "Some nutter thought he'd like to display me on his sitting room wall."

"Wow," said Marcus softly. "And it's a  _silver_  bullet as well. Lord, that's just  _insane._ " He shook his head in apparent disbelief. When he couldn't think of anything else to say, he held out the bullet.

Remus waved him off. "I don't want it. You can have it, if you want."

"Really?" Marcus smiled and clutched the little object in his hand. "Cool."

 

 

"He won't t-t-talk to me." Molly sobbed. "They won't let me s-s-see him. But I'm his m-m-mother."

"Molly calm down. You're not making sense."

The whole Weasley family was standing out in the corridor and looking very grim. Tonks didn't understand what was going on.

"Fred. George," said Arthur. "Take your mother, will you?"

The twins took Molly away silently and Mr. Weasley made his way over to Tonks.

"Arthur, what-?"

Mr. Weasley sighed greatly. "Percy was named."

Tonks was confused. "What?"

"Snape named him as the spy he got ministry information from, and he claimed Percy did it willingly."

Tonks gaped. "Wh-no! Percy would never-"

"They went to take him into custody a little while ago," he continued, as though he wanted to hurry and get it over with. "But something must have happened because they brought Percy here. Only, they won't tell us anything expect that he says he doesn't want to see us." He sighed again. "They say he'll only talk to you."

" _Me?_ " asked Tonks, taken aback. "Why me? I don't even know him that well."

Arthur shrugged sadly but he didn't say anything more.

"I-I, um..." Tonks stuttered and looked around at the begrudged Weasley family. "I ... I guess I'll go talk to him, then."

Arthur pointed down the hall to another private ward. An official of the Ministry of Magic was standing outside the door.

Tonks approached the wizard uneasily. "Um, I was told Percy wanted to speak to me?"

"Nymphadora Tonks?" he inquired gruffly.

She cringed at the name. Remus was the only one with a license to call her that now. "Yes."

The wizard scrutinized her intensely, and Tonks wondered if he knew Legilimency.

At last, he let her through. Percy was sitting in the bed, and he turned his attention toward her as she came through the doors. He was pale and had a bloodied cloth pressed to his nose in an attempt to stem a serious nosebleed. Nevertheless, he had the air of a businessman about him.

"Excuse me for a moment," he said as she neared. His voice was extremely muffled through the nosebleed and behind the cloth.

He lowered the cloth, blood slowly flowing from his nose, and unwrapped it. There was an object inside, but Tonks didn't have the chance to see what it was before Percy put it into his mouth. After a moment, the bleeding stopped. He wiped the blood from his face and hospital clothes as though this sort of thing happened to him all the time.

"Have a seat." He indicated the chair beside his bed.

Tonks sat. "Percy, what's going on?"

"I wanted to apologize," he said matter-of-factly. "What happened to your parents ... why Snape was after you ... I know I played some part in it."

She opened her mouth to object but he cut her off.

"I think it was easy for him to use me; quiet, obedient Percy who's always running errands for the minister and never talks to anyone unless it's about something he needs done. Who would notice if Percy Weasley were placed under the Imperious Curse? Absolutely no one.

"He removed the spell from me once he no longer had any use for me, and then I realized what I'd done. It was too late at that point to do anything about it; your parents were dead and Snape had his orders to find you." He paused. "I wondered why he didn't kill me, why he just left as soon as he had lifted the spell... And now I know why." He paused again, and this time he lost all sense of propriety. "I'm a bloody coward."

"Percy-" she started, but he seemed determined to not let her speak. It was as though all he wanted was for her to listen and then leave once he didn't have anything further to say.

"I never said anything to anyone about my bewitchment. I guess I was hoping I could forget about it. I realize that will look bad for me at the hearing. If I was under the Imperious Curse, why didn't I say anything once it was lifted? I'm a coward," he repeated. "And Snape knew it.

"It was dad who gave me the heads up," he said. "I wasn't at the ministry; it was my day off. But word had gotten around to dad about who Snape had named. I received the owl shortly before they came for me. I was afraid I wouldn't get the chance to talk to you, so I faked a serious nosebleed and they brought me here since no one could find a way to stop it."

She thought she saw him smile slightly, but it was gone before she was entirely sure it had been there.

"I just wanted to apologize," he told her. "Nymphadora-"

"Tonks," she corrected.

"I'm sorry," he said as though he hadn't heard her. "For everything that's happened. I'm sorry."

He turned away from her after that, signaling that the conversation (or rather monologue) was over. He didn't want her to say anything. He had just wanted her to listen, and now he wanted her to go.

She stood from the chair. She knew he didn't want to hear it, but she said it anyway. "Apology accepted."

He said nothing to her. She hadn't expected him to.

She headed for the door and then paused, realizing there was more she wanted to say to him.

"Your nosebleed," she started. "That was a nosebleed nougat, wasn't it? One of Fred and George's?" Again, he said nothing, but she knew it was true.

"I doubt you actually visited the shop yourself, but you were curious. You wanted to see how your bothers were doing. You probably got someone to go in for you and purchase a few items." Percy had been right; he was a coward.

"You miss your family, don't you? They miss you too, Percy. They love you and worry about you or you dad would never have sent you that letter. They'd be more than willing to welcome you back.

"I was like you once," she continued. "As a teenager, I was young and foolish. I scorned my parents and walked out as soon as I turned seventeen. But you know what? I was wrong. It was the hardest thing to admit, but I went back to them and apologized. They're dead now, but I would hate to think that they had died without ever knowing how sorry I was.

"There's a war going on, Percy, and you or someone in your family might not make it through this. I would hate to see you make the mistake I almost did. I think that, after all this time, you had to apologize to someone. But you couldn't muster up the courage to talk to them, so you sent for me. They'd forgive you, Percy, just as I have, if you'd only give them the chance."

He said nothing. She left him alone.

As soon as she walked out, the Weasley's surrounded her. She didn't know what to tell them. Even Fred and George, who were usually unafraid to demonstrate just how much they thought Percy was a git, were solemn and somber.

"I tried," she said at last. "I don't know how much good it did. But I tried."

 

 

"What was that about?" Remus asked her when she returned.

"Later," she said. She really didn't want to get into it at the moment.

"So," Marcus said to Remus. "Now that Snape's out of the way, are you coming back?"

Remus hesitated. He'd been staying at Tonks's this past week (all his stuff was there). In fact, he hadn't been over to the apartment once. He hadn't really thought about his living arrangement until that moment, and he really wasn't sure what he was going to do. "Well... I..."

Marcus wasn't paying attention. He had noticed how their hands had sort of unconsciously come together when he'd asked the question; Tonks's laying on top of Remus's.

The couple looked at where Marcus was staring, and they both blushed slightly.

"Oh," said Remus, as though he hadn't even noticed his hand was in hers. "Well," He turned his palm over and laced his fingers with hers. "We worked some things out."

"Have you snogged yet?" asked Marcus, only half joking.

They laughed nervously. Then, to Marcus's surprise, Remus took Tonks's face in his hands and kissed her thoroughly.

"Remus!" Tonks objected. Honestly, Marcus was sitting right there. Couldn't he show a little decency? She struggled against him for a moment, but gave in the end.

Marcus stared at the obviously love struck couple. "Okay," he said. Something had apparently happened that he didn't know about. "What did I miss?"

 

 

\- -  _3 months later_  - -

Snape was in Azkaban. Percy had gotten off, though he still hadn't spoken with his family as far as Tonks knew. The war was still going on, though tonight one would not be able to tell.

After some rehabilitation, Marcus was back to his old self. The only difference was that when he smiled, his smiled appeared to be a little lopsided. And when he walked, he walked with a slight gimp. But those were things you only noticed if you knew they were there.

Remus had moved in with Tonks, and Marcus found that he could indeed pay the rent on his own ... he just had to cut back on the number of concerts he went to. He didn't really have a problem with that. Somewhere along the way, he had lost the enthusiasm. That didn't mean that he didn't go every now and then, he just went very seldom.

Tonight, the trio was stretched out along the couch in the apartment as they watched movies. There was no particular reason for this, it was just something they had decided to do.

Tonks's head was resting on Remus's chest and he had arm wrapped around her.

"Is your dad's car still in the garage?" he asked her suddenly.

"Yes. Why?"

"I was thinking about that fantasy of yours."

She turned to look at him. "You mean, when we played I Never?"

"Maybe when we get home we could..." He took her hands, tracing promises into her skin with his fingertips.

She smiled at him. "You are so  _bad._ "

"Me?" he asked in mock surprise. "I don't know what you're talking about."

She grinned devilishly and ran a finger across his bottom lip. "I think I know a side of you that no one else does."

"Hmm..." he said. "I think-"

But he never got to say what he thought because she kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, and she settled into his lap. Forget I Never, Tonsil Hockey was her new favorite game.

A pillow came flying and hit both of them in the side of the head. They parted.

"No shagging on the sofa," said Marcus. "Especially when I'm sitting on it."

"We weren't shagging." Tonks told him as she slid off Remus's lap.

"Sorry. No  _thinking_  about shagging while I'm sitting on the sofa next to you."

She couldn't deny that she had been  _thinking_  about it, so she said nothing and curled up next to Remus. They still had a movie to watch. Besides, that car wasn't going anywhere.

She and Remus had all the time in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was originally intended to be a one shot. Yes, you read that right. I just wanted to do something short and sweet. So, I wrote it out, and it came to about twelve pages. But I didn't like it. I rewrote it at least five times, and I still didn't like it.
> 
> So, then I started playing around with what Remus had really meant when he'd said he was too poor, too old, and too dangerous. I came up with some ideas that I hadn't seen anywhere, so I wanted to write a story that would explain those ideas. I was thinking I could do it in three or four chapters.
> 
> When I started writing that little story, Tonks's parents keep popping in and their intrusion was usually a negative one. I wanted to write the story without them in it, but they kept showing up so ... I killed them. I know, I know. It was brutal, but they were bugging me and they wouldn't go away.
> 
> I could've written the story without ever mentioning them and I don't think anyone would have noticed. But I would have noticed because I expected them to be there. So, I had to mention in the story that they were dead. And then I felt that I had to come up with a reason as to why they were dead. And from there, the whole thing with Snape and Tonks knowing about the Horcruxes came up.
> 
> I rather liked the idea of Tonks's parents being dead because that forced Remus to go check on her (or Tonks to visit him since she was feeling so cruddy, as it later turned out). I think I wrote about thirteen to fifteen (I'm not kidding) different versions of the prologue. And then I came up with the idea of doing a chapter for each phase of the moon. I laid out what I thought would happen in each chapter and then worked on the prologue again.
> 
> As you may have guessed, I was getting quite frustrated with this story. I wanted to write it and I ended up hating it each time I did. But I put the prologue up and some people actually liked it. And really have to give a huge thank you to all my reviewers because if you hadn't liked it, I probably would have never continued. I had no idea when I first started that this story would turn out to be this way or this long. It just happened, and you all kept me going.
> 
> Several things in this story came to me at the last minute. I had always intended for there to be a spy in the ministry, but the spy never had a name or a face. Percy came into my head when I was writing the "full moon" chapter. I think he fits nicely.
> 
> Grace was an unexpected character. I had always planned on there being a thing with Remus and Lily since I had been playing around with that ship in my head at the time, but Grace had never been in there. She came up in the I Never game, which I wrote in study hall because I was bored. I hadn't intended to put it in the story. I had just written it to entertain myself, and I thought "Hmmm, maybe I should put it in." And then Grace's story filled itself in as I went on.
> 
> I have no idea where the Werewolf Protection Act came from. I just thought, "Wouldn't it be interesting if..." I think I just wanted to take what Remus had said about being too dangerous and bring that out with people being afraid of him and banning people like him from places. I'm not sure if that's correct but it sounds good.
> 
> Hopefully, I was able to deliver the happy ending you all deserve. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me. And, as always, thanks for reviewing!
> 
> If I entertained you, consider buying me a coffee: Ko-fi.com/heidirs


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